S p i r i t o f L a n g u a g e

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3 1 00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,365 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Phoebe. 2 00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:08,903 - How did it go? - Not so good. 3 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:12,306 He walked me home and said, "Let's do this again." 4 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:16,238 He said, "Let's do this again." That's good, right? 5 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:21,716 Translated, "Let's do this again" means, "You'll never see me naked."

4 6 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,151 Since when? 7 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,754 Since always. It's, like, dating language. 8 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:31,124 Like, "It's not you" means, "It is you." 9 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:36,228 "You're nice" means, "I'll be dating alcoholics :00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,666 and complaining about them to you."

5 11 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,030 "We should see other people" means: 12 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,902 "Ha-ha, I already am!" 13 00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,810 Everybody knows this? 14 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:48,973 Cushions the blow :00:49,182 --> 00:00:51,377 Like your parents putting the dog to sleep :00:51,651 --> 00:00:53,983 and saying it went to a farm.

6 17 00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:57,281 That's funny. Because our parents actually did :00:58,024 --> 00:01:01,323 send our dog off to live on a farm :01:01,661 --> 00:01:03,094 Ross? 20 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:07,361 Hello! The Milner's farm in Connecticut? 21 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,967 The Milners had this unbelievable farm. 22

7 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,730 They had horses and rabbits to chase :01:12,939 --> 00:01:14,372 And it was :01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,708 Oh, my God! Chi-Chi! 25 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,950 The One With the Thumb 26 00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:15,700 How does it feel knowing you're about to die? 27 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:19,201 Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over.

8 28 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:24,240 But you'll live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die :02:25,445 --> 00:02:27,675 That was really good! 30 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,542 Thanks. Let's keep going :02:29,749 --> 00:02:33,742 So, what do you want from me, Dimon? Huh? 32 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:40,216 I just wanna go back to my cell, because in my cell I can smoke. 33

9 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,451 Smoke away! 34 00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,776 I think this is why Dimon smokes in his cell alone :02:59,879 --> 00:03:01,972 - What? - Relax your hand :03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,979 Let your wrist go :03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,811 Not so much! 38 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,519 All right. Now take a puff.

10 39 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,547 Right :03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,821 - Give it to me. - I'm not giving you a cigarette :03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,932 It's fine. Do you want to get this part or not? Here :03:21,134 --> 00:03:24,126 Now, don't think of it as a cigarette :03:24,337 --> 00:03:28,603 Think of it as the thing that has been missing from your hand. 44

11 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,303 When you hold it, you feel right :03:31,744 --> 00:03:32,904 You feel complete :03:33,479 --> 00:03:36,175 - You miss it? - No, not so much :03:37,450 --> 00:03:40,510 All right. Now we smoke :03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,647 Oh, my God! 49 00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,892 - Give me that! - No. You've got options.

12 50 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,686 You can smoke like this: 51 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,126 - Chandler - Or hold it in your mouth :03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,731 Give me the cigarette! 53 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:55,423 - You try. - Thank you :03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,830 Okay, how's this? 55 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,636

13 Okay, that's not bad :04:02,842 --> 00:04:06,972 All right, when you're finished, it's cool if you flick it :04:08,781 --> 00:04:11,944 All right, you keep practicing :04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,881 and I'll go put out the sofa :04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,955 I thought it was foot size :04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,994 No. It's the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb.. 61

14 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:28,031 to the tip of his index finger :04:33,172 --> 00:04:35,140 That's ridiculous :04:36,476 --> 00:04:38,842 Can I use either thumb? 64 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,876 I'd rather go with the foot theory :04:42,081 --> 00:04:45,175 All right. Don't tell me :04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,084 Decaf cappuccino for Joey :04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,454

15 Coffee, black :04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,556 Latte :04:56,663 --> 00:04:57,994 And an iced tea :04:58,665 --> 00:05:01,691 - I'm getting good at this. - Excellent! 71 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,232 Good for me! 72 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,711 - You okay, Phoebe? - It's not worth 73

16 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,409 It's my bank :05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,885 - What did they do? - It's nothing 75 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:27,719 I get my mail and open their monthly "statement." 76 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,622 Easy! 77 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:34,161 And there's $500 extra in my account :05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,964 Satan's minions at work again!

17 79 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,739 Now I have to go deal with them 80 00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:44,933 - What are you talking about? Keep it! - It's not mine :05:45,144 --> 00:05:46,975 If I kept it, I'd be stealing :05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,741 But if you spent it, it would be like shopping :05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,379 Say I bought a great pair of shoes :05:55,588 --> 00:06:00,548 Know what I'd hear with every step?

18 "Not mine. Not mine. Not mine." 85 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,025 Even if I was happy and skipping, I'd hear: 86 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,960 "Not-not mine. Not-not mine." 87 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:08,827 We're with you. We got it :06:10,069 --> 00:06:14,130 I'd never be able to enjoy it. It'd be this giant karmic debt :06:14,340 --> 00:06:16,399 Chandler, what are you doing? 90

19 00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,002 What are you doing? 91 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,044 Oh, gross! 92 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,875 - What is this? - I'm smoking! 93 00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,611 You've been so good for three years! 94 00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:32,916 And this is my reward :06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,923 Think about what you went through when you quit.

20 96 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,691 Forget about you. Think about what we went through! 97 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,130 So this time I won't quit :06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,804 - Put it out! - I'm putting it out! 99 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:48,404 Oh, no! :06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,008 I can't drink this now :06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,040 I'm gonna go. I've got a date.

21 102 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,718 With Alan again? How's it going? :06:59,919 --> 00:07:04,049 It's going pretty good. It's nice and we're having fun :07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,122 When do we get to meet him? :07:06,325 --> 00:07:08,190 Let's see, it's Monday :07:08,394 --> 00:07:10,055 - Never. - Come on! 107

22 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,390 Not after what happened with Steve :07:12,598 --> 00:07:17,092 What do you mean? We love Steve. Steve was sexy! :07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,162 Sorry :07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,434 I don't know how I feel yet. Let me figure it out :07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,475 Then can we meet him? :07:26,679 --> 00:07:27,668 No.

23 113 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,507 Sorry :07:31,918 --> 00:07:35,115 Joey. Let it go :07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,122 Why should they meet him? :07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,256 I bring a guy home and they're like :07:43,796 --> 00:07:47,232 coyotes picking off the weak members of the herd :07:47,934 --> 00:07:52,337 Listen, as someone who's seen more than her share of bad beef..

24 119 00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:56,338 I'll tell you, that is not such a terrible thing :07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,033 Your friends are just looking after you :07:59,245 --> 00:08:02,578 I wish that once I'd date a guy they liked :08:02,782 --> 00:08:06,377 You realize the odds of that happening are slimmer :08:06,586 --> 00:08:10,147 - if they never get to meet the guy. - I know.

25 124 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:13,621 - Can't I whimper a little bit? - Whimper :08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,428 Okay, I'm done :08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,059 Let it go, Ross :08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,563 You didn't know Chi-Chi :08:26,606 --> 00:08:29,404 - Do you all promise? - We promise :08:29,609 --> 00:08:30,633

26 We'll be good :08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,244 Chandler, do you promise to be good? :08:41,554 --> 00:08:45,752 You can come in, but your filter-tip buddy stays outside! :08:55,401 --> 00:08:58,495 "Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling :08:58,704 --> 00:09:02,936 We've credited you $500. We're sorry for the inconvenience :09:03,142 --> 00:09:06,134 and hope you'll accept this football phone..

27 135 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,476 as our gift." Do you believe it? :09:11,684 --> 00:09:14,847 Now I have $ 1000 and a football phone :09:16,455 --> 00:09:19,515 What bank is this? :09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,250 Okay, it's him :09:23,429 --> 00:09:24,623 - Who is it? - Alan. 140

28 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,559 Chandler! He's here! :09:29,669 --> 00:09:30,727 Do I look okay? :09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,870 One more button :09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,937 Closed! How about closed? :09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,067 - I didn't know. - Yeah :09:39,378 --> 00:09:41,107 Please be good. 146

29 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:44,112 Remember how much you all like me? :09:45,685 --> 00:09:50,088 Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan :09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,325 I've heard so much about all you guys :10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,833 I'll call you tomorrow. Thanks :10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,839 Let's let the Alan-bashing begin :10:14,046 --> 00:10:16,674 Who's gonna take the first shot?

30 152 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,080 Come on! :10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,817 I'll go :10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,389 Let's start with how he kept picking :10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,891 I'm sorry, I can't do this. We loved him :10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,961 We loved him! :10:32,164 --> 00:10:35,895 Wait! We're talking about someone

31 I'm going out with? :10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,569 That pimento trick! :10:37,770 --> 00:10:41,069 I'll never look at an olive the same way again :10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,763 And did you notice? :10:47,947 --> 00:10:50,939 Know what was great? His smile was crooked :10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,086 - Yes! Like the man in the shoe! - What shoe?

32 163 00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:57,888 From the rhyme :10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,955 There was a man With a crooked smile :11:00,159 --> 00:11:03,686 Who lived in a shoe For a while :11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,496 So I think Alan :11:08,701 --> 00:11:12,865 is the yardstick by which future boyfriends will be measured :11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,266

33 Future boyfriends? :11:14,473 --> 00:11:17,738 - I think this could be "it." - Really? :11:17,943 --> 00:11:21,811 I'd marry him for his David Hasselhoff impression alone :11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,881 You know I'll be doing that at parties :11:28,454 --> 00:11:31,048 - Know what I like most? - What? :11:31,791 --> 00:11:35,124 The way he makes me feel about myself.

34 174 00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:59,375 How was the game? :11:59,585 --> 00:12:01,052 Well :12:01,253 --> 00:12:03,778 We won! :12:04,690 --> 00:12:07,454 Fantastic! Question. How is that possible? :12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,758 - Alan. - He was unbelievable! :12:10,963 --> 00:12:14,660

35 Like the cartoon where Bugs Bunny plays every position :12:14,867 --> 00:12:19,099 It was first base, Alan. Second base, Alan :12:22,508 --> 00:12:25,341 It was like he made us into a team :12:25,544 --> 00:12:30,481 We sure showed those Hasidic jewelers a thing or two about softball :12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,449 Can I ask a question? :12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,984 Do you think Alan is sometimes..

36 185 00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:37,177 What? :12:37,389 --> 00:12:40,017 I don't know. A little too "Alan"? :12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,753 Oh, no. Not possible. You can never be too "Alan." :12:43,963 --> 00:12:48,764 It's his innate "Alan-ness" that we adore :12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,960 I, personally, could have a gallon of Alan :12:59,411 --> 00:13:01,936

37 - Hey, Lizzy. - Hey, weird girl :13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,283 - I brought alphabet soup. - Pick out the vowels? :13:05,484 --> 00:13:08,453 I left in the Y's. Because, "sometimes Y." :13:09,822 --> 00:13:12,188 - And something else. - Saltines? :13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,723 No, $1000 and a football phone :13:15,427 --> 00:13:16,724 What?

38 196 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,391 Oh, my God! :13:19,598 --> 00:13:22,328 - There's really money in here. - I know :13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,230 What are you doing? :13:24,436 --> 00:13:28,065 I want you to have it. I don't want it :13:28,274 --> 00:13:31,368 - I have to give you something. - No, you don't 201

39 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:35,172 - Do you want my tinfoil hat? - No, you need that :13:35,381 --> 00:13:38,111 - It's okay. Thanks. - Let me do something :13:39,652 --> 00:13:43,611 I'll tell you what. Buy me a soda and we're even. Okay? :13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,352 - Okay. - Okay :14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,777 Keep the change :14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,013

40 Thanks, Lizzy :14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,383 Want a pretzel? :14:52,658 --> 00:14:55,559 - No, I'm fine. Thanks. - See you :15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,866 A thumb? :15:07,106 --> 00:15:10,166 I know. There it was, just floating :15:10,376 --> 00:15:13,868 like this tiny little hitchhiker. 212

41 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:18,774 Maybe it's a contest. Like "collect all five." :15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,852 - Does anyone wanna see? - No, thanks! :15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,349 Don't do that. Come on! :15:26,558 --> 00:15:29,220 It's worse than the thumb :15:30,462 --> 00:15:33,260 - This is so unfair. - Why is it unfair? :15:33,465 --> 00:15:36,263 So I have a flaw! Big deal!

42 218 00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:39,096 Joey's knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? :15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,466 Ross, over-pronouncing every word :15:41,674 --> 00:15:47,271 Monica, who snorts when she laughs. I mean, what the hell is that thing? :15:48,247 --> 00:15:52,684 I accept those flaws. Why can't you accept me for this? :15:58,757 --> 00:16:02,955 Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody, or just him?

43 223 00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:07,628 I could live without it :16:10,469 --> 00:16:15,702 Is it a little annoying? Or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair? :16:18,077 --> 00:16:21,205 Don't listen to him. I think it's endearing :16:21,413 --> 00:16:23,643 Oh, you do, do you? :16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,983 There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly :16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,952

44 Indeed there isn't :16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,892 I should get back to work :16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,762 Otherwise someone might get what they ordered :16:45,938 --> 00:16:50,034 The hair comes out and the gloves come off :17:04,323 --> 00:17:08,089 Ever go out with a guy your friends really like? :17:08,293 --> 00:17:10,022 No.

45 234 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,663 I'm going out with a guy my friends really like :17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,894 Are we talking about the coyotes here? :17:19,104 --> 00:17:22,904 All right! A cow got through :17:23,642 --> 00:17:24,904 Can you believe it? :17:25,110 --> 00:17:26,771 It's just, you know what? :17:26,979 --> 00:17:29,777 I just don't feel the "thing."

46 240 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,610 They feel the thing. I don't feel it :17:32,818 --> 00:17:37,619 Honey, you should always feel the thing :17:40,259 --> 00:17:43,660 If that's how you feel about the guy, dump him :17:43,862 --> 00:17:47,298 - It's gonna be really hard. - He'll get over it :17:47,499 --> 00:17:52,527 No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about. 245

47 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:56,866 - Don't you respect your body? - Don't you see what you're doing? :17:57,076 --> 00:18:01,012 I've had it with your cancer, emphysema and heart disease :18:01,413 --> 00:18:05,611 The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it :18:09,154 --> 00:18:10,951 Alan wants to speak to you :18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,351 Really? He does? :18:14,293 --> 00:18:17,023 Hey, buddy! What's up?

48 251 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,455 She told you about that, huh? :18:21,366 --> 00:18:25,496 Well, yeah. I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now :18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,305 It's not that :18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,176 Well, that's true :18:34,513 --> 00:18:38,711 Gee, you know, no one's ever put it like that before :18:38,917 --> 00:18:41,511

49 Well, okay. Thanks :18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,491 God, he's good :18:54,166 --> 00:18:57,829 - If only he were a woman. - Yeah :19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,269 Lamb Chop! :19:04,476 --> 00:19:07,673 How old is that sock? :19:07,980 --> 00:19:12,280 If I had a sock on my hand for 30 years, it'd be talking too. 262

50 00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:18,748 I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch :19:22,294 --> 00:19:25,092 - Where's Joey? - Joey ate my last stick of gum :19:25,297 --> 00:19:27,390 so I killed him :19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,960 Do you think that was wrong? :19:31,470 --> 00:19:34,268 - I think he's across the hall. - Thanks :19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,867 There you go.

51 268 00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:40,110 I'm alive with pleasure now :19:40,312 --> 00:19:44,078 Phoebe, do you want the rest of that Pop-Tart? :19:45,284 --> 00:19:48,151 Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart? :19:49,655 --> 00:19:51,452 Hey, I might :19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,882 I'm sorry :19:54,092 --> 00:19:58,552

52 The soda people gave me $7000 for the thumb :19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,163 And on my way over here I stepped in gum :20:03,835 --> 00:20:06,065 What is up with the universe? :20:06,271 --> 00:20:10,367 - What's going on? - It's just nice when we're together :20:10,576 --> 00:20:14,068 It's nicer when everyone gets to wear underwear :20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,483 Please, guys, we have to talk.

53 279 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:29,422 Wait! I'm getting a deja vu :20:29,628 --> 00:20:30,754 No, I'm not :20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,501 - We have to talk. - There it is! :20:39,204 --> 00:20:41,001 Okay, it's about Alan :20:41,206 --> 00:20:45,666 Speaking of which, tell him we're on for the Renaissance Fair :20:45,944 --> 00:20:50,210

54 Before you get into that, there's something you should know :20:50,816 --> 00:20:54,650 There's really no easy way to say this :20:55,954 --> 00:20:59,219 I've decided to break up with Alan :21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,490 Is there somebody else? :21:07,399 --> 00:21:09,299 No, it's just :21:09,501 --> 00:21:12,436 you know, things change. People change.

55 290 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:15,004 We didn't change :21:17,242 --> 00:21:20,370 So that's it? It's over? :21:20,812 --> 00:21:22,905 Just like that? :21:24,049 --> 00:21:29,180 You let your guard down. You start to care about someone, and :21:32,324 --> 00:21:34,485 - I can go on pretending - Okay! :21:34,693 --> 00:21:35,751 No.

56 296 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,089 That wouldn't be fair to me, Alan, or to you :21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,289 Well, who wants fair? :21:41,500 --> 00:21:45,698 I just want things back, you know, the way they were :21:47,673 --> 00:21:51,871 - I'm sorry. - Oh, she's sorry. I feel better :21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,669 I can't believe this! 301

57 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,943 With the holidays coming up. I wanted him to meet my family :22:00,786 --> 00:22:03,687 I'll meet someone. There'll be other Alans :22:03,889 --> 00:22:05,049 Yeah, right! :22:09,895 --> 00:22:13,456 - Are you guys gonna be okay? - We'll be fine :22:13,665 --> 00:22:16,259 We're just gonna need a little time :22:17,202 --> 00:22:19,397 I understand.

58 307 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,544 - Wow. - I'm really sorry :22:26,745 --> 00:22:29,873 Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry too :22:30,082 --> 00:22:33,415 - But I'm a little relieved. - Relieved? :22:33,618 --> 00:22:37,281 Yeah, well, I mean, I had a great time with you :22:37,823 --> 00:22:40,724 I just can't stand your friends. 312

59 00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:50,331 Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats? :22:51,970 --> 00:22:54,165 That was fun :22:55,207 --> 00:22:58,142 He could row like a Viking :23:06,518 --> 00:23:08,884 So how'd it go? :23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,117 You know :23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,723 Did he mention us? 318

60 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:20,926 He says he's really gonna miss you guys :23:27,139 --> 00:23:29,664 - Rough day, huh? - You have no idea :23:29,875 --> 00:23:31,775 Come here :23:34,780 --> 00:23:37,305 - That's it. I'm getting cigarettes. - No! :23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,814 I don't care! I'm weak! :23:40,018 --> 00:23:41,918 I've gotta have the smoke!

61 324 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:45,817 If you never smoke again, I'll give you $ :23:46,024 --> 00:23:47,855 Yeah, all right.

62