Communicating with Tact and Diplomacy. Fred Kniggendorf, Ph.D. President, Gravyloaf, L.L.C.

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1 Communicating with Tact and Diplomacy Fred Kniggendorf, Ph.D. President, Gravyloaf, L.L.C.

2 Overview Communication basics Communicate outside the box Habits Communication tools Negativity Jerks Anger Assertiveness

3 What Communication Looks Like message

4 What s Under the Hood SENDER Forms an idea Encodes the idea Sends the message

5 What s Under the Hood, cont d MESSAGE Must be in a common code Transfers the idea Can contain barriers

6 What s Under the Hood, cont d RECEIVER Receives the message Decodes the message Responds to the message

7 Words hath charms Grammar and Glamour

8 Words hath charms Gramarye

9 Words hath charms MAGIC!

10 The Good News We have CHOICES!

11 Communicate Outside the Box HABIT FEAR CZ RULES BELIEFS

12 Where Habits Come From Unconscious incompetence Conscious incompetence Conscious competence Unconscious competence

13 Where Habits Come From Unconscious incompetence Conscious incompetence Conscious competence Unconscious competence

14 Where Habits Come From Unconscious incompetence Conscious incompetence Conscious competence Unconscious competence

15 Where Habits Come From Unconscious incompetence Conscious incompetence Conscious competence Unconscious competence

16 Where Habits Come From Unconscious incompetence Conscious incompetence Conscious competence Unconscious competence

17 If Your Only Tool is a Hammer, Every Problem Looks Like a Nail Visual (body language) Vocal (tone of voice) Verbal (word choice)

18 Visual Smile ENHANCERS Scowl DESTROYERS Open gestures Rolling eyes Eye contact Raised eyebrows Non-verbal Attending behavior Shaking head Finger pointing

19 Vocal ENHANCERS Enthusiasm Monotone DESTROYERS Varying pitch/rate/volume Non-verbal attending behavior Sarcasm Loud Inarticulate Inappropriate laughter

20 Verbal ENHANCERS Code-switching Common courtesy and amenities DESTROYERS Reductive words/terms Vulgarity Profanity Sexist terms Accusatory words/terms Bad puns and other failed attempts at humor Weasel words Negativity

21 A Word about Negativity 7:1

22 A Word about Negativity 3:1

23 How Negativity is Expressed T.G.I.F. Disloyalty Complaining Gossiping Whining Drive by remarks Personal attacks Pity parties ( I know, right? )

24 Dealing with Jerks Agree with them State the obvious Ask questions Take them literally Walk away Ask for clarification: Tell me more.

25 Handling Anger Gracefully THEIRS Listen for the meaning Try to re-schedule Change locations Check for misdirected anger Use mirroring behavior Check yourself YOURS Breathe Identify the triggers Maybe it s you!

26 Be Direct Not Blunt Describe the specific behavior Describe your feelings Describe why the behavior makes you feel that way Suggest a new behavior State why that new behavior will help the relationship Ask what you can do to help them stay on track

27 How to Sound Positive DBMP-BMS Pretend every day s a job interview Practice saying Thank you Use silence Practice positive re-framing Caveat double-binding Listen

28 How to Get In Sync Auditory: Did you hear what happened? Visual: Did you see what happened? Kinesthetic: Did you pick up on what happened?

29 The Communication Loop Hear Interpret Evaluate Respond

30 Where Questions Force a Response Who What How When

31 The Negative Psychological Cycle Embarrassment Frustration Anger

32 How to Say No Tactfully + + NO

33 Remember: We become what we pretend to be

34 Question & Answer Session Have a question for the speaker? Press star and then 1 on your phone to enter the queue. If, during the Q&A, your question has been answered, or you wish to remove yourself from the queue, press star and then 1. The moderator will open your line when it is your turn to speak. For more information regarding Business Management Daily s newsletters, forums, webinars and special reports, visit: We d love your feedback regarding the conference and other topics you d like to hear about! Contact: jstrohecker@businessmanagementdaily.com Thank you for Participating!

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