YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN...

Transcription

1 Vol. 17 Issue 08 All Rights Reserved 2019 YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN... The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser" He picks the jury by playing "duck-duckgoose" During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to go to sleep He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever." He begins closing arguments with, "As Perry Mason once said..." He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs" PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - PASSTIMESAZ@LIVE.COM

2 Answers 1. Crepitus 2. The Hugo Award 3. Lancer 4. The Pink Ladies 5. U.S. Military Academy at West Point 6. Mississippi 7. Rum 8. A pandemonium 9. Blue Moon Detective Agency miles wide (c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc. REFUSE TO BE AVERAGE THE EQUATION BETWEEN RELIGION AND BELIEF IS RATHER RECENT LOVE IS, IN IT S ESSENCE, A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE 1. MEDICAL: What is the medical name for joints that pop and crack? 2. LITERATURE: What is the name of the annual award for the best science fiction or fantasy writing? 3. U.S. PRESIDENTS: What was the Secret Service's code name for President John F. Kennedy? 4. MOVIES: What was the name of the girl gang in the movie "Grease"? 5. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Which top college's motto is "duty, honor, country"? 6. PERSONALITIES: In which state was author Tennessee Williams born? 7. FOOD & DRINK: Which popular liquor is made from fermented and distilled sugar cane juice or molasses? 8. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a group of parrots called? 9. TELEVISION: What was the name of the detective agency in the 1980s comedy "Moonlighting"? 10. HISTORY: How wide is the Korean Demilitarized Zone?

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4 CIVILIZATIONS DIE OF SUICIDE NOT FROM MURDER WHAT GREAT THING WOULD YOU ATTEMPT IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL? - ROBERT SCHULLER EVERY HAPPINESS IS A HOSTAGE TO FORTUNE

5 MATURITY BLURS THE LINE BETWEEN WORK AND PLAY HAPPINESS CANNOT BE TRAVELED TO, OWNED, EARNED, WORN OR CONSUMED. HAPPINESS IS A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE LET YOUR HOPES, NOT YOUR HURTS, SHAPE YOUR FUTURE

6 SOONER OR LATER, MAN HAS ALWAYS HAD TO DECIDE WHETHER HE WORSHIPS HIS OWN POWER OR THE POWER OF GOD COUNT ME IN After many years of living among a tribe of friendly natives, was honored to observe one of their most ancients ceremonies, the Great Ceremony of Laughter. This ceremony was held once a month and had been for as far back as the tribe could remember. The ceremony began. All the men in the tribe sat round about the fireplace. The Chief stood up. "56", he said in a loud voice. The men laughed. The explorer looked at them. He didn't understand at all. What was so funny about 56? Another native stood up and said: "22" and the men laughed, but less than they had at 56. The next man stood up, said a number and everybody laughed,. The explorer thought: "Hmm...why don't I try myself?" He stood up, cleared his throat and said: "236." An uncomfortable silence filled the air, then all the men laughed, some so hard they fell to the ground! "Hey, what's so funny?, he asked. The Chief explained: "We ve heard our own jokes so many times that we just number them, and now when we want to tell a joke we just say the number and everybody knows which one it is. We ve never heard your joke before!!

7 IT TAKES BUT ONE POSITIVE THOUGHT TO OVERPOWER AN ENTIRE ARMY OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS PROBLEMS ARE GUIDELINES NOT STOP SIGNS

8 AMERICA IS A LARGE FRIENDLY DOG IN A SMALL ROOM. EVERY TIME IT WAGS ITS TAIL IT KNOCKS OVER A CHAIR A LIFE WHICH DOES NOT GO INTO ACTION IS A FAILURE WAIT. BE PATIENT. LIFE S STORMS WILL PASS. THE SPRING WILL COME * It was British Prime Minister Winston Churchill who made the following sage observation: "All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." * In Washington state it once was illegal to carry a concealed weapon that was more than 6 feet in length. * Dominique Bouhours, a Frenchman who lived in the 17th century, was a priest, an essayist and a grammarian. The love of language may have been closest to his heart, though; it's been reported that the final words he uttered on his deathbed were, "I am about to -- or I am going to -- die; either expression is used." * You might be surprised to learn that Italians spend more time on social media that people of any other nationality. * England's virgin queen, Elizabeth I, went bald at the age of 29. Smallpox was the culprit. * According to a survey by the National Association of Convenience Stores, 11 percent of adult Americans have at some point in their lives worked at a convenience store or gas station. For 3 percent of adults, that was their first job. * Those who study such things claim that to get a truly random mix in a deck of playing cards, the deck must be shuffled seven times. * Chocolate lovers like myself may not believe it, but the most popular flavor of ice cream in the United States is actually vanilla. Chocolate comes in second place. * In 1875, a locust plague of epic proportions descended upon the Great Plains. Observers say it was 110 miles wide, and at 1,800 miles long, stretched from Canada all the way down to Texas. Thought for the Day: "We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex -- but Congress can." -- Cullen Hightower (c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.