CASTAWAY DADS Dads Night #72 by Guy Dowman

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1 CASTAWAY DADS Dads Night #72 by Guy Dowman Color Coded Version For LIGHTS CURTAINS PROPS SOUND EFFECTS MUSIC Version 1.04 A skit about some Ridgewood dads marooned on a desert island, that resolve their differences with the resident coconuts and crabs via the medium of song and dance (and Wilson the Volleyball). Music snippets: Harry Belafonte - Banana Boat Song (Day O) Harry Nilsson - Lime In The Coconut Snap - The Power Benny Hill Chase Theme Eric Idle - Always Look On the Bright Side of Life

WIRELESS MIKES: tbd Chef Dad Coconut #1 Coconut #2 Coconut #3 Wilson the Tuxedo Guy Dad #1 Dad #2 Desert island scene: palm trees, rocky ledge with coconut dad heads poking out & Wilson.

We now join them to see how they are getting on. Dads are wearing grass skirts and coconut bras. Main curtain closed. Coconuts & Wilson are alone on stage (DR), dads and crabs off-stage.

2 WIRELESS MIKES: tbd Chef Dad Coconut #1 Coconut #2 Coconut #3 Wilson the Tuxedo Guy Dad #1 Dad #2 Desert island scene: palm trees, rocky ledge with coconut dad heads poking out & Wilson. Narrator A long, long time ago (last summer), some Ridgewood dads were marooned on a desert island. They have been stuck there ever since, surviving on a diet of coconuts. We now join them to see how they are getting on. Dads are wearing grass skirts and coconut bras. Main curtain closed. Coconuts & Wilson are alone on stage (DR), dads and crabs off-stage. Sound of crashing waves and a couple of noisy seagulls. Main curtain opens. Coconut #1 DAY-O (SONG: Harry Belafonte/ Banana Boat Song) Coconut #2 DAY-O Dads start filing on stage from wings (R and L) doing hula style dance

3 Dads (unison) Coconut #3 Daylight come and me wan go home. DAY, me say day, me say day, me say day me say day-o Dads (unison) Dad #1 Dad #2 Chef Dad #2 Chef Daylight come and me wan go home. Work all night on a drink of rum (Band bongos join) Daylight come and me wan' go home Stack banana till de morning come Daylight come and me wan' go home. Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch Daylight come and me wan' go home Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch Daylight come and me wan' go home I can t believe we have been here for months just eating coconut, after coconut, after coconut. Me wan go home! Also me wan go toilet because they give me bad stomach. On the subject of coconuts, what s for dinner tonight, chef? And you d better not say coconuts. (Over the top Italian accent, mustach, holding toy meat cleaver and wearing white chef hat) Well, tonight you havva di choice. (Points to first coconut, who grimaces) Frieda coconut. (Points to second) Grilleda coconut. (Points to third) Masheda coconut. Or my favourite, coconut au vin. (Unimpressed) And what is coconut au vin? Issa coconut. thassa been run over. by a vanna. (Holds up flat piece of cardboard with squished coconut face painted on) All the dads make wafting stinky gesture. Band bongo accomp. Loud, crisp fart noise.

4 Dad #3 Coconut #1 Coconut #2 Coconut #1 Coconut #3 Dad #4 All coconuts (unison) Dad #5 Coconut #2 Dad #5 All coconuts (unison) Every day! COCONUT for breakfast. COCONUT for lunch. COCONUT for dinner. I m sick of COCONUTS! HELLO! We re right here you know. We can HEAR YOU. And don t forget, WE were on this island way before YOU guys were. What you want to do is try some lime with your coconut. (Accent like in Nilson song) Yes you put de lime in de coconut and drink em bod up. (Accent like in Nilson song) Now lemme get this straight, you put de lime in de coconut and drink em bod up? Yes you put de lime in de coconut and drink em bod up. You put de lime in de coconut and drink em bod up. Yes you put de lime in de coconut and drink em bod up. You put de lime in de coconut, you call your doctor wake im up. Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo No. I ve had it with coconuts. (Exasperated) NO MORE COCONUTS!!! Well instead of eating us, how about catching one of those delicious crabs over there? Over where? (Motioning with their eyes) Over THERE! Crabs file onto stage from R/L (sideways, crab-style), castaways part to either side. Band accompanies (SONG: Harry Nilssen/Lime In The Coconut)

5 Lights down, spotlight on crabs. (TRACK: Snap/The Power) All Crabs Crabs start doing an aggressive but choreographed side to side (crab style) dance-off around the dads. Dad #5 Right. GET EM, BOYS! Lights back on same time as music stops Dads chase the crabs once round then off stage through the middle curtains as they close. Music cuts out prematurely after ~30s with vinyl scratch noise followed by awkward silent pause Benny Hill chase theme; Band accompanies, Dr. Sem on sax(?) Middle curtains close

6 The middle curtains are pushed in and out from behind as thought there s a fight going on behind them. The coconuts are the only cast visible on stage and wince at each punch pulling silly faces. Perhaps a couple of crabs attempt to escape under the curtain and are dragged back. Series of slapstick punching & silly sound effects Dad #4 Dad #3 Wilson It s no good, we re never going to catch those crabs. We re doomed to eat coconuts forever on this stupid island. DOOMED! (Starts loudly sobbing) (Stands up, takes off Wilson head, turns around, revealing he was a dad all along, wearing a tuxedo) Cheer up guys, you know what they say! Some things in life are bad. They can really make you sad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle (or coconuts), Don't grumble, give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best And. Middle curtains open to surprise reveal crabs standing triumphantly over the dads

7 Whole Cast Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life... Dads and crabs arm in arm, coconut heads swaying back and forth. Band accompanies Wilson If life seems jolly rotten There's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing When you're feeling in the dumps Don't be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing. And...always look on the bright side of life Come on. Whole Cast Always look on the right side of life Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the right side of life (Key change up) Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the right side of life Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the bright side of.. liiiife. Cell phone rings #1 Wait, what's that?

8 #5 #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 s Sorry that's just my iphone. Let me just put on my Bluetooth headset and answer it. He had a cellphone all this time? With battery? And a signal? And a Bluetooth headset? Hello? (to dads) it's my wife (pause, listening to phone) where have I been all this time? on a desert island (pause) we've been eating coconuts. lots and lots of coconuts (pause) you can? that's great. bring the minivan - there's quite a few of us. (to dads) she said she'll be here in 10 minutes Woo-Hoo! Main Curtain Closes

9 Character List Key: A - lead role; speaking line B supporting role at least 1 line C No line- singing / group part - Requires dancing - (Brief) solo singing Character Role Name Address Cell # 1 Chef Dad A 2 Wilson A Joe Grant 3 Coconut #1 A 4 Coconut #2 A 5 Coconut #3 A 6 #1 B 7 #2 B 9 #3 B 10 #4 B 11 #5 B 12 #6 C 13 #7 C 14 #8 C 15 #9 C 16 #10 C 17 Crab #1 C 18 Crab #2 C 19 Crab #3 C 20 Crab #4 C 21 Crab #5 C 22 Crab #6 C

10 Character Role Name Address Cell #

Let s Talk Dirty in Hawaiian by John Prine. I packed my bags and bought myself a ticket, for the land of the tall palm tree

Let s Talk Dirty in Hawaiian by John Prine I packed my bags and bought myself a ticket, for the land of the tall palm tree Aloha [insert location], Hello Wai-ki-ki I just stepped down from the airplane,