ACT I SCENE 3. TOURIST 2 No wait. (She consults Baedeker) According to the guide, this is where the artists hang out. Let's get a table.

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1 Exquisite Dada excerpt by Caryn Hunt ACT I SCENE 3 (Polly's Tavern in New York City, a year earlier, in Duchamp and MAN RAY sit playing chess. Duchamp periodically scribbles notes.) You'd think the first principle in a just society would be to try to minimize war. Give people more of what makes them happy. But no. I walked past Gimbel's and they're having a "Preparedness Sale." It's just a matter of time before we're in this mess. It's in the air. We've got to decide we don't want this war! (Duchamp scribbles a note, shows it to Man Ray) Merchant du Sel. (To uncomprehending Man) Marcel Duchamp, Merchant du Sel. Salt Seller. (He picks up the salt shaker on the table). Salt cellar... It's an anagram, Man. (Likes the way that sounds) Hmmm. A rich man's war, but a poor man's fight. They whip the men up with words like noble cause, defending our honor, the cause of peace and civilization, and so on. What a racket. And you just wait. When the whole bloody affair is over, Europe will go back to business as usual and nothing will have changed. Imperialism as usual. TOURIST 1 This is a dive. Let's go. (TOURIST 1 and TOURIST 2 enter) TOURIST 2 No wait. (She consults Baedeker) According to the guide, this is where the artists hang out. Let's get a table. See, they fight for liberty but they don't value liberty. Wouldn't know what to do with it themselves and they want to hang from the highest tree those whose free expression opposes their idea of what is normal and desirable. Everyone flocks to the front believing they will change the world. But the world doesn't want changing. The war to end all wars my behind. This war is nothing but a political appropriation and abuse of

2 technology. TOURIST 1 Are you sure this is the right neighborhood? It looks disreputable. They may be colorful, but these anarchists make me nervous. TOURIST 2 Artists. Let's see who's in the next room. TOURIST 1 Artists. Anarchists. Same difference. (They exit) The neighborhood's really going to hell since they put in that new station. Bringing in all the riff raff. Yes, but now WE can get OUT. (Enter BARNES and Mina Loy, both wearing "Votes for Women" sashes. They join Duchamp and Ray.) Hello boys. Hello. How was the rally? The women are afraid they'll appear unpatriotic if they care about something so trivial as voting while the country gears up for war. Man has been going on in endless moral outrage over 'preparedness.' It's disgusting, isn't it? I saw a 'preparedness sale' on my way over here. It's going to be a profitable war for someone. Not if you're under thirty. Did you give your talk about the 'New Woman?' Yes, the "New Woman," I believe she's in her 40 th year running. Like women woke up yesterday wanting some rights.

3 And then she read a poem: "Love is divine, marriage expensive. Nobody shouts Virgins for Sale." Wow. (A bit defensively) I thought they'd like it, being "new women" and all. It went well enough until she got to the part about how women should have their virginity surgically removed. Hussy! To avoid the arbitrary and confining value placed on virginity. Mina. Aren't you afraid of being misunderstood? Oh, I mostly expect to be misunderstood. (Beat) What are you working on Marcel? (He slides his paper to her.) Doodling my name. Merchant du sel, salt seller. Well, of course, I would always be willing to volunteer, if needed, for such important work. That's brave, Mina. A woman standing up, speaking out, speaking her mind is generally frowned upon. Frowned upon! In fact it usually inspires a violent hatred. I told them we have to wake up, get savvy, define ourselves as women in our own terms, not in relation to men...oh you boys don't care. Mina, don't you know that women are 'second in creation, first in sin.' I heard it in church, so it must be true. (Beat) Did you hear? Someone submitted a urinal to the show with the title "Fountain" and the board wants to reject it. You know it's actually quite aesthetic. A urinal?

4 It's a man's urinal, but the way it's set on its side, it could be a modern sculpture of Madonna. I'm sure the Catholic Church will think it's lovely. Wait a minute, I thought it was an open show. Exactly! Yes, but can something so mundane, some might say profane, be art? If the intention behind it is not artistry? Well, after all, how great is the plumbing in America! A modern day miracle. Yes the plumbing is wonderful, but art? And who's to say the intention is not artistic? An artist presumably submitted it as art. Maybe the board doesn't feel it's good art, but it's not for them to decide. The question really is, can humans avoid making art? I'm inclined to think we can't. Who submitted it? Some guy, R. Mutt. It sounds like a joke. Sounds like our Marcel. Well, the point is that anyone can enter as long as they pay their fee. We're getting up a magazine to protest the board. Maybe you could contribute something. A urinal, huh? Is that your final word for the art establishment, Marcel? Just about. Aha!!

5 (The von FREYTAG-LORINGHOVEN makes a grand entrance. She is dressed in her typically outrageous costume and large bag.) (Hiding) Don't look now, but the Baroness has arrived. (Standing up and waving) Elsa! Djuna darling! (The Baroness stands behind Duchamp,and runs her fingers through his hair.) How lovely to see you tonight. Ah, Marcel, when are you going to give up trying so hard to control yourself, and make love to me? (The Baroness sits at the table) Well, Baroness, you seem to be quite famous this week. One can't open a New York newspaper without seeing your picture. (To others) Our Baroness ain't much of a New Woman! Yes well it's not my fault the man's wife chose to make such a fuss. Maybe if you hadn't shown up to the divorce hearings, no one would have noticed you. Not notice the Baroness? Now what's the fun in that? I had to give poor Richard my moral support. He needs me! Like a heart attack! Our love is deep. I set that man free. It's something you wouldn't understand, Man, you have the emotions of a rock. But I am thinking of getting out of town briefly. Do some modeling in Philadelphia. All of a sudden I can't find work- because I'm German, like I'm some kind of spy. That's ridiculous. On the other hand, how do we know you're not a spy?

6 Trust me, darling, the German government hasn't got that kind of imagination. Baroness, New York adores you. That may be, but it doesn't keep me fed. (To Duchamp) And how do the preparations for Independent Artists Show go? Spendidly. Marcel is on the hanging committee. I know. It sounds so brutal. (With American twang) Like Marshal Duchamp, rounding up the rowdies. Hey that's good. (To Duchamp) You should have a badge. Everything will be excruciatingly democratic. Not only alphabetical, but alphabetical from a randomly selected letter. Out of a hat. That way it's fair, fair and independent, which is the point. Everything comes out of a hat these days. (lights up on Zurich stage, Tzara on his ladder. Pieces of paper are raining before Tzara and he catches them in his hat.) Random doesn't necessarily mean fair. And it's not much guarantee of beauty. I mean more than the usual flowers and bunnies. A toast to the Society of Independent Artists! (cheers all around.) There's a fellow in Zurich composing poetry that way, out of a hat. Tristan Tzara, do you know him? If you want to call it poetry. Oh yes, the anti-philosopher. Picabia's friend.

7 (Tzara pulls a rolled up newspaper from his hat.) I guess it's a little like magic at that. TZARA Have you heard about this Great War in Europe? Like if you don't join in, you'll miss all the fun. (Looking at newspaper) 500,000 dead at Marne, 130,000 at Galipoli, 150,000 at Ypres, a half a million at Verdun, 1 million dead at the Somme...well these won't make for amusing poetry. (As he tears up newspaper and makes a flower) Sure, we tried diplomacy, but when diplomacy doesn't work, you can bet some boom-boom will! In the end an indispensable four inches of ground was gained, and glory for the Motherland, or Fatherland, or whatever does it for you. Join the International Dada Movement - it beats a hole in the head! (Lights off)

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