THE ELEVENTH MINUTE TEN MINUTE PLAY. By Marika Barnett. Copyright MMV by Marika Barnett All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

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1 THE ELEVENTH MINUTE TEN MINUTE PLAY By Marika Barnett All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa The writing of plays is a means of livelihood. Unlawful use of a playwright s work deprives the creator of his or her rightful income. The playwright is compensated on the full purchase price and the right of performance can only be secured through purchase of at least three (3) copies of this work. PERFORMANCES ARE LIMITED TO ONE VENUE FOR ONE YEAR FROM DATE OF PURCHASE. The possession of this script without direct purchase from the publisher confers no right or license to produce this work publicly or in private, for gain or charity. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: "Produced by special arrangement with Heuer Publishing LLC of Cedar Rapids, Iowa." This dramatic work is fully protected by copyright. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission of the publisher. Copying (by any means) or performing a copyrighted work without permission constitutes an infringement of copyright. The right of performance is not transferable and is strictly forbidden in cases where scripts are borrowed or purchased second hand from a third party. All rights including, but not limited to the professional, motion picture, radio, television, videotape, broadcast, recitation, lecturing, tabloid, publication, and reading are reserved. COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. PUBLISHED BY HEUER PUBLISHING LLC P.O. BOX 248 CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA TOLL FREE (800) FAX (319)

2 THE ELEVENTH MINUTE By Marika Barnett SYNOPSIS: A man/woman has written the greatest ten-minute play in the history of the universe! The only problem is... it s one minute too long. CAST OF CHARACTERS A...Male or female; age anywhere between 18 and 88. B s cynical friend B...Male or female; age anywhere between 18 and 88. Author of an eleven-minute play SCENE: A café. TIME: Late morning. - 2

3 SETTING: At least one small table sits in the middle of the stage with two chairs. A coffee bar is nearby. AT RISE: A is sitting at the table, setting up a chess set. B is standing at the coffee bar pouring his coffee. B: (Pours his coffee, throws his bag to his side of the table, walks over with his coffee, and sits down. He makes the first move on the chess board and hits the timer. Says with great enthusiasm.) I wrote it! A: (Looks up in surprise.) What? B: (With great sarcasm.) What? My last will and testament! What have I been working on for months? My ten-minute play. A: You have been working on a ten-minute play for months? B: Why not? It is just as difficult as a three-act play. Even more difficult! A: Why is it more difficult? B: Because a three-act play can be of any length - well, theoretically speaking. This, however, can only last for ten minutes. That s the problem! A: What s the problem? B: The ten minutes. A: Why is that a problem? B: Because my play is eleven minutes long. I have to take away one minute. A: It should be easy to take away a few lines. Any few lines. They can t be important. B: Why can t they be important? A: What can you say of any importance in ten minutes? B:... But the play is currently eleven minutes long. A: (Sarcastically.) I beg your pardon! What can you say of any importance in eleven minutes? B: A lot of things. This happens to be a drama that brings up many, many deep philosophical questions. A: In ten... excuse me, in eleven minutes? - 3

4 B: Forget about the ten minutes or eleven minutes. (Hands the script to A.) I need help. Will you be serious or not? A: So what is this deeply philosophical play about? B: Life! It is about life. Why do we exist? What is our destiny? Where do we come from? Where are we heading? It is about men and women, their relationships and, in general, our relationship to the universe. A: I hope the ten minutes didn t limit your scope of subjects. B: I didn t allow it to limit me. All along, of course, there are accurate references to world history. A: Of course! B: And all the major scientific achievements of mankind. A: (To himself.) No wonder it stretched into eleven minutes. B: Yes, that is my problem. I must cut something out. A: Who are the characters in the play? How many characters are there? B: A hundred twenty-seven. At the moment, one hundred-twentyseven, but if I make the play a minute shorter, I probably can get away with just a hundred twenty-six. A: (Gets up.) Oh, great! Then we really have to work on getting rid of that extra minute. One hundred twenty-seven actors might be very difficult to line up. B: Yes, that is where I need your help. I am much too involved. For me, every second of this play is important. It would be less painful to cut out pieces of my body than to cut out lines from this play. A: Well, let s get to work. You already told me what it is all about. I need to know who the characters are. Well, not all hundred twenty-seven of them. Let s start with a few. Just to get an idea. B: There will be God, Mohamed, Buddha, Jesus Christ, and Moses, to list a few who are more familiar. A: Wow! Quite a cast! B: There will be Shakespeare, Alexander the Great, Louis Pasteur, Ramses the II, Picasso, Socrates, King Arthur, Britney Spears, Napoleon, Frederic the Great... A: (Interrupts right after Britney Spears name.) I hope you can find actors who can play such important roles. - 4

5 B: My real problem will be with the Hindu Gods. They all have at least eight arms. A: That s the least of it! One has three eyes, another five heads, not to mention the one with the blue skin. (To himself.) Hmmmm! Blue skin. Eight arms. Five heads. I bet the actor s union will have some weird rules against that. (Turns to B again.) But, what is the premise of this play? B: The premise? I told you! I want to answer the eternal questions of mankind. It is about time that someone handled this subject seriously. A: (To himself.) Yes, yes it has been badly neglected up till now. B: Why do I have the feeling that you are not taking me seriously? A: Look, if you want my help, you have to be patient with me. I promise I will help you get rid of that one extra minute. B: Yes, I d appreciate it, but that is just it. There is no extra minute here. Every syllable of this play is essential. A: Still, if you are serious about this, we have to start somewhere. I admit that the beginning and the end of every play are usually very important, but you can always cut out something in the middle. B: (Grabs the left side of his chest.) You d tear out my heart, (Grabs the right side of his chest.) my lungs, (Grabs his belly) my vital organs? They are all in the middle... A: I don t need this. Surgery is over! (Throws B the script, gets up and walks away.) Goodbye! B: No, no, please! I ll control myself. I need your help. Please bear with me! A: Okay! For the last time, let s see if we can remove one minute s worth of lines in the middle. B: What exactly do you call the middle? Where is the middle? A: Well, you told me some time ago that each page equals one minute on stage, so eleven minutes should equal eleven pages. The middle should be somewhere on page six. Let s get rid of that sixth page. Is that possible? - 5

6 B: (Looks at the script.) Well, you would be getting rid of Karl Marx talking about the struggle of the proletariat to shake off the yoke of capitalist society and bring about social and political changes. He is saying that, in place of the old bourgeois society with its classes and class antagonisms, we should have an association in which the free development of each is the condition for the free development of all... A: (Looks impressed.) I never realized you were so familiar with the teachings of Marx. B: Remember that lecture you took me to last year? Where that astrophysicist gave a lecture on economics and explained to us in detail how capitalist globalization is killing the third world countries of the world? A: Oh, God! How could I forget? The only thing more disastrous would have been an economist giving a lecture on astrophysics. B: I am sorry! The sixth page must remain. Perhaps on the fifth one... (Turns the page.) No, no, what was I thinking? This is where Henry David Thoreau discusses the finer points of civil disobedience with Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. I can t take that out! A: I hear you! Thoreau stays. What is on page seven? B: (Turns and looks at the pages.) Well, this is where the mayor of Boston gives a beautiful and very moving speech. He... A: (Interrupts.) Which mayor? B: Curly. Do you know who he was? A: Of course I know! He would have been the man to solve your problem. B: How could a dead mayor have solved my problem? A: He would have simply stolen one minute from your play. Hell, he would have stolen most of it... B: I have no time for your jokes. There is a deadline for this submission, don t you understand? Let me see... (Turns the pages.) Well, on page four, Epicure is speaking. A: That reminds me... where are we going to have lunch? I am starving. B: (Ignores A.) Then Cupid speaks up. A: Stop! Stop! Don t even go there! - 6

7 B: Maybe I could cut out where (Flips his wrist like throwing paint with a brush.) Jackson Pollock shows Michelangelo how he could have done that ceiling job much faster... What do you think? A: I don t know anymore... I don t want to be responsible if the entire future of art is endangered by this omission. I start to see the importance of every line in your play. B: Yes, let s leave art alone. Its future path is unpredictable as it is. (Keeps turning the pages.) Hmmm... here is a heated discussion between Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein about the laws of gravity. Newton feels insulted and quite unhappy. This is where man s relationship to the universe comes up. Remember? I mentioned it earlier. A: I remember! No, no, I wouldn t cut that out. It sounds much too important... well, relatively speaking. B: (Sadly, quietly, but in a friendly tone.) You are no great help! You see? You, too, start to understand how essential every word is in this play. I wouldn t be surprised if someday this play is considered the major turning point in our cultural history. And I wrote it! Who would have ever thought? (Pointing toward the ceiling.) Certainly not you, Mrs. Courtney, my seventh grade English teacher. You, you will go down in history as the teacher who failed to recognize... A: Don t upset yourself! All great men went through this. You are not the first one. B: I know, I know. The journey of an artist is not an easy one. A: I would like to know what your plan is with this play. You have mentioned some deadline... What deadline? Whose deadline are we talking about? B: It is the deadline of a prestigious competition in (substitute your location). My plan is simple. I will enter this competition for tenminute plays. If I get in, next I will enter a competition for one-act plays. Then, I will venture into full-length plays. That might take me to Broadway and the Tony awards and then, who knows? Screenplays. Hollywood. The Academy Awards. - 7

8 A: (With great sarcasm.) In other words, the fate of the human race, (Pause.) the destiny of mankind, (Pause.) our relationship to the universe was never your real interest. The goal has always been the Oscars, true? B: On the contrary! You see it the wrong way. This little play of mine will solve all the problems... well, most of the problems of humanity. It will give the answer to questions men have asked since the creation of the universe, so somewhere along the way don t I at least deserve a lousy little Oscar? A: Come to think of it, I don t even know how this play starts. B: It starts with the main characters. A: Let me guess! It will be God and... B: (Annoyed.) No, no, no, no, no! God has no important role. He is... he is just an extra. A: So what is the first scene? B: In the first scene, Mr. Taylor and Mrs. Brown are in bed. The key turns in the main door downstairs. Mrs. Brown s husband walks in and yells, Honey, I m home! BLACKOUT. THE END - 8