THE MOP IS NOT THE CHERRY TREE.!

Size: px

Start display at page:

Download "THE MOP IS NOT THE CHERRY TREE.!"

Verity Shields
5 years ago
Views:

1 THE MOP IS NOT THE CHERRY TREE.! A Mismatcher s Guide To NLP Dee Shipman & Paul Jacobs

3 THE MOP IS NOT THE CHERRY TREE! A Mismatcher s Guide To NLP The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 1 -

4 THE MOP IS NOT THE CHERRY TREE! A Mismatcher s Guide To NLP NO 004/B1 First Edition January 2011 Printed and bound in the UK by NEW OCEANS PUBLISHING New Oceans have asserted their rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents act 1988 to be identified as the authors of this work. All rights reserved in all media. This book may not be copied, stored, transmitted or reproduced in any format or medium without specific prior permission of the copyright owners. Contact New Oceans for information about multiple licenses, library copies and review copies. NEW OCEANS New Oceans House 39 Jennings Road St Albans, Herts, AL1 4NX, UK Tel: (44) (0) info@new-oceans.co.uk The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 2 -

5 CONTENTS INTRODUCTION.. 4 FOREWORD 6 Chapter One:. 8 The Five Pillars Chapter Two:. 15 The Presuppositions Chapter Three: 23 Submodalities The Difference That Makes The Difference Chapter Four: Walt, Wolfgang, And Strategies Chapter Five:. 30 Metaprograms Chapter Six: 36 The Models Chapter Seven:. 43 How To Be In The Right State, Not In A Right State! AFTERWORD.. 55 The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 3 -

6 INTRODUCTION Welcome to New Oceans The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree a multi-sensory, right-brain introduction journey to NLP, Neuro-linguistic programming, through the magical mind of Dee Shipman. Not only has Dee created the first and only audio CD of NLP Songs For Change but has now in her own words, and visual cartoons, created a unique introduction to NLP. The heart and passion of NLP is modelling, searching for processes and the how, and disdaining the why, and focusing on experiences of excellence rather than the cases of pathology. In NLP, we typically use the term of magic, not to designate external magic whereby we change the laws of physics. It refers rather to the seemingly wild, wonderful and magical effects that occur when we know the structure of subjectivity. The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree, or in Alfred Korzybski's famous premise: The Map Is Not The Territory, gets to the heart of our uniqueness and the beginning of the magic of NLP. Every second of our lives, millions of bits of information are streaming through our five senses into our minds, but only 7 plus or minus 2 bits gets consciously registered. NLP says that we cannot truly know the world as it is, not only because our conscious awareness is limited, but even that tiny bit that gets in we experience through the conscious and unconscious filters that we have, like our beliefs, values and states. And because everyone experiences the world differently, we say that the map is not the territory: I have a different The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 4 -

7 experience of reality than you do, and it s not about being any more right or wrong than yours is. In NLP, we only ask if the current map you have is the most useful one for you right now. I know both your conscious and unconscious will enjoy Dee s words, stories, cartoons, and humour. Paul Jacobs January 2011 The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 5 -

8 FOREWORD The reason I ve written this book is a simple one There are currently over 300 books about NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming - in the English language - and they re all full of words! Clever words, worthy words, insightful and informative words; in big books, small books, a few origins of NLP books, hundreds of applications of NLP books the list goes on and on! Now it may seem strange that, having an off-the-wall Auditory preference in most contexts, I should be unhappy about such a proliferation of words however, I also have a really strong Visual sense as well. And being a writer, broadcaster, and NLP Trainer and Master Coach, I know how important it is to get the message across in all of the senses and as clearly as possible! Most of all, the more weight you want your message to have, the less heavily you should communicate it! Now there s a belief! And for me it s a really empowering and useful one. Someone once said Americans think life is serious, but not hopeless; Brits believe life is hopeless, but not serious! and perhaps that s got something to do with it! And maybe it s an unlisted metaprogram! I just know that the more complex something is, the more simply I want to communicate it. And yes, NLP is VERY complex - after all, it s about how the human mind actually works! As a child I was always asking how? questions, and as a theatre writer and lyricist I have The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 6 -

9 always been fascinated by the human condition. So for me, the brilliance of Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the two founders of NLP, was their insatiable curiosity about how people work, and their passion for what, in my opinion, became the first real positive psychology. As Paul and I put it, looking for the sunbeams in people, ie what s working, rather than the raindrops, what isn t working. So my own passion for NLP and for communicating it needed a clear, simple but not simplistic, different, and above all FUN expression, which would satisfy my own Auditory, Visual and Mismatching preferences - and hopefully resonate with a lot of other peoples preferences too! I also wanted to create a book that would be accessible to non-nlpers as well as those with some, or lots of, knowledge about it. A dip into kind of book, With words, yes, of course, and also the kind of pictures that not only illustrate but also challenge, amuse, and possibly even make you groan as you grin!! The result is The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree Now, that s the Pacing bit over so here s the Lead - enjoy!!* * Pace Pace Lead - see Chapter 4! The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 7 -

10 Chapter One Perhaps the best place to start is with the underlying principles of NLP, which we call THE FIVE PILLARS And the first of these is OUTCOMES.. Everything we do in life, large or small, has to begin with an outcome. Even when we think we don t know what we want, we actually still have an outcome - to find out what we want! And the secret to achieving an outcome is to give the Unconscious mind a detailed description of it, in all the senses. what it looks like, what it feels like, what it sounds, tastes, even smells like! The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 8 -

11 Remember that old saying, Be careful what you wish for because you ll get it? This is what it s based on: but it s not about wishing, it s about having a clear outcome which you own; which means it doesn t rely on other people in order to get it! You have to take ownership for your outcome, for achieving it. Like the girl who came to me for coaching a couple of years ago she wanted me to help her to pass the audition she had coming up for The X Factor TV show. I told her I couldn t, because getting it didn t depend on her, but on Simon Cowell and the other judges! So she reframed her outcome, to finding out what they were really looking for; learning from the auditioning process; and enjoying it! These were outcomes that she owned, and was therefore much more likely to achieve! And before you ask, no, I don t know what happened I actually never even knew if she could sing! But I did know that she now knew how to frame and define an outcome! Okay.. so you ve set your outcome. But what are you going to do about it? The difference between setting a goal, and The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree - 9 -

getting it, is TAKING ACTION! You ve got to DO something, however small - making the first phone call, researching something on the Internet whatever, towards making the goal happen.

12 getting it, is TAKING ACTION! You ve got to DO something, however small - making the first phone call, researching something on the Internet whatever, towards making the goal happen. That s also when you need the second pillar, which is SENSORY ACUITY.. This is about being able to read the situation, and the people around you, to discern whether or not you are on track towards getting your outcome. NLP has some great tools to help you to do this. If you are on the right course, keep on doing what you re doing. However, if you re not, then you need the third pillar FLEXIBILITY To explain this best, I d like to introduce you to one of the NLP Presuppositions, about which there s more in Chapter 2. This one perfectly describes why we need flexibility in all areas of thinking and actioning IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU VE ALWAYS DONE you ll always get The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

13 what you ve always got! We re just brilliant at perpetuating patterns, what NLP calls programs - behaviours, beliefs, habits, values etc What our parents thought, believed, and did, we grow up thinking, believing, and doing. It all has, or originally had, a positive purpose - survival. But as we go on to have our own experiences, we develop our own patterns: and the old ones can become past their use-by dates! Yet we find it hard to relinquish them, change them, for more useful and appropriate ones. In just the same way, if we attempt something and it doesn t work, we still go on doing it over and over again.. only louder! If something doesn t work - do something else! The fourth Pillar of NLP is EMOTIONAL STATE MANAGEMENT There is very little point in attempting most things in life unless we re in the most appropriate emotional state! For instance, if you re a teacher or trainer, your first action should always be to get the students in the best possible state for being receptive to the new information they re about to receive because if you try and force it into them when they re not in the right state, either it won t be retained, or they ll resent you for life - or both! NLP has the most brilliant, in fact unique, techniques for ALWAYs being able to be in the most appropriate emotional state - instantly, and by CHOICE! This is clearly such an important Pillar, that I ve given it a whole chapter to itself, which you ll find at the end of this book. The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

14 So what about New Oceans fifth Pillar of NLP? Well that s about having the ability to get on with anybody, at will, and at any time it s not necessarily about liking them, which is judgemental, but about having rapport, which is not. This is why that fifth Pillar is just that. RAPPORT To get some understanding of what this means in NLP terms, let s look at another couple of Presuppositions here PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE LIKE THEMSELVES.. NLP is about understanding how the mind works, in order to understand not only ourselves but others. And because life is about having to interact with other people, this obviously will be much easier if we have rapport with them. The Unconscious wants to be honoured, recognised. If we learn how to do this, to use the NLP rapport-building tools, then people will unconsciously feel Oh, right, you re like me, SO I FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TRUST YOU! Of course we re each unique, as we know however, it seems we want to belong, to be part of a peer group: in other words, people really do like people like themselves. As Virginia Satir, one of the first Therapists modelled by Bandler & Grinder, noticed, we want to be with what is familiar to us. Yes, even Mismatchers! What s that? you might ask. Good question! And the answer s pretty good too!* But for the moment, just take another look at the little boy with the dog in the If You Always Do What You ve Always Done picture - he The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

15 refuses to display the family patterns, because he just HAS to be different from other people. yet he s still modelling the family colours, becaue they re familiar to him, they re what he feels comfortable with! It s all a matter of establishing rapport and the way to do this is PACE PACE LEAD This is all about honouring someone s unconscious map of the world - as this book s title points out, we each have different ones from everyone else s! If you want to convince someone of your idea, or just get them to at least be open to it, it s no good rushing into it it s like saying to their unconscious This is my map, and it s the only one we need! The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

16 That can lead to going your separate ways, getting lost, ending up on a no through road ;, or in the worst case scenario, into car-crash territory!! By listening to the kinds of sensory and metaprogram* words they use, and subtly using the same words, by moving to the rhythm of their breathing, being their voice and body - again subtly! - which is PACE, PACING them, their unconscious will feel at home with you, will be saying Okay, I feel comfortable with you, I ll listen to what you ve got to say. And that s when you can LEAD them to your map. Well, except for guess who? Yes, you ve got it those darned Mismatchers! But it s still Pace, Pace, Lead, even with them - you just pace them by doing the opposite of what they re doing - if they re sitting, you stand, if they re talking fast, you talk slower, for example. It s still about getting their unconscious to feel happy, you re just doing it a different way. The result though, as long as you do it well- and SUBTLY! - will be the same Rapport. * Metaprograms - see Chapter Five So those are what New Oceans calls The Five Pillars of NLP. And they are so important, that they are one of the first things you ll learn about in our trainings. The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

17 Chapter Two PRESUPPOSITIONS Now how s your Sensory Acuity? You ve probably noticed that I keep going on about Presuppositions! That s because these are also, for me, such a major part of NLP, of what I do, and indeed, of what, and how, I am. There are two types of these:- the first is part of the language patterns which Bandler and Grinder noticed Milton H. Erickson, one of their original models, and a true genius, was using, embedding them in a sentence to presuppose that something was already so I wonder how quickly you ll do your homework? presupposes the child WILL do their homework, it s just a matter of how quickly! Very useful! The other Presuppositions Milton used were kind of generalised beliefs about life; and although these sometimes sound a little like motherhood statements, if you even just act as if they re true, magic can happen! Obviously (that s another one of type one!!) the title of this book is probably the most powerful type two Presupposition The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

18 THE MOP IS NOT THE CHERRY TREE Oh alright then - the map is not the territory! This is the main Presupposition* underlying NLP. (So what did you expect from a mismatching off-the-wall Auditory with a corresponding sense of humour? And a big chunk of Visual thrown in for good measure!?) So my map of the territory or world is very different from everyone else s. Having said that so is everyone else s! ( Confused? Great! Confusion is the first step to understanding - because when the Conscious is confused it gives up and gets out of the way, so that the Unconscious, which is brilliant, can process, and then understand.) Okay, back to our maps of the world. Over 2 million bits of sensory information hit us EVERY SECOND OF OUR LIVES! We d go crazy if we didn t filter them before they re stored in our Unconscious. The way we do this, first of all, is through our senses Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Smell, and Taste. And as we each have a preference for one of these, in a given The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

19 context, we naturally choose to store more of that sense s input, and filter out more of the others. Our individual map, or memory bank, is therefore a data base of pictures, sounds, emotions, sensations, smells, and tastes, which is unique to each one of us. So the map can never be the territory or the menu the food or the word the thing described..or the orchestra the music or the oh well, you get what I m getting at! And we relate directly to our map of the world rather than to the world itself which could explain why two people remember a shared experience totally differently from each other! So now you know - it s all down to mops and cherry trees! Another Presupposition, and one that can be hard to take on board at first, is Behind every behaviour is a positive intention. Sure, it s not easy to see that, when someone chucks a brick through your window! But the positive intention behind it was not for you, it was for them if we take the time to find out what it was, and suggest a new behaviour that will still honour the positive intention while being more socially acceptable, the person usually goes with it. In fact in all my years of being an NLP Master Coach, particularly when dealing with children I have NEVER known a child go back to the old behaviour! Now let s look at another great type two Presupposition The Mop Is Not The Cherry Tree

Rapport begins with understanding the world of the other person.

Rapport begins with understanding the world of the other person. Rapport is the process by which we create an atmosphere of understanding and connection with another individual. Most of us will have rapport with certain people at various times. We may not always have