Transcription

1 : masque

2 When you are a teen-ager what is "cool" for a male and what is "cool" for a female are quite different, with only a few overlaps. We are all Pinocchios with invisible noses. You could consider some husbands "pre-owned" even if they have never married You cannot make a woman change her mind or will by force. You may make her do what you will by force, but her mind only becones more resistant. MASQUE The Personal Fanzine that is, in many ways, the best way to know William Rotsler who can cloud men's minds William Rotsler 17909Lull Street, Reseda, CA Your life, my life, is one-way, no turning back, an all-too-swift run to the end. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, there are two tragedies in life: One is for your enemy to get what you want and the other is for him to get what he wants. Being a hero is still okay, despite the cloak of cynicism that shrouds the world. You still. must live within yourself and that image you have crafted within.

3 When you have above average intelligence-not even superior grade intelligence-and know how difficult it is to get through life, you look at those of average intelligence and less and wonder how they cope. The great mass of men lead lives of quiet domestication. David Gerrold All of life is a trade-off. You wanted a long life, so you did not do those dangerous, adventurous things. You wanted comfort and wealth, so you opted for security and a job instead of what you really wanted. You wanted--- sex, so you got married. You want to be attractive, so you diet and exercise. You wanted romance but never learned how to do it. You want to fit in, so you are politically correct, even when it's stupid. You wanted love but you took what came because something better might not come alorig. You wanted to extend your ego, so you had children. You want to be praised and loved and admired, so you do good works and hold your tongue. You don't want cops. at the door or the townspeople coming up your driveway with pitchforks and torches, so you live as others live. We strike balances. We made trades. We play percentages. The time we call U the Present" is the near past (and sometimes the near future). How near varies greatly with context. Don Simpson Most people want to do well, to get along, to be happy or close to it, and don't know how. THE ONLY GOOD THOUGHT HE EVER HAD Law is frozen fear, frozen experience. The best thing-about the law of gravity is that we don't have to enforce it. Shannon Carse Some adventures are simply times when people got lost and managed to get back. Even canaries have claws. tears: Eye bawling. tightening the belt: Moving the decimal point He wants me to help him write a do-ityourself book on maternity. Lora Collins.

4 /92.9 WAs IJJORS ~. OFcou~E wa~ ~w...~, wasn't IT~ WAr It is not better to have poor taste than no taste at all, as some say. At least if you have no taste you have nothing to unlearn before you can i~prove. Each of us ha s a kind of benchmark within us, a time or event or pracyice by which we measure the modern world. With my father (born 1886) it was that he could remember when watermelons cost five cents. With it, it is the nickel Hershey bar. With my daughter it is the two dollar movie ticket. 15 Apr 86 Yesterday we bombed Libya. All we got prior to the action from our allies was "We don't want to touch it." Afterwards, all we got was criticism, "There must have been another way," ~tc. I dunno. Seems to me we slapped a bully. Too bad we didn't get "the mad dog." So he'll escalate the terrorism & we'll hit back and...repeat as needed.. Some -whe re along the line Europe (and maybe Arabs) will realize we're all locked in one room... a big room in one POV, a small one in another) and decide you can't have some idiot playing with dynamite in that room. Yeah, yeah, I know. What has violence solved? Well, violence has solved a lot of things. Maybe not satisfactoril~maybe not to your liking, but violence has solved most of the problems in history. "Life is Nature's way of giving an object delusions of grldeur." (Tom Waters) ~ Apr 86 I had to be in Hollywood on business yesterday, then I had several hours to kill, so I saw a charming movie, OFF BEAT, went bookshopping & ran into Tom Waters. Then the XRCO meeting, where we decided to try to raise money for o~r activities by going with our strengths and putting out a magazine called VIDEO VIXENS. A quarterly with lists of all the films/videos of the sexy new actresses, plus interviews. But no reviews. We also saw some quick videos bits: Gloria Leonard, waving her "Best Actress" award (which I made) on national teevee... Linda Lovelace making it with a dog... Betty Page in antiseptic writhings in full black lace underwear... etc. We met at Bill Margold's house. He often has "protegees" about, i.e. new women he has found and are getting into porn. I sat next to a kind of "cool/sexy" woman whose stage name is Victoria Vyper. "Why vypier/viper7' I asked. She opened her shirt, exposing a small breast with a ring-pierced nipple and the top half of a curling tattoo than ran from breast down into her skirt. Urg. Too much.

5 What God has joined together let no man put asunder without the assistance of a good divorce lawyer. "God forbid that I should go to any heaven where there are no horses." (Robert Bontine Cunningham-Graham) 19 Apr 86 The other day Alfredo Alcala, who is one of comix truly fine pensmen, called me to ask if I'd write (on spec... ) a comic strip based on a Martin Caidin book. I'm very reluctant, but I'm going into Hollywood to get the book from him. En route or coming back, I'll stop at Dangerous Visions where Tim Powers is having an autographing. I like Tim-- he writes very well, is such a nice guy. About 15 years ago he helped Paul & I construct an Arabian street, a slave market & a caberet up at my ranch for a movie we did called "Street of a Thousand Dreams." The film came about when, in discussion with a producer named Dan Cady, that I had umpteen feet of naked naked footage. (This being in the no-porn era...or rather, just as it was beginning.) Using a lot of my stuff we shot new stuff & the film ended up with 70 nude women in it. Discovered an interesting new writer, l'iilliammurray, whose "Tip on a Dead Crab" was recommended to me by, I think, the lady who runs Scene of the Crime. Later: I bought a re-issue of a book by Tim and he asked if I wanted it autographed. I said no, since that way I couldn't sell it. So he fixed that by autographing it, "To without whose help I wouldn't be here today. Cheers..." The official flower of Texas is the roadside beercan. "A cliche is a truth re'eating itself." {William Mirray, Tip on a Dead Crab) This week's vanity pzates: BTRAVEN. 2EXPSVE. IMSHUR...CEE YAAA... LOVE K9S...MRS 1... MR, HONDA (on a Corvette!) NYAYNTZ (I'm unsure what that means) WLD YUTH. NTERDER (on a Knightrider-type car). and a license plate holder with a silhouette of a waltzing couple: I'D RATHER BE ROUND DANCING. Even later: Diane Duane called last night from Pennsylvania to chat for an hour, a wanton extravaeance she indulges in twice a year whether she needs to or not. Got all excited about getting in on the upcoming Harlan roast. I'm planning to do a slide show, as I told him the other day, if I can get them to let me (and provide a screen). Dan Cady, mentioned above, is the guy I had to use a,," marker on his door, telling the story of our difficulty in getting money from him. Did it twice, in fact. I think I also scared him a bit. Good. Sometimes I really do en90y the Lefty & Spider bit. 'To err is divine, to ;:teorgegohuman. Ye shall know the Truth and the Truth shall scare hell out of you Heresy: Not bel~ving in belief ,

6 Feelings are emotions in the rough. 26 Apr 86 Yesterday I passed the 500 mark in Dannon Yes yoghurt containers. These are the tapered ones with the recessed bottoms I started saving a year or so ago. It'll take 1152 to cover a 4x8' parrel, for a full-size starship set & I'm not even halfway there "Why does the Westerner spit? It can't amuse him, and it doesn't interest his neighbors." (Rudyard Kipling) Brod Crawford died today. I hadn't seen him in years. He was a very beat up guy, both from drinking and from the car wrecks he got in when drinking. I've told the s~ory before of how I directed a Ford Bronco film in the 60s when the introduced the car. I guess they wanted a tough-guy image, so they hired him. We drove down to the Superstition Mountains, to the Yuma jail, the desert around there. "I made a western here," he said, as we were going along. "Based on Sahara (a WWII movie with Bogart & LUlubelle-the-tank)," I said, having seen both. That surprised him. "You're aren't the first Academy Award winner I've directed, y'know,~ I said later. He looked at me, sitting in the truck, like; "Yeah, so?" I said, "I was standing on Wilshire one time and Ernest Botgnine dro~e up, asked me which way Rodeo Drive was and I directed him to it." Crawford told a lot of Old Hollywood stories such as how the night Bogart won the Osc~rBetty Bacall couldn't understand why he seemed to be getting drunk when he hadn't had a drink. Secret: Crawford had seoreted a bottle in the toilet in the Men's Room and he & Bogie, pleading nel"ves, kept going in an boozing.. He also gave me a bit of cogent adv~ce which the Famous Ones in my "audience" will either recognize or learn. "Never sleep with a fan." Later on he elaborated, telling me, "Sleep with stars, they don't want nothin' from ya." We were standing the a men's room, at the urinals at Yuma Prison (a grim, grim place). All day people had been yelling~ "Hey, Ten Four!" at him. "Y' know," I aa i d, "seems odd a man should be remembered for a TV series when he won an Oscar." He rumbled, Yeah," sighed and made a wave with his free hand. "That's the way it is." He was a self-destructive, tough 01' bird. But a time or two he did real well up there on the silver screen. ~Th~-;~;;-;~~h-~;~;-~~;;-~;~-;~;~~~;-i~~~ after the pretty guys' careers are over. (Broderick Crawford) Polaroid: The instant picture process developed by Dr. Land, who never thought it was the first D?-It- Yourself pornographic gadget. S~nce supplemented, but not replaced, by the home video camera... :.:.:.:.:;.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~. Only new nations and new governments in old nations, dare. 28 Apr 86 I hate it when I can't sleep. It's about 9am & I've been up all night. Got those gritty eyes, but don't feel sleepy. Actually, this was not one of those toss'n'turn nights. I just kept reading, then watching movies on tape, then a becorded TV show, wrote some, did the first Sunday of the AQUARIUS MISSION comic strip (don't think it has a chance... ) and stuff like that. I even started reading Caesar's War Commentaries, a book I've had 20+ years and hadn't gotten around to it. Actually, I started last night. I don't have anything I want to read! I found an early Elmore Leonard which had gotten mixed into my Read shelves (not To Read, but Read as in "red~'). Not having anything, to read is my idea of Hell. I did tons of Quotebook work and everything but what I should be doing. Funny book out, "Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like MAMN' (Peachtree Publishers, the people who publish Louis Grizzard down in Atlanta). Full of one-liners offered by anonymous women about things their mothers told them. Saw a great and "strange" license about 7am, when I went out to Xerox: SM GROOM. Now there's an actor named Sam Groom, and I couldn't really see the driver, but... if not him, who ~ this guy? New Zealand: All beauty and no brains.

7 ~~~ ~L--~-=~~--~-~--=- _ letraset SPACEMATIC E*;;. heat resistant _. - CUT T om_row. LTD. - PRINTED IN ENGLAND. U.SAOrderNo CLN

8 Our sacrifices are bargains with God or self. This week's vanity prates: WEL READ...on a Mercedes, STAR PUP CHI WIZ...4 SWIMN... NO WORYS. 1 FRHORN CRYPTS (there's a weird one). SIXES N85 (?)... a license holder with Warning: I Don't Break For Celtics Fans. Two bumper stickers: "Wood Workers Make Better Studs" and "I" Myself," which must be the ultimate in such things. Sexual attraction bypasses almost all our defenses and normal sense of logic. That is both its delight and its danger. 10 May 86 Up to. 15 papers now, with only one mlnor paper {Milwaukee ~ournal) cancelling. Only 2 cancellations ln 5 months--they tell me that's good. On the other hand~ 15 papers is not exactly a smash: even lf some are Biggies. At l~ast I ve moved a nice piece over the mi n rmum must have been a very busy year. All sorts of companies and organizations and so on are having centennials--coca-cola, Sears, Miss Liberty, etc. And my father was born that year. Forty years later wasn't too bad either: I was born then, along with Paul Newman, Sammy Davis, Jr., Queen Liz, Johnny Carson (well, the previous 23 Oct), Cloris Leachman, Don Rickles, David Attenborough, H. R. Haldeman, etc. But I suppose you could get a cross-section of notables (moi excluded) in any year earlier than, say, When you are in the wilderness you get something of the feeling of beihg the first,man. Or the last. Rotsler's Personal Rule on Relationships Never lie to me, ar least not about anything even remotely serious; never "yes" me; never agree with me if you don't mean it; and don't be boring. Today's Crop of vanity prates: to MEDASIN EDIBLES SYNDRM...U)(wENDY... RMND ME JURREEE a bumper sticker reading QUILTERS CUT CORNERS. On the way in the local CBS weatherman gave a weather report on Kiev: "7000 degrees and cooling." There is nothing lobelier than marriage wi thout love. "The totalitarian' state is terrorism come to power." (Anon) Glitterati: Beautiful People gathered in herds.

9 , -<,,' -r.,.. r, r,~,.. r /Jf, ~,,:",,,', The AsphaZt Harvest: 00 BOBBY... CHOO CHE...FROG PIT...On a car driven by a woman, MI BUNKY, and two cars ahead, a man with DE BUNKY... CHUCKEL... MUMBLEY...bumper st icker, "Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes get it done." (You may be wondering why I am inserting these licenses in Masque--well, it cuts down the boredom factor on drives. All above were on one drive into Hollyweird today.) I SWIPER... MY BAYB... and on a Rools Royce, BUY JUNK. Humankind is not totally composed of kind humans What passes for w~;~~~-~~-;~~;-~i~-~;~-- is really ennui and platutude' what passes for wisdom in some men'is the first few. inches of what may be a long ball of st r tng May 86 Marv Wolfman, newly moved to LA, gave a party last night. Len Wein came out from Nye and there was virtually all of loca~ comic prodom was there, plus sf fans with a comic bent (as it were). I was out in the late afternoon & decided to drop by to see if he needed help and thtis had 2 or 3 hours talking to Len & Marv. Len's moving here in the fall, he thinks. Sharman was there, looking good. Sergio Aragones, Bill/Bev Warren, many others, lots of food, nice conversations. No world problems were solved but the party was nice. ' Why are people always "overjoyed"? Aren't they ever just "joyed"? There are other and better words for "under-joyed" but always saying "overjoyed" is like a painting all in reds. - "When you play by your own rules you can't make mistakes." (Anon) - The "private sector" seems to have solved one of Life's eternal burdens: death and taxes. While corporations may exchange genes and chromosomes, change their name, merge and split, they can go on virtually firecer. Thus they have achieved a kind of immortality, and their creative ".1 accounting practices assure that they will never pay much more than a token tax, if that.

10 You can also look at our achievements in space this way: We did it without even using our best minds. 14 May 86 I moderated a panel on newspaper syndication at CAPS meeting last night. Actually, I just interviewed Lee Nordling, who is the LATimes Syndicate (and, frankly, the reason I "hung in there" & now have a syndicated feature). Before & after I talked to Burne Hogarth, one of the Great Drawers. After the meeting some of us went to Denny's for an Aftermeeting and Sergio Aragones told me how much he liked the "art stuff" (my term) in Patron of the Arts. Most unusual Aftermeeting in that not one of us drew. Today I went into Hollywood to deliver one week's script (on spec, as a favor) to Alfredo Alcala, another Great Drawer. He'd asked me to do a sample week based on Martin Caidin's Aquarius Mission. On the way home I stopped at World News, my favorite newsstand. There was a TV crew there (unmarked). As I was buying a book this reporter, who looked like the asshole gov't man in Gho st bu's't.e rs, asked me if I'd like to be on CNN (Christian News Network, right?) and comment on the harmtul~_ effects of pornography, as outlined in the President's Commission, etc. Less than 30 seconds after he spoke to me I was "on the air," with no time to think anything out. (Is that a reporter's technique?) I thought he'd restate the question, so I could say I didn't think there were any harmful effects. But he didn't, so I winged it. I was reasonably coherent. At the cut the camera man said to the reporter & soundwoman, "Hey, that was great!" I feel like a Troj~ Horse. Today's Colleation: GIN WIZ FUTURE 2... RODIN ROK DOC... MR SOX... SS GIZMO... plus a sexy blonde with a "Baby On Board" sign in the window altered to "Babe On Board." Plus an Audi with AUDIOS. Swans are the regal dreams of a sleeping princess, the galleons among birds, feathered icebergs, serene dancers who do not dance.,.. ~.,

11 His condom size is petite regular. And this week's vanity plates: HANGIN 9 and in one block alone: RREBEL...REDHAYR (on a red car driven by a strawberry blonde)...halucgn (on a red-violet pickup)... SEX 5MBL (driven by a male Latin). It is the cheap books that change things. No revolution or chanhe of any sort was ever started by a "coffee table book." "One test of a good id;~-~~-~~~-~b~i~~;- to last through the hangover." (Jimmy Breslin, Saturday Night Live) 19 May 86 David Joiner just came in and ". said his "Bizarre Concept for the Day IS Jerry Pournelle as host of Saturday Night Live. ~e said he thought of a skit for it: a ty~ical ~erican home if everything the RUSSIans said about us was true. "Did you have a nice time today exploiting the workers, dear?" "Yes, but I had to shoot two people in riots on t>he way home." - I'm reading Minsky's Burlesque and Morton Minsky defined Gypsy Rose Lee's mother-- you remember her from the movie, prohably-- as "Her river did not run to the sea." ~hat's a very different description and popped out like a searchlight. I love finding gems like that. - In ascending order, more nonsense has been written about these things than any other: love, science, life, art, and religion. 18 May 86 Friday I had breakfast with my daughter, who, at this stage, makes me think I'm going to be the grandfather of a watermelon. Also her nose, broken in the rape violence several years back, has never really regained the original shape. But still, at 31;, preggies like crazy, at 168 pounds, she still could pass for early 20s. Today, Sunday, I had breakfast with llarv Wolfman and discussed comix, comic folk, life, etc. He is becoming Californiated--swimming daily in his pool, etc. But he still walks unreasonable distances. I told him ef California Law which makes it illegal to walk any further than the length of a parking lot, but he goes on being a criminal. He'll get over that. You couldm't exactly lose Manhattan in the San Fernando Valley, but Greater LA is the size of some states. To love some women is an entire education; to love others is but night classes and surprise tests. Then there is that rare woman with whom and for whom you get your Ph.D. Personal experience is fine but it should not be the only thing by which you guide and illuminate your life. This is what art is for, books, film, dance and every other form of spectator art. 21 May 86 I find Harlan amusing. (Well, we all find Harlan amusing ~lon~ with a lor-of other things, I ' ImagIne, from time to time.) Today, he set up a conference call between moi and the lovely & enchanting Marv Wolfman making several calls, switching phon~s, etc. all so that Marv would come here to get ~ Want List of books at the ABA and to pick up a book HE had originally given me and now wants back for some reason I told his emissary that I felt like ~ hollow log. A man think he marries one woman but when h.e divorces he dovorces many.. Lioense Count: SUPEREX... ST TROPE...on a Toyota with an Asian driver Made From:l.JapBeer Cans... HOWDE2U...DOA ' PRES...PEDPATH

12 ,- as of 24 october 1954 a child lisa araminta rotsler 8 pounds 9 ounces 21 inches courtesy of william and abnej rotsler Lisa Araminta Rotsler Announces the arrival of JONATHAN RYAN ROTSLER Memorial Day. 26 May pounds Who but Dean Arthur Grennell would respond to my daughter's child's birth announcement but with the 31-year-old announcement of my daughter herself? Now you can see the inside joke I planned Compared to love, sex is simple. Compared to sex, pleasure is almost one-dimensional. And Yet sun More LOX DUC NY LOVER... SHIVAS LEI RN (on a nurse's car)... a bumper sticker on a pickup read NO FAGS, NO AIDS with a ~ containing a silhouette of 2 me engaged in sodamy. Real medical breakthough, huh? I wonder why the scientist haven't figured that one out? You don't have to be rich to be a snob. Snobbishness is very democratic; it cuts across all classes. Right now, there must be some bum feeling snobbish about a wino. No one writes a diary without sometimes thinking it might be. read. Even published. Especially a female diarist and certainly a famous person diarist. Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but some women have costume jewelry for acquaintances.

13 Draw the line as if you meant it. I Memorial Day, 26 May 86 11:23am was the arrival time of Jonathan Ryan Rotsler. A ding under seven pounds (I never quite understood why people always list the weight--hell if it isn't under say 5 and over 12 what t.he hell difference does it make?) and was not closed-eye, nor did he look like Winston Churchill. Reasonably human looking, I think, with requisite number of digits. Since my daughter preferred to have the child sans husband (he isn't even on the birth certificate) it's a Rotsler. I had suggested a number of names and Ryan was one--there are no Ryans in my Irish family, as far as I know--but I thought Jonathan was a bit trendy, instead of a plain-wrap name like John. This is Monday. Last Friday we knew it was Approaching, so I started videotaping NBC, mainly because I get it clearly but also because Johnny Carson is topical. I taped most of it, despite going to the 4th Costume Con part-time. About 7 Sunday morning (after 4 hours sleep) my ex-wife woke me & I zoomed over the hill to the UCLA Medical Center. (Zoomed--ha! I don't know if "Hands Across America" had anything to do with it but it was stop & crawl all thw way. ) Lisa (my daughter) went through Sunday without feeling any real zingers in the contraction dept. until late night, when the dilation was so slow I went home and crashed, since sitting on that hard chair was killing my back. This morning I called, found she was being prepped, and zoomed over. Lisa seems very glad it is over & is a Proud Momma. Next trip I take her Oh Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama. My father died on Memorial Day 22 years ago. I have no sympathy for ex-jocks who know nothing else. No one changed the rules on them. If they did not know from the beginning that athletics did not go on forever then it was because they did not "Want to know The danger in flattery is that it approximates our self-praise. That interlineation has a deceptive look. It sounds faintly smart-ass, but the more I think about it, the more true it becomes. Disregarding certain styles developed by artists--such as cartoonist Gross, etc) you tell an amateur's line by the fact it is unsure, hesitant, even wandering. I am reminded of Jimmy Cagney's line about acting. "You go out there, plant your feet, and tell the truth." The last dependent clause is the important one, of course, but the parallel is perfect. It is fun wandering around with a pen, seeing what your muscular imerfections do, what your subconscious has to say that day, what your conscious mind does toward directing this blithering bunch of seen & unseen lines. Great fun. Time has little to do with it, at least for me. You may be watching and to you I just drew, and probably thought it was quick. ~me, not every time, but almost every time, it is an exploration and truly very exciting. This is why, I think, I do long series of drawings--20, 50 a 100 'variations on a single theme, some' with subtle changes, some with bold ones, doing it over & over until they merge into a new idea or an old idea surfaces links up mutates and goes on. ', Great fun. "If God had meant for us to travel tourist class, he would have made us narrower." (Martha Zimmerman, There's Nothing Neat About Seeing Your F~et, by Ludlow Porch).,-. -.,.,.,,'.. '.r.,""',': s:, i,..4.~( 'r., ~ ,': ~, '.'",..,..'., ~------~- A~l family tr~ ~;~-~;b;~d::b;~~~~;~p1ne and walnut, apples and oranges a palm leaf, dead twigs, redwood bark: elm roots, ahd so on. Yours as well as mine. An educated fool is a greater danger than an uneducated fool.

14 THE ALPHA & OMEGA OF LITERACY Truth is a flexible as fresh gum, as rigid as old gum. Love can end. It wears out, it bores out, it explodes, it shrivels, it dies. It happens. In fact, it happens more than it doesn't happen. I can't think of a friend who did not have a previous serious relationship. So it can happen to you. The best kind of ending, I suppose, is a drifting away, without pain, without recrimination, and drifting at more or less the same rate. What's hurts the most is when you aren't ready for the end, but the other is. The end of love can be sudden or slow, painful or dreary. The important thing is what you do about it. You can go into a nosedrive, feel relieved or full of self-pity, feel noble or suicidal, turn to good works or just disappear into your work, get "revenge," and a terrible one-the emotional turn-off. The worst reaction is to immediately go out and find a "love," the infamous "I'll show 'em" attitude. This kind of love is far too often ill-fated, causing even more pain. There is no guide book on how to traverse these deadlands. Every experience is unique. Know only this: It won't end, not really, not completely, but it can get to the point you can handle it. It must, for your own survival. Oh, yes, love can last, but that's easy to take, doesn't require therapy, talking you off a ledge, hours of crying and tears of self-pity, nor does it require affirmation that you are worthy of love, anyway, even in rejection. A continuing love is not a shock-an amazement, perhaps-and constant self-analysis is not particularly necessary. ---, RODNEYDANGERFIELD'S LEAST-l-llTBALL There are no perfect relationships, only imperfect ones over in the "Okay" column. THE RETORT ~ W ~ Jilf' I!!JS -,,..; IMMUNE

15 Every male chauvinist will be reincarnated as a woman and every feminist will be reborn as a traditional qualities female. Violence can come upon you at any time,. unasked. You have three basic ways to react: run-which mayor may not work; surrender, putting yourself in another's power to an unknown endwhich am be the quickest, cheapest and easiest way out of the situation; and to fight.. There are many ways to fight, starting before there is any need for it. This is attitude-the "don't fool with me" look, the air of confidence without foolishness or arrogance, and the knowledge that when push comes to shove, you can actually protect yourself and yours, at least to a certain degree. Then comes the actual fighting, which is part instinct and a greater part training. Go with your strengths, what you can do and do well Put fear away. Don't think about it. Think about what you must do, what you must do it with, who you are doing it to, and in what order. Never pull a punch and once you commit yourself, go full out to the end. I look as if I just got up out of an egg ~ We do get wisdom in age, but the trouble is we also get more problems, more choices and have less energy. Some people don't lose their youththey think they can find it in the officeof a plastic surgeon. People with their feet planted firmly on the ground don't get around. All women want is security. But that's one of those words that takes in everything-love, money, family, p~ace, excitement, and a lot of other ommbus words.

16 The trouble with some people who say they believe in freedom is that they believe they are the ones who want the freedom to choose for other people,. Show me a conservative and I'll show you someone who doesn't like change. Show me a liberal and I'll show you someone who likes change too well. Show me a middle-of-the-roader and I'll show you someone who doesn't like change, but doesn't like things to remain static. More Rotsler Similies: Petite as a five-foot blonde in a tenounce bikini. Ponderous as the twelth month of a pregnancy. Red as the ten of Hearts. Shifty as a mob lawyer. Similies are the spices in the stew of writing. Never scare a new love with old traumas. We got a boot out of starting a business on a showstring, but we soon discovered we were in a land of loafers. MONUNffiNTTOS~ENCE Just remember when someone asks how much you plan to leave behind, the answer must be, "Every cent." It is not all that often that women of great attractiveness fall in love with men of equal attractiveness. Perhaps it is because they don't want the competition, or that such men are vain, or that a "non-handsome" man is so much more grateful, or that women put less emphasis on physical beauty. As executives rise through the organization their signatures deteriorate.. I do not agree with what you say, but I shall fight for the right to keep you from saying it again.. Better a limp than no foot; better no foot than no leg; better one leg than none; better no smilile than a poor one. If you don't look, you won't find anything except what finds you.

17 A William Rotsler & Bill Warren Sampler The difference between Aristotle and Socrates is merely philosophical. THE END IS NEAR is believed by the next elephant in line. The difference between sexual fidelity and sexual fool-around is opportunity. Dogs are man's best friend because we can operate can openers. People who smoke forget that others don't. There are only two genders because...well, we have enough problems with just two. ' In movies middle-aged men romance young women because middle-aged men finance movies. The difference between theater and real life is that in real life, the final curtain isn't applauded so often. God smote Sodom because he wanted to find out what "smote" means. The government has no business in the bedroom because it could get very crooked. Americans have a cultural cringe, still. Do something odd in say, table manners, and if accused of error, say, "That's the way they do it in Europe now," and you'll probably get away with it ~ Androgynous fashions have one advantage: You'll double your wardrobe by marrying some your own size. Confront your mortality, don't hide from it. Look forward to life.

18 I have come to be discomforted in the legitimate theater. I know all that about the immediacy, being live and all. I am a child of the cinema, of moviong pictures, of the movies. Sitting in a "legitimate" theater during a stage show I always become, frustrated. I hate sitting in one place, at one distance, through it all. I want to run up for a closeup, go over there for a different angle, show the outside world, speed up, slow down, go for an effect, select and focus. It becomes very frustrating being imprisoned in a none-too-comfortable seat. The interchange between cast and audience is over-rated-it is more important to the actors than to the audience. The physical restrictions of the stage, as well as the temporal, are ultimately stifling to me.,,' Women hate to "rough it," for it is against everything they have worked for since Cave One. To men it is the eternal challenge, man against nature, man against man, testing yourself, proving yourself...that is, if they are still in need of testing. Women have no test of womanhood as such. Some consider motherhood to be it, however. But it is a rare woman who really likes the inconvenience of "roughing it," and then usually just to be with "their man." What is television afraid of? That we'll suddenly discover sex or four-letter words or-heaven forbid-thinking? Why do they still wash out mouths, retroactively, with Bleep Brand soap? Old age: (1) Putting your name down in Roman numerals. (2) When you wheeze at girls instead of whistle. SUDDEN LOVE Pomposity makes you invisible to yourself There are some, who by birth are considered ladies and gentlemen, but the best are those who are ladies and gentlemen by nature.

19 Capitalism is the father of democracy and the desire to be free was the mother. I don't need laws to protect me from myself. ONCE SPOKEN, THEY CANNOT BE RECALLED We try to get it all in one package: Sex, bea u ty, intellectual com panionshi PI perhaps even love--and we always fail. Just beyond the outer reaches of humility is pride. Never shout at your children, except in emergencies. Constant shouting, repetitive nagging and frequent reprimands only turns them deaf, then indifferent, then hostile. You should not need to say anything more than twice-- after all, any of us can miss the first time-but there should be no third warning. The house should fall on them, instead. It is amazing how this improves their hearing, responses and attention. Women prefer concrete proof of love. A direct "I love you" has more weight than all the presents, hints, romantic allusions or evasions a man can muster. BOOTSTRAPS ' Humor can be serious. What it can't be is solemn. John Cleese -~

20 Whatever happened to individual responsibility for one's actions? Don't give me that It's Society's Fault and We're All Victims stuff. That works more of less evenly on all of us, the brothjer of the thief, the sister of the tower sniper, the father of the murderer, the child of the addict,. the mother of the molester. If you are seduced by the tongue of the serpent it is not the serpent's fault, but yours. Of you are no naive you believe the serpent., it is your fault for not seeking out knowledge. If you are so kind you are taken advantage of, it is not the fault of the sly. Wake tip, for you and you alone have made you what you are, not some amorpheous "society," not the multitudes of pressures that affect all of us, yet make one a saint, another a sinner. You can rise from the many ghettoes of life, from the pits and prejudice, from the mines and mud. You can become better than you were, even if you cannot become what you should be. But don't blame the adversity on your parents, on the anonymous "breaks," on luck, or on "them," but on thee ,--- There will always be some kind of local You vote for or you vote against; nationalism, simply because planetwide if you don't vote, you vote for nothing. government would give the individual an even greater feeling of helplessness. New technology means changes. New technology brings problems and Raise the speed of light! That way we'll solutions, it brings new mores and see thingssooner on the highway. ethics, new habits, new words, confusion and unrest. New technology High-priced experience brings new laws and new ways of is the only kind that lasts. thinking. It makes stars and retires others. It changes life in the large and in I'm so old my Inner Child can vote. the small ,--,

21 Without ambition, nothing ever gets done. Information is not knowledge any more than bricks are a home. You may have much information and little knowledge. Information can give you knowledge, but you must elevate it to wisdom yourself. WANT GOOD POLLINATION, HANDS01vfE? There are some people who can call you at any hour of the day or night and you don't really mind. First of all, you know they wouldn't be making late calls unless it was really important, and secondly, because you know you can do the same. Rotsler's Rule of Social Drinking: Wet glasses must be put down only on vulnerable surfaces. To consistently, consciously do dangerous things requires that the participant have little imagination. In all the history of television no one commercial interruption has been interrupted to bring you a special bulletin. In the American west the church went up after the saloons and hotel, after the stables and blacksmith, after the brothel and land office, even after the schoolperhaps because there was no profit in it. We get our worst traits from our ancestors and create the best points ourselves. There comes a point when you don't really care about making new friends, as you don't have enough time for the old. -~ * You become mediocre when you become satisfied with mediocrity. Self-delusion is one of the most serious dilemmas you can get into, for it blinds you to all solutions.

22 Is love staring too long into a mirror? Every great work of art is offensive to someone, for a work of art is a protest against things as they are and a proclamation of things are they ought to be. Venus de Milo is an offense to every flat-chestedewoman in the world and the Belvedere Apollo to every potbellied man. Gerald W. Johnson LOVES REMEMBERED ~ Never laugh at your own jokes. THE G-IRISTIANVIE'V SNOB ~ We commonly accept lies we tell ourselves which we would never for a second accept from others. One person's genius, another's notable attribute. One person's flaw, another's genius ~ A censor is a person who did not like the movie and who burned the book. Jerry Dashlcin Never think that the only thing to do in a dangerous driving incident is hit the brakes. There are times when hitting the gas and getting out of the way is better. But the best is not getting into that situation by paying attention to what's going on.

23 Everyone's hopeful about sex and everyone's disappointed, except for a few seconds. Memory is us. Memory is our personality, our reality, ourselves. Without it we would be someone else. Some maintain a conscience as clear as glass-and just as breakable. The law should be changed to a more liberal interpretation of justifiable homicide. For example, yhe person near you in a theater who commenrs endlessly and loudly on the film and usually gives away any mystery. Maybe you should be a fined for littering. ~.. \ SPICY FOOD Having a conscience means that someone is watching you, even if it is only yourself. With the beginnings of genetic engineering man is on the verge of deciding not only the pace, but the direction of his evolution. But the greatest question is still unanswered: If we can go where we want, where do we go? Laughter may be a form of courage. Linda Ellerbee If someone has helped you and, for whatever reason, you can't pay them back, then pay it forward-help someone else. To be civilized means that you know enough not to eat with your fingers; being cultured means that you know why. What is patience in one person is fear in another and embarrassment in a third. I can never remember the parts I can't remember. Marian Abney Sleet is the schizophrenic cross between snow and rain. There is no sleep quite like that of dozing off in a comfortable chair or couch before a fire, or in a hammock on a summer's day, or when you were a child, in the back seat of a home-bound car.

24 Work has gotten a bad name because we associate it with drudgery, even slavery. But work should not only be what we do, but what we want to do. The reality of it is that most people trade a very large portion of their lives for mere survival, and maybe some toys. ---4E SELF-CENTERED The first time a caterpillar saw a butterfly it said, "You'll never get me up in one of those things!" Which shows that not only do we not anticipate our fate, but we hate taking risks. A DEEPLY HELD CONVICTION Art is the flowers and rainbows and fireworks of life. --_._ NO, THANKS. I'LL STAY HERE AWHII..E, IF YOU DON'T MIND. Humorous people have funny bones; non-humorous people have a humerus bone up their sleeves.

25 Conscience is that secret society of you and your mind. Genetics can be explained this way: You get out of it what you put into it. Compromise is colored gray. Neither the black of defeat or the gold of victory, but agreement reached where neither side is very happy or very unhappy. You are never bored if you don't bore yourself I love women. I love how they are different and yet the same as men. I love how we complement each other. I love the different way they think, both devious and straight-forward. I love the way they perceive the world, which is not the same as men do. I love the fact there are women. Life has no free passes. ARTIFACT OF THE SUN GOD ~ Remember, you can do something few, if any, other people can do: Read your own handwriting. Shannon Carse Women go shopping., Men go buying. K. Hkatt, The Nooz, Contrary to popular belief, a dentist's office is much worse than a woman scorned. Mark Evanier If you don't look, you will never find anything, except for what finds you. Leisure is idleness of fancy undress. PRAISE ALWAYS PASSES ME BY A culture is only as good as its cliches. David Gerrald The day I saw Sophia Loren in a maxidress I knew its day was over. She looked terrible and if Sophia Loren looked bad there was not a woman on Earth who could look good in it. Science is the parent of Research and Development, the grandparent of Technology, which is the parent of Civilization.

26 Every day we invent tomorrow all over again; our building blocks are chunks of the past cemented together in new ways. GREAT INVENI10NS YETTO BE INVENTED 1: Calorie-free chocolate. 2: A way to know the lowest possible tip that will satisfy everyone. 3: A device, sign, key phrase, bell, blinking light or expression which will let you know when a member of the opposite sex really like you. 4: Some way to know who is calling before you answer. 5: A symbol on a book or TV listing that will tell you if you will like it or not. 6: A parking place finder. 7: A self-balancing checkbook. 8: A relative avoidance technique that is flawless. 9: A workout-while-you-sleep pill. 10: A totally painless diet-that works. To start is not to finish. There are so many distractions and obstacles and influences on the way you can marvel at almost anything which is actually completed, even the simpler tasks. i! I i i i 1, '/. 'I, I!!,f-~ 1/ She's the kind of woman whalways wears fancy underwear and he's the kind of man who never wears any. Yes, Still More Rotsler Similies As fancy as a whore on Saturday night. As meaningful as a whore's praise. As unobtrusive as a brass band rehearsing 76 Trombones. Danced like he had seen Singin' in the Rain too often. Dangerous as telling a woman, yes, she does look fat in that dress. Dressed like a Christmas tree in July. Dressed like an Easter egg on two feet. Dropped like a bag of horseshoes and milk bottles. Silent as quarry water. You are famous when people talk about you when you aren't there. Shannon Carse

27 For children, home is where when they serve you food you hate, you have to eat it. He's an underprivileged childno batteries in his missile launcher. Still Yet More Rotsler Similies:. About as exotic as mashed potatoes. : As annoyed as a cat when you're ten : minutes late opening the cans. : As calm as a tombstone. As chatty as two teenage girls, but not as chatty as three. As exciting as a Protestant bagel. As expendable as an Star Trek security guard. As much control as a hundred ten-yearolds at a matinee. "Discomfort" is what medical people call pain they don't have to experience. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the desire to leave the house. Similes from my Writing Class Her insult stung like lemon juice on a paper cut. -Aaron Mason Fresh as a Klingon entree. -Rani Stoddard As out of place as a nun's habit in Madonna's closet. -Alan Berger Some people are fat persons in thin bodies. BETTER LEFT UNSAID When you die, the world goes on. Remembering that gives you some perspective. (But when I die, everything stopsl) What people are inside shows on the outside, in time. The Too-Much-For-Nothing Rule: A pound of fattening food will put on more than a pound of fat. Happiness is ecstasy diluted by time. Censors: The Indians of today's pioneers. Everything's changing and not even in the traditional forms of change.

28 I A William Rotsler Mini-Dictionary celebrity: Anyone can be one. All it takes is publicity. To be famous is much more difficult and requires some sort of accomplishment. To be great is a function of work, genius and luck. fame: (1) Fame to one, notoriety to another, indifference to a third-and all are transient. (2) It polarizes opinion. (3) [It] either grows or fades, usually the latter, always the latter. (4) Slow is better than sudden. You need time to adjust. (5) It makes you wary. (6) A very good kind would be that everyone knew your name and work, but very few people knew your face. (7) There is no cure for the lust for fame. Not time, not failure, not even success. genius: (1) Making connections not previously seen, one not caught up in needless' detail, seeing with the mind not the eyes, one who makes intuitive leaps. (2) Someone who is tall when standing on his brains. (3) The distillation of generations. (4) Seeing the extraordinary in the commonplace, the commonality in the unique, and invisible ties that bind. (5) A lucky deformity of the mind. (6) A great stack of orderly talent. (7) Unique instinct. (8) A lump of intelligence. (9) Knowing you are one is part of being one. (10) Someone with powerbrains. (11) Any of your grandchildren who are not officially retarded. (12) Being critically skilled at the right time. geniuses: The smallest minority there is. glory: We all seek it, but most are afraid to take the first step. inspiration: A drop of genius splattered on the mind. nonentity: Someone who think you can see the wallpaper through, or would, if you thought about them. popularity: The shadow of fame, the brief candle of notoriety. reputation: They're heard of you, but know nothing about you. Fame: They know all about you. Notoriety: They know all about you whether they want to or not. PRETENSE

29 \ \\ IT emf/dt 8r BUT IT ~ Sometimes people say things they don't mean, but underneath they do mean it. Words said in anger are very revealing. Some things said they don't mean but do it to hurt, because they are hurt. Just as drunks use their drunkenness as an excuse to let something out, so do people in anger. I think more often than not, when angry people blurt out how they feel, it is how they feel -- There's a long, slow line outside Heaven's gate for those who kept you waiting. At the gates to Hell, of course, they go to the head of the line. Shakespeare said, "First, we kill the lawyers," and suggested we follow that with the ego-bloated, most mothers-in-law, 1V car salesmen, people who talk to loud, snotty waiters, anyone who says "You know" or "Know what I'm saying?" more than once in every spoken paragraph, traitors, bigots, drunken louts and especially drunken drivers, those who gush over wind-up yappy dogs, teachers who don't teach and the students who wouldn't let them if they did. --

30 LIFE Everyone uses whatever they have to get what they want or need. Women are certainly no exception, they just have a different set of tools and methods. More subtle tools, quieter methods that suit them and their needs. Women will attempt to get things from you-love, sex, money, information, status, time, help, reassurance, stability, symbolism, fulfillment, opportunity, work, whatever you have, or that they think you have, that they want or need. Men do the same thing, of course-it is just a different agenda, mostly but not entirely physical. Whether you give these things they want from you away, or trade, or exchange, or even sell, is up to you and your character and morals. But they will try...just as men do. It is inevitable that you will have regrets-regrets about things you've done and even more about things you haven't done. But if you have no regrets you probably never tried anything, or tried hard enough, or failed-and guaranteed, you will learn more from your failures than your successes, as every 5 philosopher will tell you. Thing is, move on. Acknowledge your mistakes, if only to yourself, acknowledge your regrets and just move on. This doesn't mean you forget or trivialize them, or glorify them, just see is there is something to learn from them, and get on with living. I'm Tired Of: Different manufacturers having different numbers for the same size. Only-one-on-the-road drivers. "Have a happy day!" Follow-the-leader television shows. Stand-up comedians who ask how the audience is, or where they're from. Singers whose faces are almost completely hidden behind the microphone. Fanatics of every kind except those in an area I'm interested in. Sugar is Nature's way.of letting you eat crud. Never steal retail.

31 Critics talk about art. Artists talk about tools and processes. I've noticed a particular look which comes over the faces of my friends--most commonly Bill Warren or Len Wein, with whom I'm with most & understand my ways best-when during a conversation I pull out my inevitable pen & pad and start scribbling (Even though some of the time I'm making a note, not taking a quote). I have this "proven record" of getting. people's 'words into Reader's Digest and getting David Gerrold, Larry Niven & Len Wein their highest word rate. The look? Oh, it's, "Oh, I may be getting immortalized." Never trust anyone who says "Trust me." Len Wein Don't get old while you are still young. You see old young people all the time. These are the people who have surrendered-to despair, to failure, to disappointment-past, present and fttture--to misery, to boredom, to a fear of living. First of all, it's dumb; second, it doesn't help you one bit; and third, it's more boring than any alternative. Don't surrender, don't give up, don't fold, don't run and hide. Live. You may get a second childhood, but you only get one youth. Don't rehash old problems, especially those that have been handled and presumably settled. The worst kind of person to argue with is one who brings up old arguments to chew all over again. That's like getting your gum from under the park bench. Argue, fight, discuss, but new stuff, present problems, and only bring up unresolved problems from the past. The difference between the Superman and a superman is that one is a fantasy and the other doesn't exist To have a friend, you must be a friend

32 \ You cannot make a cat do anything it does not want to do. Threats, pleading, bribery, promises are all ignored. You can only hope. All these things should interfere as little as possible between the mind of an artist and his work: adversity, age, aging, ancestry, anger, awe. bad habits, boredom, character or the lack of it, children, confusion, conscience, courage or the lack of it, criticism, curiosity, or Nor should these get in the way: cynicism. death, debt, dignity, divorce, drink, education, ego, excess emotion, fame or notoriety, fashion, fate, fatigue, fortune, friends and/ or enemies, frustration, geography, gluttony, gossip, governments, or grief. Nor happiness or the lack of it, hate, health, holidays, hunger, ignorance, illusion, imagination, imp-ending parenthood, innocence, instincts, insults, jealousy, justice or no justice, knowledge or the lack of it. Never these, either: language, laughter or genius, law, love, lust, luxury, madness, marriage, material, method, modesty, money, morality, noise, optimism or pessimism, other people's opinions of you and what you do, parenthood, petty argument, or philosophy. And never let these interfere: politics, popularity or lack of it, race, reality in any form, red tape, religion, respectability, romance, science, selfrespect, sentiment, sex, sin, society, superstition, talent, or the lack of it, taxes, technique, temptation, things under the bed, time, tools, truth, violence, virtue, war, weather, wisdom, women, words; in short, any of the things that interfere with living life. Curiosity is the feeding mechanism for the mind ~- Some things start fast, some things begin slowly, and some things are under way before you notice they're happening at all. There is a greater difference between - "good" and "great' than between "fair" and "good." Men have short sexual attention spans. Done that, did her-next? They say beauty fades, and it does, but before it fades you get so used to it you forget the exterior beauty. If there is inner beauty it blossoms, as long as the fading of the exterior hasn't poisoned the well.

33 CONFUSION REIGNS To you I'm arrogant, headstrong, and pompous. To me I'm self-sufficient, self-directed and dignified. A Rotsler Mini-Dictionary laughter: The best medicine for many ills. loneliness: Something you can't walk away from. monograms: A safety item. In case you suddenly wonder who you are, a monogram will give you a hint. patience: Annoyance you don't care much about. patience: The more you have the more you use it-to the point you are expected to use it. popularity: The shadow of fame, the brief candle of notoriety. reputation: They've heard of you, but know nothing about you. Fame: They know all about you. Notoriety: They know all about you whether they want to or not. respect: We all want to get respected and loved. The insecure will settle for fear and hatred. respectability: A wall against chaos, against daily, individual decision, against change. respectibility: Conformity out where everyone can see it. silence: Not being able to get a pause in sideways. submersible: A boat that's almost a submarine. vanity: An ego expanded to fill the vacuum. waiting: Putting yourself on Hold. waterfront scene: The dame leading the salt. The inexpert overrate luck and underrate skill; the skillful overrate skill and underrate luck. ---* ) RUNWAY The journey of a thousand miles must begin with wondering if you turned off the iron. Deeds are more powerful as thoughts, but the strongest are thoughts which become deeds.

34 I I t.... I We have so shielded our children from the nasties of life that they do not think the nasties exist or are as nasty as they really are. A good true-life example of not showing violence as it is, is a Los Angeles policeman, remembering standing guard over a wounded street gang member: "He kept saying 'It hurts,' as though it was a surprise." If you tell people you eat tacks for breakfast and chew glass for lunch they are not going to think you are tough; they are going to think you are stupid. A free person has no superiors. Practice is what you do for a reason; habit is what you do automatically; tradition is a habit grown old. I was a lonely child. My imaginary friend wouldn't talk to me. CHASTITY Power is the milk of human greed. Religion is too important to be left to the professionals ~ "Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child." Robert A. Heinlein

35 \ \ \ --" Coloring books have no value, except perhaps minor training in hand dexterity. It trains the child to be obedient, to conform, to never venture belong the line, to never create anything on his or her own. Coloring books train children down, teach children that others are allowed to create, but not them. Coloring books teach that being different is, well, bad. Someone once came upon Picasso coloring in a book of drawings by his old friend Henri Matisse. They pointed out to Picasso that he had not kept within the lines drawn by Matisse. Picasso admitted it, then in his pixie way, said, "But don't tell Matisse!" We are all different from each other in so many ways, and so alike in so many ways. In that lies out compassion, gentleness, love and friendship, as well as hatred, intolerance and suspicion. An island is a lure like nothing else. Whether a volcanic paradise, a rocky conglomerate,. a strip of sand or coral, or an offshore lump with three trees, every island is unique unto itself. The territory is definitely delineated, precise and separate, a mystery waiting for you a distant world within ours ~ ~ ~ Think of all the useful little things we have learned to do: avoiding eye contact with crazies, just the right amount of sugar or cream to slosh into our coffee, peeling off the right amount of toilet paper, microwaving something just a bit longer than recommended to get it right, how to watch for idiots opening doors into traffic, or what clothes to wear, when and where--not for fashion, but for comfort. We learn how to trim fingernails and beard hair, be diplomatic to friends and especially semi-friends, little habits that make sure we have our wallet, glasses, change, handkerchief and keys, how to ignore certain habits of our relatives, the buttons to push with our lovers (well, maybe that isn't a "little" thing). Very few of these things can we pass on to our children. They will have their own set of things to learn, great and small, which is as it should be, for they will live in a different world, just as we live in a world different than our parents., ----