AN ACCOUNTING: JESUS HEALS A MUTE MAN. Written by Ted Swartz SCRIPT PREVIEW
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1 AN ACCOUNTING: JESUS HEALS A MUTE MAN Written by Ted Swartz Characters: Peter Scripture Text: Mark 7:31-37 Props: table, chair, sketchbook, scraps of paper with notes on them Length: 6 minutes Setting: Indoors PETER : (PETER is at the desk, having a great deal of difficulty with what he is working on.) Andrew!! Nuts! This makes no sense... I hate this, hate this, hate this Andrew! Peter... What are you bellowing about? (He s looking for something.) You gotta help me with this. With what? The month s accounting. Uh uh. Gotta go. Andrew. It s your turn. Everybody has to take a turn. You know I m never gonna get this right. Boy, look at the time. Didn t I just do this? How many months in a year? Twelve. How many of us are there? Twelve. So? 1
2 (Pause.) I just did this, didn t I? A year ago. Judas isn t going to be happy with me. Judas is never happy with you. Come here, look at this. I can t even read this. Frgffcuwcfwucfw (This needs to be unintelligible. Trying to read unreadable writing create your own.) Four loaves of bread and a small wheel of cheese. (PETER just looks at him.) What? (Picks up another scrap of paper.) Jytrdfwdtfruytfgjyg. A donation of four chickens and a goat. You re kidding. Nope. Hthtdtwfluyuwylyw (A long one.) Food. Food. Bart s not very specific it goes in the expense pile. This is ridiculous, I can t do this. Can t do it. I see numbers on paper, my mind goes numb. And that s different how? (Face contorted with hands.) Come on. Okay, I m gonna explain this simply, with the least amount of accounting jargon. (PETER puts his hand up.) Yea? Now when you say jargon Peter, look. You take all the items in the expense pile, add them up, all the items in the income pile, okay that s not a very big pile, add them up, subtract the difference. That s your balance. Okay? Now when you say pile. 2
3 Do it! (Continues to search the room.) (Grumbling ) Can t even read the stupid things. What are you looking for? PETER My sketchbook. I gotta write this stuff down. (Brandishes a handful of paper scraps.) What is it? Notes. From? Stuff he said. (Still looking.) Stuff he said. Who? The mute guy. (A look.) You have stuff written down that a mute guy said. Ex-mute. I assumed. When? A group brought this deaf and mute man to Jesus... (Still looking lost in his searching.)...brought a deaf mute guy to Jesus. Right. They said just touch him, just touch him. The blind guy. Thought you said he was deaf. That s the guy. They wanted Jesus to touch him. Right. Doesn t explain the need for the sketchbook. I m getting to that. So you are. So he... 3
4 He who? He who? The blind guy, the mute guy, the ex-mute guy or Jesus? Jesus. Jesus. He spits and... What a minute... on purpose. He spits on purpose. Yes, on purpose. Because when he gets excited... No, he very purposefully spits and puts some... (Puts hand up.) Now when you say some The spit. Ahhg. Puts some on the man s tongue. Ahhgghg Then he stuck his fingers in the man s ears. Didn t spit in the man s ears? No. Well, that s something. Then says Open up... Open up. And? The man can hear... he can hear... man, I never get tired of that. Neither do I... the notes? (ANDREW shows the notes; PETER reads.) Jhgfghjewewtyghgbgew. (Looks at ANDREW like he needs interpretation.) 4
5 Jhgfghjewewtyghgbgew. (Repeats exactly as PETER has pronounced it.) That s what he said. Jhgfghjewewtyghgbgew? (Repeats exactly.) His first sentence ever. Okay. (Shows him some more.) Ktfrytwfkutyut. Ktyufewtyuvutyeouewtyyt. Kjyfweutyvweukyyvwuyey. And this is what you needed to write down. Yea... Then Jesus puts his hands on the man s lips and the man said I hear the birds... and your breathing... thank you... wow. Wow... what did Jesus say? Shhhhh. (Quietly.) What did Jesus say? Don t tell anyone. (Quietly.) I won t. No, that s what he said, Don t tell anyone. (Full voice.) He said, Don t tell anyone? Again? He s the one who healed him; the guy hasn t talked his whole life and he says don t tell anyone? Yea. Why does he do that? Beats me. Any chance the guy will listen to him? Would you? But this is Jesus who told him, the guy with the power... Would you? This isn t about me, it s pretty clear that Jesus... Would you? Not a chance. END 5
6 Please make the following notation in printed bulletins or other print pieces related to your performance of this script: 2005 Ted & Company TheaterWorks All rights reserved. Used by permission. TED & COMPANY THEATERWORKS PO Box 33, Harrisonburg, VA
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