Conflict Responses CON F L I C T I N COM M UN I CATI ONS JOE HA RV EY, D. M I N JOHN S ON U N I V ERSITY F LOR I DA ( )

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1 Conflict Responses CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATIONS JOE HARVEY, D.MIN JOHNSON UNIVERSITY FLORIDA ( 2017)

2 Acquiring Conflict Management Skills Parents Jesus Friends Leaders Media

3 Constructive Conflict Responses

4 Constructive Responses Defined: Behaviors which research has demonstrated to be highly effective in keeping the harmful effects of conflict to a minimum Described (emphasize): 1. Task-completion and focus on problem-solving 2. Creative problem-solving & focus on exchange of ideas 3. Expression of positive emotions & optimism 4. Not provoking the other person Types: Active (do) & Passive (don t do)

5 Conflict Responses CONSTRUCTIVE Perspective Taking Creating Solutions Expressing Emotions Reaching Out DESTRUCTIVE Winning at All Costs Displaying Anger Demeaning Others Retaliating Reflective Thinking Delayed Responding Adapting Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self-Criticizing

6 Active Constructive Behaviors Perspective Taking Creating Solutions Expressing Emotions Reaching Out

7 Active Constructive Behaviors Perspective Taking I imagine what the other person is thinking or feeling. I try to understand how things look from that person s perspective. I put myself in the other person s shoes and imagine his/her point of view. I imagine how I would feel if I were in that person s position.

8 Active Constructive Behaviors Creating Solutions I communicate frankly and openly with that person. I attempt to generate creative solutions. I brainstorm with the other person to create new ideas. I ask the other person questions to help figure out a solution.

9 Active Constructive Behaviors Expressing Emotions I tell the other person what I am feeling. I talk honestly and directly to the other person. I directly communicate my feelings at the time. I honestly express how I am feeling to the other person. I openly express my thoughts and feelings.

10 Active Constructive Behaviors Reaching Out I reach out to that person in some way in order to get things moving forward. I try to repair emotional damage caused by conflict. I try to make amends with that person. I make the first move to get communication started again.

11 Passive Constructive Behaviors Reflective Thinking Delayed Responding Adapting

12 Passive Constructive Behaviors Reflective Thinking I analyze the situation to determine the best course of action. I take time to think about the most appropriate response. I think carefully about the pros and cons before responding. I reflect on the best way to proceed.

13 Passive Constructive Behaviors Delayed Responding I delay responding until the situation has settled down. I take a time out in order to let things settle down. I wait things out and see if the situation improves. I temporarily leave the situation. I let things claim down before proceeding.

14 Passive Constructive Behaviors Adapting I try to stay flexible and optimistic. I try to stay adaptable and hope for future success. I try to just make the best of the situation. I do my best to adapt to the situation. I remain flexible and hope for the best.

15 Typical Outcomes of Constructive Responses 1. Win-win solutions 2. Open & honest communication of feelings 3. Both parties needs are met 4. Non-judgmental actions 5. Not sticking adamantly to one position 6. Actively resolving conflict (not allowing conflict to continue) 7. Thoughtful responses (not impulsive) 8. Team performance improves

16 Conflict at the Tipping Point H Hands E Eyes L Language P Posture

17 Destructive Conflict Responses

18 Destructive Responses Defined: Behaviors which research has demonstrated escalate or prolong conflict Described (emphasize): 1. Displaying negative emotions 2. Trying to win, no matter what 3. Lack of respect for the other person 4. Avoiding conflict rather than facing it Types: Active (do) & Passive (don t do)

19 Active Destructive Behaviors Winning at All Costs Displaying Anger Demeaning Others Retaliating

20 Active Destructive Behaviors Winning at All Costs I try as hard as I can to prevail. I argue vigorously for my own position. I try to win at all costs. I adamantly stick to my own position.

21 Active Destructive Behaviors Displaying Anger I raise my voice. I get in a shouting match. I express my anger. I use harsh, angry words.

22 Active Destructive Behaviors Demeaning Others I roll my eyes when that person speaks. I am sarcastic toward that person. I laugh at the other person s arguments. I ridicule that person s ideas.

23 Active Destructive Behaviors Retaliating I retaliate against that person. I try to get even. I try to take revenge later on. I passively obstruct that person.

24 Passive Destructive Behaviors Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self-Criticizing

25 Passive Destructive Behaviors Avoiding I act distant and aloof toward that person. I physically avoid the other person s presence. I keep as much physical distance as possible from that person. I deliberately ignore that person.

26 Passive Destructive Behaviors Yielding I let the person have his/her way in order to avoid conflict. I yield to the other person just to end the argument. I do what the other wants. I give in to the other person just to make life easier all the way around.

27 Passive Destructive Behaviors Hiding Emotions I hide my true feelings. I hold my emotions in because I can t express them well. I hold my feelings inside even thought it is hard to do so. I feel upset, but don t show it.

28 Passive Destructive Behaviors Self-Criticizing I later think of things I wish I d said or done. I am critical of myself for not handling the conflict better. I replay the incident over and over in my mind. I can t stop thinking about the conflict afterwards.

29 Typical Outcomes of Destructive Responses 1. Feelings of anger and frustration 2. Judgmental actions 3. Getting even and keeping score 4. Other party does not have needs met 5. Closed channels of communication 6. Refusing to deal with issues 7. Decreased self-confidence 8. Tasks not completed 9. Team performance decreases

30 THE REALITY OF CONFLICT Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means. -Ronald Reagan