PARASOL UNIVERSES TEN MINUTE PLAY. By Jim Bain. Copyright MMVIII by Jim Bain All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

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1 PARASOL UNIVERSES TEN MINUTE PLAY By Jim Bain All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa The writing of plays is a means of livelihood. Unlawful use of a playwright s work deprives the creator of his or her rightful income. The playwright is compensated on the full purchase price and the right of performance can only be secured through purchase of at least seven (7) copies of this work. PERFORMANCES ARE LIMITED TO ONE VENUE FOR ONE YEAR FROM DATE OF PURCHASE. The possession of this script without direct purchase from the publisher confers no right or license to produce this work publicly or in private, for gain or charity. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: "Produced by special arrangement with Heuer Publishing LLC of Cedar Rapids, Iowa." This dramatic work is fully protected by copyright. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission of the publisher. Copying (by any means) or performing a copyrighted work without permission constitutes an infringement of copyright. The right of performance is not transferable and is strictly forbidden in cases where scripts are borrowed or purchased second hand from a third party. All rights including, but not limited to the professional, motion picture, radio, television, videotape, broadcast, recitation, lecturing, tabloid, publication, and reading are reserved. COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. PUBLISHED BY HEUER PUBLISHING LLC P.O. BOX 248 CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA TOLL FREE (800) FAX (319)

2 PARASOL UNIVERSES By Jim Bain SYNOPSIS: Three people trapped in a room discover that an identical room containing three other people who look and act exactly like themselves exists alongside them. In this first example of a playwright breaking the fifth wall, sci-fi meets bizarro world with a surprise 'twist-ending.' This play requires actors with excellent timing. CAST OF CHARACTERS (4 MEN, 2 WOMEN) STAGE LEFT GREGORY ONE (m)...male, 25. Tall, wears black shirt and black pants. KEELEY ONE (f)...female, 25. Pretty, wears red dress. BERTRUM ONE (m)...male, 45. Short, wears old worn jacket. STAGE RIGHT GREGORY TWO (m)...male, 25. Tall, wears black shirt and black pants. KEELEY TWO (f)...female, 25. Pretty, wears red dress. BERTRUM TWO (m)...male, 45. Short, wears old worn jacket

3 SETTING Present day. Split stage divided Right/Left containing two identical rooms separated by an imaginary wall. Each room has one exterior exit, a desk with chair (downstage), a sofa (upstage), and a basket holding an umbrella (downstage center). Each character mimics the blocking of his/her counterpart. However, the dialogue is alternated, as indicated. NOTE: The actors should resemble each other as closely as possible

4 AT RISE: Parasol Universes by Jim Bain BERTRUMS are sitting at desk reading, KEELEYS are filing their nails on sofa and GREGORYS are crossing to an imaginary wallmounted mirror placed center stage. GREGORY ONE: Hi, handsome. Did you miss me? I missed you. I love you. I really love you. I m going to give you a big juicy kiss right on the lips. (GREGORY ONE and GREGORY TWO start to kiss but stop with lips inches apart, as KEELEY interrupts.) KEELEY ONE: (To GREGORY.) Hey. Would you cut that out? You re making me barf. GREGORY TWO: Can it, Keeley! I happen to like myself. KEELEY TWO: My fortune...stuck in here with two useless men. BERTRUM ONE:...And one female who grinds her nails twenty-four hours a day. KEELEY ONE: Well, just look at my company... A young guy who s vain, and an old guy with veins. GREGORY ONE: Vain? KEELEY TWO: With your constant kissy-face in the mirror... BERTRUM TWO: Veins? KEELEY ONE: And you with your nose stuck in that stupid book. (GREGORY passes by the mirror, stops and stares.) GREGORY TWO: Why, what a nice reflection on me. (HE primps with a hair comb.) GREGORY ONE: You are a good looking guy, you know. I love you. I love you. (THEY walk closer.) I m going to give you a big juicy kiss right on the lips. (GREGORY ONE and GREGORY TWO start to kiss but stop with lips inches apart as KEELEY interrupts again.) KEELEY TWO: Lord, I m living in a madhouse

5 GREGORY TWO: Nothing else to do but stare at these four walls. I m bored. KEELEY ONE: You think I m not bored? BERTRUM ONE: (Mumbling.) Yeah, emery board. (To GREGORY.) Hey kid, just sit your skinny rump down so I can read in peace. GREGORY ONE: And do what? File my nails? Read a stupid book? Yeah, right. KEELEY TWO: If he looks in that mirror one more time, I m going to GREGORY TWO: Nag me to death? KEELEY ONE: No, I was thinking of clawing out your eyes with my razor sharp nails. BERTRUM TWO: You got my vote. KEELEY TWO: Bertrum, can t you please get him occupied? BERTRUM ONE: Okay, schnook, come here. GREGORY ONE: The name s not schnook, it s Gregory. BERTRUM TWO: Gregory-Schmegory. Do you like to write? KEELEY ONE: Him? Write? (GREGORY glares at KEELEY.) GREGORY TWO: Hell, yes! I love to write. BERTRUM ONE: Fine. (BERTRUM hands GREGORY a piece of paper.) Here s some paper. Now go to your room. GREGORY ONE: Funny. (GREGORY wads paper into a ball; begins bouncing it in air.) KEELEY TWO: Wonderful. Now look what you got Schmegory doing. BERTRUM TWO: Oh, he ll stop before long. KEELEY ONE: When? BERTRUM ONE: When he sees himself in the mirror again. (GREGORY throws paper wad at KEELEY.) - 5 -

6 GREGORY TWO: Come on, Keeley. Just you and me. One on one. KEELEY TWO: Sorry, but I don t think you re the one. BERTRUM TWO: (Grinning.) Put down! GREGORY ONE: Shut up, egghead. Shouldn t you be reading something? BERTRUM ONE: At least I m being productive. KEELEY ONE: What s so intriguing about that book anyway? BERTRUM TWO: Nothing you d be interested in. KEELEY TWO: Oh please, Bertie. We're bored. GREGORY TWO: Yeah, come on. Humor us. BERTRUM ONE: Not to be rude...but this is way over your heads. KEELEY ONE: What an effete snob you are. GREGORY ONE: Yeah, pseudo-intellectual. BERTRUM TWO: (To GREGORY.) Go take a jump in front of a flying mirror. KEELEY TWO: Okay... Let s make a deal. BERTRUM ONE: The nature of which is? KEELEY ONE: Give us a riddle. If we solve it GREGORY TWO: You have to tell us all about your book. BERTRUM TWO: Hmmm. (Aside.) This is too tempting. KEELEY TWO: Well? BERTRUM ONE: So (Thinking.) if you can't give the correct answer to my riddle, you ll both agree to never bug me again? KEELEY ONE: Agreed. BERTRUM TWO: And you won t speak or jump around the room? GREGORY ONE: Er, right. BERTRUM ONE: Okay. Here s your question: How long is a piece of string? GREGORY TWO: Hmmm. Whatever length you cut it? - 6 -

7 BERTRUM TWO: Wrong. Next. KEELEY TWO: From end to end. Parasol Universes by Jim Bain BERTRUM ONE: Wrong. How long is a piece of string? Twice the distance from its center to one end. Case closed. End of story. Now you can both shut up and never be heard from again. GREGORY ONE: Hey, wait. Double or nothing. BERTRUM TWO: What? KEELEY ONE: Yeah. At least give us a chance to get even. BERTRUM ONE: You want another riddle? GREGORY TWO: No. We wanna give you one. BERTRUM TWO: Ha. There s nothing you could ask that I couldn t answer. GREGORY ONE: Care to bet the book on it? BERTRUM ONE: Okay, you re on. If I can t give you the correct answer, I ll tell you all about the book. KEELEY TWO: Sock it to him, Schmeg. GREGORY TWO: Ready? BERTRUM TWO: Drop it on me. GREGORY ONE: Alright, listen carefully. How many different varieties of animals did Moses have on the Ark? BERTRUM ONE: Hmmm. Different varieties... Different varieties... Two of each kind. (GREGORY ONE and TWO make a buzzer sound.) GREGORY TWO: Wrong, bookmeister. The question was... How many different varieties of animals did Moses have on the Ark? and the answer is... KEELEY ONE: (Shouting gleefully.) None, cause Moses didn t even have an ark, Noah did! (GREGORY and KEELEY laughing.) - 7 -

8 BERTRUM ONE: Damnation! (KEELEY quickly sits on BERTRUM'S lap.) KEELEY TWO: Okay, Daddy...we re all ready for our bedtime story. (BERTRUM jumps up, throwing KEELEY off.) BERTRUM TWO: Do you mind? (GREGORY grabs BERTRUM'S leg; mock begging.) GREGORY TWO: Only if you give us our bedtime story, Daddy. (BERTRUM pulls his leg free.) BERTRUM ONE: Let go of my friggin' leg already. GREGORY ONE AND KEELEY ONE: (In unison.) Please, Daddy, read to us. Pleeeeze, Daddy. (BERTRUM quickly crosses to sit on sofa, as GREGORY and KEELEY quickly sit at HIS knee like two little children.) BERTRUM TWO: Jeez. Okay, already. (BERTRUM opens his book.) Once upon a time there was a parallel universe GREGORY TWO: Oh, bull crap. Not that parallel universe garbage. BERTRUM ONE: Do you or do you not want to hear about this book? KEELEY TWO: Aw, let him tell us. It ll kill some time. GREGORY ONE: Well, get to the important parts. KEELEY ONE: Yeah. So what s a parallel universe? BERTRUM TWO: (Irritated.) Clam up, and I ll tell you. (GREGORY and KEELEY mime zipping lips shut.) Many noted scientists theorize that there are billions and billions of other worlds identical to ours in varying degrees. Some of those worlds have people that look exactly like each of us. BERTRUM TWO: What they are doing and saying and feeling right now is identical to what we are doing and saying and feeling right now

9 GREGORY TWO: You mean right now, somewhere on another world, there s another Keeley who's wearing a red dress and has a gross hangnail on her left thumb? KEELEY TWO: (Embarrassed.) Oh my gawd. I can t believe it. (SHE begins rapidly filing her nail.) BERTRUM ONE: Exact-o-mundo. Identical. And that other Keeley also just screamed a second ago. GREGORY ONE: Okay...so how far away are these parallel universes? BERTRUM TWO: Farther then we can ever imagine. Although, it s also theorized that we could have a parallel universe right here next to us...but in a different dimension or on a different plane. KEELEY ONE: So you re saying that right now, somewhere in another dimension, there s a guy named Bertrum who looks just like you who also just got ripped off when he paid good money for a book full of...garbage? (BERTRUM explodes, races back to his desk chair.) BERTRUM ONE: That s it. I m done. Both of you can just go back to your buffing and filing and primping and styling. GREGORY TWO: (To KEELEY.) Now see what you ve done - little Miss Mouth that Roared. (KEELEY throws the paper wad ball at GREGORY.) KEELEY TWO: Aw, go play with your balls, Schmegory. GREGORY ONE: Fine. (GREGORY crosses downstage, near the center wall, tossing paper wad from hand to hand. KEELEY continues filing nails on sofa. BERTRUM continues reading at desk. BOTH GREGORYS accidentally flip the paper wad balls into center wall, where they cross paths and land on floor of opposite room.) - 9 -

10 GREGORY TWO: (Shocked, yells.) Ahhhhh. Did you just see that?! Did you see what happened?! My ball went right through the wall and...came back out again. BERTRUM TWO: Right, now flake off. GREGORY ONE: You think I m making this up? BERTRUM ONE: I think you ve been staring at yourself in the mirror too long. GREGORY TWO: Oh yeah, well, watch this. (BOTH GREGORYS flip paper wad balls through the walls again. KEELEY and BERTRUM run to GREGORY.) BERTRUM TWO: (Astonished.) Holy smoke. (Pause.) No, it can t be. KEELEY ONE: What, Bertrum? What is it? BERTRUM ONE: Wait a minute. (BERTRUM frantically searches through book, stops to read, then puts book down on desktop. HE turns as though HE has just seen a ghost.) Do you realize that we are now standing adjacent to...a parallel universe? KEELEY TWO: You re kidding. I don t believe it. (KEELEY crosses to wall, but BERTRUM quickly grabs her arm.) BERTRUM TWO: No, stop! Don t get too near. This phenomena must be very cautiously investigated. (To GREGORY.) Now, Schmeg, carefully hand me that parasol and... slowly step away

11 GREGORY slowly removes the parasol from umbrella bucket; hands it to BERTRUM and quickly backs away. BERTRUM gingerly thrusts umbrella into imaginary center wall. Both parasols touch and both BERTRUMS jump back in fear. The parasols are then turned around with the hook-shaped handle facing forward. The handles touch, then get hooked together. As they are tugged back and forth, the two BERTRUMS get pulled through the wall into opposite room. THEY unhook their parasols. KEELEY ONE: (Shocked; to BERTRUM.) How did you do that? You went through the wall and came back out again. BERTRUM ONE: (Looking about.) This is so weird. Everything is the same but...everything looks reversed. GREGORY ONE: Hey, that looks like fun. Give me the parasol. I want to try it. (BERTRUM hands GREGORY parasol.) BERTRUM TWO: Okay, but be very careful. Right now both universes are running in tandem and one wrong move could send us all off on different paths. GREGORY TWO: (Excited.) Yeah, right. (Both parasols touch and BOTH GREGORYS jump back in fear. BOTH hook parasols and pull themselves across into the opposite room.) GREGORY ONE: Wow. GREGORY TWO: (Looking about.) This is surreal. The desk was on that side and now it s on this side. Too cool. KEELEY TWO: Me, me, me. I want to go. Give me that thing. (KEELEY grabs the parasol, hooks it with the other and gets pulled into opposite room.) Oh my gawd. This is too radical. Everything looks the same, yet not the same

12 BERTRUM ONE: Wait a minute. Something's wrong...but I just can t put my finger on it. Something tells me we better get back. Something tells me... (A loud, ear-piercing fire alarm goes off and EVERYONE shrieks in fear.) GREGORY ONE: (To KEELEY.) Quick, get to the door! (BOTH KEELEYS run center stage, then realize the door is now behind THEM. BOTH turn and run to exit door.) In unison: KEELEY ONE: It s locked! KEELEY TWO: It s open! GREGORY TWO, KEELEY TWO and BETRRUM TWO ALL yell with joy; promptly exit through open door. GREGORY ONE, KEELEY ONE and BETRRUM ONE all panic; they try in vain to get back through the wall. GREGORY ONE attempts to poke parasol back through wall, eventually hooking handle of other parasol resting in its umbrella bucket. GREGORY ONE pulls other parasol through the wall. Realizing that THEY are permanently trapped, EVERYONE freezes in place with looks of horror. BLACKOUT. THE END