Situations In Which You Find Yourself Stuck

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Osborne Payne
5 years ago
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between you and a specific individual You have a direct report who s not performing at a high enough level You

1 Getting Unstuck One Conversation at a Time Gary Ford, GLFord Consulting and Shelia Harrison, Seattle Public Utilities Situations In Which You Find Yourself Stuck You ve been promoted over peers and there s tension between you and a specific individual You have a direct report who s not performing at a high enough level You just identified an error in yesterday s submittal and you need to inform your client. You think you deserve a promotion 1

2 Objectives Identify three ways we short-circuit our communication effectiveness. Apply a model for broaching sensitive conversations. Discuss a method for clearing up misunderstandings in real time. Define three essential components of effective staff coaching. Three Ways We Short Circuit Our Effectiveness A tendency to limit our options Our very human interpretation of the world around us A perceived or unperceived threat to our identity 2

3 A tendency to limit our options I can either go upstairs and cause a stink, or I can sit here and suffer in silence. How can I approach this so that I maintain a good relationship with the upstairs neighbors and the noise stops? How can I and.? I can be brutally honest or kind and withhold the feedback. I can make my manager aware of this issue and tank the team s credibility, or I can keep my mouth shut about this error and hope it doesn t cause major problems. I can tell my boss she s micro managing me and destroy that relationship or I can continue to be micro managed within an inch of my life. 3

4 How we interpret the world around us? 6 th rung We take action 5 th rung We form beliefs 4 th rung We have an emotional response to our interpretation 3 rd rung We interpret the data 2 nd rung We screen in/out data 1 st rung We see, hear, smell Peter Senge s Fifth Discipline How can the ladder help us? Separate fact from interpretation Consider alternative interpretations to defuse emotion Ask a simple question Or Use the following approach to broaching sensitive issues 4

5 Model for Broaching Sensitive Issues 1. Confident with the facts In this morning s meeting, I heard you say 2. Tentative with the interpretation It made me wonder if you were dissatisfied with how I ve been running my function 3. Encourage the other person to poke holes in your interpretation Is that an accurate interpretation or am I missing something? Crucial Goals for Engaging in Dialogue Healthy Goals Get better results Learn more Strengthen relationships Unhealthy Goals Win Place blame Punish Keep the peace (by doing nothing) Crucial 5

6 Real-time Clearing Up of Misunderstandings Have a contrasting statement in your back pocket. Explain what you don t intend, to address other s potential negative conclusions. Explain what you do intend. Crucial Sample Contrasting Statement What I don t intend: I don t want you to think I m saying you aren t pulling your weight. I know you do your fair share. What I do intend: I do have some concerns about the example you re setting by taking a 2-hour lunch. Crucial 6

7 Effective Staff Coaching 1. Get curious 2. It s us against the problem 3. Have the conversation at the right level This happened once There s a pattern The pattern is undermining confidence A Threat to Our Identity Am I competent? Am I a good person? Am I worthy of love? Difficult 7

8 Dealing with Identity Threat Become aware of your identity issues Avoid the all or nothing syndrome Difficult In the case of the promotion conversation: What gaps do you see in the level I m performing at now and what I need to do to perform at the next level? Can we meet next month and talk about that? Contact Information Gary@GLFordConsulting.com

9 Bibliography Crucial, Kerry Patterson, 2002 Difficult, Douglas Stone, 1999 The Fifth Discipline, Peter Senge, 1990 Thank you! Gary Ford, GLFord Consulting and Shelia Harrison, Seattle Public Utilities 9

6/17/11. Crucial Conversations. Crucial Conversation

6/17/11. Crucial Conversations. Crucial Conversation Crucial Conversation Crucial Conversations Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. May 2011 According to Patterson et al, a crucial conversation a discussion between two or more people has three components: 1. The stakes