Comedy/Drama by Spalding Gray Adapted by Kathleen Russo

Transcription

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2 It s a Slippery Slope Comedy/Drama by Spalding Gray Adapted by Kathleen Russo

3 It s a Slippery Slope Sly and engrossing... When he talks about being hypnotized by the face of his infant son, his description of the baby s nonagenda eyes at once captures something basic about the spirit of a brand-new life, and about Mr. Gray s own suspicious nature. N.Y. Times Comedy/Drama. By Spalding Gray. Adapted by Kathleen Russo. Cast: 1 (may be expanded to 18). Within a year, Spalding Gray s existence has been altered by betrayal, love, lust and loss. He marries his long-time companion and divorces her just as quickly. He moves in with his girlfriend, who bears him a son, and while all this is going on, he s trying to learn how to ski. Gray tells a heartwarming story of the unexpected joys of fatherhood while trying to find his balance on skis. Approximate running time: 90 minutes (optional intermission). Code: I95. Cover photo of Spalding Gray: Paula Court. Cover design: Jeanette Alig-Sergel ISBN ISBN X Dramatic Publishing 311 Washington St. Woodstock, IL ph: Printed on recycled paper

4 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE By SPALDING GRAY Adapted by KATHLEEN RUSSO Dra matic Pub lishing Woodstock, Il li nois Eng land Aus tra lia New Zea land

5 *** NO TICE *** The am a teur and stock act ing rights to this work are con trolled ex clu - sively by THE DRA MATIC PUB LISHING COM PANY with out whose per mis sion in writ ing no per for mance of it may be given. Roy alty must be paid ev ery time a play is per formed whether or not it is pre sented for profit and whether or not ad mis sion is charged. A play is per formed any time it is acted be fore an au di ence. Cur rent roy alty rates, ap pli ca tions and re stric tions may be found at our Web site: or we may be con tacted by mail at: DRA MATIC PUB LISHING COM - PANY, 311 Wash ing ton St., Woodstock IL COPY RIGHT LAW GIVES THE AU THOR OR THE AU THOR S AGENT THE EX CLU SIVE RIGHT TO MAKE COPIES. This law pro - vides au thors with a fair re turn for their cre ative ef forts. Au thors earn their liv ing from the roy al ties they re ceive from book sales and from the per for mance of their work. Con sci en tious ob ser vance of copy right law is not only eth i cal, it en cour ages au thors to con tinue their cre ative work. This work is fully pro tected by copy right. No al ter ations, de le tions or sub sti tu tions may be made in the work with out the prior writ ten con sent of the pub lisher. No part of this work may be re pro duced or trans mit ted in any form or by any means, elec tronic or me chan i cal, in clud ing pho to - copy, re cord ing, vid eo tape, film, or any in for ma tion stor age and re trieval sys tem, with out per mis sion in writ ing from the pub lisher. It may not be per formed ei ther by pro fes sion als or am a teurs with out pay ment of roy - alty. All rights, in clud ing, but not lim ited to, the pro fes sional, mo tion pic - ture, ra dio, tele vi sion, vid eo tape, for eign lan guage, tab loid, rec i ta tion, lec - tur ing, pub li ca tion and read ing, are re served. For per for mance of any songs, mu sic and re cord ings men tioned in this play which are in copy right, the per mis sion of the copy right own ers must be ob tained or other songs and re cord ings in the pub lic do main sub sti tuted. MMVIII by SPALDING GRAY Printed in the United States of Amer ica All Rights Re served (IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE) ISBN:

6 IM POR TANT BILLING AND CREDIT RE QUIRE MENTS All pro duc ers of the play must give credit to the au thor and adapter of the play in all pro grams dis trib uted in con nec tion with per for mances of the play and in all in stances in which the ti tle of the play ap pears for pur - poses of ad ver tis ing, pub li ciz ing or oth er wise ex ploit ing the play and/or a pro duc tion. The name of the au thor must also ap pear on a sep a rate line, on which no other name ap pears, im me di ately fol low ing the ti tle, and the name of the adapter must also ap pear on a sep a rate line im me di ately fol - low ing the au thor s credit, and the names of both the au thor and adapter must ap pear in size of type not less than fifty per cent (50%) the size of the ti tle type. Bio graph i cal in for ma tion on the au thor and adapter, if in - cluded in the playbook, may be used in all pro grams. In all pro grams this no tice must ap pear: Pro duced by spe cial ar range ment with THE DRA MATIC PUB LISHING COM PANY of Woodstock, Il li nois

7 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE This play was de signed for one per son to per form but the di rec tor has per mis sion to make this into mul ti ple roles if he/she so de sires. Stage set-up: a ta ble/wooden desk with a straight-back wooden chair. On the desk sits one glass (pint size) of wa - ter and a ta ble-top mi cro phone stand with a mi cro phone. This is the ba sic set ting that Spalding Gray used but each pro duc tion is not ob li gated to do it this way. The sip of wa ter is where Spalding de cided each break was es sen tial to the flow of the piece. Again, the di rec tor may use them any way he/she deems ap pro pri ate and nec - es sary.

8 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE SPALDING: The first moun tain I ever re mem ber see ing was framed in the pane of my ge om e try class win dow at Fryeburg Acad emy in Maine in Well, I could hardly call it a moun tain; maybe it was twelve hun dred feet high. But it seemed like a moun tain to one who came from Rhode Is - land, the flatlands. It was my first re lief, and I needed re lief. I was fail ing all my sub jects at Barrington High School, and my fa ther said, Ei ther you go away to Fryeburg Acad emy or you ll end up in the Navy. So off I went to the gulag, where I was tak ing all the col lege pre pa ra tory courses in clud ing ge - om e try. And I was fail ing ge om e try, be cause I could not stop star ing out the win dow at a moun tain. I could feel the moun tain pull ing in my stom ach. I was fas ci nated by this thing, this moun tain, be cause it looked like an ex otic des - sert. I could see these white fin gers through the trees like melted marsh mal low sauce over cof fee ice cream. And I could n t fig ure out how the top of the moun tain could look like that un til I dis cov ered that those white fin gers were ski runs and that the Fryeburg ski team prac tices there. I also found out that if you went to Fryeburg Acad emy you could take free ski les sons. But you had to pass ge om e try in or - der to get into col lege and I thought I was fail ing ge om e try 7

9 8 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE and could n t go to col lege, so how could I ever af ford to ski? (Sip of wa ter.) So in stead of ski les sons I would go back to my room and fan ta size about ski ing. I would go back to my dorm room and day dream about ski ing while I lis tened to Bee - tho ven s sym pho nies, nine of them. One a day and three on Sun days. My room was so much warmer, be cause then, in 1956, in Fryeburg, Maine, we still had win ter. There were 15-foot-high snowbacks along the road and 30-de gree-be - low-zero tem per a tures, not count ing the wind-chill fac tor. At night you could hear the elm trees SNAP outside your win dow, crack ing from the cold like a.30/.30 ri fle shot. And I was fail ing ge om e try. And I failed. I failed ge om e - try, but some how, I don t know how, Boston Uni ver sity ac - cepted me. Maybe they needed more stu dents that year or they did n t check my grades. So off to Boston I went, off to the big city! This was very ex cit ing for me. I for got all about Maine and the moun tains. Now I was liv ing in Myles Standish Hall, the BU dorm in Ken more Square. I was on the sev - enth floor, the high est I had ever been in my life. And it was a trau matic ex pe ri ence, be cause my bed was right by the win dow. I would keep re ar rang ing it, but the dorm room was so small that no mat ter where I moved the bed, it ended up by the win dow. It was dis turb ing be cause at the time I was tak ing Psy chol ogy 101 and I was read ing about Freud for the first time and I read that he had dis cov ered the un con scious. This was shock ing to me. I had grown up think ing that I was all here. I did n t know that there was a

10 big part of me that was an un. I mean, there is no such thing as a lit tle un. I be gan to think that my un con scious har bored the self-de struc tive shadow in me which made me afraid to go to sleep at night be cause I thought my un would wake up, take over my body, and jump out the win - dow with it, and half way down, my con scious self would wake up and I d be tear ing at the brick walls try ing to stop my fall. At last I be came so up set by this that I trans ferred down the road to Em er son Col lege, which had two-story dor mi to ries not un like the house I had grown up in in Barrington, Rhode Is land. Now this move to Em er son was un ex pect edly im por tant for me be cause it was there that I dis cov ered my pas - sion at Em er son I fi nally found some thing that I was in - ter ested in and that was the ater. I wanted to be come an ac tor. That is what I wanted to be. Then, I thought, I could live a pas sion ate life on stage with out con se quences. I would n t have to make a choice of who I wanted to be. I could be a doc tor, a law yer, a fa ther, a lover, a killer, a cop. I could be a Rus sian writer who shoots him self in the head one night and co mes back the fol low ing night to shoot him self again. I wanted to be and not be. Oh, for the glo ri ous im i ta tion of life! I thought that was it, I would act on stage, then come home, have a cou ple of beers, veg out, make it through DIE with out ever hav ing had to live that was my am bi tion. (Sip of wa ter.) IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE 9 So af ter I got out of col lege I pur sued act ing for a while, but it started to wear thin very quickly, and what be gan to come up in me and push out this ac tor was the writer s

11 10 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE voice the need to cre ate my own text and I could not pos si bly fig ure out what that could be about, be cause I did - n t know how to write or spell and I thought a writer had to be able to write. At the same time, I was con stantly re - shap ing the play wright s words. I was not able to mem o - rize them prop erly, I was para phras ing. I con stantly wanted to get my own text go ing. And what I did was start to move the act ing into a mono logue form in which I be came a kind of in verted method ac tor. I was us ing my self to play my self I was play ing with my self a kind of cre ative nar - cis sism. I be gan to study my self as ma te rial, and out of that pro - cess I de vel oped a se ries of au to bio graph i cal mono logues. The first one I did was in 1979 in the Per forming Ga rage in New York City and it was called Sex and Death to the Age 14 noth ing too dis turb ing, ba si cally mas tur ba tion and the death of gold fish. But these mem o ries led to other mem o ries and the mono logues be gan to de velop. At the time I was de vel op ing these mono logues I was liv ing with Ramona. She was very help ful and sup port ive in my work and would of ten tour with me when I took mono logues out on the road. At other times I would just go out on the road. I liked trav el ing with Ramona, who was highly struc tured and or ga nized, so we would never get lost, we would never get lost with Ramona at the helm but a part of me liked the ad ven ture of get ting lost and fall - ing into the ser en dip i tous synchronistic soup of life. When I was out on the road alone I would of ten fall into other peo ple s dra mas, which they would cre ate to en snare me. Or I would cre ate dra mas for oth ers and also have wild

12 sex ual en coun ters with strange women or strange sex ual en coun ters with wild women. And I liked the va ri ety of the se cu rity and the in se cu rity, and bounc ing back and forth be tween Ramona and not Ramona; it was fun. It was as if the mono logue was a magic car pet I would go out to see the world with, and I would go wher ever they asked me to I was never picky Aus tin, As pen, wher ever; you know, you go there and you find out what it s all about when you get there. So we got this book ing to bring my mono logue Mon ster in a Box to As pen, Col o rado, and I took it. (Sip of wa ter.) IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE 11 What did I think of As pen when I thought about it, I don t know maybe co caine. Those lines that snow Ramona and I were fly ing out of Den ver on one of those lit tle nine teen-seat er planes, and I was look ing out the win - dow it was sun set, I re mem ber and all of a sud den I looked down and Oh! Oh my God, look at the size of those moun tains. Ramona, are we in Amer ica? Look at those white beau ties! And that pull in my gut came again big time, like in Fryeburg, Maine, but much stron ger. Luckily there was a win dow there. This was un be liev able! Oh sure, I had flown over the Rocky Moun tains to Cal i for - nia thirty- five thou sand feet up, but never down this low, where I could feel that big pull. Then there we were in As - pen, Col o rado, me pac ing back and forth in the Ho tel Jerome like a moon struck lad and look ing out the win dow at Ajax Moun tain Ajax tow er ing high over the town like an 11,000-foot gi ant frozen tsu nami about to crash down on the town, and com ing down it were all these lit tle gods

13 12 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE and god desses like toy sol diers with white rooster tails shoot ing out of their snow boots. I said, Ramona, we must go up and see if the gods and god desses come down. Let s try to get closer to this gi ant. Let s go up on the gon dola and see what we can see. So up we go on the Sil ver Queen gon dola we re the only ones on the gon dola not in ski out fits and with out skis, and the whole thing was sway ing in the wind. We stag ger out snowblind into waist-deep snow, which we are both break ing through up to the knees. Me with my SoHo gray coat on, with its col lar turned up, my black wool dockworker s hat from Ca nal Street. Ramona is dressed in black, with a Per sian-lamb hat. She looks as if she just came over the Berlin Wall. And we re bust ing through the snow up to our knees in it when sud denly I see that I m up there with my peo ple, all of them, up there: Cheddy, Chip, Puffy, Muffy, Babs, Sis, Jib, all of them my peo ple, who all had that in ner cheer leader voice in them. Some one told them to go for it and they did. They went for it and won! They all passed ge om e try, passed al ge bra, passed trig o nom e try, passed cal cu lus, went to Phil lips Andover Acad emy and on to Har vard, Brown, Yale, Dartmouth Busi ness School, and they are all up there and they are ski - ing with their chil dren they re ski ing. Looking like Easter eggs, very ex pen sive Easter eggs. My peo ple mixed in with Peo ple mag a zine Ivana, Sharon, Ar nold, Dustin, Faye. They re there, and they re hav ing a good time! They re hav ing a good time in the day. It s like a party in the day, they re hav ing fun! We re up there and the view! Oh my God, Ramona, I ve never seen any thing like this. Look at the view! I ve never seen so many theres. I could be there,

14 I could be there, I could be there oh my God, the sud den par tial grat i fi ca tion of om nip o tent ubiq uity! Yes! And I caught a very bad head cold. And we down loaded on the Sil ver Queen, me think ing, Why would these peo ple why would these lit tle gods and god desses come to hear me per - form my mono logue Mon ster in a Box at the Wheeler Op - era House? Why would they come to hear my neu rotic, ironic, hypochondriacal non-ath letic voice per form a mono - logue about me, a man who can t write a book about a man who can t take a va ca tion? (Sip of wa ter.) IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE 13 I tried to wipe that white Gar den of Eden out of my mind. We moved on with Mon ster in a Box and toured it across the United States opened at Lin coln Cen ter, to suc - cess ful re views. Then the book, the film, the video, the void. Over. Fin ished. What now? An other mono logue? What else? There was al ways a new cri sis, a new life drama to talk about. I only hoped I was n t cre at ing them just for ma te rial. I was los ing sight in my left eye. I hoped I was n t bring ing that on my self just for a story. But it was great ma te rial for a mono logue so I started work ing on it and called it Gray s Anat omy. I was trav el ing across the United States with Ramona again we were in Scottsdale, Ar i zona, and I was very tired of be ing on the road, be ing in what I called a win - dow less art house, all the time sit ting at a ta ble rec ol lect - ing my life. I found that I wanted to be more in volved in the pres ent, more ac tive. I wanted to do some thing ex - tremely phys i cal, with out an au di ence, to do some thing that was n t go ing to be a story. I wanted to ex haust my self.

15 14 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE Send my self to the point where no story would be left. I wanted to burn. I wanted to climb down to the bot tom of the Grand Can yon and climb back up in a day. I thought that might do it. That s how I was go ing to get in touch with my body. So the plan was, when we fin ished with Scottsdale, we would go up to Flag staff to stay over night with an old friend of mine and in the morn ing we d head off to the Grand Can yon. The fol low ing morn ing, while hav ing break fast in my friend s kitchen, I looked out the win dow and pow! There they were again! Those glis ten ing white fin gers, this time the San Fran cisco moun tain peaks! My God, Da vid, you live at the base of a ski slope! Look at this. Look, Ramona. Let s go see the gods and god desses come down, just once, be fore we go to the Grand Can yon. So on the way to the Grand Can yon we go up to the slope, and Ramona sees a sign for ski les sons, and I say, No, no, no, I think I just like watch ing. I re ally do, I mean you d have to have a death wish to do this. So off we go to the Grand Can yon. It s a beau ti ful spring day, al though it s rather icy and slushy. I have cram - pons on. We re start ing down the Bright An gel Trail and I sud denly re al ize, Hey, wait a min ute, the Grand Can yon is re ally an up side-down moun tain. It s a de pres sion, it s a very big de pres sion. And as I went far ther down into it I be came more and more de pressed.

16 Going into the shadow, I cried, Light!!!! Light, Ramona! Give me light!!!! Let s go back and take the ski les son. Next morn ing, could n t be more beau ti ful, not a cloud in the sky. Af ter break fast Ramona and I sign up for the les - son. For forty dol lars you get equip ment, a les son and a lift ticket for the day. So we are wait ing there for our ski pro - fes sor to come out and I re al ize as I stand there in the snow that it is not so much the ski ing I m afraid of but the les - son. Be cause I have never learned any thing in my life. I mean, I m one of those who is per pet u ally get ting lost. I stop at the ser vice sta tion for di rec tions and they want to draw me a map. I say, Please, no maps. It s like a bad ge - om e try class. Sausalito, Isos ce les, what ever. Just give me vi su als, please: turn left at the pur ple house, right at Mc - Don ald s, straight at the live-oak tree. I could n t get up on wa ter skis, al though I d tried forty times. I never made any thing from a rec ipe in my life, I just tossed it all to - gether. When I was fif teen I thought I had to re build my en gine. Ev ery one was re build ing their en gines at fif teen. I did n t have an en gine to re build, so I bought a 40 Ford coupe, and took the en gine out and brought it down into the base - ment and tore the whole en gine apart. My fa ther paid $35 to have the body of the car towed out of the yard. (Sip of wa ter.) IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE 15 So we re stand ing on the slope, and out co mes our ski in struc tor. He be gins by tell ing us that he s a re tired heart sur geon. And now he s do ing what he al ways wanted to do, be a ski in struc tor.

17 16 IT S A SLIP PERY SLOPE We be gin the les son, and I have to say, it was vaguely rem i nis cent of ge om e try, start ing with the snowplow. What a freak ish thing that was. The skis turned in as I tried to get my bal ance, do ing the old cave man crunch. Ramona was do ing very well, the whole class was do ing very well; they were be gin ning to learn to turn. But for some rea son I could tra verse only to the left. Of the whole class only I could n t turn right. I d snowplow down, take the rope, tow up, and tra verse left. Left, left, ob ses sively left. I could not get around I thought that I had to think my way around into a right turn. Now ev ery body had gone in and Ramona was on the porch wav ing me in, say ing, Time to go back, Spald! Gotta catch the plane to New ark! Ramona, I can t go, I have to turn right. Spald, please, there ll be an other time. How do you know, how can you say that? How do we ever know? I m in the car, Ramona is driv ing. I m down, I m way down, I m like a four-year-old who does n t want to go to pre school. You would not have wanted to be there. We get to the air port, I ve got my head down, we re check ing the bags, and all of a sud den, be fore my bag is on the con - veyor belt they re weigh ing it I flip out. And I yell, No, no, I can t go! I have to turn right! I have to turn right on skis. I ve got to call Da vid to see if I can stay at his house.