Proofed Paper: ntp Mon Jan 30 23:05:28 EST 2017

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1 page 1 / 10 Paper Title: No. of Pages: GEN 499 General Education Capstone week 4 journa 300 words Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Annotated Bibliography Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No Feedback Areas: Focus/Thesis Statement, Grammar & Mechanics Paper Goals: Do a paper review on paragraph structure, proper use of quotations, and thesis statement. ETC Proofing Summary: Hi Michael! I m Taylor, your tutor today! Thank you for submitting your annotated bibliography. I have reviewed your submission and have several suggestions that will help you revise. Strengths: You are off to a good start! You have the basic understanding of what is required in an annotated bibliography, and have good summaries of each of the sources. Suggestions: 1. thesis statement Your thesis statement was unclear. For this assignment the introduction paragraph should end with a thesis statement that includes the societal problem, your proposed solution to the societal problem and also the positive/negative ethical outcome of the solution. Consider following this format for your thesis: (Your issue) should/should not. Instead, we should (insert your solutions to the problem). These solutions create (insert the positive and negative ethical implications). 2. developing paragraphs Please make sure that you are fully developing your explanation to how each source will benefit your paper, and what information you have learned from reading the article. 3. Paper format Remember that your references in your annotated bibliography should be alphabetized, just like they are on your references page. Also, Please fix your title page and headers. Unfortunately your title page and headers are not done according to Ashford s APA guidelines. I suggest using the APA template to get your title page, headers, and page numbers correctly formatted. For a link to the template, click here: For help using the template, please click here: 4. APA citations - Citing sources - An in-text citation should include the author s last name, the year, and if citing a direct quote, a page number. (Author, year, p. #). If no author is provided, you would have the title of the piece instead: ( Title of article, year). If no year is provided, you will include n.d. for no date: (Author, n.d.). If no page numbers are provided, you will use the paragraph number: (Author, year, para. #). Here are two ways that you can set up a citation, which works for quoting or for summarizing and paraphrasing: a. As LastName (year) states, quote or paraphrase (p.#). b. Quote or paraphrase (LastName, Year, p.#). For more help with this, use this guide: Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process. Also, please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on overall concerns such as idea development. For a complete look at your grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly software available under Writing Center in your classroom. Thank you for using the Writing Center and please feel free to log onto a live session at any time for further help or questions about your revisions!

2 page 2 / 10 Also, remember that for APA, it is required that you have a running head in the top left of this page. Please see this model for assistance, and pay close attention to capitalization: According to APA, the page number should be in the top right corner of every page. Running head: TITLE OF PAPER Please recall that for APA formatted papers, the title of your paper, your name, your institution information, etc, should be centered in the middle of your title page.

3 page 3 / 10 Please make sure that you are citing after claims like this. This word is an adjective, not a verb. Thus, it is used as a descriptive word, not an action word. Please rephrase this sentence for it to make sense. The introduction paragraph should end with a thesis statement that includes the societal problem, your proposed solution to the societal problem and also the positive/negative ethical outcome of the solution. Consider following this format for your thesis: (Your issue) should/should not. Instead, we should (insert your solutions to the problem). These solutions create (insert the positive and negative ethical implications). Your annotated bibliography should be organized by your references in alphabetical order. Please make sure that you organize this as it is required by APA format.

4 page 4 / 10 Remember that your explanation to how you can use this information should be at least a paragraph (5 sentences) long. Take this time to evaluate the source and take information that will be useful for your paper.

5 page 5 / 10 This phrase is a bit repetitive as the sentence prior to it starts off almost the same way. Consider rephrasing this so that it gives your papers more variety. Remember that for APA, the publication year goes directly after the author's name. Example, Jones (2014),

6 page 6 / 10 Is there publication information or information that states what kind of source this is (print, web, etc)? Can you elaborate a bit more? How will this article help you?

7 page 7 / 10 Please see my previous comment about having the publication year after the author's name. Such as...? Please make sure to develop your ideas fully.

8 page 8 / 10 Recall that the titles of journals are italicized. This should be the & sign. How will you use this information in your paper?

9 page 9 / 10 Please make sure that you are formatting your references page properly, as not all of your references are following APA format. Please make sure that you are indenting the lines that are required to be indented, and are italicizing the titles of journals.

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