Act your age. royalty-free plays for college students from The CRY HAVOC Company

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1 Act your age. royalty-free plays for college students from The CRY HAVOC Company Plays from the College Play Collection may be performed royalty-free by university theater departments and student theater groups. We do ask that you notify CRY HAVOC of any productions so that the company and the playwright can know where the play is being performed, and also to appropriately credit the playwright and CRY HAVOC in promotional materials and programs. Terms of Use By downloading this script, you agree: 1) To notify CRY HAVOC of any production of the play by ing 2) To credit the playwright in all promotional material and programs. 3) To include the following text in all promotional materials and programs: "[Name of Play] was developed with The CRY HAVOC Company ( These terms and conditions are subject to change at any time.

2 [pwnd] a play in one act by Kitt Lavoie Kitt Lavoie nd Street Apartment 1L Astoria, NY kitt@kittlavoie.com

3 [pwnd] a play in one act S ynopsis Suspicious of the friendship that has developed between his two roommates his fiancé and his best friend a young man levels an accusation that unleashes secrets and longhidden resentments that threaten to tear all of their relationships apart. Character Breakdown Todd Valis - 27, Smart, hard working, and devoted to the code of midwestern modern chivalry. A typical college kid - which would be fine, except that he graduated five years ago. Determined to grow the hell up. Gabe Porlin- 26, Todd s roommate and college best friend. Smart, but not where he thought he d be five years out of school. Possessed of an acerbic wit - he d be real funny if you were ever totally sure he was kidding. Jessica S tanton - 24, Todd s fiancee; shares an apartment with Gabe and a room with Todd. A former girl s-girl who has spent the past 18 months immersed in a world of headlocks and video games. One of the guys. S etting The living room of Gabe, Todd, and Jessica s New York outer-borough apartment. White walls, occasional posters, ratty furniture, and lots of electronics. Eleven o clock on a Friday night.

4 [pwnd] a play in one act by Kitt Lavoie Lights rise on the living room of a post-college, post-frathouse two-bedroom apartment. White walls, occasional posters, ratty furniture, and lots of electronics. Late evening. PORLIN, 26, and STANTON, 24, sit on the couch - him in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, her in a pair of boxers and a tank top. Jessica fidgets uncomfortably, legs tightly crossed. They are deeply engaged in a game on the Playstation. Where are you? I m by the well. He s stabbing me! I m coming! No, he s using my face for stabbing! Well, tell him to quit it! (to the game - a war cry) ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! Take that, motherfuckers! (to Gabe) I m almost there! VALIS, 27, emerges from one of the bedrooms, unbuttoning semi-official looking uniform shirt of a private security watchman. He takes in the game.

5 2. What level is this? Where are you? Over here! I m jumping. Do you see me? I m jumping. Gotcha! Watch your back! Got it. Thanks. I gotta pee, for real. A lot. We re almost there. Who is that? & (quickly) Zhou Yun. Ready? Ready. Alright. One! Two!

6 3. Three! & M USOU!!! They both hit a button on their controller and the sound from the game erupts. Jessica is already up and edging her way towards the bathroom, thinking the fight is done. She takes in the screen and stops. That didn t even fucking dent him... (sitting back down) Shit. (to Jessica) Dumpling! Get the dumpling! Behind you! No! Don t! I know! I know! Ready? Seriously. I m gonna pee myself! Don t! You ll ruin the couch! Jessica snorts and gives two quick punches to Gabe s arm.

7 4. Don t make me laugh or I will! Stop musou-ing me! Jessica punches him again. Okay! Okay - watch your back! And one! Two! I m sorry! M usou! Jessica pauses the game and leaps up over the back of the couch, launching herself towards the bathroom. I ll be right back! Jessica slams the bathroom door behind her. Gabe is shell shocked. He has no idea what to do - his rhythm is broken. Okay... Okay... (calling) HURRY! (from the bathroom) I d be faster if I had gone a half hour ago when I wanted to! Okay! I m just saying hurry! Gabe shadowboxes with the inactive controller, trying to keep his body in the game. After a beat... What are you doing?

8 5. Shhhhh! I m trying not to fuck up my rhythm. (from inside the bathroom) Where is the toilet paper? I don t know! Use a fucking towel! Just get back in here! Todd bounds over the back of the couch, landing in Jessica s spot. He picks up her abandoned controller and hits the pause button. The sound of the game bursts to life. What are you doing? Who are we killing? (shouting panicked from inside the bathroom) What are you doing? (to Todd, in full-on survival mode) Everybody but me. Watch the spear! Todd nods. He aims his laser focus at the screen - a calm, cool killing machine. Jessica bursts from the bathroom in a panic. What are you doing? I m killing Wang Fun.

9 6. Zhou Yun. Pause it! Hold on! Don t fuck up my guy! I m not going to fuck anything up. Bang! Todd makes a big move, and it is triumphant. Take that! Where is the toilet paper? I think it s in my room. Jessica bolts off for the second bedroom. As she goes... Seriously! Don t fuck up my guy! He does this big swinging thing. Watch it. Ready? One, two... M USOU! What? Circle! Circle!

10 7. Sound erupts from the game. Jessica emerges from Gabe s room, roll of toilet paper in hand, and bolts towards the bathroom. Pause it! I ll be right back. Jessica slams the door of the bathroom behind her. (to the game) Yeah! Fuck yeah! Take that! Gabe and Todd have fallen into a rhythm. Their fingers dance virtuosically on the controllers. They lean into the game with a hot focus. Jessica bursts out of the bathroom. Pause it! Jessica leaps over the back of the couch, landing between Todd and Gabe. Todd and Gabe continue playing. Jessica reaches for Todd s controller and wraps her hand around it. Pause it! (pulling the controller back away) Watch it! Jessica reaches in again to take the controller. Let go! She slips the controller out of Todd s hands. Todd retreats to perch on the arm of the sofa, watching them.

11 8. Where is he? Behind you. Where? There! There! I don t see you. Fuck... On the count of One? Two! FUCK! Watch it! Get him! Get him! I m trying! Look out! The game spits out a litany of unpleasant sounds - not the sounds of victory. Jessica slams her controller to the floor.

12 9. FUCK!!! (a beat) Fuck. (a beat) Fuck... (a beat) Damn it. Jessica and Gabe stare at the screen. A moment passes as they take in their defeat. (to Gabe) I m sorry. (comforting) It wasn t your fault. A beat. (to Todd) What the fuck is wrong with you? Nothing. God damn it. Jessica gets up and storms out of the room into the bedroom Todd had emerged from, slamming the door behind her. Todd and Gabe sit uncomfortably for a moment. Gabe looks at Todd, opens his mouth to say something. Todd looks away. A beat.

13 10. You okay? Todd shrugs. A beat. You want to play? Todd shrugs. A beat. Gabe gets up and heads for the playstation console. Suddenly... Are you fucking Jessica?...No. A beat. Todd gets up and walks away. Gabe watches him. Jessica appears in the bedroom door. It took us all night. To get to that level. All night. Are you fucking Gabe? Excuse me? Are you fucking Gabe?

14 Also available from The CRY HAVOC Company s College Play Collection: Bake Sale by Jennifer Reichert An exploration of the economics of female sexuality and the choices women make in concert and as individuals - with baked goods. Based on a series of scientific articles. (6+m, 4f - comedy) Forsaken by Kitt Lavoie As a former teenage bride is confronted by the youth she skipped, she and her husband struggle to find how they can possibly grow old together (1m, 1f - drama) Good Enough by Kitt Lavoie Shortly after meeting her devoutly Christian future in-laws over Thanksgiving dinner, a Jewish college student receives a latenight visit from her fiancé's younger sister, who is determined to prevent the marriage from taking place. (1m, 2f - drama) Just Julian by Jennifer Reichert Prototypical awkward John Hughes hero, Julian, wins the heart of the all-american girl, Madison, on prom night. But just as the credits are about to roll on their happiness, Julian's long-suffering best friend, Nadine, tumbles through the window to declare her love. (2m, 2f - serio-comic) Kat for Short by Kitt Lavoie Following the opening night of his first show, a young playwright is confronted by his longtime girlfriend about the coded messages contained in his play regarding the true nature of his relationship with her best friend. (1m, 2f, 1 flex. - drama) The Median Line by Kitt Lavoie The story of a young man coming to terms with his promiscuous lifestyle and trying to find love, perhaps, with the girl next door and the one he already shares a bed with. (2m, 4f - drama) Not Entirely Platonic: Variations on a Confession by Kitt Lavoie Is there a way to tell your girlfriend you are in love with her best friend without losing them both? And if you could take it back, would you? (1m, 2f - drama) Party Girl by Kitt Lavoie A young lawyer arrives at his cousin's bachelor party to find his girlfriend, an Ivy League PhD student, working the party as an exotic dancer. How do you introduce your family to a girl they've had a lap dance from? Maybe you don't. (1m, 2f - comedy) [pwnd] by Kitt Lavoie There are certain things a guy doesn't do with his best friend's fiancée. Playstation and The Godfather are just the start. Game on. (2m, 1f - comedy) Then... by Cynthia Franks On a moon-lit prom night, Madelyn has big plans for her childhood sweetheart. But Rhet has bigger plans for them both. (1m, 1f - drama) Holiday Plays Carry Me On by Will Clark A young math whiz tries to sneak out of his girlfriend's dorm the night before winter break. (1m, 1f - drama) Color Blind by Will Clark A young man wants his girlfriend to change (her sweater) for his parents. (1m, 1f comedy) Invited by Jennifer Reichert An act of holiday generosity threatens the friendship of a pair of skating rink employees. (1m, 1f - comedy) Slut Claus by Ali Keller How do you meet your future in-laws dressed as Santa's trampy girlfriend? (1m, 1f - comedy) The Earth You Created by Sydney Painter A pair of teenage friends face the eternal question - does the holiday have room for both church camp and a solstice party? (2f - comedy) The Most Wonderful Time by Jennifer Reichert College BFFs make plans to spend their Xmas together. (2f comedy) Winter Break by Kitt Lavoie What do you get for the boy who gave up everything? (1m, 1f drama)