Chapter 1. Rafe Is a Big, Fat Liar
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- Derek Harris
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1 Chapter 1 Rafe Is a Big, Fat Liar I t isn t easy having a brother who s famous in all the wrong ways. It also isn t easy having a brother who s a blabbermouth. I m sure Rafe has told you all about me. Let s see what did he say? That I m a tattletale? That I get on his nerves? That I always eat all the pudding cups? Well, I have news for you: Lies. All lies.
2 Except the pudding-cup thing. That s well, okay, that s accurate. Let me make one thing perfectly clear: Rafe Khatchadorian is a big, fat liar. And just to prove I m the kind of girl who tells the truth, I will now correct myself: Rafe is actually a skinny, normalsize liar. And his version of me is completely out of whack. 2
3 Here s the real story: Rafe does crazy stuff all the time, and nobody ever gets on his case about it. He just gets yanked out of sixth grade and sent to art school. 3
4 But when I do something wrong? So what is Georgia Khatchadorian really like? Well, I m much smarter than Rafe. Just ask the people who write the State Intelligence Assessment Tests. Also, I m hilarious. 4
5 5
6 Actually, I m usually pretty kind. (Rafe thinks I tattletale? You should hear the stuff I haven t told!) I have excellent fashion sense, which I choose not to express. This is because I m always broke. And I m the innocent victim of my brother s slander. So I guess this story is about what happens when a smart, kind, creative girl tries to live down her brother s bad reputation. It s really not my fault that it all blew up in my face. 6
7 Chapter 2 Don t Mess with a Khatchadorian Fifty-five minutes until my first day at Hills Village Middle School, and I was stuck at the breakfast table with Captain Irritation. What is that? Rabbit poop? Rafe asked, eyeing my cereal. It s muesli, I said. Moose pee?
8 My older brother is sooooo sophisticated. Muesli is like granola, I told him. They eat it in Europe. They also eat slugs in Europe, Rafe pointed out. Snails, I corrected. Escargot. Rafe rolled his eyes. That word even sounds like barf. I looked over at Mom. Her face was quivering, as if she couldn t decide whether to laugh or frown. I love my mom, and I have no idea how she can find Rafe funny. It must be a gene I missed. So, are you two excited for your first day? Mom asked. Changing the subject. Nicely done, Mom. I can t wait, Rafe and I said together. Only his voice clearly meant I can wait, while my voice meant I m so excited that I m about to explode! 8
9 Rafe snorted. You re nuts. Just because you didn t like sixth grade doesn t mean that I won t. Yeah, because you re nuts. He narrowed his eyes at me. It s like prison in there. You ll get eaten alive, Little Miss Pink Backpack with a Pony on It, he growled. Mom! I screeched. That s enough, Rafe, Mom said, casting a worried glance my way. Stop trying to scare Georgia. I knew she was nervous about my first day. After all, Rafe had had a pretty rough sixthgrade year. 9
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12 What? Did you just say I shouldn t worry, because my brother is a big, fat liar? Hey watch it. I can talk all I want about my brother, but nobody else can say bad things about him. I have Rafe s back. Mostly to throw stuff at, and for the occasional backstabbing. The point is his back is mine, not yours. And even though my brother is a big, fat liar, I had a bad feeling he was telling the truth this time. 12
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