New!... for him! Because women aren t the only ones with issues
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- Augustus Parks
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1 ... for him! Because women aren t the only ones with issues Fall 2010
2 Card # Magnet #11021 My therapist told me the way to achieve inner peace was to finish things I had started. Today I finished 2 bags of potato chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. Card #01046 Ever notice how all of women s problems start with men? (List) Card #01053 Five Stages of Female Life To grow up. To fill out. To slim down. To hold it in. To heck with it! Card #01069 Card #01067 Embarrassing my children just one more service I offer. Why can t I get a little ahead, instead of just a bigger behind?! Card #01072 I wish you had told me what a bikini wax was before I went! Card #01074 Okay, this is how it works You tell me I look too thin, and I say I love what you ve done with your hair. What are friends for?! 1 Card #01075 I am recovering from plastic surgery the shoe store cut up my credit card. Card #01076 Hurry up and take the picture - my thong is killing me! Card #01077 I can share my deepest secrets with you because you are my best friend. And because you won t remember them anyway! Card #01080 Well, isn t that just the pickle on the crap sandwich that is my day?!
3 Card #01081 I don t have to be a good cook. I m a trophy wife. Card #01087 so, after seeing her boyfriend on America s Most Wanted, she turned him in, collected the reward, and ran off with the pool boy. The End. Card #01091 I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger. Card #01092 I m one bad relationship away from becoming that crazy cat lady down the street. Card #01093 Senility Prayer God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Card #01094 Chocolate is my pimp. Card #01096 I color my hair so much, my driver s license has a color wheel. Card #01097 Do you know why the menopausal woman crossed the road? To kill the chicken. Card #01099 My new diet goal: To weigh what my driver s license says. Card #01101 Card #01098 Just a note to say hello. Thought you could use a little lift. Card #01100 I work at Hooter s......in the kitchen. If stress burned calories, we d both be supermodels! 2
4 Card #01103 Dear God, So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, selfish or self-indulgent. I have not whined, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. Card #01102 I love watching reality showsthey make my life look pretty normal! However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that. Amen. Card #01104 Card #01106 Pessimists say the cup is half empty. Optimists say the cup is half full. I say, either way, it s not going to be enough coffee. I m on two diets. The first one just wasn t giving me enough food. Card #01105 I have CDO. It s like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order, like they should be! Card #01107 I m putting a cork under my pillow tonight. It s been a crazy day, and I m hoping for a visit from the Wine Fairy. 3 Card #01108 Only real friends can laugh for hours about something, stop laughing, realize they forgot what they were laughing about... and then laugh even harder! Card #01109 I don t want to brag or anything... but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
5 Card # Magnet Life is short. Live it up! Card # Magnet I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. Card # Magnet I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. Card #01539 Card # Magnet I have everything I had 20 years ago. Except now it s all lower. 3 Card # Magnet These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then I wonder what I m here after. Birthdays are like underpants. They creep up on us from behind, and we hope they don t show too much. Card # Magnet Girls gone wide! Card #01544 Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. Card #01546 A woman never forgets her age once she decides what it is. Card #01548 At 20, we worry about what other people think of us. At 40, we don t care about what other people think of us. At 60, we realize they haven t been thinking of us at all. Thinking of you now! Card #01553 Be who you are and say what you think. Because those that mind, don t matter. And those that matter, don t mind. 4
6 Card #01555 You re charming, funny, smart, and personable. Sometimes I just can t tell us apart! Card #01556 I hope this card isn t too funny. I understand people your age pee pretty easily. Card #01558 Livin the dream! Card #01560 Three words you hate to hear the day after your birthday bash Cell. Phone. Camera. Card #01561 When did our wild oats turn into shredded wheat?! Card #01563 Winestoppers who has wine left over to stop?! Card #01564 As you get older, remember that true beauty comes from within...from within bottles, jars, compacts and tubes. Card #01565 Keep your chins up - it s just another birthday! Card # Card #01566 Don t fear getting older. Fear getting stuck in traffic after 2 cups of coffee and a bran muffin. Do you ever have the feeling that the rest of the world is just a couple of cocktails behind? Card #01572 I ve stopped having birthdays, but I still want the presents. Card #01573 Act someone else s age!
7 Card #01574 I don t deserve a friend like you! Of course, I don t deserve my mother s thighs either Happy Birthday anyway! Card #01575 The 12-Step Chocoholics Program Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! Card #01576 You re one step closer to being the old lady causing trouble in the nursing home! Card #01577 Just like a fine wine, you improve with age. Or do you just improve with more wine? HAPPY BIRTHDAY either way! Card #01580 Card #01578 It s your birthday! LAUGH your glasses off! Card #01579 I do not have gray hairs. I have stress highlights. Most people your age want to grow old with dignity. But it doesn t look like you re gonna let that happen! Card #01581 It s your birthday!! Card #01582 A birthday can do wonders for a person... Wonder where I left my keys? Wonder if I washed these already? Wonder why I came in this room? Have a WONDERFUL Birthday! Card #01583 At our age, friends with benefits means health, dental, and 401K! Card #01584 I decided to try and dance like no one is watching. Turns out someone was watching, mistook my dancing for a seizure, and called
8 Card #02030 A man needs only two tools in his workshop: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it does move and it shouldn t, use the duct tape. Card #02031 Men love to barbeque. Men love to cook when danger is involved! Card #02530 First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up. And finally, you forget to pull it down. Card #02531 Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he will sit in a boat, and drink beer all day. Card #02532 My car absolutely will not run unless my golf clubs are in the trunk. Card #02533 A birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on, and everybody rushes to get a piece! 7
9 Magnet #11005 Magnet #11007 Magnet #11009 Magnet #11012 Magnet #11013 Magnet #11014 Magnet #11015 Magnet #11016 Magnet #11021 Magnet #11022 Magnet #11025 Magnet #11026 Magnet #11027 Magnet #11028 Magnet #11029 Magnet #11030 Magnet #11031 Magnet #11034 Magnet #11035 Magnet #
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11 Greeting Cards & Gifts New Look! New Designs! Real Pets, Real Photos - Real Life! Summer 2010
12 Card # Magnet #14001 Card # Magnet #14003 If you think dogs can t count, try putting three dog treats in your pocket, and then giving your dog only two of them. It s great to be a dog because if you gain weight, it s somebody else s fault! Card # Magnet #14005 New rhinestone collar - $20.00 Day at doggie day spa - $75.00 Tommy Holedigger cologne - $ Look of envy in other dogs eyes PRICELESS. Card # Magnet #14009 There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Card # Magnet #14011 No outfit is complete without a few cat hairs. Card # Magnet #14025 I don t do mornings. Card #04066 We wonder why dogs always drink out of our toilets Card # Magnet #14027 Card #04068 Just wanted to say HI! But look at it from their point of view - why do humans keep peeing in our water bowls?! Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our life whole. 1 Card #04069 If you don t speak to your cat about catnip, who will? Card #04070 Life is GOOD! Card #04071 No matter how little money, or how few possessions you own, having a dog s love makes you rich.
13 Card # Magnet #14010 Cat s aren t clean they re just covered with cat spit. Card # Magnet #14030 Because I m the cat, that s why! Card #04074 I thought about you today and I liked it so much, I m going to do it again tomorrow! Card #04075 Do I look like a freakin people person?! Card #04076 Sometimes it s better not to think outside the box Card #04077 How s everything on your end? Card #04078 Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can t eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away. Card #04079 I d rather spend time doing nothing with you, than doing something with anyone else. Card # Magnet #14012 Some days you re the dog, some days you re the hydrant. Card #04532 Card #04531 Together forever in our hearts. As one cat said to another Birthdays are like fur balls the more you have, the more you gag. Card # Magnet #14021 Cat s motto: No matter what you ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. 2
14 Card #04534 Hope you re feeling better soon! Card #04535 We are smiling! Card #04536 So sorry for your loss. Card #04537 It s your birthday party like someone forgot to close the gate! Card #04538 Still cool after all these years! Card #04539 Good things come to those who are patient. Card #04540 Card #04541 It s your birthday Thanks for taking care of me! have a ball! I got you this present Card #04542 May all your dreams come true! Card #04543 Card #04544 Card # HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Wild Thing! It s just another birthday roll with it! CONGRATULATIONS on your new bundle of joy!
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