Introduction To! Module 2 Of Conversation Hacking

Transcription

1 Introduction To! Module 2 Of Conversation Hacking

2 Status (Nonverbal Communication) Eye contact, body language Most importantly: YOUR VOICE! Everything BELOW the words that you say.! SUBcommunication

3 Why Learn This? I didn t really buy into most claims that body language makes up 70% of our communication for a long time. Then I changed my mind.! Modern humans have been around for 200,000 years. Before that our ancestors were slowly evolving over millions of years.! Language is a relatively new invention compared to nonverbal communication.

4 Why Learn This? Underneath words there is a whole layer of nonverbal subcommunication that is almost invisible to most people.! Most people just respond to the subcommunication unconsciously, without really knowing what s going on. They don t know why they are magnetically attracted to some people and repelled by others.! Authority example. People in authority automatically take on certain behaviours that makes other people respond to them.

5 Why Learn This? This sub-communication layer is what really causes people to either like or dislike you. To pay attention to you or ignore you. Not the words that you say.! The way you talk and behave either shows high or low status. Nervous, quiet and care what other people think = low status. Relaxed and confident = high status.! In the past, your low/high status behaviour was situational. Imagine a time when you felt comfortable with a group of people versus a time when you felt out of place and intimidated. My high school example.

6 Why Learn This? People instinctively like high status people. Doesn t mean you need to be super-confident to have friends but if you ve been socially unsuccessful in the past then you need to focus on improving your subcommunication.! If people like you, they see the best in you. People who communicate with high status have an unfair advantage in creating connections. Other people work harder to get to know them.

7 Attractive Girl Crush Example If people like you, they see the best in you. I m not saying this is how it SHOULD be, just saying how it is.

8 Improvement Vs. Self-Consciousness Giving you tips to improve your voice or other outer behaviour is tricky because the more attention you pay to them, the more likely you are to become self-conscious.! Best way to avoid becoming self-conscious and stuck is to pick just one or two things you will focus on every time you go into a social situation.! Under the pressure of conversation, you ll forget most of what you learned here anyway. Need to slowly rewire old patterns over time by focusing on 1-2 changes.

9 Melting Tension

10 Your Body Is An Instrument Whenever you talk, your voice is influenced by many different parts of your body.! 2 main things I ll talk about in this video are proper breathing and muscle tension.! Near the end I ll give you exercises for erasing muscle tension based on the science of Bioenergetics.

11 Breathing: The Foundation For Relaxed Expression Do you ever feel anxious, nervous or tense in social situations? Trying to act more confident with inner tension is almost impossible. First you need to relax.! Anxiety activates the fight or flight response in your body, which causes you to breathe more shallowly. Many people who feel nervous stop breathing or they hold their breath.

12 Belly Breathing Two types of breathing: chest and belly (diaphragmatic) breathing.! Most people (especially anxious people) breathe improperly, through their chest. You need to retrain yourself to breathe into the lower part of your lungs.! Doing this will relax you AND improve the sound and volume of your voice.

13 Slow, deep breathing is probably the single best anti-stress medicine we have. When you bring air down into the lower portion of the lungs, where oxygen exchange is most efficient, everything changes.!! Heart rate slows, blood pressure decreases, muscles relax, anxiety eases and the mind calms. James Gordon,! Clinical Professor of Psychiatry,! Georgetown University School of Medicine

14 How To Breathe Either stand up or lie down. Put one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest.! Now breathe in deeply. Try to make sure the hand on your chest doesn t move much. Only the hand on your belly should move out.! Also, try not to lift your shoulders much or make much noise. Your breathing should be silent unless there s tension.

15 Erasing Muscle Tension When you feel anxious or nervous, the inner feeling will often show up in your body as muscle tension.! Jaw, throat, chest, stomach these areas are most important to keep clear of tension because they involve breathing/speaking.

16 How To Melt Tension First step is attention. Once you start to pay attention to your body, you ll probably be shocked at how often you re tensed up in social situations.! Next step is to try to make yourself as relaxed and limp as possible. Breath deep and be loose.

17 Advanced Stuff If you ve read my ebook on shyness and social anxiety, this should all be review. Now I ll talk about a new technique called Bioenergetics.

18 Bioenergetics A group of psychologists realized that mental issues like anxiety and nervousness often show up in the body.! When you spend a lot of your life being tense because of shyness or anxiety, you start to develop chronic tension a type of constant muscle tension which is almost invisible to you. Body armouring.! Can be hard to get rid of this simply by relaxing. So psychologists developed some stretches you can use to dissolve this chronic muscle tension.

19 The Bow

20 Yoga For Shyness? By doing these types of stretches a few minutes every day, you should find yourself becoming more aware of the muscle tension in your body.! If you have really bad social anxiety (like I did) then I d recommend just focusing on these tips for a month or so. Until you find you can be truly relaxed around people.

21 How To Develop A More Confident and Attractive Voice

22 How Important Is! Your Voice? As an exercise, listen to other people s conversations and pay attention to their voice. How do they sound? Happy, sad, nervous, confident? Try watching a video that has people speaking a language other than english and guess what they re saying.! My Polish grandma who doesn't speak english can usually understand basically what's going on in most TV shows just based on the nonverbal communication - how the characters look at each other, HOW they say what they say, etc.! She doesn't understand the definition/meaning of the words, but still understands the overall context/plot usually. More complex movies get twisted though.

23 Should You Record Yourself To Improve? Listening to how you sound will bring attention to parts you need to improve.! You WILL hate the way you talk. I still find it hard to listen to myself a lot of the time. Don't be too self critical at the beginning.! In the short term, recording can actually make you worse because you ll feel a lot more nervous and self conscious. It ll take your attention off your message and onto yourself. But usually worth it if you really want to improve.! As an end goal, don t listen to yourself talk.

24 How To Speak Louder:! 1. Cushion Of Air Deep belly breathing is the foundation.! Your words need a cushion of air to sound good. Breath in before every sentence for practice. Only speak when breathing out.! Practice: Lay down, breath in. Say letter of alphabet while breathing out.

25 How To Speak Louder:! 2. Speak Through, Not To Speak through people, not to them. Imagine you're talking to someone 3-6 feet behind them. You ll think you re being obnoxiously loud but you re just speaking normally.

26 How To Speak Louder:! 3. Don t Fade Out Don't fade out at the end - keep volume constant to end of sentences.

27 How To Speak Louder: 4. Chest Vs. Head Voice The chest voice uses your diaphragm to talk. This produces a more resonant, deep, and attractive tone that carries. It cuts through loud environments without having to yell or strain.! The head voice uses your throat to talk. This produces a thin, light, and grating tone that falls short. It will not go far and is the reason why shy people struggle to be heard. Then they compensate by yelling which actually hurts their vocal chords.! Practice: Hum and and move the pitch slightly lower until you can feel the vibration in your chest. Continue humming and try to increase the vibration. Move back up to nose/mouth, then down. Try with open mouth.

28 Vocal Tonality And Expressiveness

29 Dominant Vs. Submissive Submissive Neutral Dominant Dominant voices stay the same or lower in pitch when finishing a sentence or phrase. It sounds like you re speaking your mind without hesitation. Submissive voices rise in pitch almost as if you re asking a question (when you re not) or looking for a response.

30 Dominant Vs. Submissive Submissive Neutral Dominant Recognize and catch yourself when you revert to a submissive voice. The two most common instances are with people you are attracted to or intimidated of. Your voice naturally weakens when nervous or in a position where you feel inferior. Be proactive and work against it.

31 Positive-Dominant:! The Tonality Of High Status Positive Submissive Dominant Negative Presence power and warmth Hey exercise

32 Pauses and! Speaking Slower Many shy people believe rushing to say everything will keep the listener s attention. In fact, talking too fast is difficult to understand, distracting, and will get tuned out.! Annunciate your words clearly and fully. Take your time to speak with purpose.! When nervous, talk slower than you think you should. In music studios, singers go half as fast to compensate for nervousness.

33 How To Speak More Clearly And Confidently Sometimes people don t hear you well not because you don t talk loud enough, but because you don t talk CLEARLY enough.! Maybe mumbling or not pronouncing every syllable.! Exercises aren't meant to sound good. They are meant to develop certain underdeveloped qualities of your voice. Doing them often will stretch the limits of your voice, will bleed into everyday usage.

34 How To Speak More Clearly And Confidently 1. Stress the vowels if you mumble. HEllO my nayme Is shaawn."! 2. Pencil exercise to improve clarity.! 3. Connect-all-of-your words-together.

35 Extend Your Range if your problem is being too monotone, then practice talking in a wacky way when you re alone. Outside of your usual vocal range or comfort zone.! Say the same thing in different tonalities. Happy, sad, angry, excited, high, low, fast, slow.! Feel the emotion in your body as you speak. Fully commit to each emotion. Not half-hearted. Improvisation theatre class can be very good practice for this too.! Saying one thing in a tonality that doesn t match is incongruent = sarcastic, flirty, etc. Can be good to experiment with this.

36 Eye Contact and! Body Language

37 How To Make Good! Eye Contact Avoid breaking eye contact downwards. Strong sign of low status / submissiveness.! Strong eye contact during introductions is most important. Hold it during first few seconds.! Afraid to do it? Practice making eye contact with people on the street and get them to look away first.

38 Eye Contact:! Soft Focus The muscles around our eyes tense up when we re experiencing negative emotions.! Avoid having darting eyes that scan the environment. Narrow, focused evaluative attention is usually the result of anxiety - the fight or flight response.! Relaxed eyes project warmth.! Use your eyes to be expressive. Raise eyebrows to show curiosity. Open eyes more to show surprise or excitement.

39 Posture Remember that your body is an instrument. The way you stand will affect how your voice sounds.! Being slouched or hunched over a lot with bad posture can make you feel and sound more negative/ depressed. (Researchers found changing your posture actually boosts your testosterone and can make you feel more confident.)! Stand up relaxed straight, shoulders back.! Chin should be up, parallel to the ground. (Big tip.)

40 Body Language Closed body language: arms crossed, legs together, chin down, tight movements. What people do when they feel threatened.! Open body language: arms uncrossed, legs further apart, more expressive movements.! Hold your drink to your side. When you re at a party or bar, nothing shows you re nervous like clenching a drink against your chest. Always keep your glass down and to your side while not drinking.! Take up more space. Keep your feet shoulder width apart when standing and sitting. (Men) This demonstrates you are relaxed and comfortable.

41 Eliminate Nervous Ticks! And Bad Habits Touching your face is a sign of discomfort usually.! Fidgeting makes you appear anxious and agitated. Try to remain still most of the time. Nervousness and uncomfortableness makes you fidget. Use relaxation techniques.! Move smoothly and deliberately. Less fast movements.

42 Conclusion

43 This Module Status and non-verbal communication! Relaxation: the foundation! Voice: loudness, clarity, flow! Eye contact and body language

44 Next Week Mindsets for naturally confident conversations.! If doing any of the positive, confident, expressive voice exercises felt unnatural to you it s because you need the inner mindsets to make it feel natural.! Going into an even deeper layer of conversation. I ll show you how social and popular people think a certain way that s what makes them popular. And I ll show you how you can use the exact same mindsets to get the friends, confidence and romance you want.