2017 TN Spring Anchor Set Grade 6 ELA Narrative Essay The Conceited Python 1
Grade 6 English Language Arts, Subpart 1 Read the passage and write a response to the writing prompt. Excerpt from The Conceited Python by Ruskin Bond 1 During his retirement in northern India, Grandfather could not resist buying unusual pets. Once he paid a snake charmer in the bazaar five rupees 1 for a young, four-foot-long python. Then, to the delight of a curious group of boys and girls, he slung the python over his shoulder and walked home. 2 The first to see them arrive was Toto the monkey, who was swinging from a branch of the jackfruit tree. One look at the python and he fled into the house, squealing with fright. The noise brought Grandmother onto the veranda where she nearly fainted at the sight of the python curled around Grandfather s throat. Grandmother was tolerant of most birds and animals, but she drew the line at reptiles. Even a sweet-tempered chameleon made her blood run cold. Grandfather should have known that there was little chance of being allowed to keep a python. 3 It will strangle you to death, she cried. Get rid of it at once! 4 Nonsense, said Grandfather. He s only a young fellow. He ll soon get used to us. 5 He might, indeed, said Grandmother, but I have no intention of getting used to him. And your cousin Mabel is coming to stay with us tomorrow. She ll leave the minute she knows there s a snake in the house. 6 Perhaps we should show it to her first thing, said Grandfather. He did not look forward to the visits of Aunt Mabel. 7 You ll do no such thing, said Grandmother. 8 Well, I can t let it loose in the garden. It might find its way into the poultry house, and then where would we be? 9 Oh, how tiresome you are! grumbled Grandmother. Lock the thing in the bathroom, go find the man you bought it from, and tell him to come here and collect it. 10 And so, in my awestruck presence, Grandfather took the python into the bathroom and placed it in the tub. After closing the door on it, he gave me a doleful look. Perhaps Grandmother is right this time, he said. After all, we don t want the snake to get hold of Toto. It s sure to be very hungry. 1 rupees: the basic unit of money in India SECURE MATERIAL Do not reproduce or discuss contents 2 Go on
11 Grandfather hurried off to the bazaar while Grandmother paced up and down the veranda. When he returned, looking shame-faced, we knew he hadn t been able to find the snake charmer. 12 Well then, kindly take it away yourself, said Grandmother. Leave it in the jungle across the riverbed. 13 All right, said Grandfather. He marched into the bathroom, followed, in single file, by me, Grandmother, the cook, and the gardener. 14 Grandfather opened the door and stepped into the room. I peeped around his legs, while the others stayed well behind. We couldn t see the python anywhere. 15 He s gone, announced Grandfather. 16 He couldn t have gone far, said Grandmother. Look under the tub. 17 We looked under the tub, but the python wasn t there. We left the window open, Grandfather said, blushing at his own forgetfulness. He must have gotten out that way. 18 A careful search was made of the house, the kitchen, the garden, the stable, and the poultry shed, but the python could not be found anywhere. 19 He must have gone over the garden wall, said Grandfather. He ll be well away by now. 20 I certainly hope so, said Grandmother. Grade 6 English Language Arts, Subpart 1 21 Aunt Mabel arrived next day for a three-week visit. For a couple of days Grandfather and I were a little worried that the python would make a sudden reappearance, but on the third day, when he didn t show up, we felt sure he had gone for good. 22 And then, toward evening, we were startled by a scream from the garden. Seconds later, Aunt Mabel came flying up the veranda steps. In the guava tree! she gasped. I was reaching for a guava when I saw it staring at me. The look in its eyes! As though it would eat me alive 23 Calm down, dear, urged Grandmother, sprinkling eau de Cologne over my aunt. Tell us, what did you see? 24 A snake! sobbed Aunt Mabel. A great boa constrictor. It must have been twenty feet long! In the guava tree. Its eyes were terrible. And it looked at me in such an odd way.... SECURE MATERIAL Do not reproduce or discuss contents 3 Go on
Grade 6 English Language Arts, Subpart 1 25 My grandparents exchanged knowing looks, and Grandfather hurried out into the garden. But when he got to the guava tree, the python was gone. 26 Aunt Mabel must have frightened it away, I said. 27 Hush, said Grandfather. You mustn t speak of your aunt in that way. But his eyes were alive with laughter. 28 After this incident, the python began to make frequent brief appearances, usually in the most unexpected places. 29 One morning I found him curled up on the dressing table, gazing at his reflection in the mirror. I went for Grandfather, but by the time we returned, the python had moved on. He was seen in the garden and ascending the iron ladder to the roof. Then we found him on the dressing table a second time, admiring himself in the mirror. 30 All the attention he s getting has probably made him conceited, said Grandfather. Excerpt from The Conceited Python, by Ruskin Bond, from Cricket. Published by Carus Publishing Company. Copyright 2011. SECURE MATERIAL Do not reproduce or discuss contents 4 Go on
Grade 6 English Language Arts, Subpart 1 Writing Prompt By the end of the passage, the python has become a frequent, unexpected visitor. Write a continuation of the passage that describes what happens next and how the characters resolve the problem. Be sure to use what you have learned about the setting, characters, and plot of the passage. Manage your time carefully so that you can Plan your response and do some prewriting in the space provided Write your response on the lined pages of your answer document Your written response should be in the form of a multi-paragraph narrative story. Write your response to the writing prompt in the space provided in your answer document. SECURE MATERIAL Do not reproduce or discuss contents 5 Go on
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Development: 4 The response effectively utilizes relevant narrative techniques such as extensive use of dialogue, (Aunt Mabel, who seemed hysterical to me, says, We ought to get some one. ; Grandma said, I don't want a day more... ), effective pacing, and description, (Then we waited, hidden behind some shrubs). The response effectively incorporates well-chosen details from the text (...I spotted the python at the dressing table, looking in the mirror once again.) The transition in the first paragraph from the passage to the extended story is very effective and indicates a clear understanding of the task. Focus & Organization: 4 There is a clear sequence of events in the extended story. It begins with that evening, presumably the evening of the day which ended the original passage. This immediately engages and orients the reader. The effective organizational strategies employed throughout the response guide the reader from character to character, location to location, and event to event. Even the dialogue is organizationally effective. The response never loses focus and concludes with an effective touch of humor. Language: 4 The response illustrates consistent and sophisticated command of precise language and domain-specific vocabulary appropriate to the task. (...pesky python;...who seemed hysterical...; so Grandma escorted her to bed... ; this snake infested house.) There is a sophisticated command of syntactic variety, especially within the extensive use of dialogue in the response. Transitional words and phrases are common and are effectively used. (After dinner...; However...; the next morning;...meanwhile;...just then.) Conventions: 4 The response demonstrates consistent and sophisticated command of grade-level conventions. There are a few minor errors including a mixing of past and present tenses, and a comma splice or two. None of these interfere with the meaning of the response. 6
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Development: 4 The response demonstrates effective narrative techniques with a clear understanding of the prompt. The writer develops grandpa s hatred for the snake as well as grandma's fear of it. The response incorporates relevant, well-chosen details (found, yet again, on the dressing But everytime grandmother and I tried to get grandfather, it would disappear.) Focus & Organization: 4 The response demonstrates effective organization, with events that unfold logically into a clear conclusion. There are no gaps in cohesion. The response takes us through the series of events leading up to the capture of the snake, and into the solution of the problem of what to do with the snake. Language: 4 The response uses consistent and sophisticated command of precise language (on the verge of, diligently, spiteful, taunting, elusive, animosity, the elusive but conceited python). The response demonstrates consistent command of syntactic variety, with sentence structures that are simple, compound, and complex. There are varied basic transitional words (as, while, although, after). Conventions: 4 The response demonstrates consistent and sophisticated command of conventions with very few errors; the errors do not interfere with meaning (ex: althought instead of although, etc.) 9
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Development: 4 The response effectively continues the narrative using pacing and dialogue and sufficiently develops the events that unfold around the snake problem. The response demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt and the task, and effectively incorporates relevant details. Focus & Organization: 4 The response effectively conveys the sequence of events. There are no paragraph divisions but the organization of the sequence of events and the conclusion are very effective. The events unfold logically and naturally with an effective conclusion. The writer establishes a scheme on the part of the grandfather and then subtly unfolds it over the course of the story.. Language: 4 The response demonstrates the use of many sophisticated verbs and adjectives throughout the text. (that slithering pest, my tiny Indian grandmother, eccentric, basking in the july sun, etc.) The response utilizes syntactic variety and demonstrates sophisticated command of this technique. Transitional words and phrases are plentiful (the next day, Soon after, when she finished, a few days passed etc.) Conventions: 4 There are very few minor errors in conventions which do not interfere with meaning (the use of + instead of the word and is the most notable.) 12
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Development: 4 The response constructs an effective continuation of the narrative with a clear solution to the problem. The response extends the narrative to depict what life is like after the python problem is solved. The response does an effective job of utilizing relevant narrative techniques, as well as demonstrating a clear understanding of the task. It does an excellent job of maintaining the storyline of the original stimulus, and it ultimately addresses the task of "what happens next" with the characters in the story. Focus & Organization: 4 The response quickly establishes a connection and a context relative to the original passage. The response demonstrates effective organizational strategies (starts with urgency, provides exposition, moves to an intense moment of conflict, and follows with a reflective resolution). The events unfold logically and sequentially. The response has a clear and effective conclusion that reflects the narrated events and experiences. Language: 3 The response demonstrates consistent command of grade level sentence structure and vocabulary usage (impolitely). Transition words are properly placed and varied (the next thing, after that). Conventions: 3 The response demonstrates consistent command of grade-level conventions. Commas and punctuation are consistently correct. The response has some minor issues with spelling and use of punctuation (ex: herd for heard, etc.) but overall it doesn't significantly interfere with meaning. 16
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Development: 3 The response adequately utilizes relevant narrative techniques, including description and dialogue. The response adequately incorporates details from the passage. The response provides an adequate continuation of the story with a clear understanding of the prompt. The response continued the story and offered a clear solution to the problem: set a trap and cage the snake. Focus & Organization: 3 The response adequately establishes a relevant context (After Grandfather had said that, I agreed.) It utilizes adequate organizational strategies with events that unfold naturally and logically. The response contains an adequate solution and conclusion (caging the snake). Language: 3 The response contains some awkward sentence structure, but syntactic variety is adequately used. There is an attempt at sophisticated vocabulary: (the snake was slithering around as if it was hungry, beady eyes, etc.) Conventions: 3 The response contains some errors that do not significantly interfere with meaning. Some missing commas, incorrect punctuation for dialogue, gust instead of just, etc. Overall, the response demonstrates consistent command of conventions. 19
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Development: 3 The response uses adequate narrative techniques to construct a continuation of the story. The response develops a clear picture of what happens next and offers a solution to the problem: set a trap with a box and mirrors, capture the snake, and return it to the original owner. Though the response lacks dialogue, it demonstrates pacing and adequately demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by using relevant evidence to create a clear picture of what happens to the snake. Focus & Organization: 3 The response provides an adequate sequence of events. The conclusion is somewhat weak, but it does follow the narrated events naturally and logically. The response contains adequate organizational strategies with a logical time lapse from when the snake first appears to when it is finally captured. Language: 3 The response demonstrates consistent grade level precise language (we looked eye to eye ), appropriate vocabulary and varied sentence structure. Transitions are made skillfully and are varied (When I saw him,... six hours later, the next day we saw him.) Conventions: 3 The response demonstrates consistent command of grade level conventions.. There were a few minor errors that do not interfere with the meaning of the text at all. (He had went somewhere else, deiceded, missing commas, etc.) 21
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Development: 2 The response utilizes some relevant narrative technique (description), but with only a partial understanding of the task. The response conveys a limited picture of the events and experiences. The writer continues the story in a very basic manner, and does offer a solution: traps. This response represents the epitome of a 2. Focus & Organization: 2 The response attempts to establish a context by referring to the final events in the original passage, but the introduction is limited, weak, and possibly confusing. The response contains a weak conclusion and a limited sequence of events Language: 2 The response demonstrates inconsistent command of precise language. The vocabulary used is very basic, with limited domain specificity. Sentences are generally structured in manner that demonstrates some syntactic variety. Transitions are achieved by the repeated use of the word so. Conventions: 2 The response demonstrates inconsistent command of grade-level conventions of standard written English. Sentence structure is clumsy (We came to the conclusion to put traps inside and outside to catch it. ; We put down sticky traps for it to get stuck on and net traps. ) There are several punctuation errors (missing commas), a word usage error (it s), and a sentence fragment. These significantly interfere with fluency and meaning. 23
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Development: 2 The response is basically a summary of the text with little narrative technique used. There is some understanding of the prompt as the reader offers the opinion that Grandpa shouldn't have bought the snake without grandma's permission. The response is a "retelling" of the stimulus, and some limited relevant details from the passage are used in the retelling. With the addition of the only original idea presented - the snake is dangerous - the response achieves the level of a scorepoint 2. Overall, this addition demonstrates only a partial understanding of the task. Focus & Organization: 2 The response establishes a context through the retelling of the passage. The response presents a limited sequence of events and experiences, with a conclusion that is irrelevant and only loosely tied to the passage. Language: 2 The response demonstrates inconsistent command of the standards of written English. The response demonstrates little syntactic variety, mostly simple sentences and fragmented thoughts. The response is lacking in the use of precise language and vocabulary from the prompt and text. Conventions: 3 The response contains many conventions errors, including spelling (disaproves, dangoures, adventureus), punctuation (shouldnt), a comma splice (Pythons are huge, Aunt Mabel thinks ), and usage ( tips instead of types, its instead of it s, there instead of their,etc.). However the response demonstrates consistent command of conventions by doing a number of things correctly. (spells "a lot" correctly, is mostly consistent with commas and apostrophes, knows how to embed a quotation (paragraphs 3 and 4), manages verb tenses fairly well). While there are several errors, they do not significantly interfere with meaning. 26
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Development: 2 The response conveys events in a very limited manner. Context is established with a rhetorical question to start. Details from the passage are evident in the re-telling of the story. There is only a partial understanding of the prompt as the writer offers a concluding statement of: so she stayed and it was gone and everyone was ok. Low 2 Focus & Organization: 2 The response conveys a limited and confusing sequence of events. The majority of the response is a re-telling of the original text. There is an attempt at a conclusion but it is very weak and loosely tied to the narrative. Language: 2 The response lacks syntactic variety and struggles with sentence structure. Transitions are achieved with the repetitive use of the word "so". The response demonstrates an inconsistent command of precise language and grade-appropriate vocabulary. Conventions: 2 The response demonstrates inconsistent command of the conventions of standard written English. It begins with a run-on sentence, and most sentences are inappropriately punctuated. There is a continuous use of the word so to string together sentences. There are several spelling errors. This response represents a low 2 in conventions. 28
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Development: 1 The response contains no narrative techniques. It incorporates few details from the passage. The response does not continue the story and there is no evidence that the task is understood. Focus & Organization: 1 The response contains an unclear context, and the brief sequence of events is lacking in cohesion. The conclusion is irrelevant and does not address the task of finding a solution to the problem. Language: 1 Language is not precise and is well below grade-level expectations. Transitions are nonexistent, and vocabulary is very basic. Conventions: 1 The response contains numerous errors in spelling, sentence structure and punctuation. The response is well below grade level expectations for conventions. It contains many errors that seriously impede the meaning of the response. 30
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Development: 1 The response demonstrates little to no narrative technique or understanding of the task. The writer simply summarizes the text and extensively uses words directly from the original passage. There is very limited original thought ( his cousin Mabel is coming and god knows what she ll do.) or writing in this response. Focus & Organization: 1 The response is a basic summary or synopsis of the passage with little to no original thought. Although the entire piece is not copied word for word, it excessively paraphrases and offers no extension on the original work. There is no acceptable transition from the passage and no acceptable conclusion to the story. Language: 1 The response illustrates very limited original writing. Since the response used such a large amount of directly copied text, it was unable to show sentence variety or vocabulary usage. Conventions: 1 The response demonstrates a very limited command of conventions. The response included such a large amount of directly copied text, it was unable to show consistent command of the standards of written English. 33
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Development: 1 The response contains few or no relevant narrative techniques and only a few relevant details from the passage. The reference to camouflage is an outside thought not found in the stimulus. The response demonstrates no understanding of the task. Focus & Organization: 1 The response contains no context, introducing the response with general comments about pythons. There is no organizational strategy, and the conclusion is very brief and irrelevant. Language: 1 The response contains very basic language, with the exception of the word camoflage. The opening paragraph and the concluding statement are original writing, but the bulk of the response is copied from the passage. There is no syntactic variety or transitions.. Conventions: 1 There are several conventions errors in the limited amount of original writing found in this response. 35