THE SEXUALLY LIBERATED WOMAN PODCAST Ep. 12: Depression & Dry Spells The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast is supported by Chakrubs! Chakrubs makes beautiful handcrafted sexual wellness products from 100% pure crystal. Crystals are a natural, earth-made material that help to awaken higher levels of consciousness, work through emotional imbalances, and heal deep core wounding. Take all of that and put it in sex toy form, and you ve got yourself a mighty orgasmic tool. I have my own Chakrub that s made of 100% rose quartz, which is this really beautiful soft-pink colored crystal that helps me cultivate selflove, opens my heart chakra, and heightens my capacity to feel pleasure. And my orgasms are incredible! So, if you want to bring sacredness and a little witchiness to your erotic life, head to chakrubs.com and use the code LIBERATION to get 10% off your purchase. That s [SPELL OUT] C-H-A-K-R-U-B-S.com, promo code LIBERATION. And may your orgasms be plentiful. [ MUSIC INTRO ] Hey everyone! Welcome to the Sexually Liberated Woman podcast. I m Ev Yan Whitney, and every other episode I ll be giving you a Quickie a short n sweet episode where I share with you a personal story from my own sexual liberation journey.
This week, I have to be honest: This was not the episode I wanted to bring you today. I had a fun conversation scheduled to come out, but the viral and very graphic deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, followed by the shootings in Dallas, have completely uprooted my creativity and sense of stability. I ve been having a really hard time with all of this. I kind talked about it a little bit on Instagram, but with everything going on I ve been battling a lot of dark and heavy emotions. I ve been crying a lot, my anxiety is flaring up again and so is my depression and PTSD. It s been hard for me to leave my house, because I don t feel safe in my black body. It s been hard for me to work because I keep seeing the images of Alton and Philando s deaths flash before my eyes. It s been hard for me to focus because I keep hearing of new deaths, new acts of violence on an hourly basis. It s been hard for me to feel safe, like my life matters, when I keep seeing the most heinous comments and conversations saying otherwise. It s just been a lot, and it s left me feeling really raw and scared this week. I want to say right now that it s really hard for me to be honest about my dark feelings like this especially in this space which I ve created with the intention of being celebratory and light about sex and sexuality. There was this part of me that actually wanted to say nothing, that wanted to kind of gloss over what s been happening and how it s been affecting me. But I decided to speak out because the idea of not saying something didn t sit right with me. And, I don t know, maybe me being honest about my feelings and about where I m at will help you feel less alone. All of that is to say... this week s quickie isn t going to be fun and light; it can t be, because I m not in a fun and light place. I am angry. I am devastated. I am scared. I am grieving.
I want to be true to my own feelings, and to speak to how those feelings are affecting me and my sex life, specifically the sexlessness I ve been experiencing. Here s how I ve been coping. As I ve mentioned before, I ve been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. Things have been really hard and it s been wreaking havoc on my sex life. And not just my sex life, but my erotic life the way I feel in my body as a sexual woman, the attention (and intention) I give to my sexual expression, the space I take up in that place and the amount of energy that is available there. I can always tell when I m under-fucked because the symptoms of this show up vibrantly in all areas of my life. I live more in my head rather than fully inhabiting my body. I feel creatively dried out. I feel especially disconnected from my partner, as though the cord that keeps our love electrified has been severed. I become irritable and painfully cynical. I close myself off to the world and stay in cycles of grief in my mind. I feel so ungrounded. I also have a lot of nocturnal emissions (or, wet dreams) which, in their own way, give me a sense of release but really just goes to further the sexual tension. It would seem that the easiest cure to being under-fucked would be to fuck more. And sometimes that fixes things. Sometimes all it takes is me getting bold and wild and jumping my partner s bones, kind of overriding my emotions and my body s current state of inaction. Sometimes that works. But during these particular times, where I m feel deep sorrow and depression and depletion, sex is the furthest thing from my mind and my body.
It s hard to feel sexy when your entire world at the moment feels so utterly unsexy. One of my philosophies as a sexuality doula is that, for women, everything is connected. Love-life is connected to home-life is connected to work-life is connected to emotional wellbeing is connected to sex-life. And if just one of those things are out of alignment say, emotional wellbeing feels funky everything else (particularly the sex) will feel off. And that s where I am right now: feeling off as in not turned on. And there s no way that I can be present for my erotic desires, let alone engage in sex wholeheartedly whether that is with myself or with my partner if I don t feel totally aligned. So... what is there to do? If having sex isn t the automatic cure here of being under-fucked, what should I do instead? Because there s got to be something done about it, right? I ve got to do something. I ve got to work to change the situation. I cannot stay here in this place of un-sexuality. It s so uncomfortable. It s so unnatural. I cannot stay here. I cannot stay here. This is what my mind is saying. But my body? My body just wants to be. My body wants to rest and sprawl itself on the cool floor, arms outstretched, heaving audible sighs. My body wants to be acknowledged for its tiredness, for how hard it s working to heal itself, for how much it s trying to find a sense of groundedness. My body, honestly, wants to surrender to all these dark and heavy feelings its feeling, to not try to fix anything, but to let it all be including this dry spell.
And it s hard, because dry spells (and rough patches) often feel like they ll last forever. And sometimes they do. But usually, at least in my personal experience, there s always another side to the inactivity. I know that it s not totally resistant to the kisses my partner leaves on my shoulders or the glances we exchange while watching television. Sometimes, it s best to just wait it out. A few years ago in my self-defense class, I learned that waiting is just as active of a choice as fighting is; that waiting it out can be an effective way to get through a situation alive or with at least a little less emotional or physical damage. My teachers told us that waiting lets us breathe and think about what to do next. And so for this I wait. And breathe. And think about what to do next to get through this situation and these feelings alive. Knowing that this too shall pass. And if you re in a similar place, if you re feeling raw and depleted and sad, if you re feeling unsafe, if you re struggling to feel like you matter... know that you are not alone. Stay soft. This too somehow shall pass. [ MUSIC INTRO ] Thank you for listening to the Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, I really hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, share it with a friend. Or, guess what, you can now leave a review on itunes. That s right, the Sexually Liberated Woman podcast is finally officially on itunes, and now you can subscribe so you never miss an episode! Just
search Sexually Liberated Woman in itunes and hit the subscribe button. And if you ve been listening for a while and have been loving what you re hearing, I would really appreciate it if you left me a 5-star review. Leaving reviews helps others find the podcast, but also helps others find sexual liberation, which is a win-win, I think. As for me, Ev Yan, you can find me on my blog sexloveliberation.com, where I write essays about sex, sensuality, and erotic power. I m also on Instagram at evyan.whitney where I m capturing moments of brazen femininity and sexuality throughout the day. And if you want to be a sexually liberated woman, go to sexloveliberation.com/slw, and maybe I ll be chatting with you about your journey of erotic empowerment someday. See you in the next episode.