Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 1 Episode Credits Written by Jim McDoniel. Directed by Jeffrey Gardner. Sound Design by Ryan Schile. Music by Stephen Poon. Illustration by Dann Tincher. Episode Cast Narrator Ansel Burch Clay Tyler Samples Loamy Lisa Burton Ol Silty Sebastian H. Orr Dr. Moro Mark Soloff TIME MARKER 00:00 SFX: A record needle is placed on a record, the scratch giving way to the opening theme of the True Historical Dramas. NARRATOR Tonight's broadcast is brought to you by the company you depend upon for all of your greatest needs, HartLife. These stories are true dramatizations from our fair city's glorious history. So listen and remember: HartLife, all the life you'll ever need. Fifteen has always been a difficult age. For people it marks the halfway point. Halfway to adulthood, halfway through puberty. One's body becomes a grotesque parody of what it one day will be. Parts that are big you'd rather be small, parts that are small, you'd rather be big. It's as if a person's body is a science experiment gone horribly wrong: an amorphous blob of flesh that absorbs all possible food and insults around it.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 2 No one understands you, the world is out to get you and you are still one year away from driving. Yes, life is hard for a person at fifteen. A moleperson however is a different story entirely. At fifteen, a moleperson enters into Methuselah territory. All of his friends are dead. All his children are dead. Within him rests not only the wisdom of his own experiences, but that of all mole culture. There is no matter too big or too small that he would not be willing to give his opinion, or indeed a long rambling tale of how he once resolved this same problem by himself, digging uphill both ways. SFX: The whistling of air through Old Tunnel fades in. Such is a fifteen year old mole. Such is Ol Silty. We find Clay and Loamy making their way down a nearly forgotten tunnel. It s so old, that it is composed of ancient building materials: bricks and cobblestones. A fine mist, born of moisture and cold, rises up as the two moles walk on, their footsteps echoing into the darkness... SFX: Echoing Footsteps. Where are we? Old Tunnel. What s Old Tunnel? It s the section of the city built back in the ancient times when people did their own digging. It s...well it s nice. Yeah, it is that.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 3 Also, creepy. That too. It s one of the reasons people don t live here anymore. SFX: Loud rumbling growl. What was that? The other reason people don t live here anymore. What is it? Mold. SFX: Loud rumbling growl. Really big mold. It s fine. I wouldn t worry. SFX: Loud rumbling growl. Um...that doesn t mean we shouldn t step up our pace. Good idea. SFX: Faster footsteps. SFX: Knocking. Molepeople! AND
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 4 And where exactly is here? SFX: Large metal door opening. TIME MARKER 03:01 Welcome to the Dr. Montgomery Moro Memorial Museum and Historical House. I am Silty and I will be your guide into the life of this forgotten genius and...what the hell do you boys think you re doing making me think you were real people comin here? You know the rules. Why d you not announce yourselves? We did. What? HE SAID WE DID ANNOUNCE OURSELVES. Well, I didn t hear ya. Come in. Come in. Before you catch your death a mold. SFX: Door closing. This place is...nice. What? I SAID THIS PLACE IS NICE. And it takes a lot of work to keep it that way, so don t touch anything.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 5 What was that? SFX: Crashing. Um...I SAID OKAY. Good. now, did you come for a tour? You give...you GIVE TOURS TO MOLES? You needn t shout at me pup. I ve put me ear trumpet in. And yes, I give tours to moles. Now, did you come for one? Actually Silty, Clay was wondering if he could talk to you a moment. Bout what? About...uh...Sandy. Of course it s about Sandy. Why else would you be talking to a lonely old mole who tells stories so people will listen to him? She told you about that? Didn t have to. I ve got ears, don t I? You re kidding, right.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 6 You talk loud me pup. This...this is pointless isn t it. Probably. I ll just..i ll leave then. Thanks for trying Loamy. SFX: Footsteps. Where the blazes do you think your going? You said... I know what I said. And yes, it probably is pointless to try and help you, but only because you are an idiot, who will only screw things up. But, Sandy seems to have her heart set on you, God help her, and I can t stand to see poor the girl disappointed SFX: Footsteps. Wait, where are you going? (From a distance.) If you d followed me, you d already know. SFX: Footsteps. SFX: Transition Noise. SFX: Footsteps stop.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 7 Okay. Now I m here and I still don t know where you were going. Clay, this...this is the legendary study of the legendary Dr. Moro. Isn t it...legendary? Who s Dr. Moreau? It s pronounced MOR o. SFX: Silty drags something heavy and metallic over. Alright. Who s Dr. Moro? Only the founder of the civilization that you belong to pup. Only the creator of your very species. Suffice it to say, he made you the moleman you are today. You mean Dr. Moreau... MOR o! MOR o. Dr. Moro...created the MolePeople. Aye. And I ll thank you not to lean up against him. TIME MARKER 06:02
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 8 What? AAAH! Loamy, there s a person in that glass tube. Why is there a person in that glass tube? Dr. Moro had himself cryogenically frozen. What does that mean? Hell if I know. Here you ll need this. A feather duster? And this. SFX: Metal dragging. A ladder? What do I need these for? Well Dr. Moro isn t going to dust himself. But I really only came here for advice... Aye, I can help you and put you to work at the same time. Now, get up there. SFX: Clanging footsteps on metal. SFX: Dusting. So, femoles.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 9 Should I stay here or... Aye, you can stay. You can mop. SFX: Mop entering bucket and splashing water on the floor. So...femoles. The first thing you have to remember about femoles is that they are smaller than hemoles. What does that have to do with...? Everything, now be quiet. Where was I? Oh yes. So a hemole has these long claws that he uses to gently massage the face of the femole and...no wait. Sorry, that s turtles, turtles... Femoles. Femoles. Okay, yeah. Femoles. See the first thing you have to remember about femoles is that they are smaller than hemoles. Which is important, because courtship always starts with them angry at you. And throwing things. The bigger you are the bigger things they throw and the easier wooing a femole is. I expect then, it's gonna be pretty hard for you. Second there's the squeal. A good squeal can set the mood. Now, repeat after me. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAYUGH! eeagg? We'll work on it. Last, worms. Lots of worms. Femoles love worms. That s true. According to my vet, eating worms is biochemically no different from the feeling of love, which means, I think, that worms equal love.
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 10 Right in one Loamy. Enough worm on the brain and the dozy pup will even fall for the likes of you. Hey! So once she s in the mood, you burrow into her secluded den, claw out the eyes of any males you find there, and then... I think I get the rest. SFX: Morse code. What s that sound? SFX: More Morse code. It s him. Who? Him. Dr. Moreau? MORO! Whatever. I thought he was...crying Jen and Callie frozen or something. Aye, he is. Doesn t mean he can t hear us, does it?
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 11 What s he saying? I don t speak beeps pup. Where s the blasted translate button? Is it the big red button under his tube that says Translate? TIME MARKER 09:01 Aye. That d be the one. SFX: Button being pushed. SFX: Dr. Moro s voice is mechanical. That is not the way to win a female moleperson. Yeah, and what would you know about it? I created you. Touche. You can not treat her just like a mole for that is not all you are. You are also people. And THAT is the part where her feelings for you lie. How can you tell? Because if she were influenced by her more primmole
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 12 instincts...ha...ha...ha...haha...she would not be interested in someone of below average size and strength and digging ability and... Okay I got it. The only way to win her back is to be truly sorry. The only way to be truly sorry is to change. Change what? Change yourself. You must show her that you respect her ideas. Oh come on. There's got to be another way. I suppose you could massage her face with your claws. That s turtles. AND Ah. Well then, you can only respect her ideas. But... Show respect for her ideas. Welcome her thoughts, insights, and opinions and you will win back her heart. But she believes in impossible things. Time travelers, and antpeople, and the woken dead and...and...
Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 11 The Advice at Doctor Moro s 13 And you, young Master Clay. She believes in you. SFX: Voice cuts out as a button is pushed. Ha! Respect. I ll show you respect you great big ice cube. Take it from a mole with experience me pup, never show respect to a femole's ideas, cuz she ll never show respect to yours. TIME MARKER 10:58 Worms, a good squeal, and a roll in the burrow is what you need to a win the day. Now, if you ll excuse me, the legendary Dr. Moro s legendary toilet needs a polish. SFX: Footsteps. What am I going to do? How can I possibly show respect to ideas that I will never, can never agree with. Beats me, mate. But you ve got to try, haven t you. God I wish I were a turtle. SFX Sharp harpsichord music comes back in as the Narrator returns. NARRATOR We conclude with poor Clay caught in contemplation of his conundrum. Will he cogitate a conclusion to his crisis, allowing him to copulate copiously? Can his consort be cajoled into commuting his crime? Find out next time as the story of Our Fair City...continues.