My name is Kimi which means secret in Cree language. I am seven years old, and I live with my family in a small house, close to Kokum (grandma) and Moosham (grandpa). Today, I was to spend all day with my kokum as we had to pick berries. We smudged with sweet grass, and went to pick berries. Kimi said Kokum, this is how you color the hide with berries and tomorrow we can cut our hide to make moccasins. I was very excited. Then I helped Kokum make the dough for bannock and she put on the stew as she had invited the whole family for a fall feast. My entire family was here- including my parents, aunts and uncles, and all my cousins. We all had a nice meal of bannock and stew. Kokum knew I loved fried bannock so she had use some animal fat and had made me a separate batch. Dad has started the fire and everyone made their own bannock on a willow stick. After supper I eat my fried bannock with some of Kokum homemade jam. Mom said that Kokum has spoiled my little Kimi. 1
Dad gathered all the kids and we sat around the fire. He told us a scary story and all kids were hanging on to each other. It was fun when he put special powder in the fire and it lit up to the sky. The adults were having mint tea while we all were engaged in the storytelling. 2
The next day I went to make moccasins with Kokum. She taught me how to cut out the pattern and I made my own moccasins. Kokum did not allow me to wear my moccasins unless it was blessed with sage. After the blessing, I ran home to show mom my new moccasins. 3
When I turned eight, I was playing with my cousins when two people came to our house. There was a horse wagon full of native children sitting with sad faces. I stopped playing and the two people went inside my house. Mom screamed and I ran inside to see what is happening. She told me in Cree to go and tell Kokum that the Indian Agents are here to take me to an Indian Residential school. I ran out before the agent could grab my hand and ran to Kokum and told her what is happening. I saw Moosham ran to my uncle s house and he took his kids, sat on a horse and left for the bush. Kokum told me to listen to her carefully and told me that they will take me to a big house where there are women in strange granny clothes and they speak a different language. She told me to be brave and just follow rules. She said, Never forget your language, your people, and your land. I could not believe what is happening. Kokum told me to keep it a secret (Kimi) and just come home alive as she would be waiting for me. The Agents were standing outside the door when I arrived with Kokum. Mom was crying and dad looked sad. He handed me a bag and said that, Kimi you have to go with these people to get an education at Indian school, just listen to them. I cried that, I don t want to go. I can learn whatever they want to teach me with you both. Dad said, We will always love you but if we don t send you with them then mom and I have to go to Jail. I was terrified. I looked at mom and ran in her arms and she gave me hugs and kisses, she put a necklace on me and told me to be brave and pray to the Great Spirits every night. Mom was holding on to me and crying when the Agent pulled me away from her arms. I was crying too. When I gave my dad a hug, he whispered in my ears, 4
Kimi, I will come and get you, don t run away from the school... they will kill you...come home alive. Tears rolled down my parents checks, Kokum and Moosham were crying too, as I left my home for a strange new home. I sat in the wagon and cried as the wagon moved away. I could see my parents hanging on to each other and crying in a distant until I could not see them anymore in the mist. After a long ways, we came to a strange huge grey house. The Agent brought all the kids inside the front doors. There were two women (nuns) and two men (priests) in strange clothing, black and white long dress and a strange white scarf on their head. The boys went with the priest and the girls went with the nuns to a different room. A little girl who was six named Mimew hung on to my clothing as she was terrified. An older native girl told us in Cree to take off our clothes and left the room. In a strange language, one nun said, Take off your moccasins, which I only understood the word moccasins and I said in Cree, I made this with my Kokum and she slapped me across my face. Everyone looked at me. I did not know why I got a slap across my face, then she said English, Anglay, but I did not know her language. I took off my entire clothing and was given different clothes which I have never seen before. I was given shoes that were one size smaller than my size as it was the last pair there. The nun took all my clothing and moccasins and put them in a bag, tied it and put it in the pile with other kids clothes. I told Mimew in Cree take your clothes and follow me. The nun came to me and put something in my mouth, which I found was 5
soap. It did not taste good as she told me never ever to speak a Satan s language. One nun checked my head for lice. The nun came forward and took unsharpened scissors and cut my hair off. She threw my hair in a metal container. I had to mourn the loss of my life, my culture, and who I am. I promised myself, You can cut my hair off but you cannot kill my spirit, and that is my secret. 6
I ate oatmeal and dry bread, brushed my teeth and learn to prayer their way. I was to sleep alone in a cold bed, as there were twenty beds in one room. The nun made us change into long clothing. I missed my mother to comb my hair, my dad telling me bedtime stories, my Kokum feeding me fried bannock and making moccasins. I could hear other girls crying too. I knew my parents loved me compared to these people who slapped me and washed out my mouth with soap for speaking the only language I knew. For 8 years, I kept the secrets of my suffering at the Indian Residential School in Canada and came home to my people, spirituality, language and culture. AUSTAN NajmiBeauchamp 7