SIR ROBIN AUDITION PACKET

SIR ROBIN AUDITION PACKET

I--5 Song: PATSY: King Arthur s Song I am Arthur King of the Britons Lord and Ruler of all Of England and Scotland And even tiny little bits of Gaul And I m the Emperor of Norway Bugger off He is Arthur King of the Britons And we are out seeking men Very strong men And very able To sit at our very very very round table What is it you want I am looking for men I had a feeling We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights to join me in my court at Camelot I must speak with your lord and master What ridden on a horse Yes Youre using coconuts What Youve got two empty halves of coconut and youre banging them together So We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land through the kingdom of Mercia through Whered you get the coconut

We found them Found them In Mercia The coconuts tropical I-- What do you mean Well this is a temperate zone The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land Are you suggesting coconuts migrate Not at all they could be carried What A swallow carrying a coconut It could grip it by the husk Its not a question of where he grips it Its a simple question of weight ratios A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut Well it doesnt matter Will you tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here Listen in order to maintain air-speed velocity a swallow needs to beat its wings 4 times every second right Please Am I right I m not interested Lance appears at the opposite Proscenium window Stage Left It could be carried by an African swallow

I-4-8 Scene Four: Plague Village A Cart filled with dead bodies pushed by a man in rags enters upstage right Robin the Dead Collector enters downstage right banging a triangle MONKS: ( Offstage voices pre recorded) Sacrosanctus Domine (live) Bring out your Dead MONKS: Pecavi ignoviunt Bring out your dead MONKS: Iuesus Christus Domine Bring out your dead MONKS: Pax vobiscum venerunt Lance enters Stage Left dragging a small bubo covered man apparently dead by his feet Heres one Nine pence Im not dead What Nothing Heres your nine pence Im not dead Here he says hes not dead Yes he is Im not He isnt Well he will be soon hes very ill Im getting better No youre not youll be stone dead in a moment I cant take him like that Its against regulations I dont want to go on the cart

Oh dont be such a baby I cant take him I feel fine I-4-9 Well do us a favor I cant Well can you hang around a couple of minutes He wont be long Oh Alright Kevin Thanks mate The Carter picks up the sick man and carries him towards the cart ROBIN LANCE ROBIN But make it quick I got to get to Camelot by six You re going to Camelot Yes What you got a gig No I m going to enlist What as a Knight Maybe Well I ll come with you I m not dead yet Shut up I fancy some of that fighting Oh there s fighting is there Quite a lot of fighting mate That s what the job s all about Oh I see It s not just dressing up And dancing No no It s mostly fighting Oh Oh good

Although some of the Scottish regiments might have a bit of dressing up and dancing I d like to dance Look you re not fooling anyone you know I-4-1 Song: He Is Not Dead Yet I feel happy I feel happy To illustrate how happy he is he begins to dance and sing frenetically I am not dead yet I can dance and I can sing I am not dead yet I can do the Highland fling I am not dead yet No need to go to bed No need to call a doctor cos I m not yet dead The five bodies on the cart quite suddenly sit up and sing BODIES: He is not yet dead That s what the geezer said Oh he s not yet dead That man is off his head He is not yet dead Put him back in bed Keep him off the cart because he s not yet dead The man dances frenetically to show them he is healthy until Lance whacks him smartly on the head with a shovel from the cart The sick man drops like a stone Beat BODIES: Well now he s dead You whacked him on the head Sure now he s dead It makes me just see red You are such a brute

2-8-19 Stop that You re not going to do a song while I m here In twenty minutes you re getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain HERBERT: HERBERT: HERBERT: But I don t want land Listen Alice Herbert Herbert We live in a bloody swamp We need land But I don t like her Don t like her What s wrong with her She s beautiful she s rich she s got huge tracts of land HERBERT: I know but I want the person I marry to have a certain special (music) something And another hundred people just contracted the plague Or fell into the swamp Cut that out Look youre marrying Princess Lucky so youd better get used to the idea Guards As he descends the stairs two Guards carrying Halberds enter Make sure the Prince doesnt leave this room until I come and get him Right Not to leave the room even if you come and get him No no Until I come and get him Until you come and get him were not to enter the room No You stay in the room and make sure he doesnt leave

and youll come and get him That s right 2-8-2 We dont need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room Leaving the room Leaving the room yes Got it Can he leave the room with us (Carefully) No it s simple keep him in here and make sure Oh yes We ll keep him in here obviously But if he had to leave and we were with him No just keep him in here Until you or anyone else No Not anyone else just me Just you Get back Got it We ll remain here until you get back And make sure he doesn t leave What Make sure he doesn t leave The Prince Yes make sure

Oh yes of course I thought you meant him you know it seemed a bit daft me having to guard him when he s a guard Is that clear Oh yes That s quite clear No problems Father turn and starts to leave through the Gateway and they follow him 2-8-21 Where are you going We re coming with you No I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn t leave the room until I get back HERBERT: Oh I see right But Father Shut your noise you And get that suit on [music] And no singing Father exits Shouts offstage Screams The Guards smile happily Lancelot rushes in his sword drawn and bloody GUARD1: Ah Now you re not to leave the room until Lancelot stabs him GUARD2: Hic Lancelot stabs him too and races up the stairs to kneel before the Prince LANCELOT: Oh fair one behold your humble servant Sir Lancelot from the Court of Camelot I have come to take you away and oh I m terribly sorry HERBERT: LANCELOT: HERBERT: You got my note Well I got a note You ve come to rescue me

NI KNIGHT: Shh shh We are now The Knights Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-eckyf tang-f tang- boing-boing-olé biscuit barrel (ad lib) Therefore we must give you a new test What is this test O Knights of Ecky ecky O Artists formerly known as The Knights who say Ni NI KNIGHT: The new test is you must put on a Broadway musical 2-5-11 NI KNIGHT: ALL: NI KNIGHT: Oh yes But not an Andrew Lloyd Webber Ahhh No No C mon lets go book seats on the web Exits upstage right NI KNIGHTS: Ecky ecky F tang F tang Have you heard of this Broadway Yes Sire and we don t stand a chance Why not Robin steps toward the audience Because Broadway Underscore begins is a very special place filled with very special people people who can sing and dance often at the same time They are a different people a multi-talented people a people who need people who are in many ways the luckiest people in the world I m sorry Sire but we don t have a chance

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