AN INTERNAL COMMUNICATIONS HORROR STORY.
Chapters Spooky goings on Intranet apocalypse Killer event Phantom film Newsletter nightmare It s the end
Spooky goings on It s a cold, wet and misty morning. It feels like an ordinary, bleak Autumn day. But as you stagger to work, through the biting wind and belting rain, it strikes you that it s been a strange week. There was the case of the missing middle managers at the monthly briefing, and the teleconference where mysterious, silent callers kept joining and dropping off. No one has sent an all staff email about car parking or a missing cat, which is most unusual. Your boss even made a round of hot drinks. That just doesn t happen. It is Halloween this week, and last night there was a full moon, but you don t believe in all that stuff. Do you?
Intranet apocalypse You arrive at your desk, keen to get started. You fire up a web browser and log on to the intranet to add a new article you ve written. You ve been trying to find time to improve the content. But there s so much rubbish on there that it s all got a bit out of control. Solution: You lead the search for a vacant military As the homepage comes up, you can t believe your eyes. The screen s covered with zombies! They re staggering around, lost and confused, moaning to themselves. You frantically tap your teammate on the shoulder, pointing at your laptop. But, as they turn around to look, the creatures disappear. Sorry, you say nervously, I was just thinking; even the undead would lose the will to live trying to find something on our intranet. Pull yourself together, you think. It s in your mind. You re just tired. But as you walk past the IT office, on the way to the toilet, you hear some strange murmuring and scratching sounds Top Banana will work with you to re-design the intranet and develop your content strategy, so it stops making people s blood boil.
Solution: You take care of the Killer event You need caffeine, so you ask if anyone wants a brew. Everyone does. Ugh. You carry ten mugs into the kitchen. Just then, the CEO walks in looking a little paler than usual. Hi, she says. We need to set up an urgent leadership team event in two weeks time. We want to go off-site, and the venue and theme both need to be wow, but the budget s tight. You ll have to design all the PowerPoint slides and send the invitation out next week. By the way, we don t want any natural sunlight in the room or garlic on the menu. Can you send me a proposal by Friday? Thanks. No problem, you reply, with a smile. By Friday!?! you scream inside. WOODEN STAKES M I R R O R MIRRORSS AND CRUCIFIXES. Top Banana will do the venue finding, event design, planning, content development and print, so your messages have bite.
Phantom film You start to review some footage of an interview with the Operations Director you shot last week for a new campaign. Solution: You hire the They didn t like being on camera, and you had to film it on your old company smartphone. It was a hellish experience, but you got there. As you watch, you hear some mysterious noises in the background, which you don t recall from the day. There s talking, banging and hissing. A ghostly shape passes slowly across behind the director s head and disappears. Someone howls with laughter. Then the picture shakes and goes black. You panic. Your blood runs cold. Please, no you whisper to yourself. But you already know the truth. You re going to have to do the filming again. Top Banana will handle the script writing, filming, animation, production and campaign development, so your content s as sticky as ectoplasm. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Newsletter nightmare As usual, you were up late editing the company e-newsletter, trying to make the best of the clunky template. It s a big one this month as it includes an urgent message from the Board to all colleagues. THE Finally, it s ready to go. You take a deep breath and hit send... It seems to take forever to land. Then the pings of emails arriving ring out around the office. First, you hear some gasps and then hushed whispers. What s going on? You still don t have the email, but you see it over someone s shoulder. O.M.G. It s all wrong. The banners are stretched. The photos are squashed. The text is gobbledygook, except for a very inappropriate caption under the picture of the Board. You hear cackling coming from the server room. Gremlins! you shout. Everyone looks at you. You run for the door. It s locked Solution: You round and lead them into the sunlight. p AHHHHGGHH! Top Banana will develop your internal brand, style and tone of voice, including print and digital templates, so it s as loveable and easy to keep as a Mogwai.
It s the end Suddenly, you wake up. You re back at your desk. You look around, and all seems ok. You receive an email. It s Facilities firmly telling everyone to wash up their own dishes. Yep, everything s back to normal. Phew. It was all just a terrible daydream, and it s 5.30pm. You pack your bag, say bye to the team and head for the lift, where you bump into the CEO. I m looking forward to a killer event, she says, grinning.
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We Bring Strategy To Life At Top Banana, our mission is to help businesses communicate better. We do this by working with internal teams to create and manage communications and events that excite, engage and connect head and heart, with measurable results. enquiries@top-b.com +44 (0) 1562 700 404 Events Incentives Film Design Digital Venue Sourcing