Gripers, Complainers & Whiners Oh My! How to Deal with Chronically Cranky People! Presented for the American Rental Association

Gripers, Complainers & Whiners Oh My! How to Deal with Chronically Cranky People! Presented for the American Rental Association

Key #1: Keep Your Eye on the Prize Alice speaks to the Cheshire Cat: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here? That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, said the Cat. I don t much care where said Alice. Then it doesn t matter which way you go, said the Cat. Lewis Carroll Focus on positive outcomes Words that Work: Please tell me. How does that relate to our problem here? I want to fix this problem now. Here s what I need to know I want to help. What needs to happen to make you happy? Key #2: Know yourself The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become Charles DuBos Every second: 100 billion neurons fire 200 million synapses cross the hemispheres 7 (+/-2) bits of useable conscious attention Assessment of a stimulus as either good or bad happens within 200 milliseconds. 2

What this has to do with you As much as 97% of all our behaviors are automatic & unthinking We are wired to keep on doing what we have always done. Changing any ineffective automatic behavior requires conscious work Action idea: Get yourself a Feedback Buddy Key #3: Know thy Enemy If you want to be successful in life, you often need to get cooperation from other people. And the number-one rule for getting people to do what you want is to get them to like you. Dr. David Lieberman Human commonalities: 1. The number one fear of all people is rejection. 2. The number one need of all people is acceptance. 3. To persuade someone to give you what you are asking for, or do what you are suggesting, manage them in a way that enhances their self-esteem. 4. We are all driven by the need to look good and be right. Gripers, Complainers, Whiners, Know-it-alls, Bullies, Idiots, Steamrollers, Silent Sams, Bozos, etc.or people who are rude, indecisive, flakey, arrogant, pushy, picky, narrow-minded, opinionated, scatterbrained, disorganized, over-sensitive, negative, talk WAY too much, don t listen. Identify one type that drives you crazy: 3

Make believe that everyone you meet has a sign around their neck that says, Make me feel important! Mary Kay Ash, President & CEO, Mary Kay Cosmetics Three ways to make people feel GREAT! 1. Smile! 2. Use flying eyebrows (that look you have when you are HAPPY) 3. Listen well! Key #4: Own the Driver s Seat If you keep failing to make it to the finish line, it s seldom the finish line s fault. LLL Psychological Principle at Play: What you name the thing, the thing tends to become! How it works: X happens You interpret X Your interpretation begins to work on you emotionally Your emotions impact how you behave (& communicate) You get results based on how you behave (or communicate) Anytime you think the problem is out there, that thought is the problem. Dr. Stephen R. Covey 4

Key #5: Keep Calm in the Storm Thoughts/focus Results YOU Emotions Behaviors/physiology Action idea: Every morning take a 5-7 minute Gratitude Shower 8 damaging trigger thoughts: 1. I can t believe she did that! 2. He s ALWAYS in a bad mood! 3. She NEVER has a nice word to say! 4. I SHOULD get respect! 5. What an idiot! 6. What s the matter with everyone around here? 7. Maybe if I ignore this long enough it will go away. We all have rules about the way the world SHOULD work List 1 of your rules about the way the world should work or how other people should behave: My rule: 5

Key #6: Communicate Effectively The level of success that you experience in life, the happiness, joy, love, external rewards and impact that you create are the direct result of how you communicate to yourself and to others. The quality of your life is the quality of your communications. Anthony Robbins The fundamentals of effective communication: 1. Everything communicates. 2. The meaning of any piece of communication lies only in what the receiver takes it to mean, regardless of the sender s intention. Components of Communication Verbal 7% Think: Short, simple, direct Visual 55% Think: Open, pleasant, neutral, relaxed Vocal 38% Think: Please pass the butter Action idea: Post-it notes: Please pass the butter 6

Words that DON T work: If you ll just calm down Please be reasonable If you ll just listen to me OK. Just relax There s nothing to be that upset about It s not that bad ANY words with an exasperating, frustrated, annoyed tone. Words that DO work: I understand I m sure I d feel the same way if I was in your place I know this is extremely frustrating I see your problem I m so sorry about this How can I help? How to say no : (LUSO) 1. Listen to the entire request 2. Use an understanding phrase 3. Share your situation 4. Openly discuss options Action idea: Memorize: You have no idea how much I wish I could (give you what you are asking for) How to Disagree: FEEL FELT FOUND I know how you feel. I (others) have felt the same way. Let me show you what I found 7

Key #7: You Got to Know When to Fold em How to fire a customer Words that Work: LOCS Listen (to their 9 millionth complaint - patiently) Objective (to help, serve, make a happy customer) Communicate (your inability to satisfy their needs) Suggest (go somewhere else) Mr. Smith, as the (owner, manager, etc) here, I have one objective - and that is to provide the best possible service and products to all of our customers. In other words, we want to make you a very, very happy customer. After repeated tries, I am clear that we are unable to do that for you. Accordingly, I respectfully request that you try several of the other very good rental companies in town who might be able to better serve your needs. Bonus key: If what you are doing isn t working: DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! Recommended reading: A Guide to Rational Living; Ellis & Harper How to Get Anyone to Do Anything, Dr. David Lieberman Crucial Conversations, Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler PowerPhrases, Meryl Runion Verbal Judo, Dr. George Thompson 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem; Linda Larsen 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; Dr. Stephen Covey True Power, Linda Larsen Life Strategies, Dr. Phil McGraw If you would like to see a copy of this handout with the blanks all filled in go to www.lindalarsen.com and click on What s New, and then Handouts. Available until 3/30/08 ALSO! Help yourself to over 80 of Linda s articles for use in your newsletters or training sessions. At www.lindalarsen.com, click on Linda s Articles. 8