Exam # 50050600 1 REQUIRED RETAKE INSTRUCTIONS ENG300: 500506 Comparison/Contrast Essay Student name: Manuel Ramos da Cru Student number: 70673933 Grade: 33% Date: 4/4/17 Evaluator: VGG Dear Manuel, Unfortunately, you earned a failing grade on this submission. According to the Academic Policies in the Penn Foster Student Handbook, you must prepare a retake submission. Since the goal of this course is to help you improve your writing, you will continue working with your current submission, completely revising and editing it at all levels. Merely applying the instructor s corrections in grammar, spelling, or format will not show sufficient evidence that you have improved your skill level and therefore will not result in a change to your grade. Please carefully review all rubric, marginal, and in-text comments below for specific revision guidance. Review the textbook and assignment directions. Following are key revisions you must make to ensure a passing grade on your retake. If you do not understand how to rewrite your paper in order to accomplish these goals, please contact the school. Purpose: Compare or contrast a novel and the movie based on the novel, drawing conclusions about what effects the changes have on plot, characterization, and theme. Strong thesis: State a specific thesis in your introduction which states the novel s title and author as well as the movie s title and director, especially if the title of the movie differs from that of the novel. The thesis must state whether the writer is comparing or contrasting the two pieces of literature. Development: Using the thesis as the guide, prove to the reader, through research opinions, and/or personal details how the changes from book to movie affect the reader s/viewer s understanding of the plot, characters, and theme. A combination of all three is most helpful.
Exam # 50050600 2 Satisfying conclusion: Provide a satisfying conclusion to close your discussion, reinforcing your thesis, and closing with a final thought. MLA Citations: Using MLA, offer internal citations and a properly formatted Works Cited page to avoid plagiarism accusations. Editing and proofreading: Read papers aloud to check for clear sentence structure and conventions. Include this set of instructions with your retake submission, or there may be a problem completing your evaluation. For electronic submissions, copy and paste just the first four lines of text (from "Required Retake" through the evaluator's initials) at the beginning of your retake document. As part of your file name, include Retake after your last name. Then submit your retake essay for grading. Instructor (VGG) Penn Foster College ENG300: ADVANCED COMPOSITION Comparison and Contrast: Novel and Film Novel/Movie: Skill Realized Skill Developing Skill Emerging Not Shown Thesis: Audience, Purpose, and Topic How well does the thesis establish a clearly defined, analytical focus unique to the assigned topic, purpose, and audience? There is no clear thesis present. You have several different ideas (from previous drafts and here) that could help you develop a proper thesis for this exam. But you must choose a single thesis focus and argument you want to make, and you must state the thesis up front at the end of your (single) introduction paragraph. You must also make it clear in your intro and thesis which single book and single movie adaptation of that book you will compare and contrast. 10 9 8 7.5 7 4 1
Exam # 50050600 3 Here are the possible thesis options from the many ideas you have present here (and had present on previous drafts). Choose and develop only ONE of these ideas as the thesis and main focus for your retake revision: 1) Argue that the book version is darker in theme and tone than the movie version, and make some specific argument about the effect or significance of the book being darker than he movie. 2) Argue that the book version forces readers to use more intellectual skills than the movie version does, and make some specific argument about the effect or significance of the book forcing readers to use more of their intellectual skills than the movie version does. 3) Argue that the movie version is much more realistic and relatable than the book version, and make some specific argument about the effect or significance of the movie version being more realistic / relatable. *No matter which argument option you choose, make sure your thesis also lists the types of differences you ll discuss in order to prove your argument (such as plot differences, setting differences, narrative structure differences, etc.) Development How effectively does the writer present evidence that illustrates the similarities and differences between the book and the movie? You attempt to state some differences between the book and movie, but those differences are not clear and are not backed with evidence and specific examples. Did the writer draw conclusions about the significance of the changes were made in the adaptation of the book to the movie? No there is no sense of unity within your content, and you do not provide concrete examples of differences and then analyze those differences in order to prove a thesis argument. Incorporation of Source Material How logically and effectively are paraphrases, summaries, and direct quotations from varied, relevant, and reliable sources integrated with the writer s style for purpose and audience? Sources are included but are not used toward the purpose of the exam to persuade the audience to believe your thesis argument. How well did the writer incorporate elements from the primary sources (the book and the movie) into the essay? The essay does not include or appropriately use specific 30 25 20 19 17 10 3 10 9 8 7.5 7 4 2 5 4.5 4 3 1 0
Exam # 50050600 4 examples from the book and movie to meet the goals of the exam. Organization How gracefully does the writer incorporate transitional words and connective phrasing with appropriate paragraphing to guide the reader through the presentation? There is no sense of organization or unity in this essay. Ideas are not unified, as you do not have a thesis. Body paragraphs do not each focus on a single point, nor are all paragraphs fully developed. 10 9 8 7.5 7 3 2 For your revision, make sure each body paragraph focuses on proving a SINGLE difference between your chosen book and movie and on analyzing how that difference proves your thesis argument. Style and Voice How energetically and consistently does the writer interact with both the topic and audience while using varied, concrete, active diction? To what extent does the writer achieve a natural, pleasant rhythm, particularly through sentence fluency? You have improved much of your diction tremendously since your initial prewriting attempts. But there are still many places where your diction is hard to follow and makes it impossible to access your ideas. MLA Citation Did the writer accurately and correctly document at least 6 sources sources using MLA citation style, both in-text and on the list of Works Cited? Other than one or two places where in-text citations should be included or not, you did an excellent job using MLA formatting for both your in-text citations and your Works Cited page. Terrific work in this area! Conventions At what level does the writer demonstrate correct and effective standard written American English? As noted above, there are still substantial diction issues at the sentence level that impede your ideas. There are also punctuation, sentence-structure, and grammatical errors throughout your work. Please proofread and edit carefully before you turn in your retake revision. As you do, review Part 7 in your textbook, which provides refreshers on proper sentence structure, punctuation, grammar, etc. 10 9 8 7.5 7 5 0 10 9 8 7.5 7 3 0 10 9 8 7.5 7 5 0
Exam # 50050600 5 Format and Length Did the paper meet the required length (1,800-2,000 words) and formatting requirements? 5 4.5 4 3 1 0 Exam grade: 33% Date of evaluation: 4/4/17 Evaluated by: VGG IMPORTANT NOTICE Along the right-hand side of your evaluated exam, you should see marginal or "bubble" comments from your instructor. You should also see a series of highlighted numbers in the evaluation chart identifying the rating you earned on each trait. If you don't see this feedback, click on the "View" tab and "Print Layout" or click on "Review" and the option "Final Showing Markup." If you still cannot see the feedback, please contact the school for the complete evaluation. Nothing Lasts Forever Roderick Thorpe is a novelist, most of his written work focused specifically in the Crime genre. In addition to his writing, he also spent some time lecturing and exploring creative writing. Commented [VGG1]: This is not a full and appropriate introduction. This intro does not lead into your topic, tell readers what this essay will be about, nor state your thesis. An intro should normally be a single, 5-7 sentences paragraph. Please review Chapter 7 s section on Writing your Introduction. Two of his well-known novels, The Detective (1966) and Nothing lasts forever were both adapted into popular movies. In 1968 the novel The Detective was adapted into a mainstream movie featuring, Frank Sinatra as the main character.
Exam # 50050600 6 In 1988 a sequel to the movie The Detective was released as a feature film Die Hard, featuring Bruce Willis, playing the role of the main character. The novel The Detective tells a story of the main character Detective Joe Leland, an average middle-class man, highly intelligent man, who encounters an out of the ordinary event. As he is visiting the main headquarters of Klaxon Oil Corporation to visit his daughter, aa group Commented [VGG2]: I am confused about which book and movie you will discuss. Focus ONLY on discussing the book and movie you will compare. Also, where is your thesis? By now, readers should know what the main focus and argument will be for your essay. (Otherwise, they will stop reading because they won t understand what is important or interesting about whatever you are writing about in this essay.) of German terrorists aggressively takes control of the building, in attempts to publicly expose the company after stealing documents that are connected to business dealings to Junta in Chile. A surprised and unprepared Leland attempts to physically and mentally fight the terrorists and trying to save innocent hostages which include his daughter and grandchildren. The movie Die Hard instead tells a story of an average man, unaware of the terrorists or the motives, all of which threaten the business and the innocent people at risk in the building. Unlike the main character in The Detective this character exhibit displays a sense of ignorance, lack of knowledge of the potential threat of the terrorists and boosts a rather athletic, strong physical physique quite different than the main character in the novel The Detective A significant difference of the main characters in the book and movie is very distinct. The books suggest to the reader the hostile and potentially dangerous situation can only be resolved Commented [VGG3]: This seems to be a body paragraph that discusses a different. But you haven t actually stated a thesis yet, so readers are still unclear why you are talking about any of this information or what your main point is meant to be. with well thought out conflict resolution skills of someone as skilled as a detective. The movie Die Hard used the underlying components of the book to create a new character, that would represent an average strong, athletic man becoming an action hero, attempting to save people from terrorists and unknowing saving a cooperation from public exploitation. Commented [VGG4]: Okay but where is your evidence of these things? And what main point are you trying to make with this information?
Exam # 50050600 7 A main difference in the movie, the response of the main character is displayed as aggressive and violent, with frequently used action packed movie scene to engage and capture the audience using visual and auditory special effects. The book requires the audience to use their intellectual skills to capture the main objectives in the story. One might say the use of technology and using an action focus can most likely contribute to the long lasting impression on the audience for over twenty-five years. One may argue the movie Die Hard portrayed the main character with qualities absent from common action heroes before the film was released to the mainstream audience. These qualities include characteristics of personal weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and character flaws combined with an above average psychical ability to use strength and violence to resolve a dangerous situation. The lasting impact of the movie has resulted in multiple sequels, duplications and numerous copycats all attempting to attain the same exciting claustrophobic magic of the original novel Nothing lasting Forever. Despite the outstanding success of the movie, the novel remains an impressionable piece of action packed literature, a lasting memory for readers. Author, Roderick Thorpe presents several debates of policy that range from issues of Commented [VGG5]: This is not a full, developed paragraph. Each body paragraph should be approximately 4-7 sentences in length. Each paragraph must state a difference, prove that difference with evidence, and analyze how the difference proves your thesis position. Commented [VGG6]: Is this your thesis? That the book requires more intellectual skill on the part of readers than the movie does? What would be the significance or effect of that being the case? (Ultimately, you should not use this idea as your thesis and should continue to work with your idea from the prewriting and previous drafts that the book is darker than the movie, and then argue the significance or effect of that being the case.) Commented [VGG7]: You vaguely try to get at differences between the book and movie, but you provide no evidence and specifics to prove your claims, nor do you have a thesis argument that you then analyze each difference in order to prove. Commented [VGG8]: Wait again, are you comparing Nothing Lasts Forever and Die Hard? Or The Detective and Die Hard? Which book was Die Hard an adaptation of? Focus ONLY on that one book. Or is Die Hard an adaptation of a COMBINATION of those two books? This basic aspect of what your paper is about is still really unclear. taxation to education as well as the health sector. His ultimate concern, the way violence utilized on a politically and among citizens alike as means of attaining preservation, liberty, and equality (Roderick 34).
Exam # 50050600 8 In comparing both the book Nothing Lasts Forever and the film Die Hard both works unite with an emphasis on the principles that never seem to fit together with ease on aspects of liberty, equality and that state with progress, tradition, faith and skepticism. While the movie attempts to address a classic/post narrative using an approach that reveals the structural Commented [VGG9]: Very confusing wording. I cannot understand what you mean here. description of the main character McClane (Bruce Willis), exploiting his response to difficult situations, confrontation and his conflict resolution skills through a series of action-packed encounters. The motive, an elaborate plan of thievery and exploitation of the Klaxon Oil Commented [VGG10]: Incomplete thought / sentence. Corporation and it business operations with Juniata Chile. However, we are shown that when the main movie character lures terrorists in an isolated location from the main action upon which he makes a run to the ventilator. This is a clear show of the skills of out maneuverability in dealing with his enemies (terrorists). Die hard produced lasting scenes and action that created a story that remains both gratifying and lasting memories of the story. He uses this in his book to act as a When comparing Nothing Last Forever with its movie adaptation Die Hard, we observe a compelling narrative that revolves around the issues of using violence for the greater good. This is Commented [VGG11]: In which? because as noble as the desires of the terrorists seem to be to expose corruption within the corporation; their approach reveals that destruction is not a means to an end. The tone of the novel Nothing Lasts Forever is darker and features underlying themes of remorse, and addiction as well as the complexities of an unsettled human mind. The book Nothing Lasts Forever and film Die Hard, unite in placing emphasis on the commitment to the principles that never seem to fit together with ease on aspects of liberty,
Exam # 50050600 9 equality and that state with progress, tradition, faith and skepticism. Nothing Lasts Forever was originally written as a sequel to the literary work known as "The Detective". Commented [VGG12]: This same confusing wording was used earlier. This info does not make sense. The aim was to introduce it as a follow up to the film starring Frank Sinatra as the main character Joe Leland. The film adheres closely in similarity to memorable scenes, and characters of the book, with most dialogue directly sourced from the novel. The novel also featured female terrorists, while the movie only featured male terrorists. A noticeable difference, specifically for film viewers who have read the book Nothing Lasts Forever, it reveals small differences between the book and film. Die Hard is one of the images that is most persistent as well as being the most gratifying. As it shows that for the title character, Maclean, for him, it is indeed: HARD TO DIE. This means that the moments in the entire film are held in the definition of the measure of being acoustically loud since the violence is un-toned. Violent scenes are highly graphical and Commented [VGG13]: What? This wording does not make sense. no regard is given as to how the viewer might take it all in. This culminates in adrenalinepumping action scenes. One such instance being the initial fight scene that takes place with no gunfire exchange, even though it is presented in hard fought physical hand to hand combat, in contrast with the book. However, despite the triumph of McClean, he is left battered and bloody in the course of the fight that reveals his heroism.
Exam # 50050600 10 In the case of Die Hard, the director makes the attempt of portraying the movie in as proximity as possible to real life, in an effort to make the viewer accept the film as a realistic and a true reflection of everyday life. Assumptions regarding the realism of the film are normally linked to indexical concepts that prevail amidst the photographic imagery. This is turn constitutes part of the bifurcation amidst realism and formalism within film theories (Matthew 47). Commented [VGG14]: Okay so, are you saying you want to argue that the book version is less realistic / relatable and the movie version is much more realistic / relatable? That could be a good start to a thesis argument, but you would need to push a little further to argue what the overall result or significance is of the book being less realistic / relatable. Is the result that the movie is much more popular than the book? Roderick Thorpe, the author of Nothing Lasts Forever helps us to perceive how such theories regarding the nature of cinematic imagery can transform the era of practices of digital imagery as well as notions which lay in the indexical basis of the realism of films that require close examination. Such an approach to realism in the film is possibly the most elementary theoretical perception of the foundation of realism in film. This is established in the view of photographic imagery unlike indexical signs or paintings in contrast with the book. Critiques of the film Die Hard have to be faced with its dramatic positive depiction and focus and perceptual-cognitive realism. This is because most of its violent scenes explore the Commented [VGG15]: Confusing wording. cognitive realism that provides a realistic portrayal (Bryant 15). In comparison with the book, part of this challenge is based on the analysis of realism as the taking of film cultures in increased familiarity in as sense whereby challenges do not seem to be concerned (Helena 55). In certain circles, the normative injunction of a film being required to increase the realism on the screen adheres from the film's indexical quality. This is established
Exam # 50050600 11 on the collection of empirical investigations of claims regarding the spectators such that they are theorized based on the trans-historic desire of man to arrest time and death through the realist representation fulfilled in films. It is important to note the ending of Nothing Lasts Forever is different from the film Die Hard. The booking ending less optimistically, for example, the audience is left with the suggestion of the main character possibly succumbing to his wounds the resulting in his death. The book is so detailed and exploits a detailed and lengthy story, this not being possible to produce a movie that appeals to the audience, as action movies tend to have fast paced story lines to accommodate the need for loud, and graphic action sciences. Less focus tends to be in character development in action movies and more on providing an entertaining experience beyond the average life of daily life. Audiences are attracted to movies for many reasons, movies require little effort unlike the task of reading, attraction to celebrities, Stunning scenes produced by improved technologies and sound effects, creates an experience that is pleasing to person senses and creates an enjoyable experience. Novels on the other hand can be a subjective experience to the reader, regardless the details and how well written the story may be, the experience is subject to the reader s perspective, reflection, and interpretation of the story. In this case, the novel tends to be a lengthy book, which may not appeal to many readers as it takes the time to read, many details can be lost with breaks in reading or perhaps some may lose interest in completing the book. reading is often an independent activity, and as humans have a desire to interact with people, movies can offer an
Exam # 50050600 12 opportunity to share the experience with a companion, sharing the same experience can be a way to spend quality time and bonding over mutual enjoyment. There are many similarities between the book and the movie, however with the success of the movie and the Die Hard and the franchise that proceeded has with movies, TV shows, video games and numerous awards received has resulted in a memorable experience lasting more than twenty years outlasting the action films preceding its release. The popularity of this movie and the Franchise as resulted in the book fading into history and out of the mainstream media. Works Cited Bryant, L. Nick, S. Harma, G. Continental materialism, and realism. Victoria.6.2011.Print Helena, B. Rick, B. Film enjoyment in the narrative function of experience and perception of transported realism. Communications.36. 2011. Print Matthew, B. Realism adventures. Adventures in Realism.1. 2008.Print McTiernan, J. Die Hard. Gordon Company. 1988.Print Roderick, T. Nothing Lasts Forever. W.W Norton and Company.1st Edition. 1979.Print