SUMMER 2015 A Bereavement Newsletter from Seasons Hospice Foundation for Every Season A Wish Come True Gi s om her favorite band brighten Jessica s final days To say Jessica Williamson loved music would be a bit of an understatement. Growing up, she went to as many concerts as her busy schedule would allow. She truly had a song in her heart! Last summer, the 31-year-old mother of three traveled to Indianapolis with her husband Lance to see the British rock band Mumford & Sons. Despite weakening health caused by a nearly four-year battle with cancer, Jessica braved the crowds to hear her favorite band play. We only had lawn seats, Lance recalls. But Jessica said it was the best concert she had ever been to. I think she felt it was like a religious experience of sorts. When Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care Social Worker Laura Kaiser met with Jessica and Lance earlier this year, they talked about a lot of things, including Jessica s love of music. Jessica mentioned two music groups she loved, Laura remembers. One of them was Mumford & Sons. Going to another concert was out of the question, though; Jessica s health was seriously compromised, and she was too weak to travel. Instead, Jessica said her final wish would be to get the band s autographs as a remembrance of the unforgettable time she and Lance shared at the concert last year. That s when Laura contacted the Seasons Hospice Foundation about granting Jessica s very special wish. (continued on pg. 2) small things matter the most
(continued from pg. 1) Sometimes patients wishes are more complicated, explains Marisa Smith, National Wish & Community Relations Coordinator for Seasons Hospice Foundation. They may dream of going on a long-delayed honeymoon, attending a family reunion out of state or seeing a final game by a favorite sports team. Seasons Hospice Foundation works collaboratively with the clinical teams at Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care to carry out patients wishes, thereby creating lasting memories for patients and their loved ones. Just days before Jessica s 31st birthday, a package arrived at her door all the way from London, England. Inside were handwritten notes from Mumford & Sons, T-shirts for her children and a DVD of their songs. Jessica was elated and showed off her gifts to friends and family who came to visit. She was very happy that they went out of their way for someone they didn t know at all, Lance added. A Seasons music therapist also recorded a special legacy project for Jessica that brought even more happiness. Though she drifted in and out of sleep much of the time, Jessica s waking moments were filled, however briefly, with the music she treasured. Just days after her 31st birthday, Jessica passed away. Her life, though short, touched many, many people in her hometown of Greencastle, Ind. I attended her funeral in a small country church, and there were no seats left when I arrived, Laura said. People were forming a line down the stairs and out of the church. She was definitely a very special lady. She was definitely a very special lady. Because of you, Seasons Hospice Foundation is able to make wishes like Jessica s come true. For more information about our wish program, please call Seasons Hospice Foundation at 847-692-1000 or visit www.seasonsfoundation.org. Laura Kaiser SHPC Social Worker 2
Have You Laughed Today? By Nancy Sherman, LICSW Watch any group of children, and you ll find laughter. Children, who view life as a joyful, happy and carefree experience, laugh about 400 times a day. Adults, on the other hand, only laugh about 25 times a day that s just a little more than 5 percent of the laughing children do. As we become older, most of us let go of the opportunities to laugh frequently and heartily. Yet, years ago, even King Solomon knew that A cheerful heart is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22). Studies have shown that there are numerous physiological benefits to laughter. Chuckle and you ll reduce your blood pressure while increasing the oxygen in your blood. You ll feel a burst of energy, and an increase in the endorphins in your system, which promote a sense of well-being. It boosts your immune system, which increases disease-fighting antibodies and improves pain relief. Overall, it reduces stress hormones. One of the earliest believers and advocates for the connection between laughter and healing, author Norman Cousins, believed so profoundly in the power of positive thinking, that he could actually promote a deep and pain-free sleep by engaging in a few hearty belly laughs. In his book, Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient, he writes how he decided to partly treat his serious and debilitating illness by watching Marx Brothers movies and reruns of Candid Camera. Amazingly, he was eventually cured. So how can you bring more laughter into your life? Try a few of these ideas, and you ll find that laughing becomes infectious and increasingly easier. Don t worry if it feels false or forced at first. Keep practicing and soon it will seem natural and even welcome. Look for humor, even in difficult situations. Read cartoons. Watch a funny movie. Watch tapes of stand-up comics. Watch TV sitcoms. Visit friends who make you laugh. Try smiling; then laughter is not far behind. Practice laughing 5 minutes a day. Fake it if you need to; it will take over eventually. Wave at yourself whenever you see a mirror. Try to do at least one silly thing a day. Watch children to see what brings them delight. Life can be a very serious matter for most of us, yet, more than ever, we need the healing effects of humor. If you can learn to incorporate some of these activities into your life on a regular basis, you will find that you are smiling and laughing more and more. What s the best part of incorporating laughter into your life? You get instant results, you don t need any special training or talent, it s free, and it has no known side effects. It s hard to understand why everyone isn t doing it! Beyond its physical benefits, laughter, or seeing the humor in situations, can also alleviate tensions in our relationship with others, and help put our lives into perspective. Use laughter as a safety valve to help take the edge off otherwise stressful situations. Sigmund Freud saw humor as a defense mechanism that allows people to face difficult situations without being overwhelmed. Laughing is even beneficial when people are grieving a loss. Oftentimes, people are almost afraid to laugh when they are grieving, fearing it will signify a lack of caring or that they are forgetting the deceased. But, we re learning that laughter is a powerful force that can encourage healing of a broken heart. 3
Seasons Remembered: Leaving a Legacy Program At Seasons Hospice Foundation, we believe in celebrating a loved one s legacy and finding creative ways to honor their memory. Legacy programs are brought to you by the Seasons Hospice Foundation in partnership with Seasons Hospice & Palliative. We provide programs and services which extend beyond the borders of the traditional hospice benefit. Each legacy project that is completed is special and unique. The following legacy projects that have been completed by volunteers, staff, and patients can bring comfort and peace for grieving family members. Nancy was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and due to her illness, she lost a significant amount of weight. She had a limited income and couldn t afford to buy clothes that fit her. The Foundation approved funds to buy Nancy new clothes that fit her properly. Initially planning a winter weather trip to Texas to see her son, Jimmy, his wife and her grandchild that she hadn t met, Nancy ultimately decided to move there to be closer to them. And, on her birthday, she was presented with a suitcase full of goodies to prepare for her move. Nancy loved her brightly colored clothes, undergarments, personal hygiene items, and new shoes. She says that now she has the means to look as good as Seasons makes her feel. Wes had lived a long and productive life. Afflicted with ES Parkinson s disease, memories of events in his life had begun to slip away. The Seasons team felt a legacy project encouraging him to recount his story in pictures would be beneficial for his emotional and mental well-being. Wes, an amateur photographer, had amassed hundreds of photos over the years. Seasons staff searched through them to select special images. Wes became more engaged week after week as he shared anecdotes inspired by the photos. He said he felt like he had a purpose when he had the task of picking photographs. On his 90th birthday, Wes viewed the DVD of his chosen photographs set to his favorite songs. His reaction was priceless as he experienced a wide array of emotions watching his images appear on the screen. At the conclusion of the DVD, he said proudly, I have lived a good life. Each time Wes is feeling anxious, his family plays the DVD for him, saying that watching it lessens his anxiety. The DVD is also a treasure to his children, who were grateful to see their father s life set to pictures and share in those memories with him. 4 This handmold was created for a young couple who had just renewed their vows. It took all of his strength and energy to do the mold, but it was important to his bride, so the husband persevered; he died just a few days later. Jean wanted to leave a legacy behind so family members could hear her life stories and benefit from the wisdom of lessons she learned along the way. A combination of recorded audio interviews, along with treasured photographs and memorabilia were used to create a video DVD for her family. Sadly, Jean passed away before the project was completed, but she was comforted knowing her lessons would be passed on to her family. Jean s legacy DVD was presented to her son and daughter-in-law so it could be played at the Memorial Service. The family held a private viewing of the DVD prior to the service and were remarkably touched to hear their mother s voice telling stories, some of which they had never heard before. It feels like she s still with us in a way, her son said. Jean s legacy was shared with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and will be treasured for generations to come. www.seasonsfoundation.org
Memorial Gardens: Creating a Lasting Tribute to Your Loved One By Luisa Kcomt, LMSW Vice President of Operations & Program Development for Seasons Hospice Foundation Nature reminds us that life is a cycle. Through nature, we witness new birth, new growth and experience a new hope. The first signs of spring give us hope that the cold, grey days of winter are almost over. With each passing day, new sprouts of green offer the promise that beauty and warmth will eventually return. As spring evolves into summer, we smell the lush blooms in the garden and bask in the shade of the trees. Like the transitions of the seasons, emerging from the pain of grief is a process that begins with signs that might be easy to miss. Without even realizing it, we may have slept through the night, enjoyed a laugh with a friend, or savored the taste of a favorite food assurances that we, too, will feel whole again. One very positive way to cope with grief is to plant a memorial garden in honor of your loved one. Creating a living, lasting tribute offers us a place to grieve, reflect and take comfort in our loved one s memory. A memorial garden can take the form of a single rosebush placed in a container on your patio or deck, or a grouping of plants in a corner of your backyard. The size and shape aren t important. What matters most is that the garden is meaningful to you and comes from the heart. To get you started, take some time to consider the following: Was your loved one fond of a particular type of flower, tree or shrub? Did they have a favorite season, color or hobby that you can incorporate into your garden? This is your opportunity to let their unique personality shine through. For added inspiration, research the meaning of flowers on the Internet to pick ones that suit their spirit. And remember to involve your family and friends in your decision-making. Talking about your plans offers a wonderful way to share memories and offer each other comfort and support. Choose plants that represent your relationship with your loved one or your feelings for them (e.g., Forget-Me-Nots) or flowers that represent the month of their birth (e.g., daisies for April, lilies of the valley for May, roses for June, etc.). Incorporate other elements such as statuary, a water fountain or garden stones. Flags can be used for a veteran who has passed. If you re limited on space or don t have a backyard, look into planting a garden in a public space. Many communities offer green space for individuals to plant in. Did your loved one frequent a special park or hike a favorite trail? Consider planting a tree, dedicating a bench or donating a special shrub in their honor. No matter what the location or final result, the goal is to create a space that s sacred to you where you can go to spend quiet time and reflect on your loved one. And most importantly, just as you tend to your garden with love and care, be gentle with yourself during this season of transition. 5
Helping Others through SEASONS HOSPICE FOUNDATION A gift to Seasons Hospice Foundation marks the love and joy that someone brought to our lives, while also helping other patients and their families. You can be confident that your generous gi is used to enrich lives. Your gi stays close to home and makes a difference to the patients and families in the communities where your honoree was cared for by Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care. To honor your loved one by making a gift or to learn more about the Seasons Hospice Foundation, please visit seasonsfoundation.org or call 847-692-1000. 6400 Shafer Ct., Suite 700 Rosemont, IL 60018 RETURN TO SENDER IF UNDELIVERABLE forevery seasonsfoundation.org Season If our mailing records need to be updated, or if you would like to receive this newsletter electronically, please contact Seasons Hospice Foundation at 847-692-1000, ext. 4. SUPPORT Beginning in July, Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care is offering online bereavement groups which are open to all family and friends whose loved ones were served at any of our locations nationwide. The initial four groups are: 1. Teen Grief Group 2. Loss of a Spouse or Partner 3. Adult Loss of a Parent 4. Men s Grief Group For specific dates and times of these online bereavement groups, please contact bereavement@seasons.org. S E A S O N S H O S P I C E B E R E AV E M E N T G R O U P S Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care of Connecticut 1579 Straits Turnpike, Unit 1E Middlebury, CT 06762 203-490-1000 Toll free: 866-244-2199 What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like. - Augustine 6