Sense of Humor Test. An Entertaining Back-to-School Activity for Young Scholars By Margaret Whisnant ISBN

Sense of Humor Test Test your sense of humor by spotting the correct missing words and phrases from each of the following actual quotes from real people. Some of them were trying to be funny. Others were not. Do some research to verify your choices. Write the letters of the answers in the blanks to the left. Yogi-isms from Yogi Berra Elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 1972. 1. Always go to other people s funerals, otherwise (A) they ll think you don t like them, (B) you will get a bad reputation, (C) they won t go to yours. 2. You got to be very careful if you don t know where you re going, because (A) you might not get there, (B) you might go somewhere else, (C) you won t know it when you get there. 3. When you come to a fork in the road, (A) have lunch, (B) go back to where you started, (C) take it. 4. It ain t over (A) til it s over, (B) until the end, (C) until the game ends. 5. No one goes there anymore because (A) nobody s there, (B) it s too crowded, (C) it s not in the same place. 6. You can observe a lot by (A) watching, (B) traveling, (C) listening. 7. Baseball is 90% mental. The (A) rest belongs to the players, (B) other half is physical, (C) rest is practice. 8. Why buy good luggage? You (A) can t take a lot with you, (B) only use it to hide your clothes, (C) only use it when you travel. 9. I m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them (A) learn from real books, (B) walk to school like I did, (C) learn at school. 10. When asked how he liked school, Yogi Berra answered (A) Closed. (B) It was OK after I graduated. (C) I liked it better than it liked me. Politicians Speak 11. I love California. I practically (A) grew up in Phoenix, (B) live there part of the time, (C) think it should be the biggest state. (Vice-President Dan Quayle) 12. I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good (A) mistakes, too, (B) judgments today, (C) judgments in the future. (Vice-President Dan Quayle) 13. The Internet is a gateway to (A) the world or computers, (B) get on the net, (C) a different kind of space. (Senator Bob Dole) 14. I have opinions of my own strong opinions but I (A) don t always agree with them, (B) have a hard time expressing them, (C) don t always know what they are. (President George Bush) 15. Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that (A) teach our children, (B) doesn t get elected, (C) might succeed successfully. (Vice-President Dan Quayle) 16. When the President does it, that means that (A) it s something supported by his party, (B) it s not illegal, (C) somebody will find it interesting. (President Richard Nixon) 1

Sense of Humor Test continued 17. The President has kept all the promises (A) he made, (B) he could, (C) he intended to keep. (President Bill Clinton s presidential aide George Stephanopolous) 18. What a waste it is to lose one s mind. Or (A) not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. (B) not educating your mind is wasteful. (C) never failing to use a mind is wasteful. (Vice-President Dan Quayle) 19. Rarely is the question asked: Is (A) our children learning? (B) education educating our children? (C) education worth learning? (President George W. Bush) 20. In America any boy may become President and I suppose (A) girls should, too, (B) it s just one of the risks he takes, (C) he ought to be. (Adlai Stevenson) 21. It s clearly a budget. It s (A) got a lot of numbers in it, (B) a lot more pages than is necessary, (C) all about money. (President George W. Bush) 22. I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but (A) I don t live near the ocean, (B) I am a good swimmer, (C) I can t get my wife to go swimming. (President Jimmy Carter) 23. I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if (A) I m in a cabinet meeting, (B) it is the middle of the day, (C) I m not asleep. (President Ronald Reagan) 24. It s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could (A) win this election, (B) go one way or another, (C) forget to vote. (George Bush) 25. I don t make jokes. I just (A) watch the government and report the facts, (B) talk about normal people, (C) have many friends in Washington. (American Humorist Will Rogers) Funny on Purpose Quotes from Comedians Past and Present 26. I never forget a face, but (A) I wish I could forget yours, (B) in your case, I ll be glad to make an exception, (C) yours is forgettable. (Groucho Marx 1895-1977) 27. If you live to be one hundred, you ve got it made, Very few people (A) try to give you advice, (B) need money after 90, (C) die past that age. (George Burns 1896-1996) 28. Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is (A) a way to keep from drowning, (B) a game with water, (C) just another way to take a bath. (George Carlin 1937-2008) 29. By the time you re eighty years old, you ve learned everything. You only have to (A) use it, (B) remember it, (C) figure out what to do with it. (George Burns 1898-1998) 30. If your parents never had children, chances are (A) you re an only child, (B) you won t either, (C) they didn t want any. (Talk Show Host Dick Cavett) 31. The pen is mightier than the sword, and (A) considerably easier to write with, (B) easier to carry around, (C) it never needs sharpening. (Marty Feldman1933-1982) 32. If it weren t for electricity, we d all be (A) sleeping without night lights, (B) watching television by candlelight, (C) driving at night with flashlights. ( 50s T.V. Personality George Gobel 1919-1991) 33. The best cure for insomnia is to (A) plan to stay awake, (B) never fall off the couch, (C) get a lot of sleep. (W. C. Fields 1880-1946) 34. I ve never been jealous. Not even when my dad (A) finished fifth grade a year before I did, (B) drove the best truck, (C) owned a two-pump gas station. (Jeff Foxworthy) 35. Why do they call it rush hour when (A) nobody is in a hurry, (B) nothing moves, (C) it takes a whole morning? (Robin Williams) 2

Sense of Humor Test Part Two Here s another chance to test your sense of humor by predicting the final part of each of the following quotes. Use the internet or reference books to verify your choices. Write the letters of the answers you picked in the blanks to the left. Yogi-isms Yogi Berra Speaks 1. You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I m (A) going to eat the whole thing, (B) not hungry enough to eat six, (C) have two friends with me. 2. I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I (A) took a friend with me, (B) bought more than one ticket, (C) left early. 3. A nickel ain t worth (A) a dime anymore, (B) five cents, (C) the paper it s printed on. 4. If people don t want to come out to the ballpark, (A) you can t make them, (B) they can t watch the game, (C) how are you going to stop them? 5. In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice (A) there is, (B) there is no theory, (C) there is only baseball. 6. In reference to a lost baseball game...we made too many (A) bad errors, (B) wrong mistakes, (C) missed hits. 7. When someone asked Yogi, What time is it? He answered (A) Daytime., (B) You mean now? (C) I don t have time. 8. At a spring training drill, Yogi instructed his players to (A) Pair off in threes. (B) Square off in two circles. (C) Watch their p s and two s. 9. You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn t enough, in the second half you (A) give another 10%, (B) give it all over again, (C) give what s left. 10. I usually take a two hour nap from (A) the last half of the day, (B) one to four, (C) when I first wake up. 11. A reporter asked Yogi, What would you do if you found a million dollars? Yogi said, (A) I d spend a few before I gave it back. (B) If the guy was poor, I d give it back. (C) Keep going back to the place where I found it. 12. It s tough to make predictions, especially (A) about the future, (B) when you don t know what is going to happen, (C) when you can t see around corners. 13. How can you hit (A) and run without a pitcher, (B) without playing the game, (C) and think at the same time? 14. Never answer (A) an anonymous letter, (B) a question you cannot understand, (C) the phone when you don t know who is calling. 15. I never said (A) most of what you have heard, (B) most of the things I said, (C) I do not make wrong errors. Thoughts from Entertainers Past and Present 16. Just go up to somebody on the street and say (A) Is that your real hair? (B) Would you like to have my autograph? (C) You re it! and then run away. (Ellen DeGeneres) 3

17. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you (A) don t mind, it doesn t matter, (B) can lie well about your age, it doesn t matter, (C) get as old as I am, it doesn t matter. ( Jack Benny 1894-1974) 18. You d be surprised how much it costs to (A) look this cheap, (B) be rich, (C) be a blonde. (Dolly Parton) 19. I have been told that the training procedure with cats is difficult. It s not. (A) It s impossible. (B) Mine had me trained in two days. (C) Just let them do as they please. (Bill Dana) 20. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to (A) run to the hospital, and make it quick, (B) stop going to those two places, (C) quit while I was ahead. ( Henny Youngman 1906-1998) 21. Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school, I was so smart my teacher (A) was in my class for five years, (B) kept sending me to another class, (C) let me grade my own papers. (Gracie Allen 1895-1964) 22. Weather forecast for tonight: (A) a shower of stars, (B) the same as today, (C) dark. (George Carlin 1937-2008) 23. When you step on the brakes, (A) you better want to stop, (B) your life is in your foot s hands, (C) you have to start all over. (George Carlin 1937-2008) 24. I m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I m not dumb, and (A) I also know that I m not blonde, (B) I m too rich to be offended, (C) I also know its brunettes who make the jokes. (Dolly Parton) 25. When you don t know what you re talking about, it s (A) hard to know when you re finished, (B) not likely you will be proven wrong, (C) easy to fool yourself. (Tommy Smothers) 26. I grew up with six brothers. That s how I learned to dance (A) stepping over shoes and dirty clothes, (B) ducking flying objects, (C) waiting for the bathroom. (Bob Hope 1903-2003) 27. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like (A) trying to straighten things up in a wind storm, (B) shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing, (C) making a down payment on a loaf of bread. ( Phyllis Diller) 28. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but (A) only from one room to the next, (B) I always found them, (C) both of them were dancers. (Rodney Dangerfield 1921-2004) 29. As a child, my family s menu consisted of two choices: (A) clean your plate or else, (B) leftovers or food from the last meal, (C) take it or leave it. (Buddy Hackett) 30. I hate housework! You make the bed, you do the dishes, and (A) six months later you have to start all over again, (B) nobody notices, (C) then it s time to eat and sleep again. (Joan Rivers) 31. I was a vegetarian until I (A) painted every room in my house green, (B) started leaning toward the sunlight, (C) got a look at a soy bean. (Rita Rudner) 32. Red meat is not bad for you. Now, (A) painting it another color is, (B) blue-green meat. That s bad for you, (C) eating plant roots couldn t be much better. (Tommy Smothers) 33. I couldn t wait for success, so I (A) went ahead without it, (B) started before I should, (C) practiced being patient. (Jonathan Winters) 34. Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will (A) get ahead of himself, (B) be able to travel in only one direction, (C) catch up with himself in a great rear end collision. (James Thurber 1894-1961) 4

I Couldn t Stop Laughing! What was the funniest thing you saw, heard, or did during summer break? What was it that caused you to chortle, choke, guffaw, gambol, fall over, and wipe tears from your eyes? (If you don t know whether you did all of these things or not, grab a dictionary!) You didn t get into trouble, did you? Now would be a good time to immortalize your experience on paper and share it with others. Below is an organizer to help you do just that. Use the empty boxes to enter information about the main ideas listed to the left. When you finish, write a composition about your snickering breakdown. Where I was and why I was there... Other people who were involved... What was going on just before the funny stuff happened... The thing that made me crack up.. What happened afterwards... 5

Keys Sense of Humor Test Part One Part Two 1. C 1. B 2. A 2. C 3. C 3. A 4. A 4. C 5. B 5. A 6. C 6. B 7. B 7. B 8. C 8. A 9. B 9. C 10. A 10. B 11. A 11. B 12. C 12. A 13. B 13. C 14. A 14. A 15. A 15. B 16. B 16. C 17. C 17. A 18. A 18. A 19. A 19. B 20. B 20. B 21. A 21. A 22. C 22. C 23. A 23. B 24. B 24. A 25. A 25. B 26. B 26. C 27. C 27. B 28. A 28. B 29. B 29. C 30. B 30. A 31. A 31. C 32. B 32. B 33. C 33. A 34. A 34. C 35. B Other Ideas: Students will be unfamiliar with many of the names from the political arena and the entertainment industry a perfect opportunity for research and writing. Why not create a Funny People bulletin board composed of quotes from the activity and student-created biographies? A companion display featuring student writing responses to I Couldn t Stop Laughing would complete a great back-to-school combination. 6