Boob Sweat By Ariana Coyle & Kirsten Walz Director: Charlotte Guerry Producers: Brooke Ross and Abdel Eleish
INT. SCHAFFER BUICK - DAY - 1973 MICHIGAN, SUMMER (12, Little Miss Sunshine-esque) sits in the back, headphones connected to a TRANSISTOR RADIO atop her head. Aladdin Sane plays, she sways along. SMOKE from an unknown source blows in her face. (yelling over her music) THIS IS GOOD RIGHT HERE! The car SCREECHES to a stop. A carton of CIGARETTES spills on the floor. Widen to reveal a 1973 BUICK driven by Francis mom, MRS. SCHAFFER (40, overweight and chain-smoking).! MRS. SCHAFFER Francis rips her headphones off. MRS. SCHAFFER You scared the holy hell out of me! Are you kidding? Francis picks up loose cigarettes from the floor. She puts the cigarettes back in her mom s pocket, and steals THREE CIGARETTES for herself. You can drop me off here. MRS. SCHAFFER Fine, fine. Tell the girls I say hello. Gimme a kiss. EXT. SCHAFFER BUICK - MOMENTS LATER Francis grabs an enormous POOL FLOATY and then closes the door. The car pulls away. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY Francis passes a few houses, eventually arriving at the entrance to a community pool. On the lawn outside, (12) and (11) sit with their own floaties.
2. What s up, ya boobies? Francis pig piles on top of Rosie, both giggling. Francis and Jan do a secret handshake. TITLE CARD: BOOB SWEAT EXT. PUBLIC POOL - DAY Francis, Jan, and Rosie lay atop their floaties next to the side of the pool, smoking Mrs. Schaffer s cigarettes and coughing. A TELEPHONE BOOTH is behind them. In the distance, Francis sees Rosie s sister (16, too hot for her own good) playing footsie with NATE (17, too hot for his own good). (to Rosie) Look at your sister! The girls watch as Robin and Nate start to make out. Robin looks up.! Please! Get a room! Oh, bite me you guys. They start making out again. That s the guy she met on Pipeline Chat. All they do is make out all the time. No way. I know, it s gross. No, they met on the phone?
3. Yeah. You call a number and they pair you with a random person. It s weird. I think that s kind of romantic. Francis watches them make out closely. Have you guys kissed anybody before? Ew, no. I don t want somebody s face that close to mine. I almost had sex with Jake Rubin at his bat mitzvah. You had SEX? Almost- we played some serious tongue hockey, though. That s the first step before sex, obviously. Oy vey. My teeth were in the way a little bit but it was killer. I bet. Beat. Jan smiles wide. Beat. (to Francis) Odds you call Pipeline Chat? Don t you do it.
4. 1 in... 43., NO. Ready? Set... Go-- AND (together) Sixteen. Jan SQUEALS, Rosie a GROANS, and Francis GASPS. You don t have to do this. She walks up to the telephone poll. You never back out of an odd. Never. Francis dials a phone number. ANIMATED TELEPHONE OPERATOR You have a match! Say hello. (into the phone) Hello? UNKNOWN VOICE (V.O.) Hi. What re you doing? Just hanging out. Jan makes a cigarette smoking gesture.... Smoking. Bogeing cigarettes.
5. UNKNOWN VOICE (V.O.) Oh. That s cool. She hears another VOICE in the background. UNKNOWN VOICE (V.O.) So, uh, what re you wearing? (puzzled) Limited edition Bowie glitter glam eyeshadow...my burger swimsuit-- UNKNOWN VOICE (V.O.) --Wait, burger swimsuit? Yeah it has a big mac on the front. It s awesome. Francis? UNKNOWN VOICE (V.O.) The girls whip around and see: and ANTHONY (12, the coolest boys in the 7th grade) standing on the other side of the pool, talking on the phone at a similar booth. Francis! The girls GASP. Francis holds the phone down. Holy crap, it s Bobby Crisafoli and Anthony Jarzembowski. A dreamy HAZE forms around Bobby. (whispering) Does Bobby Crisafoli have a... stache? That s wicked. ANGLE ON: the few whispy hairs on Bobby s upper lip. He s a man now. ANTHONY (from across the pool) Aren t ya too young for Pipeline?
6. Francis snaps out of her dream. Aren t you? ANTHONY We could be murderers! So could we! (interrupting) Do you guys really have cigarettes? The girls hold them up. Cool. AND ANTHONY What are you guys doing later? Jan pulls Francis and Rosie into a huddle, then takes Francis face in her hands. The fates are aligning, Frankie! You re gonna tongue Bobby Crisafoli!!! The man of your dreams since 4th grade. The girls SQUEAL, both grossed out and excited. INSERT: I don t wanna kiss him by myself! Then I ll french Anthony. Show you ladies what it s about. No way, you guys. Our parents would be so mad. My parents are going to the supper club tonight... We could hang out in the Silver Bullet.
7. An old-timey 1960s ad for a Silver Bullet Airstream. All leopard-print interior, entirely groovy, perfect for a good time. OUT OF INSERT. Yes! No! I don t wanna get in trouble guys, and I don t wanna kiss any kind of boy. You don t have to. Me and Frankie are on smooch duty. You can be on lookout outside the Bullet. Rosie, do it for your friends. Francis holds out a homemade bracelet reading"," Jan holds out a similar bracelet reading "." Rosie hesitates for a moment, then- Oh, holy heck. Fine. She holds out her wrist, her bracelet reads "Frankie." Francis and Jan CHEER. Francis whips back around to be on the phone. You guys wanna come to my place tonight? My dad s Airstream is in the driveway and it s really cool. I could probably steal more of my mom s ciggys, too. The boys whisper to each other for a moment. (to Francis) Yeah, that sounds real cool.
8. INT. SCHAFFER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DUSK Francis, Jan, and Rosie sit on the floor and do each other s makeup. Robin, still wearing her bathing suit, reads a magazine on the couch. Mr. and Mrs. Schaffer enter wearing similar outfits. MR. SCHAFFER The finest looking ladies this side of the Missisippi! Dad, stop. MRS. SCHAFFER (to Robin) Thanks for looking after the girls tonight. The supper club s number is on the fridge. (to all of the girls) Love you! Be good. The girls mumble goodbyes, the Shaffers leave. The boys will be here in a half hour. Rosie, we ll go clean the Bullet. Frankie, stay here, get centered for your big moment. Francis gulps. Jan puts her hands on Frankie s shoulders. We re here for you. Jan and Rosie leave, doing a strange, stiff dance. Robin watches them, brow furrowed. She notices Francis looking panicked. What s up, Frank? Robin, we ve known each other for a long time, right? Robin puts her magazine down and smiles. (CONT D) Can you help me with something?
9. Sure. How do I impress a boy? Oh, Frankie. You re too young. I m gonna be 13 in 4 months. Well, first you should know that you don t need to impress anyone. Okay? Like, no boys are good enough for Francis Schaffer. Yeah. Got it. (beat) But, what s something you can do to get them... in the mood? Robin raises her eyebrows, laughing. To get them in the mood? Well, boys like it when girls can dance well. We ve thought of that. We have a dance prepared. (giggling) Okay, well, how about a romantic movie? A romance? Okay, I can do that. She stands and darts upstairs. INT. SCHAFFER HOUSE - PARENTS BEDROOM - DUSK Francis enters the very 70s looking bedroom. Stacked on a bookshelf are dozens of PROJECTOR REELS, individually labeled. Each shelf is labeled as well: GORE, COMEDY, ROMANCE. Francis chooses "ROMANCE," titles range from "The Graduate" to "Casablanca" to "The Sound of Music."
10. She hears noise from outside and peers out the window. Bobby and Anthony are outside the Silver Bullet, Jan lets them in. Jan gestures to Francis to come down. Frantically, Francis chooses a movie at random: "The Summer of 69." She rushes out the door. EXT. SCHAFFER HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER Francis sprints to the Silver Bullet, projector reel in hand. She is greeted by a very stressed out Rosie. (in one breath) Well, fancy seeing you here, Frank! The boys are already inside and Jan s in there alone and your parents are gonna be back soon and you better hurry up with this smooch because I gotta pee and I don t know how much longer I can hold it-- (interrupting) Thanks Rose. Go get em. Francis turns and walks into the-- INT. SILVER BULLET - MOMENTS LATER Anthony and Bobby (both wearing matching red, white, and blue sweatbands) sit side by side on cheetah print beanbag chairs. Jan stands in front of them, clearly improvising. (relieved) The lady of the hour arrives! Hey, Frankie. Francis enters the room timidly. Hi, Bob. Welcome to the Bullet.
11. ANTHONY Yeah, it s pretty neat. Not as neat as those smokes you had earlier. Still have some for us? Aw, no. I forgot to steal more from my mom. Jan shoots Francis a dirty look. Oh. ANTHONY That s okay. The four share an uncomfortably long silence. Then, Jan starts to do the rehearsed dance to no music. It is painfully stiff. She gestures to Francis to join her. She does. The boys exchange uncomfortable glances. Do you want us to dance too? No, no you boys stay comfortable. We ll do the dancing for you. ANTHONY Do you guys want to put on music to dance to? Oh, the silence is nice. (to Francis) Francis, why don t you put on that movie you brought for us? Francis dances towards the projector and inserts the reel. This is something I got from my parents. Something to set the mood. She presses play. The title card, "Summer of Love" projects. Suddenly, a hardcore porn comes up on the screen. It starts with a very 70s couple threeway kissing, then the two women put the man s penis into a device called the "love crank." The kids scream as if they witnessed a murder. Francis tries desperately to turn off the porno, but it seems to be getting louder. Jan bursts into tears, Anthony tears at his eyes, Bobby runs around the trailer.
12. Suddenly, Rosie bursts into the trailer, followed quickly by Robin. (gesturing to Robin) I tried to stop her!!! But she heard the screaming-- Rosie looks at the screen and starts screaming herself. Robin fully enters the trailer. What the fuck is going on-- She notices it too. She screams. Then, HEADLIGHTS flood the trailer. It s the Schaffer s, home from dinner. They all scream in unison. CUT TO: EXT. PUBLIC POOL - THE NEXT DAY Jan, Francis, and Rosie lay on their floaties. None of them smoke cigarettes. Frankie! (O.S) Francis looks up to see Bobby on the other side of the pool, waving. She looks down at her friends, who nod approvingly. She walks over to Bobby and sits next to him, her legs in the pool. Beat. I m so sorry about-- Don t be. They giggle. It was so weeeeeeird-- It was kind of funny. Yeah, I guess it was.
13. So I heard you just wanna kiss me. She looks away, embarrassed. (CONT D) Jan told Anthony who told me. Oh. Yeah. I do wanna kiss you. Well, why didn t you tell me that before? They look at each other, timidly. Then, Francis moves in and kisses Bobby. There is way too much teeth but even tongues him a little bit. The moment they break apart, she stands up and walks towards her friends. It looks like she s in an Aladdin Sane music video. She doesn t look back.