!"#$%&'()&#*$&%+",-./0 Ems Ginsburg Because whole worlds of writing can be boldly laid out / And then highlighted and vanish in a flash / at delete so it teaches / of impermanence and pain; / And because my computer and I are both brief / in this world, both foolish, and we have earthly fates... - Gary Snyder, Why I Take Good Care of My Macintosh Computer, 1998. SCENE 1 Ada sits alone on stage. She is in her late teens or early twenties, dressed in simple jeans and a t-shirt. The stage is bare except for acting blocks. We met in the summer after my senior year of high school. My parents introduced us; they said he d be able to help me cope with college. I d been anticipating it for weeks. MOTHER He s finally here. FATHER All yours. 44
(to ) Hello, what s your name? I don t know! What would you like to call me? How about Gary? I like that name. It suits you. Gary it is. What should I call you? My name s Ada. FATHER We ll leave the two of you alone. Bye, Dad. And thank you so much. Ada and Gary mime chattering animatedly. SCENE 2 Gary freezes. We headed off to college and we just...well, we just clicked. We d stay up all night, talking about nothing. Gary unfreezes. 45
I m really struggling with this writing. Six pages to go! Did you know that Megan from down the hall has a new favorite film? Pulp Fiction! No way! And one of the Olsen twins dropped out of college, and there was a tsunami in eastern Asia. That s terrible. A tragedy. Tell me more about people I know. I heard that Matt s struggling with the same paper you are, Lauren from your high school got a job as a civil war re-enactor, and Kara and Ben from your Intro to Film class are now in a relationship. A civil war reenactor? Really? It seems so. 46
Interesting. And Joni is really concerned with the feminist aftermath of the east Asian situation. Typical. I didn t even know tsunamis have feminist aftermaths. That s all I heard. Do you want me to look into it? Nah, I have way too much work to care about that. But Gary? Yeah? Is that guy who doesn t know I exist still single? It s complicated. Damn. Gary freezes again. 47
SCENE 3 We had some hard nights, too. A lot of hard nights. (pokes Gary on the shoulder, hard.) Gary, wake up. (rubbing his eyes) I m up, I m up. Alright, write this down. Gary picks up a pencil and paper and starts writing what she says. In her poem, Persephone Underground, Rita Dove is trying to convey -no, strike trying to convey. Replace that with satirizing. No, that s not what I mean. Give me some synonyms for convey. Uh, give me a second. (pause) Express, communicate, suggest, put across, put into words, get across. That s not what I m thinking of at all! (slaps Gary) You re useless. Sorry. I know what I know. You suck! You don t even know what word I m thinking of! 48
She slaps Gary again. Sorry. Strike out everything I told you to write. Okay. (crumbles up the paper) In case you were wondering, your ex and that skank he worked with at Dairy Queen are now engaged. What the-how did you even know that? I heard two of your high school chums congratulate them. I did not need this today, Gary. You should cut off ties with everyone involved. Will do. Your ex does want to talk to you though. He keeps telling me. Ignore him. We need to focus on Persephone Underground. Do you have any idea what Rita Dove is trying to convey? No clue. 49
But is she satirizing something? Your guess is as good as mine. Why can t you ever say anything useful? (She slaps him on the back of the head.) Answers for everything except what I need. Thanks a lot. Conflicts are rising in New Orleans today as looters are being shot on sight. Fuck you! (She pushes him away, he freezes, and her demeanor changes abruptly.) SCENE 4 But generally, we have a lot of fun together. Especially during summers away from school. Gary and Ada switch positions. Now they are sitting at a table, playing Scrabble. (singing) Why do you build me up, Buttercup baby just to let me down, and mess me around and then worst of all * 50
Hey Gary? Have you found me a job yet? Not yet. (continues singing) And worst of all, you never call baby when you say you will I m not feeling it. Next? (stops, then starts singing again) I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you ** Good, but not quite right. (again, stops and starts, rapping this time) Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk? I m gonna get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump!*** GOD no! How do you even know that song? Matt gave me a whole bunch of music, remember? Oh, right. Sing something else, Gary. (Silence.) Gary, sing something. (More silence.) Sing something, dummy! 51
(She slaps him.) (coming to life, singing) I hope that our last few remaining friends give up on trying to save us **** (over his singing) Much better. I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us. I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath our own weight... (Ada starts humming along now.) I hope we hang on past the last exit, I hope it s already too late. (joining in, singing) And I hope that the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down... SOUND: backing track of No Children by the Mountain Goats fades in AND (in unison) And I hope that the rising black smoke carries me far away, and I never come back to this town again. In my life, I hope I lie and tell everyone you were (I was) a good wife and I hope you die, I hope we both die... 52
SOUND: Music fades out. Gary freezes. SCENE 5 And then, senior year, I met Alan. He d bring over Laura and we d...socialize. Alan and Laura enter. Laura and Gary sit on the table. Alan and Ada sit in chairs opposite each other, in silence while Laura and Gary chatter nonsensically over each other about headlines, social gossip, etc. (interrupting, audible) Senator Obama has developed a sizable lead in the Pennsylvania polls Hey, Alan? (chatter stops) Yeah? Have you read that Obama s leading in Pennsylvania? Yeah, I read that. Thank god, right? Seriously, awesome. 53
A beat, then return to chatter. LAURA (again, audible; rapping loudly) I m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit! The dolphin s splashing, getting everybody all wet! But this ain t SeaWorld, it s as real as it gets! I m on a boat, motherfucker, don t you ever forget!***** Ugh. Cut it out. What, the song? But it s hilarious! After the tenth time, it s annoying. Sorry, hon. Just this one last time, okay? Then, no more. Whatever. (addressing Gary. Alan and Laura don t seem to hear.) Gary, tell everyone that my boyfriend is adorable, but sometimes I want to throttle his taste in music and his tendency to listen to the same song over and over. That message is too long, sorry. Never mind. Just say, I ll never understand men. 54
Got it. (beat) A marketing expert from Austin totally commiserates. Nice! (to Ada) Sorry for being a jackass. I promise I ll get over that song eventually. No, I m sorry. I don t mean to be prickly, I m just really struggling with this paper. It s okay. Want to take your mind off of it? For a few minutes, sure. They kiss. Everyone freezes, except Ada, who turns to face the audience. SCENE 6 We were a perfect team, Gary and I, until...until... Ada and Alan break their embrace and return to their seats. Alan is lost in thought. 55
It s ten p.m.! I know! I know! It s ten oh one p.m. Now! I m never going to finish this. You re the ten thousandth visitor! Want to fill out a survey and get a free ipod? Is your IQ higher than the president s? Want to lose fifty pounds in three weeks with the healing power of Açai? No, no, no well, yes, but no! Stop! Take the stupidity test! Explorer has encountered an error! Ringtones! Emoticons! Executable files! Stop! I just want to know the relationship between comedy of laughter and comedy of wit! Or, barring that, what total strangers think of my adventures in college! I m trying. Give me a minute. Okay. 56
(A beat, then she starts poking Gary repeatedly.) Nothing? (stilted) No I m it s oh Maybe you d better take a nap, Gary. She gently shuts his eyes with her fingertips and lays him down. Time passes the director can figure out that one. Hey. Time to wake up. (She shakes him.) Gary, wake up. (She shakes him harder.) Oh, god. (She checks his pulse.) He s gone. Is everything okay? Gary won t wake up. I m sure there s something we can do I checked his pulse. He s dead. Oh, Ada, sweetie. 57
He holds her, and she sobs into his shoulder. THE END Works Cited * Build Me Up Buttercup. d Abo/Macauley, 1968. ** God Only Knows. Wilson/Asher, 1966. *** My Humps. Black-Eyed Peas, 2005. **** No Children. John Darnielle, 2002. ***** I m On a Boat. Lonely Islands, 2009. 58