AUDITION PACKET BEINEKE
SCENE 4 (CENTRAL PARK) [SONG CONTINUES] (An avenue of trees deployed by the ANCESTORS, against the skyline of Ne York City. The BEINEKES:, and, enter.) ANCESTORS DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO OK, Lucas - enough is enough. Gimme the map. I don't see any houses. Because there aren't any, Alice. We're in the middle of some godforsaken park. Central Park, dear. (guidebook) "Designed in 1857 by - " Wait! What? & I kno here e are! It's here I first sa her! I as lost in the park and a pigeon dropped at my feet ith an arro in it! And I looked up and there she as - Wednesday, ith a crossbo. A hat? 26
A crossbo. You kno. This girl alks around ith a crossbo? It's OK dad, she has a permit. Good. Good choice son. Ok, listen up. No here's hat's going to happen. We're going back to the hotel. And you and I are gonna have a little talk. Be patient ith him, dear. (rhyming) "A father should support his son. And Lucas is your only one." (to Lucas) See hat you did? Your mother's rhyming again. Let's get back to the hotel and then No! (cutting him off) ONE NOR NIGHT NO, NOT ONE POEM NOT ONE INSPIRING WORD ONE NOR SCENE COMPLETE ROUTINE TONIGHT CAN'T BE ABSURD PLEASE DON'T EMBARRASS ME OR BE COMPLETELY RUDE DON'T MAKE A FUSS ABOUT THE HOUSE ABOUT THE FOOD WHOA! ONE NOR NIGHT I KNOW IT'S BIG BUT CAN'T YOU SEE THIS ONE NOR NIGHT IS FOR ME! COME ON! ( exits) 27
SCENE 5 (THE GREAT HALL) WEDNESDAY They're here! (ALL scuttle off. LURCH, approaches the front door...very sloly.) Hurry up! (to Lurch) (LURCH opens the front door, ushering in the BEINEKES. They affect an out-oftoner's nonchalance.) Hello. Had a little trouble finding the place. Looks like somebody shot out all your street lamps! ( and laugh. LURCH does not. The BEINEKES move don stage and take the place in.) (observing the emptiness of the space) Wo, look at this place. They ust move in or hat? No. This is ho they live in Ne York. They spend all their money on rent and have nothing left for furniture. (LURCH slams the front door ith an aesome thud. The BEINEKES ump. A RAT scurries across the floor. screams. RAT exits.) ( approaches LURCH) Grnh. Mal Beineke. LURCH Grnh. (polite) LURCH 33
This is my ife, Alice- Grnh. (lecherous) LURCH That's my son, Lucas - Grnh. (arning) LURCH And you are? Grrngh. LURCH (Grunts his backstory) Nice talkin' to you. Earth to Alice, e've landed in Weird City. I say drinks and bye-bye. Oh, Mal. (convincing herself as much any him) "Be open to experience, And elcome in the ne. Reach deep in your surprise bag; There might be a gift for you." Honey, my surprise bag is so full I can hardly lift it. That guy ho patted me don at the airport? He slipped me his telephone number. I don't think I can stand any more surprises. C'mon, dad. Lighten up! These're your kind of people, real salt of the earth. Yeah? Where are they from? ( enters, ith a rapier, to anser the query.) 34
(THE GROTTO.) SCENE 7 ( and are puffing on cigars. is seated on an old oaken chair.) Interesting chair. Antique? Fifteenth century. "The Heretic's chair." Once oned by Tomas de Torquemada, Grand Inquisitor of Madrid. You collect this stuff? A man must have his hobbies. Some play cards, some play golf. Me, I collect "instruments of persuasion." "Why," you ask. (then) Go on, ask. Ask! Why? It's fun! The history of the orld told in agony and dismemberment. Get up, I sho you. (Mal gets out of the chair) You sit, they ask you a question. They don't like the anser... ( pulls a lever. A giant spike shoots up.) Ooooooooooooooooh! That'll make you believe, eh? (a laugh, then retracts the lever) Sit don. Let me ask you a question. Some other time. Okey-dokey. (then) So ho about these crazy kids, eh? 45
What about 'em? They seem very fond of each other, no? I guess. But it's not like they're getting married. Married? Of course not. They're so young. Of course, they marry young these days, do they not? I dunno hat they do. Then speak about you. The Beineke Saga. Your lives, your hopes, your dreams. (pointedly) Your son. Lucas? He's a little soft like his mother. But hen he gets out of college, I'll toughen him up. Teach him the business. Make him a man. May I say something? You and I - I feel e understand each other. Do you feel this? No. (then) So tell me, Addams - ten thousand square feet right in the middle of a public park. Ho'd you sing this place? These to acres have been in my family ever since Queen Isabella of Spain deeded it to my great ancestor Alfonso the Enormous, for services rendered. What services? Alphonso the Enormous. The Enormous - do I have to dra 46
(CON T) you a diagram? (exiting) Come, Beineke - let me sho you the moat. Did you bring a bathing suit? Never mind lets be crazy. #8B ALPHONSO THE ENORMOUS 47
SCENE 3 (GUEST BEDROOM) 16B ALL IS BLACK INSIDE MY FACE I feel so dark, I feel so dead. All is black inside my face. Boy, they really got to you. That doesn't even rhyme. (dark) You got a problem ith that? I did not raise my son to be kidnapped by a bunch of creepedout left-ing Spanish eirdos. You didn't raise him, Mal. I did. You ere at the office, remember? I as at the office for you. For him. I had plans for the boy! Oh Mal, he's in love. Let him follo his heart. Follo his heart? That's crazy! What's rong ith crazy? Crazy is underrated. Lemme get this straight - your son, your only son, ants to marry someone ho is named for a day of the eek and runs around Central Park ith a crossbo - and you're OK ith all that? If it makes him happy, yes. 84
Well, you better come to your senses or I'm gonna have to take steps. Good idea. Why don't you start by taking steps outside. What? You ant to act like a tool, go sleep in the shed. ( picks up the blanket. There's a huge SPIDER on his back. screams.) Mal! ( screams) What? Oh... nothing. ( turns to leave and gets on the bed and laughs.) #16C INTO THE MOON AND ME 85
Then you'll be the last thing I ever see. That is so hot. WEDNESDAY ( runs to the tree, apple on his head. WEDNESDAY aims, blindly. The ANCESTORS enter.) Ready! Omigod! (WEDNESDAY fires her crossbo. In SLO- MO "Matrix" rhythm, the ANCESTORS guide the arro to split the apple. Then back to normal speed, as screams.) WEDNESDAY (She tears the blindfold off, to see unhurt.) Gotcha. No ill you marry me? WEDNESDAY Oh, yes, Leis. A thousand times yes. Lucas. Lucas. Gotcha! WEDNESDAY (She runs, he happily chases her off. appears from behind the tree thron by hat he's ust heard. No FESTER appears.) FESTER Did you hear that? (Mal nods) The boy as illing to die for love. (then) Hard to believe he's your son. 96
(in ae and envy) He as so happy. FESTER Remember that? Being happy? Yeah, What happened? FESTER You've turned into an unfeeling, rigid, selfish control freak. Fester you're a ise person. Ho can I fix this? What do I do? FESTER Don't orry, it ill come to you. (FESTER signals off stage.) I asn't alays this ay. I as happy-go-lucky once. I told okes and played the guitar and slept until noon. But then you get a ife and a kid and a mortgage... ( appears. Mal stops hen he sees her.) [MUSIC FADES] Keep going. But hat do I say? FESTER FESTER ust remember ho you felt the first time you sa her. (Fester leaves, taking all the ANCESTORS ith him, stares at. aits. Then, finally--) (Hopefully) Alice. It's Mal. 97
: "For you, baby. ust for you." 81 # V #. :. 82 Ó 83 I learned from Lu - cas. I learned from &? Vamp (vocal last time).... V 84 Ó 85 n 86. Ó 87 88 & you. b b I as - n't hap-py. I as - n't n n n true. But then the #?. V &? 89. ay you spoke at din-ner touched my soul. Com-plete -ly cra -zy, yet com-plete -ly in con - 90 91
# V # 92 93 ". 94 n n n trol. So hen you kicked me out I said, "Let's rock and roll!" So I'll be &? b n n U U A Tempo.. " " " " " " n n n n 95 Funk Rock, very stiff 96 V ". 97 b b. &? cra -zi-er than you, much cra-zi-er than you. It Ó # ". arms me up to see you liv-in' b. b r b " b ". r # V 98 N. 99 100 &? lar - ar - arge. When I'm cra - zi-er than you, far. " " # Ó # cra zi er than you, I'll ". 101 V b b 102 N &? drop the plan. You'll be the man in b. b r b " b ". r # char - ar - ar - arge!. " " #
PLEASE ALSO INCLUDE ANOTHER VOCAL SELECTION OF YOUR CHOOSING SHOWING HIGH BARITONE/TENOR VOCALS.