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2 A WHOLE LATTE 4-1-1 A WHOLE LATTE 4-1-1 By Joe Salvatore SYNOPSIS: Jake needs some information about his prospective date to the high school dance, and he knows that know-it-all Allison is just the person to ask. The only problem is that Jake's sidekick, Rob, sometimes has trouble following directions. When too much coffee enters the mix, Jake's plan unravels, and Rob ends up with more than he bargained for: a date to the dance. CAST OF CHARACTERS (1 female, 2 males) ALLISON (f)... Mid-teens, confident, has information that people want. (45 lines) JAKE (m)... Mid-teens, a ringleader by outward appearance, not as tough as he appears. (62 lines) ROB (m)... Mid-teens, quiet, the sidekick, spends time in the shadow of Jake, quite bright. (43 lines) SETTING: A café. A café table and three chairs PROPS Cell phone (Allison) Headphones (Allison) Large cup of coffee (Allison) Two coffee drinks (Rob and Allison)
JOE SALVATORE 3 PRODUCTION HISTORY A Whole Latte 4-1-1 was commissioned and first presented by Mary McDowell Friends School in Brooklyn, New York, in December 2013. Sharon Counts directed the play s premiere with the following cast of actors: ALLISON... Emily Kiamie JAKE... Malik Pleary ROB... Matteo Pascale Other creative team members included Nikolas George Brown (stage manager), Michael Counts (set designer), and Daryl Embry (lighting designer).
4 A WHOLE LATTE 4-1-1 AT RISE: Lights up on a café. ALLISON sits at a table by herself, phone in hand, texting or tweeting, and listening to music with headphones on. She is a confident, young teenager who is in the know. She s got information that other people want. She occasionally drinks from a large cup of coffee. From across the shop, JAKE and ROB enter. By outward appearances, JAKE is the leader of the duo. As the two boys enter, they see ALLISON and stop. ALLISON S back is to them. ROB: (Pointing, and a little too loud.) There she is! JAKE: Shhhhhh! Don t point. I see her. ROB: Right. Sorry. JAKE: (Taking a deep breath, hushed tone.) Now remember what we talked about. We have to play this real cool. ROB: Real cool. JAKE: Allison Stronglee is a key part of my plan. ROB: Key part. JAKE: She and Julie are best friends. ROB: Best friends. JAKE: And she ll be able to tell me everything I need to know about Julie so I can ask her to the dance. ROB: Dance. JAKE: And if she thinks I m desperate, this ll fail miserably. ROB: Fail miserably. JAKE: Stop repeating what I m saying! ROB: OK, OK! I m just making sure I understand. JAKE: We ve been over the plan like five times already, Rob. ROB: I know, Jake, but you keep changing your mind and JAKE: Whatever. Just remember: follow my lead. ROB makes the A-OK sign and the two move towards ALLISON, who is still texting. JAKE: (Louder so she can hear.) Hey, Allison! ALLISON turns to see JAKE and ROB; takes off her headphones. ALLISON: Well, well, well. Jake Thomas, you re right on time. That s a switch.
JOE SALVATORE 5 JAKE: You said 4:15. I like to be prompt for my appointments. ALLISON: Uh huh. I wouldn t expect that since you re late to English every day. JAKE: Right, but ALLISON: And Rob Ballard. What are you doing here? ROB: Uh... I m uh... JAKE: He s with me. ROB: Right. I m with him. JAKE: Yeah, uhm, so are you ready for our meeting? ALLISON: Of course I m ready. The question is are you ready to pay up. Remember what I said? JAKE: But you ve got a coffee already. ALLISON: Very observant, Jake. But it s almost gone. (Finishes off the coffee.) Actually, it is gone. Time for another. JAKE: But ALLISON: You ask for a meeting, you buy me coffee. Payment for services, Jake. JAKE thinks about this for a moment then turns to ROB. JAKE: Get her what she wants. ROB: Me? Why me? JAKE: Because I said so, that s why. ROB: But it s your meeting. JAKE: Get her whatever she wants. I ll pay you later. ROB: That s what you said at lunch last week, and you still haven t JAKE: Rob! Just get her the coffee. ROB: Fine. Whaddya want, Allison? ALLISON: A quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha. ROB: Excuse me? ALLISON: A quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha. ROB: (To JAKE.) What did she say? JAKE: I have no idea. ALLISON: I said a quad that s four shots of espresso JAKE: Four shots?!? ALLISON: Non-fat ROB: I got that. What s one-pump? JAKE: That s the mocha, Rob. The chocolate?
6 A WHOLE LATTE 4-1-1 ROB: Oh yeah. ALLISON: Never overdo the mocha. And the no-whip is ROB: Right, I got that part. So you want a... Can you say it one more time? ALLISON: (Slowly.) A quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha. JAKE and ROB: (Slowly and tentatively.) A quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha. ALLISON: Very good. (ROB turns to go.) And make it a medium. ROB: Medium? JAKE: A medium, Rob. That s what she said. As ROB exits, he continues to repeat and mutter the coffee order under his breath so he doesn t forget it. JAKE joins ALLISON at the table. JAKE: You re really gonna drink that whole thing, on top of what you just had? ALLISON: This double, non-fat latte? JAKE: That was a double? ALLISON: Sure, what s the big deal? JAKE: That s a lot of caffeine! ALLISON: I m a girl with a lot of 4-1-1, Jake. I gotta keep it all straight somehow. JAKE: Butt how do you sleep at night? Do you sleep? Ever? ALLISON: Easy. I just stop the caffeine at 5 and switch over to chamomile the rest of the way out. I m out like a baby at 10. JAKE: That s amazing. If I drink a coffee now, I ll be up til 1 in the morning. ALLISON: So you re a bit of a lightweight then. JAKE: Uh... sure. I guess so, if that makes me a lightweight. ALLISON: Don t worry. I won t tell anyone. A big guy like you should be able to handle more than that, but it ll be our little secret. (Shifting gears.) So, Jake, what s this about? You said you wanted my help, and I m all ears, especially with the quad, non-fat, one-pump, nowhip mocha on the way. JAKE: Yeah, well, I uh, wanted to ask you about someone err I something in our English class. ALLISON: The one you re always late for? JAKE: Yeah, that one.
JOE SALVATORE 7 ALLISON: I hope you re not here to ask me for my notes. I don t share my notes with people who come late. JAKE: No, I don t need your notes. Although I know your note taking is legendary. I actually had a question about something else. I wanted to ask you about ROB re-enters quickly with two coffee drinks. He s gotten himself one as well. ROB: (Handing ALLISON the drink.) Here ya go. ROB sits down at the table in the chair between ALLISON and JAKE and takes a sip of his coffee. ROB: Wow! Whew! JAKE: What are you doing? ROB: (As if he just drank something very hot.) I got myself a quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha. JAKE: You re having what she s having? ROB: Yeah, once she translated it, I thought it sounded pretty good. (He takes another sip and gags a bit, like the drink is laced with whiskey. He speaks the next line as if his throat is burning.) It s really strong. ALLISON takes a big gulp of the drink and savors it. ALLISON: Mmmmmm. When the chocolate s controlled, this drink is perfect. (She takes another gulp.) You two need to practice your coffee drinking. This is like water for me. JAKE and ROB just stare at her in awe. ALLISON: (Takes another big gulp, then.) You were saying? JAKE: Uh, yeah, I was asking you about English class. ALLISON: Oh, yeah. You don t want my notes, so what do want? ROB: (After a sip of his coffee.) He wants to ask you about JAKE: (Freaking out.) ROB!
8 A WHOLE LATTE 4-1-1 ROB and ALLISON almost spill their coffees. JAKE: (More calm, coaxing.) Uh, I mean, Rob, buddy, don t you think you should slow down with the coffee? ROB: (Taking another sip.) Why? It s really good. JAKE: (Clenching his teeth.) Because you don t want to get an upset stomach. Remember about the PLAN? ALLISON: What plan? JAKE: (Trying to steer ROB back on track.) Our PLAN for AFTER we talk to Allison. Right, Rob? ROB: I thought our plan was to talk to Allison about JAKE: (Grabbing ROB S shoulder a little too hard.) That s right, buddy ROB: (Wriggling in pain.) OOOuuch! Why are you grabbing my shoulder? ALLISON: What s going on? Why are you hurting him? JAKE: (Slowly, deliberately.) Our plan after we talk to Allison is to go look at new jeans for the dance, remember? ROB: It is? JAKE: He s such a kidder, my buddy Rob. Remember THE DANCE, Rob? ROB: But what about Julie? JAKE gives ROB the look of death. ALLISON: (Setting her coffee down.) Julie? Julie Ramirez? As in my best friend, Julie? Is that what this is about? JAKE: What are you talking about? What is he talking about? My buddy Rob loves to joke around. ROB: But you said the plan was to get as much information out of Allison about Julie so you could know how to ask her to the dance. (He suddenly realizes he s made a big mistake.) JAKE: (Whispering through clenched teeth.) Man, what are you doing? Remember the plan! ROB: I can t help it! This quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha is something else! I m just blurting things out! JAKE: (Grabbing the cup out of ROB S hand.) Well, stop drinking it.
JOE SALVATORE 9 ALLISON: Let me get this straight. You want me to give you information about Julie so you can ask her to the dance? (ALLISON begins to laugh. Loudly. In between guffaws, she takes sips of coffee.) JAKE: (To ROB.) Dude, you are in so much trouble. ALLISON: (To ROB, still laughing.) He wants to ask Julie to the dance? Seriously? ROB: Yeah, it s kind of funny, isn t it? JAKE: Allison, stop laughing. Please? (She begins to calm down.) Yes, I want to ask Julie to the dance. I know you two are like best friends, and I need your help. How should I ask her? I bought you the coffee and all, just like we arranged. What s your advice? ALLISON considers all of this, polishes off the coffee left in her cup, sets it down on the table, and gets ready to deliver her advice. ALLISON: Well, first off, Jake, let s get a couple of things in order here. Number one, you didn t buy me the coffee, your buddy Rob here did. JAKE: But I m paying him later. ALLISON: Fat chance on that. You forget that you re talking to the girl in the know. Voices carry, my friend, and word s out about your lunch time tabs. JAKE: But ALLISON: Number two, Julie and I are in complete agreement about tardiness. Not attractive. So your late entrances to English class have been tabulated and committed to memory. Sixteen times. Not good. You don t stand a chance. JAKE: But I could start to come to class on time and ALLISON: And number three, Julie already said yes to Collin Jones. JAKE: Collin Jones? ALLISON: Yeah, Collin Jones. JAKE: That quiet, shy guy that sits in the back? He asked her to the dance? And she s going? ALLISON: Yeah. JAKE: Why? ALLISON: He s got nice eyes, he understands poetry, and he has perfect attendance. She s hooked.
10 A WHOLE LATTE 4-1-1 JAKE: You gotta be kidding me! ALLISON: Nope, my often-late friend, I m not. But good try. Julie s definitely a catch, but not for a class crasher like you. ROB: Wow JAKE: Wow, what? ROB: She sure told you. JAKE: Shut up, Rob. ALLISON: Hey, Jake, don t be so mean to your buddy. JAKE: Whatever. ALLISON: I mean it. He s kinda cute. (She looks at ROB, thinks a moment, then.) You wanna come to the dance with me? JAKE and ROB: WHAT? JAKE: Did you just ask Rob to the dance? ROB: Did you just ask me to the dance? ALLISON: I did. And? JAKE: Why are you asking him? ALLISON: Well, a couple of reasons. First, I think he ll look good in those new jeans. Second, he s on time to class. Not late once. BUT the real reason is that he stomached some of that quad, non-fat, one-pump, no-whip mocha, and that s the sign of a keeper in my book. ROB: Wow Really? ALLISON: Yep, it is. So? What s your answer, my quad-drinking friend? ROB: (Thinking it over, then.) Sure! Sounds like fun. Just next time I think I ll go for the small instead of the medium. Less quad to get through. ALLISON: Good plan! You have to work your way up to the medium. You wanna go look at those jeans? ROB: Yeah! Let s go! JAKE: But ALLISON: We ll see you around, Jake. JAKE: But, Rob ROB: And don t forget to bring me the money for last week s lunch and today s coffee for Allison. ALLISON: Right!
JOE SALVATORE 11 ALLISON and ROB start to leave together. JAKE is left staring at the coffee cups on the table. After they re gone, he picks up ROB S coffee, sniffs it, it smells ok. He decides to take a sip, and as he does, his eyes get very big, like he s drinking something very hot and spicy. He swallows, gags, and waves his hand in front of his mouth as the lights bump out. THE END