Candidate Exemplar Material Based on Specimen Question Papers GCSE English Literature, 47102H Unit 2: Poetry across time Higher Tier Section A Question 8 Compare how poets use language to present feelings in Quickdraw and one other poem from Relationships. (36 marks) Version 1.0 Date: 0410
CANDIDATE A
Candidate A SECTION A Question 8 Compare how poets use language to present feelings in Quickdraw and one other poem from Relationships. Duffy uses an extended metaphor to demonstrate her feelings in Quickdraw. The speaker describes waiting for her partner to contact her as some kind of gun-fighting standoff. She has two phones on her, which suggests that she wants to be contacted, maybe because she is worried or desperate, or even as extra weapons. Duffy starts the metaphor with slung from the pockets on my hips which sounds like the way a gunslinger in the Wild West would wear their guns. This idea is repeated throughout the poem as if the whole argument is being compared to a Western gunfight. Duffy is maybe suggesting that in an argument, lovers use words as weapons and defence from their partner. She seems to need to be armed against the person ringing her as well as desperate to hear from them, suggesting the idea that love is desperate as well as painful. She appears to need to have her weapons ready, as implied with the second, very short phrase: I m all alone, that makes her seem extremely vulnerable and insecure. She answers the phone straight away: quickdraw which adds to the idea that she is desperate to hear from this person, as if she has been waiting for this phone call. The voice is described as a pellet which makes her groan, highlighting the overall theme which is that words can be very powerful, damaging weapons which leave wounds. She sounds as if she is trying to be lighthearted when she says: I twirl the phone and then squeezes the trigger of my tongue as if she is fighting back. In Paris With You presents a very different attitude to love. Paris is used as a replacement for the word love in the poem, as if the speaker is not only rejecting the word love and all the clichéd behaviour that goes with it, but actually the whole idea itself, dismissing it with I ve had an earful. This is contrasted straight away with I get tearful which suggests that he is not as confident as he seems. He seems to be trying to sound as if he doesn t care about love but the fact that he says in his first words Don t talk to me of love sets up his argument in the first line, as if he is ready with his defence, sounding very much like he has a need to protect himself. Both poems contain references to emotional pain. Fenton suggests that he is avoiding the word love because he has been bamboozled in the past and therefore is going to be deliberately light-hearted. He plays with words, creating language like marroonded to deliberately rhyme with wounded as if to suggest that revealing the strength and depth of his insecurity with wounded needs to be covered up straight away with a light-hearted comment to take attention away from the serious point of his message. Duffy uses a similar technique, demonstrating a light-hearted attitude to love, comparing it to some kind of childish game of cowboys that would be played in a school playground. However, there is clearly a much deeper sub-text to both poems. Both poets are using humour and a light-hearted tone to hide their real feelings. The structure of both poems helps to show the real feelings. In Quickdraw, Duffy uses a sonnet structure although it is broken in two places. This causes two phrases to really stand out: you ve wounded me and through the heart. These two phrases are made to stand out by the break in rhythm which causes them to stick together and stand out as the most important message of the poem. Also, at the end of the poem the structure breaks down and the speaker seems to lose words. This could be suggesting that she has been beaten by her partner, or that she is simply returning the kiss with and this repeated several times as if there is nothing left to say. In the same way Fenton draws attention to his main message with the repetition of in Paris with you at the end of the poem. This repetition makes it clear that Paris is not what he means and in fact he is declaring his love for his partner.
Question 8 Commentary on Candidate A This is a very lively response which engages with the ideas in both poems, particularly those of Quickdraw. There is plenty of consideration of ideas and themes throughout, as well as demonstrating some thoughtful consideration of use of language and structure, particularly noticeable in the comments on rhyme in In Paris With You. The response is also fluent, which although not explicitly assessed, enables the ideas to flow into an exploratory approach. The use of embedded evidence links the use of details to interpretations of ideas clearly. The tone and deeper meanings of both poems are considered and compared, enabling some developed comparisons to be made. The student achieves all of the descriptors in band 19-24 and has in two places begun to analyse language, justifying a mark towards the bottom of 25-30. (26)
CANDIDATE B
Candidate B SECTION A Question 8 Compare how a character s voice is created in The River God and one other poem from Characters and Voices. In The River God, Stevie Smith uses a dramatic monologue to give the river a voice of its own. This creates a direct feel as if we are seeing the world from the river god s point of view and are in his head. He is cheerful at the start of the poem. He talks about himself as if he is defending himself against what other people have said about him. He starts with I may be smelly and I may be old. This makes it sound like he has been criticised by people and he is fighting back. He is cheerful though and this makes it sinister when he talks about killing people for no reason: in the spirit of clowning as if he is drowning people just because he can. This makes it seem as if he has no idea that human life is important or valuable to him. He repeats me and my through the poem as if the only thing that is important is what he thinks. He sounds like he is dirty and unpleasant when he says he has plenty of go. When the river god kills a woman his mood changes from cheerful to being much darker and gloomy. The river sounds worried and not in control any more, asking questions like oh will she stay with me. The question makes him seem much less sure of himself than he was before. He doesn t seem to see that the woman is dead or else he doesn t care that she is dead. He hides her away as if he has to keep her prisoner. In the last line he says: I will not forgive her, which ends the poem with a warning feeling that reminds us that he is powerful and dangerous. It could also seem like he is spiteful. This poem is very different in tone to Singh Song!. This poem is another dramatic monologue but the mood of the poem is very different to The River God. In Singh Song! the persona is cheerful and happy, even though he is really bad at his job. Rather than caring about doing a good job he wants to sit all night with his bride and dream about the world away from their shop. In this poem the poet uses dialect to make the poem seem personal and like the speaker is real. This brings us closer to how he sees things. It is also in first person like The River God and this makes it seem like we are seeing things from his point of view as well. Singh Song talks about playing as well when he talks about his wife: playing wid di mouse. It is as if he is the mouse and she is playing with him. This suggests that he is being controlled by his wife, which is like The River God although in this poem he likes being controlled by her and calls it playing. He also thinks that love is more important than anything else. Both poems use dramatic monologues to bring the voice of the speaker closer to the reader.
Question 8 Commentary on Candidate B This candidate engages with the question from the start, explaining the effects of the dramatic monologue form and clearly understanding not only the ideas in both poems but also explaining some of the feelings. There is a sustained focus on similarities and differences in the second half of the response, in particular the use of perspective in both poems, with a comparison of the effects on the reader. The focus on understanding of ideas justifies a mark in the middle of the13-18 band. (16)
CANDIDATE C
Candidate C SECTION A Question 8 Compare how a character is presented in Medusa and one other poem from Characters and Voices. The first line of Medusa immediately highlights the mindset of anger and bitterness: suspicion, a doubt, a jealousy. The dramatic monologue forces an immediate connection between this persona and the reader and makes it clear that the reader is to empathise with her and her situation. She is clearly full of self-hatred, using spat and hissed which refers not only to the snakes but the spite and jealousy that have turned her into a monster. Perhaps her pain enables her to be very honest and open about herself, as if she can stare in the mirror and face herself now that she has got nothing to lose. Using a dramatic monologue creates a connection and uncomfortable empathy, forcing us to share her perspective rather than judge her from a distance. Portrait of a Deaf Man uses a completely different perspective, painting a portrait of his father through words, looking in third person, from a distance. In this case the perspective seems further away but presents just as clear a picture as that of the dramatic monologue. It is as if the simple, straightforward comments about the deaf man enable the reader to find out just as much, creating a clear perspective from the distance created. Betjeman appears to want to re-create the essence of who his father was through simple, straightforward statements about his habits, likes and dislikes: rain-washed Cornish air and potatoes in their skin. In total contrast to Medusa, the first line of Portrait summarises the main indicators of who this man was: kind and egg-shaped head suggest wisdom, gentleness and humility. Contrasting these ideas with the final word decay creates the sense of anger Betjeman feels that all this kindness and wisdom is wasted. Duffy uses free verse to present the uncontrolled rambling of Medusa. She appears completely unselfconscious, as if unused to anyone listening. This could indicate that she has no sense of self-worth or pride, or perhaps is linked to her sense of power in that she feels no need to cover up who she is. She makes strong statements, using punctuation to highlight and slow down significant moments: There are bullet tears in my eyes. There is a sense that her pain is so powerful that it cannot be hidden and disguised. She is completely honest and direct; foul mouthed now, foul tongued, repeating the sense of self-hatred she feels, although perhaps this is how she feels she is viewed by others which then suggests her attitude is a defensive reaction to how she is perceived. Duffy uses rhyme to also highlight particularly significant ideas and feelings; the rhyme of betray and stray are particularly significant to her as they have been the cause of her turning into a monster. Similarly she rhymes home with stone, highlighting her powerful ability as well as her need to remind herself that this is all she is capable of feeling. Duffy suggests she is resigned to her power; her factual descriptions of taking innocent life: I glanced at a buzzing be and I looked at a ginger cat suggest she is careless on one level, although her arbitrary taking of life is made clearly unpleasant and shocking with the single sxxt which implies that all her power ultimately brings her is waste and decay. Duffy ends the poem with repeated questions which suggest Medusa s fragile state of mind and regret that her life has turned out: Wasn t I beautiful? The use of questions demonstrate her vulnerability and need to still cling to the man that she directs her thoughts to; her Greek God. The stanzas in Portrait of a Deaf Man are regular, with a rhythm and rhyme scheme that creates a lighthearted tone to this elegy, in complete contrast to the frightening, more rambling tone of Medusa, as well as directly contradicting the overall tone of the poem. The juxtaposition of tone with content forces the reader to confront the reality of death, as the poet questions the idea of death and the afterlife. The last stanza in particular highlights the overall point of the poem, demonstrating the poet s lack of understanding in the same way as Medusa s final words demonstrate her insecurity. The use of questioning to end the poem is similar to the end of Medusa; both demonstrate insecurity and even fear. However, Medusa s final words: Look at me now suggest threat as well as desperation the ambiguous request is a reminder of her capabilities, whereas the final word decay in Portrait suggests a sense of hopelessness.
Question 8 Commentary on Candidate C This is a fluent, insightful response which explores ideas all the way through. There is some evaluative comparison of ideas, themes and techniques as well as some convincing interpretations of ideas. The details selected are very telling, integrated fluently into the candidate s arguments and comparisons of the poems. There is a sense of control and overview to the response as if the candidate has a strong sense of purpose. It is a shame that there is no close analysis of textual detail, as this would be rewarded with top marks. However, this candidate clearly deserves a mark towards the top of the 31-36 band. (35)