How do you get straight A's? By using a ruler!
What did the pen say to the pencil? "So, what's your point!"
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!
What object is king of the classroom? The ruler!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
When do astronauts eat? At launch time!
What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar? Buck Teeth
What goes up and down but does not move? Stairs!
What holds the sun up in the sky? Sunbeams!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? + = Frostbite!
What did one jack-olantern say to the other? Cut it out!
What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash
What travels around the world, but always stays in the corner? A Stamp
Why was the child s report card all wet? Because it was under C-Level.
What kind of nut doesn t have a shell? A doughnut
Why was it so hot after the basketball game? Because all the fans left.
What do cheetahs like to eat? Fast Food
Have you heard the joke about the pencil? Nevermind. It was pointless.
Knock, Knock. Who s there? Distressing. Distressing who? Distressing has too much vinegar!
Why was the turkey the drummer in the band? He had the drumsticks!
Why do turkeys always go, gobble, gobble? Because they never learned good table manners!
Who is Santa's most famous elf? Elfvis
What do elves Learn at elf school? The elf abet!
Why did the man take a ruler to bed? To see how long he slept!
When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? When it s a French Fry!
Knock, Knock Who s there? Irish! Irish who?
Irish you a Happy St. Patrick s Day!
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A sham rock
What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish? Paddy O Furniture
Why did the little old lady tie rollerblades onto her rocking chair? She wanted to Rock and Roll!
What do you get if you shave Harry Potter? Baldy Potter
Which candy can t get anywhere on time? Choco-Late!
Where does an alien get his dairy products? Milky Way 5 miles The Milky Way
Why did the bowling pins stop working? On Strike! Because they went on strike!
Why can t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly!
Why did the bird cross the road? To get to the nest station!
Where do you find prehistoric cows? In a Mooseum!
What did the tree say to the wind? Leaf me alone!
Where did the dentist go on vacation? To the mouth of the Mississippi!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
What is an orangutan s favorite tool? A monkey wrench!
Why do fish swim in schools? Because they can t walk in schools!
What has four legs but doesn t move? A table!
What song does a van play on the radio? A cartoon (car tune)!
What kind of flower grows on your face? A Tulip!
How can you tell a train went by? It left its tracks behind!
What has two hands, a big round face, always runs but stays in place? A clock!
What starts with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it? The Post Office!
What kind of button won t button? A bellybutton
Why is Dracula so unpopular? He is a pain in the neck!
What do witches put on their hair? Scare Spray
Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
Why did the boy take a pencil to bed? Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? Plymouths
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did the farmer get when he crossed a centipede with a turkey? + =? 100 drumsticks!
What is Father Christmas' wife called? Mary Christmas
What is a cow's favorite holiday? Happy Moo Year! Moo Year s Day!
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses!
Why did the chicken go to the library? To check out a Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Which bug gobbles up trash? The Litter Bug
What do the frogs eat in France? French Flies
What is a strawberry when it is sad? + = A blueberry!
What do you call a sound sleeper? Someone who snores!
Why did the team take string to the game? They wanted to tie the score!
Who stole the soap? The Robber Ducky
What has four wheels and flies? A Garbage Truck
What do ghosts do when they get in their cars? They boo-kle their sheet-belts.
What do skeleton s order at restaurants? Spare ribs
What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling
Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with!
Why did the football coach go to the bank? He wanted to get his quarterback.