ELA/Literacy Released Item 2015 Grade 9 Literary Analysis Task Analyze Similarities and Differences VH018642 Sample Student Responses (with annotations)
Read the passage from Odysseus. Then answer the questions. Copyright restrictions prevent the excerpt from Odysseus retold by Geraldine McCaughrean from being displayed in this format. Please refer to pages 63-67 beginning at Warily he kept watch for the Island of the Sirens and ending with the sentence that begins If Circe and Tiresias spoke the truth on page 67. ODYSSEUS retold by Geraldine McCaughrean is copyright 2003 by Geraldine McCaughrean, published by Cricket Book through arrangement with Oxford University, and accessible through your local library.
Item: VH018642 Associated Text: The Odyssey and Odysseus
Anchor Set A1 A10
RDG 4, WE 4 A1
Annotations Anchor Paper 1 Reading Score Point 4 The response demonstrates full comprehension by providing an insightful and thorough analysis of both texts, including how McCaughrean adapts Pope s translation of The Odyssey, and how authors transform works of literature in general (Much like the theory of evolution proposed by Darwin... old stories are continously evolving and being retold). This accurate analysis includes both explicit and inferential evidence from both passages. Similarities include the overall plot about the difficulty passing by the Sirens and the role of the crew in saving the main character. Differences also include the fact that Pope s translation is written in the first person point of view, in older English, with a rhyming, poetic format as compared to McCaughrean s third-person narrative format, told in more modern English. Additional differences in McCaughrean s version include the name of the protagonist (Odysseus), analysis of crucial actions of a specific crew member (Though he had to harshly tie up his captain, Polites would end up saving his life), and greater detail (This version includes more themes and clearly depicts Odysseus s transition from being in a dazed state... to turning alert... at the end). Written Expression Score Point 4 The response addresses the prompt effectively and comprehensively, developing the topic with clear reasoning and relevant textual evidence from both passages. The response establishes and maintains an effective style, using purposefully chosen, descriptive language (He faces great temptation from the mythological creatures he encounters on his journey past their lair. These creatures, called Sirens, had previously lured sailors who crossed their waters to destruction. They would do so using beautiful, hypnotizing music). The response includes a strong introduction, a well-executed progression of ideas, and an effective conclusion. These elements provide purposeful cohesion and make the response easy to follow.
RDG 4, WE 4 A2
Annotations Anchor Paper 2 Reading Score Point 4 The response demonstrates full comprehension of how McCaughrean transforms Pope s translation of The Odyssey. The response analyzes how McCaughrean adds detail and deepens the characterization of the original text. This accurate analysis is effectively and convincingly supported with both explicit and inferential textual evidence (McCaughrean... add[s] details that do not change the main plot, but add to the characterization... in the story. In paragraph 14 of the retell, it is implied that when one cannot hear the Sirens call, that the Sirens appear to them as Circe foretold,... the Sirens were harpies, with the bodies of vultures and the heads of women. Polites saw exactly what Circe had described, but Odysseus... describ[ed] them as, Lovelier than the orichids or the lillies of the bougainvilleas... lovelier than Ithaca. He even... describ[ed] his wife as crabbed and aging in comparison.... It shows that even as strong a man as Odysseus is, he can still be swayed by the song of the Sirens). Aside from the differences stated and implied in this analysis, the response also includes an analysis of which elements of plot are similar among both texts. (both versions... include the Sirens song, and both... focus on flattering Odysseus, in the hopes that he will swim to the island. In the original text, Odysseus is called the pride of Greece, and in the retell, they speak of the glory that round [him] wreath. ). Written Expression Score Point 4 The response addresses all parts of the prompt in an effective and comprehensive manner, maintaining a clear focus on the task and using clear and convincing reasoning and relevant textual evidence from both passages to develop appropriate claims. This deliberate, concise focus on the topic provides clarity and cohesion; the progression of ideas is easy to follow. Varied and complex sentence structures, along with effective transitions and precise language, make the style consistently appropriate and effective (While the excerpt from Odysseus by Geraldine McCaughrean follows the main plot points from The Odyssey by Homer, there are many details that differ from the original. McCaughrean was able to interpret the original text in such a way that it was retold in third person, rather than first person. This gives much more insight into the actions of other characters involved in the story, rather than only Odysseus. For example, Polites name is not mentioned in the original text. It is not known that he is even on the boat with Odysseus. However, in the retell, Polites plays a major part, making sure that Odysseus does not escape the bonds that prevent him from traveling to the Sirens island.).
RDG 3, WE 3 A3
Annotations Anchor Paper 3 Reading Score Point 3 The response demonstrates comprehension of both passages by providing an accurate, adequately supported analysis of the explicit similarities of the texts, including their overall plots, endings, and certain events (Odyssues is tied up and the men can not hear him calling, due to the wax in their ears. They share the same ending... he is let free and untied.... both of these pieces talk about a certain sound, or song that they hear). The response also analyzes the explicit differences between the texts, showing how McCaughrean transforms the earlier translation of Homer s story (The Odyssey... is a poem. Odysseus... is a retelling of the original one... The Odyssey... is told from the point of view of the creature, or man, who is tied up.... Odyssus, it is told... from a 3 rd person point of view... In the poem, they use words that are not as commonly used today, yet in Odyssues, they use words that are simpler and easier to understand). Most of the supporting evidence consists of comparisons of explicit quotes from each passage to show that they have the same meaning (In Odysseus, the author says, Was that birdsong or human voices drifting toward him? Either way, a sweet sound to hear at sea. In the Odyssey, it says, In flowery meads the sportive Sirens play, touch the soft lyre, and tune the vocal lay. Both of these lines are talking about a certain sound that they hear. ). However, this analysis relies mostly on explicit details and lacks the inferences required for a fully accurate analysis of how the source material was transformed. Written Expression Score Point 3 The response addresses the prompt appropriately and provides development of the topic that is clear and supported with relevant textual evidence from both passages (In the poem, they use words that are not as commonly used today, yet in Odyssues, they use words that are simpler... The deafen d ear unlock d, the chains unbound.... Polites took the wax out of his ears, fetched a knife, and cut free Odysseus. ). Ideas are logically grouped, and their progression is fairly easy to follow, aided by the use of linking words and phrases (Both of these excerpts, as well, Also, For example, As you can see, Lastly, Next, Both of these lines, Later in the scene, overall). Despite some wordy, cumbersome language (There are also a few differences from these two pices as well, being the structure of these pieces, and the point of view by which they are told. Although there were some differences between these two excerpts, I found there being more similarities, and sharing more pieces from this), the style is mostly effective and attendant to the norms of the discipline.
RDG 3, WE 3 A4
Annotations Anchor Paper 4 Reading Score Point 3 The response provides a mostly accurate analysis of how McCaughrean transforms Pope s translation of The Odyssey (by translating the poetic writting... into a more understandible story. The author... simplifies the text... and shortends the story to make it more simple and easy to read). The analysis includes adequate, explicit textual evidence about the similarities (In both of the stories, the character Odysseus still faces temptation.... [and] he put bees wax in the ears of all his men to block out the sound of the Sirens, and forced them to tie him to the mast of the ship so he could not escape) and differences (the existance of Polites in Odysseus, and the lack of Polites in The Odyssey) between the two passages, including specific quotes from each passage. Written Expression Score Point 3 The response provides mostly effective and appropriate development of the topic, using relevant textual evidence and clear reasoning (There are suttle differences between The Odyssey by Homer and Odysseus by Geraldine McCaughrean.... in Odysseus, the character Polites is the one who ties Odysseus to the mast of the ship.... he ties up Odysseus and roped him round and round and tied the rope ends to the mast.... In The Odyssey, the crew of Odysseus are the ones to tie him up, there is no individual incharge.... Odysseus refers to them as, mates, friends and partners ). The progression of ideas is fairly easy to follow, although at times, it is a bit repetitive (Odysseus is describing how he put bees wax in all his men s ears to protect them from the Sirens... In Odysseus, the actions of the captain, Odysseus, are the same in both versions.... He put bees wax in the ears of all his men to block out the sound of the Sirens. This same action, the placing of bees wax in his men s ears, took place in both versions of the story). Nevertheless, the overall organizational structure and style are mostly appropriate to the norms and conventions of the discipline.
RDG 2, WE 2 A5
Annotations Anchor Paper 5 Reading Score Point 2 The response demonstrates basic comprehension of the two passages by providing a somewhat accurate analysis which lists the superficial similarities and differences of each text. Most of the analysis is offered in the last paragraph, following generally accurate summaries of each story in the second and third paragraphs. The single difference offered, however, is inaccurate because it is based on a misconception introduced in the previous paragraph summarizing McCaughrean s retelling of the story (in the end Odysseus tells Polites to unstop the men s ear because he said if Circe and Tiresias spoke the truth then he wanted to go back and see the greatest terrors of the undiscovered world.... Their differences being that Ulysses didn t have his crew go back to the island to see the Sirens), but the list of multiple similarities is accurate (both crews had their ears stopped, both captains... detained and had the opportunity to listen to the singing. They both wanted to join the Sirens... Each man trying to break free had more chains and ropes added to them to keep them tied to the mast.... each man was seduced by... a song telling them to come join them, and pleaded with their crew to untie them but none of thei crew obeyed). The references to the text in this final part of the response, along with the previous text summaries, provide basic textual support for the analysis. Written Expression Score Point 2 The response addresses the prompt with somewhat appropriate claims that focus on the specific similarities and differences between the two stories, but not on how McCaughrean transforms Pope s translation. With a basic, somewhat abrupt introduction (In both narratives they explain the tempations that the men had to face when it came to the singing of the Sirens) and some generally grouped ideas, the progression of ideas is usually discernible, although not always obvious, due to some confusing word choices and transitions (While as in the excerpt from Odysseus, Odysseus kneads wax as he and his crew near the island plugging every sailors ears with wax one by one [and]... each man... pleaded with their crew to untie them but none of thei crew obeyed but they were only following orders). The response lacks a definitive conclusion that would perhaps provide a greater level of clarity and cohesion, but even so, the overall response is somewhat effective and has a style that is generally attendant to the norms and conventions of the discipline.
RDG 2, WE 2 A6
Annotations Anchor Paper 6 Reading Score Point 2 The response provides a basic, generally accurate analysis of some superficial similarities between the two texts (Each excerpts has Sirens.... [and] a vessel on a voyage that comes upon an island that the Sirens live on.... The captain in both... is tied... to the mast. All the men... put wax in their ears to keep them from be lured by the Sirens beautiful singing... in both excerpts the captain... is hearing the singing.... wanting the men to let him go becausae he is being lured by the Sirens... and he wants to forget about his wife and be with them. Also in both excerpts the Sirens are singing to the captain that they want him to stay... But... the crew... do not set him free... and he conqures the Sirens singing). The response also includes a superficial difference between the two texts (they do not mention Polites in The Odyssey ) and a general difference in the authors use of language ( The Odyssey is more complex then Odyssues.... more old fashioned), with a comparison of a specific quote from each text for support ( the wax dissolved beneath the burning ray; then evey ear I barr d against the strain, and the access of frenzy lock d the brain. Where in Odysseus they would just say, the heat of the morning sun had made it soft. He stopped up the ears of his men, one by one, and all the while the music grew louder. ). Overall, the response demonstrates basic comprehension of the two passages. Written Expression Score Point 2 The response addresses the prompt and provides some basic development of the topic, using some reasoning and text-based evidence, including quotes that are not always smoothly incorporated into the flow of ideas or clearly attributed to the appropriate text (in both excerpts the Sirens are singing to the captain that they want him to stay saying, the gods forbid that you should leave. What happiness remains unless you swim to us, Odysseus? ). The organizational structure of the response includes a basic introduction (There are many ways The Odyssey and Odysseus are similar and different), a similarly basic conclusion, and some logically grouped ideas that are not evenly developed. For instance, the idea introduced in the fifth paragraph seems somewhat disconnected and undeveloped (Many would also realize that they do not mention Polites in The Odyssey but he metioned more frequently in Odysseus. ). Nevertheless, the response is somewhat appropriate to the task, demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, and has a style that generally attends to the norms of the discipline.
RDG 1, WE 1 A7
Annotations Anchor Paper 7 Reading Score Point 1 The response demonstrates limited comprehension of the passages by providing a minimally accurate analysis. While one similarity offered in the analysis is accurate (they both used wax to keep out the awful sounds of the Sirens that haunted them when they were sailing the ocean), the other is inaccurate (These two excerpts used almost the exact same choice of words throughout the paragraphs.). While one proposed difference about the authors emphases on the struggle to get away from the Sirens is minimally accurate (In Odyssus the author did not go over the fact if they were trying to get away as fast as they could or what the whole crew was trying to do to stop it rather than just put wax in all of their ears.), the other difference is inaccurate (The big differnence... is that they were being told at different times.... The Odyssey excerpt was when the Sirens were coming but were not yet on or close to their ship. The excerpt from Odysseus was when the Sirens were deafining their ears and Polites had to tie Odyssus to the mast to keep him from going wild on the ship). Written Expression Score Point 1 The response addresses the prompt, but the reasoning is limited, and the text-based evidence used to develop the claims is minimal. An undeveloped and inaccurate claim (These two excerpts used almost the exact same choice of words throughout the paragraphs.) and a disconnected statement that does not add to the development of the claims (They could of used something else like cotton but they both used wax.) further limit the response s overall clarity and coherence and make the progression of ideas somewhat unclear. Repetitive sentence structures (There are many differences and similarities, Those are a couple of the differences, There were also a couple similarities, Those were some of the differences and similarities) limit the effectiveness of the style. Overall, the response is limited in its appropriateness to the task.
RDG 1, WE 1 A8
Annotations Anchor Paper 8 Reading Score Point 1 The response provides a minimally accurate analysis of the similarities and differences between the two passages. For instance, while it is true that Pope s translation is in a poem format, it is not true that McCaughrean s retelling is in a play format. While it is accurate that Pope quotes what the sirens are singing, this is not an accurate difference because McCaughrean s retelling also provides words of the Sirens songs. The response includes some accurate, superficial differences such as McCaughrean s inclusion of the character Polites and some accurate, but awkwardly expressed, similarities (the tune of the sirens is strong. Odyssues also gets tied up more in each transaltion). Overall, the response demonstrates limited comprehension of the ideas in the passages. Written Expression Score Point 1 The response addresses the prompt, but it provides minimal development that is based on limited reasoning and text-based evidence. The progression of ideas is somewhat unclear. For instance, the introductory sentence (The transalations of The Odyssey from McCaughrean and Pope have many similarities and differences.), which precedes brief discussions of Pope s and McCaughrean s works, does not clarify whether the response is providing similarities or differences. Additionally, the final paragraph lists similarities without generally identifying them as such. The lack of sentence variety and effective transitions makes the style choppy and limited in its overall effectiveness. Overall, the response is also limited in its appropriateness to the task.
RDG 0, WE 0 A9
Annotations Anchor Paper 9 Reading Score Point 0 Aside from the negligible reference to the inclusion of the Sirens in both stories, the response is inaccurate (Both of the main characters in the story sing beautifully. They are different because the main character in Odysseus has to kill his rival. The character in the Odyssey was being threatened to be killed by the Sirens.). Written Expression Score Point 0 The overall lack of development, clarity, reasoning, and text-based evidence make the response inappropriate to the task and purpose.
RDG 0, WE 0 A10
Annotations Anchor Paper 10 Reading Score Point 0 The response provides no textual evidence from either passage, and therefore it demonstrates no comprehension of the ideas in the excerpts. The vague references to the similar plots (they both tell the same story about the voyage of Odyseus) and the different formats (The Odyssey is in a poem format, and Odysseus is more of a story format, and it is easier to comprehend) are not sufficient to demonstrate comprehension without textual evidence for support. Written Expression Score Point 0 The response includes only undeveloped claims about the two passages (they both tell the same story about the voyage of Odysseus and they both have generally the same plot line, the Odyssey is in a poem format, and Odysseus is more of a story format, and it is easier to comprehend), making it unclear and inappropriate to the task and purpose.
Practice Set P101 - P105
P101
P102
P103
P104
P105
Practice Set (order of scores: Reading Comprehension, Written Expression, Conventions) Paper Score P101 2,2,3 P102 1,1,1 P103 0,0,0 P104 3,3,3 P105 4,4,3