The FABULOUS Principle Strength and Resilience Sunday, June 7, 2015 Cancer Survivors Day: English Tea Party HackensackUMC Mountainside One Bay Avenue, Montclair, NJ Dr. Jose P. Barba, M.D. notes, Cancer diagnosis is a life-changing event not only for the patient but for the entire family and most oftentimes for the entire village. Welcome to our village tea party. Hi! I m Barbara Rubel and I will be your speaker at HackensackUMC Mountainside s Annual Cancer Survivors Day celebration. I m delighted to have this opportunity to share some thoughts I m passionate about: exploring positive themes in your story; finding meaning; identifying your strengths; posttraumatic growth; and building your resilience. About Barbara Rubel. Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS is a keynote speaker, author and consultant. She is the author of the book, But I Didn t Say Goodbye and the 30 hr. continuing education course book for Nurses, Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Providing compassion during a time of need. Barbara is the co-author of the Dept. of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime Training Curriculum, Compassion Fatigue, She is a contributing writer in both Thin Threads: Grief and Renewal and Open to Hope s, Fresh Grief. She was featured in an Emmy award winning Documentary, Fatal Mistakes. Barbara is a consultant with the Dept. of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime. Her experience also includes being a hospice bereavement counselor, support group facilitator, and teacher at Brooklyn College. Barbara received a BS in Psychology and MA in Community Health. She is a Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress, a Diplomate, American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, a Certified Bereavement Specialist, and Certified Pastoral Bereavement Counselor. Website: www.barbararubel.com Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbararubel Facebook: www.facebook.com/barbara.p.rubel Contributing writer: http://www.jenningswire.com/author/barbara-rubel/ 2015 Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS www.barbararubel.com Page 1
The FABULOUS Principle Strengths and Resilience to Cope with Cancer Today, I want to acquaint you with the FABULOUS Principle, a framework for understanding that cancer can be a catalyst for positive change, post traumatic growth, and finding meaning. FABULOUS is an acronym that recognizes the remarkable ability you have to be resilient whether you have cancer or are a caregiver. Let s spend a few minutes looking at the FABULOUS framework, which allows cancer survivors to reflect on their strengths and positively apply those assets to their current challenges. Can Your Strengths Build Your Resilience? Hopeful Daring Kindness Brave Trustworthy Imaginative Honesty Cautious Spiritual Playful Leadership Curious Efficient Creative Skillful Humor Teamwork Perspective Love Gratitude Fairness Passionate Collaborative Courageous Zest Cheerful Motivated Happy Perseverance Humility Openminded Selfcontrol Social Intelligence Love of learning Appreciate beauty Reflective Patient Realistic Determined Fierce Devoted Religious By the time I am done today, I hope you will be convinced as I am that your character strengths, when put into practice, will help you to be more flexible; have a positive attitude; maintain your boundaries; stay connected with others; keep your sense of humor; remain optimistic; gain pleasure from your role in life; and be kind to yourself whether you have cancer or are a caregiver. From Palette of Grief : The FABULOUS Principle, by B. Rubel, 2015, NJ: Griefwork Center, Inc. Reprinted with permission. 2015 Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS www.barbararubel.com Page 2
What if I focus on: Flexibility Attitude Boundaries United Laughter Optimism Understand life satisfaction The FABULOUS Principle Strength and Resilience for Someone with Cancer Ask Yourself Hmm can I reframe a negative event into a positive opportunity for growth? Can I focus on my perception of how much control I have over my situation? What positive changes could occur if I become more open-minded? What is a balanced point of view of my situation? Hmm can I consider alternative explanations to how I feel about my struggles? How can my attitude guide me toward a positive outlook about cancer? Am I aware of how my feelings, thoughts and actions are based on my attitude? What strategies have I found to be most helpful to maintain a positive attitude? Hmm what evidence do I have that I am keeping my boundaries? What practical things can I do to improve my ability to maintain boundaries? How can boundaries keep me safe from things that might hurt me emotionally/physically? What s the best thing that can happen if I maintain boundaries? Hmm do I have a support system... a shared vision? When overwhelmed, can I create an image of a personal rooting section? Do I have strong personal relationships and professional connections? Hmm do I weave humor through my story? Does stand-up, slapstick, sarcastic, observational or self-deprecating humor get me through my challenges? Has laughter improved my well-being and problem-solving skills? Do I maintain a sense of humor in spite of a cancer diagnosis? Hmm do I have an on-going sense of hope? What helps me to realize that obstacles are only a temporary setback? How can being optimistic help me to look at other ways to view my situation? Can I picture myself remaining positive and realistic while anticipating the best possible outcome? Hmm have I developed gratification from life? Does my life s work have meaning and purpose? How do I remain engaged? How do I gain pleasure from the life I live? Hmm what inspires me to be self-compassionate? Does self-compassion fit into the theme of my personal story? Can I predict what will happen if I extend loving kindness to myself? From Palette of Grief : The FABULOUS Principle, by B. Rubel, 2015, NJ: Griefwork Center, Inc. Reprinted with permission. Selfcompassion 2015 Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS www.barbararubel.com Page 3
Top 10 Ways to Create a Flexible Mindset When You or Someone You Care About Has Cancer 1. Consider whether your thought is logical. Is it reasonable to think this way? Keep a check on thinking patterns for inaccurate, twisted perceptions of the facts. 2. Don t think in all or nothing thinking extremes: I wasn t perfect, like every other time. Get rid of an invisible forehead stamp that says: I made a mistake. So, I m always a complete failure. 3. Be alert to your critical thought. If I thought about the situation positively how would I perceive it? Or consider, What can I learn from this to help me do it better next time? 4. Don t overgeneralize and say, I always fail or I never get it right. Don t think the situation is worse than it is: I have so much to do that I ll never get it done. 5. Don t blame yourself for something that wasn t entirely your fault. Replace your thoughts with precise ones. Mull over whether you are focusing on actions you did, but wish you didn t do, or actions you didn t do but wish you did. 6. Create a list of things you could have done differently based on what you knew at the time or what you know now. Can you challenge your irrational thoughts with reality? 7. Don t be a fortune teller who says, I just know things will turn out badly. Write down a list of ideas about what you think will actually happen. Take a hard look at how reasonable your predictions are. 8. Don t be a mind reader where you think others think badly of you for how you are handling the situation. 9. Don t have a faulty focus where you focus on just one bad thing instead of all the good. 10. Brainstorm positive behaviors to deal with each problem individually. Generate a lot of ideas and see what sticks. From Palette of Grief : The FABULOUS Principle, by B. Rubel, 2015, NJ: Griefwork Center, Inc. Reprinted with permission. 2015 Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS www.barbararubel.com Page 4
Witticisms I used to think I was indecisive, but now I m not so sure. I m reading a book about anti-gravity and I can t put it down. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! What does a clock do when it s hungry? It goes back four seconds. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn t live there? I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me. - 2015 Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS www.barbararubel.com Page 5