Lillenas Drama Presents Charades from Bases Loaded... Nobody s Home By Stephen Hicks & Jerry Cohagan Friends are friends forever How can you not like a sketch that has one character playing charades and guessing hymn titles like, It s an Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weeny, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini, and Loose Lips Sink Ships! And you thought we couldn t write serious drama! Actually, in spite of all the shenanigans at the beginning, Charades evolves into a thoughtful and intense sketch. It is one of our favorites. Charades simply asks us to consider the cost of true friendship. Not because we want the whole world to look like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, but because Christ called us His friends. He calls us to be friends to each other. It costs something, as the characters in Charades discover, to be real friends. Sometimes the price seems too high, or we don t have the time. The cost was not too high for Christ. He took the time to lay down His life for us, His friends. Hopefully, none of us will settle for living life as a charade. Consider the terrible beauty of true friendship in Christ, and choose life, abundant life. Playing Time: 10 minutes Cast: BILL: An achiever, a little condescending, but with some pains in his life LYLE: A little goofy, but an admirer of Bill, insecure Props: None
Charades (A couch stage right and a chair stage left. LYLE is standing to right of BILL who is seated on end of couch. They are looking out over audience at imaginary person doing charade.) LYLE: OK, what is it, Hon? BILL: A song! LYLE: A book! Which is it, a song or a book? BILL: Me? LYLE: You re pointing at Bill? A bill book, a checkbook! It s a checkbook! (Throws arms up in victory) YES! No, no it s not. It s something to do with Bill? BILL: You just want me to guess? LYLE (sitting to right of BILL): Why can t I play? Why just him? TOGETHER (looking at each other): Him!! LYLE: It s a song about him? BILL: No, it s a hymn! It s a song from the hymnal. LYLE: Oh! How many words? BILL: Two words, first word has two syllables. LYLE: Your lips, you re pointing to your lips! You re zipping your lips lips, zip lips, Ziploc bags! (Jumps to his feet and gives victory sign with arms) YES! (Wilts) No, no it s not. Your lips are loose, loose lips, loose lips sink ships! BILL: I don t think that s in the hymnal, Lyle. LYLE: You sure it s not in the Battle Hymn of the Republic? BILL: It s tight lips, you re not speaking, you re quiet! LYLE: Of course she s not speaking, it s a charade, Bill. (Sits back down) Honey, at this rate well be here all night. TOGETHER (looking at each other): Night!? BILL: Second word is night. A quiet night... LYLE: A night without lips. Night, Night of the Living Dead! (Leaping to his feet and throwing arms up) YES! BILL (stands up): No, Lyle. It s Silent Night. LYLE: Oh! Silent Night. I was about to say that. Good, Honey, real good. BILL: What was our time on that?
LYLE: Sorry, I don t have a calendar on my watch. Hey, Hon, why don t you slip into the kitchen and get a few more of your fudge ripple guacamole brownies for Bill here. BILL: Ah, that s OK, really. Don t go to any trouble on my account. (Sitting back down) LYLE: It s no trouble. I know how much you love em. Anything s gotta be better than those turkey pot pies for one. BILL: Beats gnawing on these brownies. What d she frost these with, rubber cement? LYLE (chuckles, crosses behind couch to left end): Seriously, I m glad you were free tonight. BILL: Me, too. LYLE: I imagine your evenings are pretty much always free now. What ve you got to do? Sit at home and alphabetize your frozen TV dinners? I bet you really miss Sharon s cooking. (Beat, then) BILL (avoiding it): Hey, I got one for you. (Stands and begins charade) LYLE (sitting on left end of couch): OK. (BILL mimes singing.) A song, another hymn! (BILL taps nose for Bingo then begins sweeping his arms in a big ball motion.) Something big, it s us, it s everything, it s (BILL stomps the ground.) the world! Something around the world. As the World Turns! (Leaps to his feet and throws arms up in victory) YES! (BILL glares at LYLE.) No, no that s not it. (BILL mimes putting on a girdle.) Something tight, something painfully tight, pantyhose! No, it s something tight we all wear, a truss, a bikini! (Blurts out) Itsy, Bitsy, Teeny-Weeny, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini! (Throws arms up in victory) YES! BILL (frustrated): No. I give up. It was We ll Girdle the Globe. LYLE: Pardon me? We ll Girdle the Globe? Who wrote that, Jane Russell? BILL: It would help if you were a little more knowledgable. Claiming to know all the words to the Hallelujah Chorus doesn t exactly make you an authority on hymns. (Sits on couch) LYLE: OK, Einstein, let s see you get this one. It s a killer, you ll never get it. (Begins mime stage left, holds up three fingers) BILL: Three words... (LYLE traces a big heart in the air.) Love... (LYLE strains to lift imaginary heart.) Lifted... (LYLE starts to point at BILL, but BILL beats him.) Me... LYLE (sits in chair, dejected): Lucky guess. BILL: Sorry, Lyle. But you always do the same one. You might think about turning to the next page in the hymnal and broadening your repertoire.
LYLE: Thanks for the advice. BILL: Anytime. LYLE: You always make the teams uneven. BILL (confidently): Because I know all the answers. LYLE: No. Because you always come alone now. I can always count on you to make it an odd number of people. BILL (ribbing him): Lyle, any party you gave would be odd, whether I came or not. LYLE: Hey, you don t have to take it out on me just because your personal life is going down the tubes. (Beat) BILL: Let s just play the game. Who knows, eventually you might even get one. (Stands) This is a book in the Bible. LYLE: All right, piece of cake. (BILL holds up one finger.) One word... (BILL places three fingers on forearm, this is the sign for three syllables.) Three words (BILL sighs, holds up one finger again.) One word... (BILL repeats three fingers on forearm.) Three words... BILL (blurts out): It s one word, three syllables! LYLE: Right, one word, three syllables. I knew that. (BILL puts one finger on forearm.) First word... BILL: First syllable, syllable! LYLE: Sorry. First syllable... (BILL tugs on his ear) Sounds like... (BILL mimes grabbing something.) Grab! (BILL gives LYLE Bingo sign, LYLE begins going through the alphabet.) Ahhh, let s see... Ab, Bab, Cab, Dab, Fab, Gab, Hab... (BILL drops to his knees with finger on nose.) Hab?! (BILL shakes head yes vigorously, then places two fingers on forearm.) Second word... BILL: Syllable!! LYLE: Hey, you re not supposed to be talkin. (BILL grabs his back.) Second syllable is... back! (BILL gestures to put syllables together.) Hab-back. (BILL repeats gesture.) Hab-back. (BILL waits.) Hit me with the third part, come on, meter s runnin! (BILL slaps forehead in frustration, then places three fingers on forearm.) Third word... BILL: Syllable, third syllable!! LYLE: All right, don t pop a blood vessel over it. (BILL rubs his back in pain, LYLE commiserates with him.) Ohh, your back is sore, isn t it... you have a sore back. You have a back ache! (BILL gives him Bingo sign.) You have a back ache! (BILL gestures to put each syllable in front of the other, LYLE runs them all together.) Haveabackache, haveabackache... (BILL keeps gesturing faster and faster while LYLE tries to oblige by slurring it faster and faster.)
Hababackache, hababackakak, hababackakakakakak. (BILL slices through the air, he holds first syllable up.) Hab... (BILL holds second syllable up.) Bak... (third syllable) Uk. (BILL holds his hands out as if presenting it to LYLE on a silver platter, LYLE says it finally.) Habbakuk. (Light dawns for LYLE) Oh! Habbakuk! (then quickly scowls) Hey, no fair using Latin. BILL: It s not Latin, it s an Old Testament prophet! (Collapses in couch) LYLE (stands, vindicated): Oh, Old Testament. I didn t know we were playing hardball. (Crosses stage right in front of couch, taking another dig at BILL) You re probably the only guy I know who has the time now to sit around and read the Old Testament. BILL: Very funny, pay attention, Ernie s got one. (LYLE stands behind BILL just to his right, both look out over audience again.) It s a song. LYLE (echoing everything BILL says): It s a song. BILL: Four words. LYLE: Four words. BILL: First word has one syllable. LYLE: First word has one syllable. (BILL glares at him.) I m repeating for emphasis. BILL: How about repeating an original thought. That should keep you quiet awhile. LYLE: Hey, I m nobody s fool. BILL: It s not my fault you couldn t get adopted. (Continues game) First word is... us, (gesturing to LYLE and himself) the two of us, what we are...? LYLE: Let s see Mutt and Jeff, Bert and Ernie, Bonnie and Clyde, wash and dry, spin and rinse, Jekyll and Hyde BILL: No, it s what we are. Look what Ernie s doing! (Grabs LYLE s hand and shakes it.) Friends! LYLE: OK! First word is friends. BILL: Third word is same as the first! LYLE: Friends blank friends blank... BILL (stands and announces): Friends Are Friends Forever! LYLE (getting it just on the heels of BILL): Friends Are Friends Forever! (Throws arms up in victory while BILL just stares at his idiot friend) BILL: That s a scary thought. LYLE: You should be standing in my shoes.
BILL: That means you d be running my life for eternity. LYLE (with a cutting edge): Somebody should, it s a cinch you can t. BILL (beat, then angry): OK, here s one you might get. (Crosses left to begin mime) LYLE (sits on couch, BILL pulls out his pulsing heart): Heart. (BILL proceeds to throw it down on the ground and stomp on it.) Your knee? Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee! No, that s not it. (BILL points at LYLE.) I... (BILL stomps.) stomp... (BILL gestures to his heart.) On your heart! (BILL mimes phone to ear.) And call... (BILL points at LYLE.) Myself... (BILL clasps his hands together.) Your friend! (Stands up, putting it all together.) I stomp on your heart and call myself your friend! (Throws arms up in victory before it dawns on him what he s said.) BILL (throws his arms up mocking LYLE): YES! Bingo! LYLE (as it dawns on him, lowers his arms slowly): What s that supposed to mean? BILL: It means I m sick and tired of you feeling obligated to offer a running commentary on my life. LYLE (hurt): I m just supposed to take back all the care and concern I have for you? BILL (sits in chair stage left): I d feel better if you d take back those brownies. (Snickers) (The next 11 lines build in intensity and volume.) LYLE (sits on end of couch facing him): Well then, as long as we re taking things back, why don t I just take back my hedge trimmers you borrowed when Carter was still president. BILL: Oh, yeah. Well, I d like back my Elvis Presley prayer rug! LYLE: And I d like back my insoles you borrowed for your tennis shoes! BILL: You want your old insoles? LYLE: Along with my souvenir baseball. BILL: Wait a minute, I caught that ball! LYLE: With my glove! BILL: You said you gave me that glove. I should ve known. LYLE: Why not! You think you know everything else. You always have to be right. BILL: That s pretty easy when you re always wrong!
LYLE (standing): Well, if I m always wrong, how come I m not the one going home to an empty house tonight?! (Dead silence as LYLE realizes he s crossed the line.) BILL (slowly): That s great, Lyle. Go ahead and take another cheap shot at me. I m wide open. (Rises, and goes to him) If you even had a clue as to what you were talking about... oh, just forget it, I m wasting my breath. (Starts to exit stage right) LYLE: Sure, turn your back and walk out. Just like you walked out on Sharon! (BILL freezes and slowly turns and approaches LYLE.) BILL: As usual, Lyle, you don t know what in the world you re talking about. If you would just shut up once in a while and listen for a change, you might end up being more of a friend and less of a jerk! LYLE (facing him): Well, at least this jerk is keeping his family together. I mean, I may not be as smart as you, but at least I m willing to work at it. I m not just gonna walk off because it s no longer easy or simple. Everything s always been easy for you. And now that it isn t, you don t want to take any responsibility! I ve never once heard you say you were wrong about anything. And now you can t handle the fact that maybe you don t have all the answers, maybe you re not perfect. BILL (backing away): What s that got to do with anything? LYLE (pressing him): Come on, Bill, say you re not perfect. BILL (turning away to leave): Look, why don t we just forget the whole LYLE (to his back, harshly): No, I want to hear you say you are wrong! BILL (explodes): What do you want from me!? You want to hear that my life isn t perfect! that I m up to here in debt! that I m stuck in a deadend job! (Crosses down left) And that I m scared to go home at night because the house is so empty, and that I have a wife... had a wife, (breaks) who I don t think loves me anymore... and that I m afraid... is that what you want to hear? LYLE: Maybe I m afraid, too. BILL: Afraid? Of what? LYLE: I m afraid that you ll give up. I m afraid to watch another friend s marriage crumble. BILL: I don t want that either. LYLE: And I m afraid that we may lose our friendship because of this. And that we ll spend the rest of our lives just playing charades, acting like this doesn t matter. (Turns away from BILL, stage right)
BILL (stepping toward him): Lyle, it all matters. (These are hard words for BILL to say.) Do you know what it s like to feel that you ve broken God s heart? (LYLE looks up.) Sometimes you re the only proof I have that God may still care. LYLE (turns to him): I don t know what kind of a friend to be to you right now... and maybe I m scared of what it ll cost. (Brighter) But I know how to start. I m sorry, Bill. I ve never missed a chance to take a cheap shot at you through this. You deserve better. BILL: I m not sure I do... everything has come easy to me. I ve always taken it all for granted. God, family... even friends. Why is it so hard for me to admit... I m wrong. Will you forgive me, Lyle? (Extends hand LYLE looks at BILL s hand, starts to extend his, then they impulsively hug. After a moment they break.) What are we gonna do now, Lyle? LYLE: I don t know... maybe in bits and pieces I ll begin to lay down my life for a friend... like Someone once did for us. BILL: I got one for you. (Steps back and holds up 4 fingers) LYLE: Four words. (BILL points to the two of them, LYLE smiles and extends his hand.) Friends Are Friends Forever. BILL (takes LYLE s hand and then touches his own nose and says softly): Bingo, Lyle. (Freeze Slow Fade) The purchase of this sketch entitles the purchaser to make photocopies of this material for use in their church or nonprofit organization. The sharing of this material with other churches or organizations not owned or controlled by the original purchaser is strictly prohibited. The contents of this sketch may not be reproduced in any other form without written permission from the publisher. Please include the copyright statement found below on each copy made. Questions? Please write, call, or E-mail: Lillenas Publishing Company Phone: 816-931-1900 E-mail: drama@lillenas.com Drama Resources Fax: 816-412-8390 Web Site: www.lillenasdrama.com P.O. Box 419527 Kansas City, MO 64141 The sketch collection Bases Loaded... Nobody s Home (MP-659) is available for purchase from Lillenas Drama or from your local Christian bookstore. For a full description of the rest of this collection, or to purchase other individual sketches, refer to www.lillenasdrama.com