ELA/Literacy Released Item 2015 Grade 6 Narrative Writing Task Alice s Point of View 3845
Anchor Set A1 A10
Score Point 4 A1a
Score Point 4 A1b
Annotations Anchor Paper 1 Score Point 4 The response provides a full and complete response that is consistently appropriate to the task. Dialogue is used as a framing device which creates a story within the story and Alice s story is woven into the flowing conversation rather than just being told to her sister in large chunks. Each character s words clearly show their personality, such as Alice s rushed storytelling and her sister s more controlled, formal responses. This clear dialogue does not need attributions (for example, Alice said frantically, she said carefully, said angrily, etc.) to show the character s emotions, as the word choice and sentence formation express these ideas. The response provides descriptions that demonstrate coherence and clarity throughout the response (wiping the dirt off my dress....genuinely amazing....who in their proper mind....nearly magical....nice marbled floor....feet daintily touching the ground....incredibley large). Overall, the response is a sophisticated response that is easy to follow and shows complete and advanced command of narrative techniques.
Score Point 4 A2
Annotations Anchor Paper 2 Score Point 4 The response is effectively developed. Alice s words drive the narrative with a few, but well done, interjections from the sister to show her reactions and feelings about Alice s story. Descriptive elements are strong across the entire paper (decifer the trueness of your tale....a spark of curiosity lit up in my head....looking at a paradise....destined to destroy.... evil reign.... scraped her sharp claws....portrayed in the Prophesy). The fifth paragraph retells parts of the passage, but with original additions, and it quickly moves into a new continuation of the story. A few parts of the response demonstrate some confusion, such as the gender of the shed monster switching from female to male, but the story is easy to follow for the most part. It is a full and complete story that is consistently appropriate to the task.
Score Point 3 A3
Annotations Anchor Paper 3 Score Point 3 The response demonstrates mostly effective development with narrative elements that are mostly appropriate to the task. The response contains some retelling of the story but adds original dialogue and details to produce an original story. Descriptive elements are mostly effective throughout the story (sitting by the porch....glanced up....wacky adventures....overcome by curiosity....scared for a second....landed unharmed....she cracked....cut my visit short). The use of dialogue allows each character s personality to be shown and adds to the creation of the story. The ending of the story is rushed, but overall, the response demonstrates cohesion and clarity.
Score Point 3 A4a
Score Point 3 A4b
Annotations Anchor Paper 4 Score Point 3 The response is mostly effective with an emphasis on the dialogue between the sisters. Some good descriptive elements are used in the response (great adventure, 5 minutes ago, felt like 5 days, you have some imagination in that brain of yours, nic nacs on the sides of the holes, screaming sister). The response shows progression through the dialogue in the story and is fairly easy to follow. Some parts of the dialogue effectively illustrate the banter between the two sisters ( Oh really then where is this deep bunny hole you found. ) while other parts are uneven with simple language (I went on this long adventure. Then after that was over they helped me out.).
Score Point 2 A5
Annotations Anchor Paper 5 Score Point 2 The response provides a generally coherent story with ideas that are usually discernible. Some descriptive elements are present (gigantic bunny hole, childish, a roaring voice, tall bunnys, orange top hat, a labratory deep into a forest, potion labled hopping potion, fast as possible, jumped out on my fourth try). Dialogue is used, though sometimes summarized (He told me he could hep me.... He told me to drink before time ran out.). Progression is generally clear, but some parts feel rushed or have skipped over story details, such as Alice waking up the rabbits with no mention of them ever having gone to sleep. Overall, the response lacks the cohesion necessary to achieve a higher score point but remains somewhat effective.
Score Point 2 A6
Annotations Anchor Paper 6 Score Point 2 The response is developed with some narrative elements. Dialogue is the main element used throughout the response although there are also some good descriptions included (you need to make your imagination a little smaller, pretending I have an imagination, second time today, stormed off, mummbled to herself). Progression through the story is lacking, with many parts repeated from the passage in the response. Some dialogue, such as the circular conversation with Alice s sister about Alice s imagination, is repetitive and does not further the story or character development. Word choice is also sometimes repetitive, with Replied Alice s sister or Said Alice s sister being examples of overused phrasing. Overall, the response is somewhat effective but lacks the stronger development found in better 2s.
Score Point 1 A7
Annotations Anchor Paper 7 Score Point 1 The response is limited in its appropriateness to the task. Although the first half is mostly a retelling of the passage, the response includes some original descriptive elements (remarkable journey....you will never believe....rabbits name was Pat....tea party). There are few narrative techniques. No dialogue is used, but a sense of progression is shown with a few specific details, namely at the end to show Alice interacting with a character in Wonderland. Overall, the progression, vocabulary, and development are not strong and demonstrate a style that has limited effectiveness.
Score Point 1 A8
Annotations Anchor Paper 8 Score Point 1 The response is minimally developed. The response consists of a retelling of Alice s fall with limited dialogue between the sisters. The dialogue provides a few descriptions of Alice s actions (alice lied) and her sister s feelings (Alice sister still dont belive her). Narrative techniques, such as dialogue, are limited in appropriateness, but are attempted and demonstrate limited effectiveness.
Score Point 0 A9
Annotations Anchor Paper 9 Score Point 0 The response provides a response that is undeveloped and mostly inappropriate to the task. The majority of the response is a retelling of the passage. Only the last line illustrates some original writing (i had a great time and thtas when i went back i came home to you the end). There are no descriptive elements, no dialogue, and no other narrative techniques demonstrated in this brief response.
Score Point 0 A10
Annotations Anchor Paper 10 Score Point 0 The one-sentence response is undeveloped. The dialogue is unattributed to any character (though presumably Alice), gives no information on the emotion or actions of the speaking character, and has one descriptive part (deep hole). The response lacks any narrative structure or narrative techniques, such as progression of ideas, descriptive elements, or character interaction.
Practice Set P101 - P105
P101
P102
P103
P104a
P104b
P105
Practice Set Paper Score P101 3,3 P102 2,2 P103 1,0 P104 4,3 P105 0,1