TV Shows for English Language Studies: Monty Python s Flying Circus Walter Klinger Associate Professor, University of Shiga Prefecture, Japan Monty Python s Flying Circus was a comedy series first broadcast on BBC for a total of 45 episodes over four seasons from 1969. Since then, it has been shown and enjoyed in countries around the world. Performed by Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin, the program featured short sketches with surreal plots and often without punch lines or proper endings. The British Film Institute in 2000 voted the show Number One in a list of the 100 Greatest British Television Programmes. Python s influence on comedy can be compared to The Beatles influence on popular music. After the series ended, the troupe continued with five Python theatrical films. Playing on Broadway even now is a Python musical, Monty Python s Spam-a-lot. Some of the Python sketches work well for English language practice. In my college classes in Japan, I show a compilation of sketches that I think will appeal to EFL students. In Hell s Grannies, violent little old ladies terrorize peaceful punks in a small town. In The Ministry of Silly Walks, a government department financially supports people who can develop new and funny ways of walking. In The Dirty Fork Sketch, a restaurant turns into a scene of tragedy because a customer found a dirty fork. In The Dead Parrot Sketch, a customer tries to return an obviously defective parrot to a pet shop store owner who insists that the parrot is not really dead. In The Lion Tamer Sketch, a mild-mannered accountant hopes to embark on a new and exciting career as a lion-tamer. In The Spam Sketch, restaurant customers have to choose from a menu which features dishes prepared mainly with Spam brand-name processed meat. This sketch (like many of the Python sketches) became widely known and popular, so much so that it gave its name to the term spam, meaning unsolicited email which never stops coming, just like the endless spam in the sketch. I use two sketches in particular for speaking practice, which I have made simpler by some rewriting. In The Cheese Shop Sketch, a customer wants to buy some cheese, but the shopkeeper has countless excuses why he doesn t have the cheese the customer asks for, although the customer mentions 43 different kinds of cheese. In The Argument Sketch, a man goes into what seems to be a kind of school, to take a lesson in arguments. He hopes for a stimulating argument, but he ends up in three rooms where he encounters teachers of other strange studies, and the argument he eventually has is not satisfying, as the teacher just contradicts whatever he says. In class, I show the skit on video, hand out the written dialogue (which includes some Japanese vocabulary glosses), and repeat the lines with the students. Then pairs or small groups read aloud the skit two times. The students seem to enjoy the silly dialogues.
Videos from: The Complete Monty Python s Flying Circus 16-Ton Megaset. A&E Home Video. The Argument Skit. Episode 29; aired November 2, 1972. Cheese Shop Sketch. Episode 33; aired November 30, 1972. Dialogues adapted from: The Complete Monty Python s Flying Circus; All the Words Volume One & Two. (1989). Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones. Pantheon Books. Cheese Shop Sketch Wensleydale Good morning, sir. Mousebender Good morning. As I was passing by your place of purveyance just now, I suddenly came over all peckish, and thought a little fermented curd would do the trick. Wensleydale Sorry? What? Mousebender I was passing by your store and felt a little hungry, so I thought a piece of cheese would be nice. Wensleydale Oh! I thought you were complaining about the music. Mousebender Not at all. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the terpsichorean muse. Wensleydale Come again? Mousebender I m not complaining about the music. In fact, I like all kinds of music. Wensleydale Oh, I was wondering about that! Mousebender Now, my good fellow. Some cheese, please. Wensleydale Yes. Certainly, sir. What would you like? Mousebender Well, how about a little Red Leicester. Wensleydale I m afraid we re fresh out of Red Leicester, sir. Mousebender Oh, never mind. How are you on Tilsit? Wensleydale Never at the end of the week, sir. Always get it fresh first thing on Monday. Mousebender Tish, tish. No matter. Well, 100 grams of Caerphilly, then, if you please. Wensleydale Ah well, it s been on order for two weeks, sir. I was expecting it this morning. Mousebender Yes. It s not my day, is it? Er, Bel Paese? Wensleydale Sorry. Mousebender Red Windsor? Wensleydale Normally, sir, yes. But today the delivery van broke down. Mousebender Ah. Stilton? Wensleydale Sorry. Mousebender Gruyere? Emmental? Mousebender Any Norwegian Jarlsberger? Mousebender Liptauer?
Mousebender Lancashire? Mousebender White Stilton? Mousebender Danish Blue? Mousebender Double Gloucester? Wensleydale... No. Mousebender Cheshire? Mousebender Any Dorset Blue Vinney? Mousebender Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l Évêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L Est, Boursin, Bresse-Bleu, Perle de Champagne, Camembert? Wensleydale Ah! We do have some Camembert, sir. Mousebender You do! Excellent! Wensleydale It s a bit runny, sir. Mousebender Oh, I like it runny. Wensleydale Well, as a matter of fact, it s very runny, sir. Mousebender No matter! Hand over le fromage de La Belle France qui s apelle Camembert, s il vous plaît. Wensleydale I think it s runnier than you like it, sir. Mousebender I don t care how runny it is. Hand it over with all speed! Wensleydale Yes, sir. Oh... Mousebender What? Wensleydale The cat s eaten it. Mousebender Has he? Wensleydale She, sir. Mousebender Gouda? Mousebender Edam? Mousebender Caithness? Mousebender Smoked Austrian? Mousebender Sage Darby? Wensleydale No, sir. Mousebender You do have some cheese, do you? Wensleydale Certainly, sir. It s a cheese shop, sir. We ve got... Mousebender No, no, no, don t tell me. I m keen to guess. Wensleydale Fair enough. Mousebender Wensleydale. Wensleydale Yes, sir? Mousebender Splendid! Well, I ll have some of that then, please. Wensleydale Oh, I m sorry sir. I thought you were calling me. My name is Wensleydale. Mousebender Gorgonzola?
Mousebender Parmesan? Mousebender Mozzarella? Mousebender Pippo Crème? Mousebender Any Danish Fynbo? Mousebender Czechoslovakian Sheep s Milk Cheese? Mousebender Venezuelan Beaver Cheese? Wensleydale Not today sir, no. Mousebender Well, let s keep it simple. How about Cheddar? Wensleydale Well, I m afraid we don t get much call for it around here. Mousebender Not much call for it? It s the single most popular cheese in the world! Wensleydale Not round these parts, sir. Mousebender And, pray tell, what is the most popular cheese round these parts? Wensleydale Ilchester, sir. Mousebender I see. Wensleydale Yes, sir. It s quite staggeringly popular. Mousebender Is it. Wensleydale Yes sir, it s our number-one seller. Mousebender Is it. Wensleydale Yes sir. Mousebender Ilchester, eh? Wensleydale Right. Mousebender OK, I m game. Have you got any? he asked, expecting the answer no? Wensleydale I ll have a look, sir... N-n-n-no. Mousebender It s not much of a cheese shop, really, is it? Wensleydale Finest in the district, sir. Mousebender And what leads you to that conclusion? Wensleydale Well, it s so clean. Mousebender Well, it s certainly uncontaminated by cheese. Wensleydale You haven t asked me about Limberger, sir. Mousebender Is it worth it? Wensleydale Could be. Mousebender OK. Have you Will you shut that bloody dancing up! Wensleydale (to dancers) Told you so. Mousebender Have you got any Limberger? Mousebender No, that figures. It was pretty predictable, really. It was an act of purest optimism to pose the question in the first place. Tell me something, do you have any cheese at all? Wensleydale Yes, sir.
Mousebender Now, I m going to ask you that question once more, and if you say no, I m going to have to slap you on the head. Now, do you have any cheese at all? Mousebender (slaps him on the head) What a useless, silly little store. THE END ARGUMENT SKETCH Receptionist Yes, sir? I d like to have an argument, please. Receptionist Certainly, sir. Have you been here before? No, this is my first time. Receptionist I see. Do you want to have the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course? Well, what would be the cost? Receptionist Yes, it s one pound for a five-minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten. Well, I think it s probably best if I start with the one and see how it goes from there. OK? Receptionist Fine. I ll see who s free at the moment. Mr DuBakey s free, but he s a little bit conciliatory. Yes, try Mr Barnard, Room 12. Thank you. ( goes in a room) Mr Barnard What do you want? Well, I was told outside... Mr Barnard Don t give me that, you snottyfaced heap of parrot droppings! What!? Mr Barnard Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous, toffee- nosed, malodorous pervert! Look, I came here for an argument. Mr Barnard Oh! I m sorry. This is Abuse. Oh, I see. That explains it. Mr Barnard No, you want Room 12A next door. I see. Sorry. ( leaves) Mr Barnard Not at all. Stupid git. ( knocks on s door) Come in. Is this the right room for an argument? I ve told you once. No, you haven t. Yes, I have. When? Just now! No, you didn t. Yes, I did! Didn t. Did. Didn t.
I m telling you, I did! No, you didn t. You did not! You came here for an argument. I m sorry -- is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour? Well, an argument s not the same as contradiction. Oh... Just a five-minute one. It can be. Fine. Thank you. Anyway, I did. You most certainly did not. Now, let s get one thing quite clear. I most definitely told you! You did not. Yes, I did. You did not. Yes, I did. Didn t. Yes, I did!! Look, this isn t an argument. No, it can t. An argument is a connected series of statements to establish a definite proposition. No, it isn t. Yes, it is. It isn t just contradiction. Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position. But it isn t just saying No it isn t. Yes, it is. No, it isn t. Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction Yes, it is. No, it isn t. It s just contradiction. No, it isn t. Yes, it is. It is not. It is. You just contradicted me. No, I didn t. Ooh, you did! No, no, no, no, no. You did, just then. No, nonsense! Oh, look. This is futile. No, it isn t. I came here for a good argument. is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says. No, it isn t. Yes, it is. Not at all. Now look! (pressing the bell) Thank you. Good morning. What? That s it. Good morning. But I was just getting interested. Sorry. The five minutes is up. That was never five minutes just now! I m afraid it was.
No, it wasn t. Yes I have. If you re arguing, I m sorry. I m not allowed I must have paid. to argue any more. Not necessarily. I could be arguing What!? in my spare time. If you want me to go on arguing, I ve had enough of this. you ll have to pay for another five No, you haven t. minutes. Oh, shut up! But that was never five minutes ( goes in another room) just now! Oh, come on! This is I want to complain. ridiculous. in You want to complain? Look at I m very sorry, but I told you Complaint these shoes. I ve only had them I m not allowed to argue Room three weeks, and the heels are unless you ve paid. worn right through. Oh, all right. (pays) There you are. No, I want to complain about... Thank you. in If you complain, nothing happens. Well? Well, what? That was never five minutes just now. I told you I m not allowed to argue unless you ve paid! I ve just paid. No, you didn t. I did! I did! I did! No, you didn t. Complaint Room You might just as well not bother. My back hurts and... ( enters another room) I want to complain. ( hits on the head) Ooh! No, no, no. Hold your head like this, and then go waaagh! Try it again. Woughh! Better. Better. But waaaaaghh! Waaaagh! Hold your hands here. Look, I don t want to argue about that. Well, I m very sorry, but you didn t pay. Aha! Well, if I didn t pay, why are you arguing? Got you! No, you haven t. No! Now. (hits ) Waagh! That s it. That s it. Good! Stop hitting me! What? Stop hitting me.
Stop hitting you? Yes. What did you come in here for, then? I came here to complain. Oh, I m sorry. That s next door. It s Being Hit on the Head Lessons in here. What a stupid concept. Fox (enters) Right. Hold it there. & Spr What?! Fox Allow me to introduce myself. I m Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Special Flying Squad. & Spr Flying Fox of the Yard? Fox Shut up! ( hits ) Ooooh! No, no, no - Waagh! Fox And you. (hits ) Waagh! Fox He s good! You could learn from him. Right, now, you two, you are under arrest. What for? Fox I m charging you under Section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act. The what? Fox You are charged that you took part in a strange sketch that caused mental confusion to the audience. (to camera) Evening, all. (hits ) WAAAGH! Fox That s excellent! Right, come on down to the Police Station. Gazelle (enters) Hold it. Hold it. Allow me to introduce myself. I m Inspector Thompson s Gazelle of the Light Entertainment Police, Special Flying Squad. Fox Flying Thompson s Gazelle of the Yard? Gazelle Shut up! (hits Fox) Fox Waaaagh! He s good! Gazelle Shut up! (hits ) WAAGH! Rotten. (Gazelle hits ) WAAAGH! Gazelle Very good! Now, I m arresting this entire sketch for ending without a proper punch-line. Namely, simply ending by having a policeman come in and arrest... wait a minute. Police #3 (enters) Hold it! Gazelle Oh my god! THE END