(UPPER GRADES) DRAMATIZED CLASSIC MIDDLE AND LOWER GRADES. 73 Seconds... Eric Alter 2 Café Blues...Craig Sodaro 10

500+ scripts now downloadable! www.playsmagazine.com (see details on page 47) PlaysM T H E D R A M A M A G A Z I N E F O R Y O U N G P E O P L E A R C H 2 0 1 7 UPPER GRADES 73 Seconds......................... Eric Alter 2 Café Blues.......................Craig Sodaro 10 DRAMATIZED CLASSIC (UPPER GRADES) The Model Millionaire..............Oscar Wilde 23 Adapted by Carol D. Wise MIDDLE AND LOWER GRADES Way Way Down East................Earl J. Dias 29 Tom and the Leprechaun........... Jean Feather 37 The Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal.............................Gladys V. Smith 42 Mr. Frog Went A-Courtin.......Elaine E. Runyon 46

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March 2017 In this issue... Plays The drama magazine for young people Upper Grades 73 Seconds, by Eric Alter 2 female actors; 25 minutes. Sparked by a paper written for class, a troubled teacher and troubled student find solace and understanding in a deeply emotional shared experience. Café Blues, by Craig Sodaro 10 actors: 6 female, 3 male, 1 male/female; 25 minutes. Nasty manager of a Depression-era restaurant gets his comeuppance when a good-hearted customer sets things right for its employees. The Model Millionaire, by Oscar Wilde and adapted by Carol D. Wise 5 actors: 4 male and 1 female; 20 minutes. Down on his luck, an English gentleman gives a man he thinks is a beggar the coat off his back, only to be rewarded with the most generous of gifts. Middle and Lower Grades Way Way Down East, by Earl J. Dias 9 actors: 6 male, 3 female; 25 minutes. Fun melodrama complete with a mortgage that s due, a greedy villain who demands his money, a fair maiden fighting to save her parents, a handsome hero, and lots of audience participation. Curses, foiled again! Tom the Leprechaun, adapted by Jean Feather 7 actors: 2 male, 5 male or female; 10 minutes. Leprechaun outsmarts a lazy farmer who is after his pot of gold. Old Irish tale perfect for St. Patrick s Day. The Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal, adapted by Gladys V. Smith 9 male or female actors; 15 minutes. An Indian folk tale: Fair play and quick thinking teach that it is best to be thankful for what we have. Mr. Frog Went A-Courtin, by Elaine E. Runyon 14 actors: 4 male, 3 female, and 7 male or female; 10 minutes. Large cast acts out and sings the popular old folk song about the wedding of Miss Mouse to Mr. Frog. MARCH 2017 1

Upper Grades 73 Seconds is protected by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com). 73 Seconds Troubled teacher and troubled student find solace and understanding in a deeply emotional shared experience.... by Eric Alter Characters MRS. ANDERSON, high school teacher JULIANA, student, 15 going on 30 MRS. ANDERSON (Smiling as she gets up from her desk): Come in...come in. JULIANA (Sighing): Right. (MRS. ANDERSON watches JULIANA as she takes her time to come inside.) MRS. ANDERSON: Hi. So um TIME: The present. SETTING: A high school classroom, with teacher s desk and chair, student desks, a window, and any other furnishings desired. AT RISE: MRS. ANDERSON is sitting at her desk, reading a paper. She checks her watch, then goes back to reading paper. After a moment, JULIANA enters. She doesn t seem thrilled to be there. She just stands in the doorway, chewing gum. After a moment, MRS. ANDERSON notices her. MRS. ANDERSON: Juliana! You made it. (Looks at her watch) I was getting ready to leave. JULIANA: Yeah. Why didn t you? JULIANA: Yeah? MRS. ANDERSON: I...wanted to talk to you. JULIANA: What about? MRS. ANDERSON: Do you want to have a seat? JULIANA (Shaking her head): No. MRS. ANDERSON: O.K. JULIANA (Looking at her watch): Is this going to take long? Cuz my boyfriend is waiting for me. MRS. ANDERSON: I don t know. That depends. JULIANA: On what? 2 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

MRS. ANDERSON: On you, I guess. JULIANA: What does that mean? MRS. ANDERSON: I guess it means... (Pause) Can I ask you something? JULIANA: What? MRS. ANDERSON: Why do you come to school? JULIANA (Surprised): Huh? MRS. ANDERSON: Why do you come? JULIANA: I dunno. I m probably not going to come much longer. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): O.K. (Pause) You...well, I wanted to talk to you about your paper. JULIANA: My paper? MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Uh-huh. JULIANA (Slightly loud): You said that was private. You said you weren t (MRS. ANDERSON goes to her desk, picks up the paper.) MRS. ANDERSON: It is...but JULIANA (Getting upset): Mrs. Anderson, I swear to God if MRS. ANDERSON: I didn t (Overlapping) JULIANA: I swear to God I will (Overlapping) MRS. ANDERSON: Call anyone...but you (Overlapping) JULIANA: I will drop out! (Louder) It doesn t matter. I m going away anyway. (There is a long pause. They both just stare at one another.) MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Yeah. I didn t tell anyone. JULIANA: It s just some dumb paper. I did what you asked. (JULIANA begins to walk around the room. She walks over to a window, looks outside.) MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): You did. (Pause) How long did it take you to write it? JULIANA (Shrugging): I dunno. A few hours. A few days. Not sure. I don t know. Can I go now? MRS. ANDERSON: In a few minutes. JULIANA (Sighing): What? You don t like my paper? You wanna fail me, fail me. Like I care about school. MRS. ANDERSON: Your paper...it was JULIANA: I know it sucked. I was... tryin to keep it real. MRS. ANDERSON: The best one I read. (JULIANA looks up, and for a second there is a small glow in her face.) JULIANA: What? MRS. ANDERSON (Smiling, nodding): It was the best one I read. JULIANA (Shrugging): Whatever. MRS. ANDERSON: Do you know why? JULIANA: Nope. MRS. ANDERSON: Because it was the most real. It was real. It was alive. It was...you. JULIANA (Shrugging): Me isn t someone anyone wants to be. Trust me. (She looks out window and just looks up.) MARCH 2017 3

MRS. ANDERSON: What are you looking for? JULIANA (Shrugging): Just wondering...what s up there. MRS. ANDERSON: Up where? JULIANA: Beyond the clouds. Nothing. Forget it. (Long pause) MRS. ANDERSON: Can I ask you a personal question? JULIANA: It depends. MRS. ANDERSON: Is it all true? (For just a moment, JULIANA s toughness softens, and after a beat that moment is gone.) JULIANA (Nodding slowly): Yeah. MRS. ANDERSON: Can I ask you something else? JULIANA: You ask a lot of questions, you know that? MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): I do. Now I want to ask you: Why did you write it for me? JULIANA: Huh? MRS. ANDERSON: Well...I know for a fact you really don t do your work in other classes...so why did you write it for mine? JULIANA (Shrugging): I don t know. And truth I don t care anymore (Voice falling off) about anything. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): There s gotta be something you care about. JULIANA: No. MRS. ANDERSON: Your boyfriend? JULIANA (Shooting her a look): He s just some dumb boy...a means to an end. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding slowly): O.K. Listen, Juliana JULIANA: I don t need a lecture...and I sure as hell don t need a talking to. Now, you asked me to come here. I came! You asked me to do some stupid paper and I did it! (There is a pause and a look between them.) Forget this...i m outta here. (JULIANA begins to make her way toward the door.) MRS. ANDERSON: Wait. (JULIANA ignores this and continues making her way toward the door.) I need some advice. See...I am in a bit of a pickle here. JULIANA: Huh? What are you talking about? MRS. ANDERSON: Well, I asked everyone to write this paper, and between you and me and the piano...(stops; thinks) I don t know why I say that...i mean, there s no piano in here, is there? (For the slightest of moments JULIANA smiles it s so brief we could miss it and then she s back to being tough again.) JULIANA: Your point? MRS. ANDERSON: Well, anyway, everyone else wrote about what I call fluffy stuff which is totally fine but you poured out so much in that paper, and well I guess I m in a tough spot, see, because there s so much in there that I should go to JULIANA: I swear to God (Loud, then soft) you promised us...you promised the class...you wouldn t tell anyone! I can t believe this! I knew it! I knew you were no different from everyone else! 4 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

MRS. ANDERSON: Now, wait...i said I was in a pickle because there s a part of me that knows I should probably talk to Mr. Curran and let him know what s going on. After all, he is your guidance counselor. JULIANA: That s just criminal! MRS. ANDERSON: What is? JULIANA: That he s a guidance counselor! He needs guidance! (There is a pause between them, then MRS. ANDERSON can t hold it any longer. She starts laughing. After a moment, JULIANA just looks at her and manages a smile.) You re laughing because you know I m right. If that s guidance then I m in trouble. MRS. ANDERSON (Shaking her head): O.K. O.K. (A pause as she regains her composure) Home is...tough, huh? JULIANA (Long pause): Yeah. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding back): Yeah. (Pause) Do you...um... JULIANA: No. MRS. ANDERSON: You don t even know JULIANA: Do I want to talk about it? (Pause) That s what you were going to say, right? MRS. ANDERSON: Well, I JULIANA (With a sarcastic laugh): Talk is cheap. I m 15 years old, and I m counting the day until I turn 16, because then I m dropping out and heading West. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Any place in particular? JULIANA (Shrugging): Colorado. Maybe California. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Both beautiful places. JULIANA (Shrugging): I ve never been, but it s far from home. That s all I care about. MRS. ANDERSON: What would your mom say? JULIANA: Who cares? MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Yeah, right. I didn t know you read minds. JULIANA: Huh? MRS. ANDERSON: I mean, you re thinking you re just going to get up and go, and no one is going to miss you, no one is going to care, no one is going to think twice about it. JULIANA: They won t. MRS. ANDERSON: I think you re wrong. JULIANA: Do you? What do you know? Huh? What do you know?! You re some 40-something-year-old divorced teacher with a car...a job...and a kid. What could you possibly know about this place? Huh? You sit in this classroom and think you re making some connection to these people. You re not. None of them care about your stupid paper. A few of them think they can change the world. And most of them just walk around worrying about stupid things. High school sucks...there is nothing good about it. Nothing. If you re not popular, pretty or smart, you re doomed. I m invisible as I walk down these hallways. There are phonies and fakes and everything in between. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): And what are you? MARCH 2017 5

JULIANA: I m real. MRS. ANDERSON: What makes you real? JULIANA: I care. I m not fake. You asked me to do that paper and I did it. I told you how it was. Not one other kid did that why? Because they all want you to think their life is so peachy. That s a bunch of bull! You know that kid Christian? The one in the wheelchair? Every day I see people rushing out of the cafeteria when the bell rings, and not one person offers to open the door for him. Not one. I do it every single day. (There is a long look between them.) MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): I agree. JULIANA (Long pause): You do? MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Uh-huh. (Smiles) Most kids feel invisible when they walk in these hallways. But you know something? I bet there are people who wonder why you don t talk to them, or why you don t look at them. And I bet there are tons of boys who wish you would. JULIANA: I don t think so. MRS. ANDERSON: Trust me. I was young once. JULIANA: Yeah, I know...and everyone young should listen to everyone old, right? MRS. ANDERSON: I didn t say that. JULIANA: My life is a bad novel. It s a horror story. It s a dysfunctional home....with dysfunctional people...and when I m gone it will be one less thing I ll need to deal with. MRS. ANDERSON: Maybe it can change. JULIANA (Loudly): NOTHING EVER CHANGES. (Calmer) Nothing is changing between my mom and me. She isn t leaving that guy. MRS. ANDERSON: You mean your stepfather. JULIANA: No, I mean that guy. Stepfather would imply he s some type of fatherly figure that I should love... or care about. To me he s a guy. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): Have you told her? JULIANA: No. And I don t need to. MRS. ANDERSON: Ah! The mind-reading school again, huh? JULIANA: Look, you want the truth. (Pause) You re one of the cooler teachers, O.K? Most teachers are clueless and how they got their teaching license is beyond me. But...there are a few of you who are tolerable. MRS. ANDERSON (Smiling): I can say I never had a compliment to me that way. Good to know I am tolerable. I guess for now tolerable will have to do. JULIANA: Yeah. So are we done here? MRS. ANDERSON: You said something that nothing ever changes. JULIANA (Brusquely): Right. Nothing changes. I m outta here. (She begins to make her way toward the door.) MRS. ANDERSON: You know, a long time ago, I was like you. (JULIANA stops right before the door. She slowly turns around. She just looks at MRS. ANDERSON.) JULIANA: What? I doubt that highly. 6 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding slowly): I was. I was like you in many ways. (Pause) You know, I asked everyone to do that assignment because I thought maybe, just maybe I would get the truth from a lot of the kids. (Pause) But you want the truth? I think most people don t want to share the truth. I think they re afraid, so they write about some stuff but not all not the secrets or the dark moments in their life. (Pause) Because when you re fifteen, a lot of things seem bad (Pause, smiles) but not everything is. JULIANA (Shaking her head): Mrs. Anderson, no offense, but you don t have a clue. Seriously, can I just go MRS. ANDERSON: I wasn t always a teacher, you know. (Smiling) I was 15 once too. JULIANA: Mrs. Anderson, you re... you re MRS. ANDERSON (Smiling): Old? JULIANA (Shrugging): Yeah. MRS. ANDERSON: Sit down for a second, would you? (JULIANA slowly comes out from doorway, sits down.) JULIANA: I don t wanna hear some speech, O.K.? I just want to be left alone! Why can t everyone just do that! (She gets louder and louder.) Left alone! ALONE! MRS. ANDERSON (Smiling): Feel better? (JULIANA gets up, walks to the window, looks out. After a second, she spins around.) JULIANA: I m just so sick of life! (Her tough armor is showing signs of crumbling. She wants to cry, but she doesn t. Likewise, something has changed in MRS. ANDERSON, as if that last statement changed everything.) MRS. ANDERSON (With a deep breath): I think...you re brave. JULIANA: Whatever. I don t need some I m brave speech. MRS. ANDERSON (Nodding): I do. (Pause) See, when I read your paper, and everything you wrote, I thought to myself, now here here is someone so courageous. That s all that stuck out. Do you know why? JULIANA: I don t care. MRS. ANDERSON: Well...you told me I was tolerable, right? So do me a favor and tolerate me for a moment. (JULIANA sighs and just looks at her, then sits, keeping her gaze down at the floor.) It s true...high school can stink, especially when you re 15. And see here s the worst part when you re 15 you think, hey I know it all. You think, hey I don t care. You think, I can t wait till I get out of here. High school is hard enough...you come here every day, especially as a girl that s no simple thing. It s tough. And then you add in what you have going on at home and I wonder to myself...how does she do it every single day? (JULIANA looks up when MRS. ANDERSON says that, and they look at one another.) Do you know why I became a teacher? JULIANA: No. MRS. ANDERSON: When I was 16, I was dating a boy named Ken; he was probably my first love. And my mom didn t like him. Why? Because he wasn t clean cut. He wasn t an athlete and he didn t want to be a doctor. So she didn t like him. And she basically told me I couldn t see him anymore. A year before, my father had died of cancer, MARCH 2017 7

and once that happened, I well started not caring about anything anymore. (JULIANA now begins to cry. MRS. ANDERSON walks over to her, pulls up a chair and sits right across from her, looks right at her.) See, I know what it s like to lose a parent...(pause) like you. And that was the hardest thing in the world. It was just me and my mom. I think about it now, how she didn t want me to be happy, but it was because she was so lonely and sad. I never knew that then, but I know it now. And I was so angry at her. (Shakes head) So angry I was going to leave home. I hated her. (Pause) And I told her that. (JULIANA has stopped crying. She looks up at MRS. ANDERSON, who nods and continues.) Yeah...and I didn t say it once, I said it many times. See, because you re just a kid, you can get away with saying things and doing things. (Laughs) It s just how the world works. (She pauses for a moment.) And I never thought I could forgive my mom. Ever. I was so angry. I was angry at my dad for dying; I was angry at my mom for being sad and lonely; I was angry at the world. And I thought if I could just get out of town and start fresh everything would be O.K. (Pause, nods) Or so I thought. (Pause) But then something happened. JULIANA: What? MRS. ANDERSON: Do you know who Christa McAuliffe is? JULIANA (Shaking her head): No. MRS. ANDERSON (Smiling): That s the funny thing about history. We older folks have a lot of history we know. JULIANA: Who is she? (MRS. ANDERSON gets up, walks over to the window and looks out.) MRS. ANDERSON: She was a teacher, but...i would say probably most people forget that. She was the first teacher in space. (Nodding) On January 28th, 1986, I was 16 years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking in the hallway to Science class, and the prinicpal got on the loudspeaker and announced that the Space Shuttle Challenger had exploded... and that everyone on board had been killed. Seventy-three seconds after take-off the shuttle exploded. They never made it to space. JULIANA: Wow. MRS. ANDERSON (Looking out the window, up at the sky): Yeah. (Pause; spins around) See, there was a national search for a teacher to go up into space. It was called the Teacher in Space Project, and I think there were something like 11,000 applicants. (Pause) And I remember my mom telling me she filled out an application (MRS. ANDERSON is emotional now, holding back tears.) and all I could think of at that moment was my mom telling me that. And how sad I was for this teacher...this woman I didn t know, but who I would come to know. And I left school and ran to the elementary school where my mom worked. (Laughs) I was freezing it was the middle of January and I said I had to see my mom, and they called her to the office and all I remember was this look on her face of fear like what was I doing there? And I remember hugging her, and telling her I loved her, and how sorry I was. (MRS. ANDERSON is crying but not sobbing and so is JULIANA.) In 73 seconds the time the shuttle took off until it exploded in 73 seconds my life changed. (Pause) I learned who Christa McAuliffe was. I learned about her spirit, and how people loved her as a teacher, and suddenly that s what I 8 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

wanted to do become a teacher. And I looked at my mom so differently after that. (Pause) 73 seconds. (In a reverie) That was 31 years ago. JULIANA: She was a hero, huh? MRS. ANDERSON: Christa? Oh, yes, she was a national JULIANA: No. I meant your mom. (Smiles. MRS. ANDERSON looks at her, smiles and nods.) MRS. ANDERSON: Very much so. JULIANA: They both are. MRS. ANDERSON: Yes, they are. (JULIANA sits there a moment, taking it all in. She nods, get up, and heads for the door, something new in her look.) JULIANA: I um...am gonna go now. MRS. ANDERSON: O.K. Sure. (MRS. ANDERSON heads toward her desk and begins cleaning up. JULIANA makes it to the door, but then she stops and turns around and walks quickly toward MRS. ANDERSON. Just as MRS. ANDERSON turns around, JULIANA hugs her...it s one those hugs that everyone needs. And as the lights slowly fade, the song Peace by O.A.R. begins to play. We should hear a good 30 seconds of the song before the stage goes dark.) THE END For my father...and in memory of Christa McAuliffe Eric Alter PRODUCTION NOTES 73 Seconds CHARACTERS: 2 female. PLAYING TIME: 25 minutes. COSTUMES: Modern-day dress. Mrs. Anderson is professionally dressed and wears a watch; Juliana wears clothing appropriate for her age and personality. PROPERTIES: None required. SETTING: A high school classroom, with teacher s desk and chair, student desks, a window, and any other furnishings desired. Teacher s desk has books, papers, etc. on it. LIGHTING: Stage goes dark at the end. SOUND: No special effects. MARCH 2017 9

Upper Grades Café Blues is protected by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com). Café Blues Nasty manager of a Depression-era restaurant gets his comeuppance when a good-hearted customer sets things right for employees.... Characters HARRISON GRIMM, maître d TRUDI MCLEESH, waitress BUTTERCUP MCLEESH, her 9- year-old daughter NANCY SHELBY, waitress MAUDE BAKER, customer HERBERT BLUM wealthy HARRIET BLUM customers JIMMY NASH, busboy POLICE OFFICER LUCY LEE, new employee EXTRA CUSTOMERS, as desired by Craig Sodaro holding menus and phone. Exit to kitchen is left; to outside, right. AT RISE: Several EXTRAS sit at tables here and there. GRIMM stands right. JIMMY clears table right, crosses to exit left as NANCY enters left with two salads she serves to EXTRAS. GRIMM snaps his fingers at her and moves to her. GRIMM: Well, Miss Shelby? NANCY (Rolling her eyes): Now what s wrong, Mr. Grimm? GRIMM: We re missing something, aren t we? NANCY (Looking him over): Nope! You got your pants and shirt and tie on. TIME: 1933. SCENE 1 SETTING: Blue s, a fancy restaurant in a large city. Several café tables are covered with tablecloths and decorated with flowers or candles. Center table and one at left will be focus points. Maître d station is right, with table GRIMM: Your name tag! NANCY: I already know my name. GRIMM: Our guests don t! NANCY: Yeah, yeah, yeah! GRIMM: You, young lady, had better 10 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

adjust your attitude! There s a depression on. You re lucky to have a job and won t have one for very much longer unless you toe the line. NANCY: Yes, Mr. Grimm. GRIMM: And another thing... NANCY: Hey, I polished my shoes, my apron s spotless GRIMM: Where is Mrs. McLeesh? NANCY: I don t know. Probably had trouble finding a sitter for Buttercup. GRIMM: Her cat needs a sitter? NANCY: Buttercup s her daughter, remember? Her real name s Beatrice, but everybody calls her Buttercup. GRIMM: Well, Buttercup s mommy is in big trouble. NANCY: Can I go, please? I got an order almost up. GRIMM: Then what are you doing standing here wasting time? Send Jimmy out here to clean up the crumbs under that table. It looks tacky! (NANCY exits left. BLUMS enter right. GRIMM smiles when he sees them and crosses to meet them.) Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Blum! Welcome to Blue s...and don t you both look chic tonight. HERBERT: Awww, Grimm, you say the same thing every time we walk in here like we re long-lost strangers. We come at least once a week, so we don t need any fanfare. HARRIET (Gushing, to GRIMM): Oh, Harrison, never mind this old grouch! He hasn t had a chance to fire anyone yet today. GRIMM: Well, now, our delicious duck a l orange or chicken fricassee will turn that frown into a smile. HERBERT: Whaddaya want to bet? HARRIET: Herbert! Behave yourself! GRIMM: This way, please. (He takes two menus and leads BLUMS to center table. JIMMY enters left with butler s broom. GRIMM snaps his fingers and points to table JIMMY just bussed. JIMMY shrugs and begins to sweep. BLUMS sit.) Now, this evening Chef Duval has whipped up a couple of scrumptious specials. First is boeuf bourguignon, a medley of beef tenderloin tips, red wine, mushrooms, and onions. The second is a delicate filet of sole almondine HERBERT (Waving him away): Yeah, yeah, yeah! (TRUDI runs on right with BUTTERCUP.) HARRIET: Let Harrison finish! He goes to all that trouble memorizing the specials and you won t even listen. GRIMM (Flatly): The sole is served with rice. HARRIET: Thank you. It all sounds delicious, doesn t it, Herbert? (GRIMM moves right.) TRUDI: I am so sorry, Mr. Grimm! (NANCY enters left. GRIMM snaps his fingers and points to the BLUMS. NANCY moves to them to take their order.) GRIMM (Checking his watch): You re twenty minutes late! TRUDI: I m sorry! My regular sitter s got the flu and she s running a temperature of 102. I tried to find someone else, but... MARCH 2017 11

GRIMM (Cutting her off): I don t need a medical report, Mrs. McLeesh. Just what do you intend to do with this? (He points to BUTTERCUP.) BUTTERCUP: I m not a this. My name s Buttercup. TRUDI: Oh, Buttercup can fold napkins, help with the dishes, anything. GRIMM: Blue s does not employ children. BUTTERCUP: I m not a child! I m nine years old and I can read real good. TRUDI: Really good, honey. GRIMM: I don t care if you can read the Declaration of Independence while dancing a jig, you re neither to be seen nor heard! BUTTERCUP: You re right, Mom. He got up on the wrong side of the bed. (TRUDI hustles BUTTERCUP off left.) NANCY (To BLUMS): That s two dinner salads. HARRIET: With just a light sprinkling of bleu cheese. HERBERT: Load mine up! HARRIET: A light sprinkling for Herbert. (To HERBERT) You re loaded up enough. NANCY: And your entrees? HARRIET: I d like the filet of sole. HERBERT: Give me the roast beef, rare, with mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese on the side. HARRIET: That s ridiculous, Herbert. He ll have the broiled chicken breast with broccoli. HERBERT: I don t want chicken and I hate broccoli! HARRIET: But your heart loves it. HERBERT: Says you! (NANCY exits left as MAUDE, in an old coat and hat, enters right.) GRIMM (Looking MAUDE over; snootily): Yes? MAUDE: I d like a table, please. GRIMM: A table? MAUDE: So I can eat. GRIMM: Madame, this is a fine restaurant. The soup kitchen s five blocks north. MAUDE: I know that. Ate there last night and it was real stick-to-your-ribs stuff. Meat gravy on rice. Real tasty. GRIMM: I m sure it will be just as good tonight. MAUDE: Thought I d try something a bit more fashionable. GRIMM: But, Madame... MAUDE: Oh, I get it. You want to see my money make sure I m good for the grub! GRIMM (Looking around, embarrassed): Really, Madame. MAUDE (Pulling money from her pocket): I ve got four bucks. That ought to get me a roast chicken with all the trimmings, right? GRIMM: Well, yes, of course. 12 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

MAUDE: My feet are killing me. So do you have a table, or don t you? GRIMM: I suppose I can find you something. (GRIMM grabs a menu and seats MAUDE at table far left. MAUDE takes out from her purse a small notebook and pencil and begins writing in it.) HARRIET (Eyeing MAUDE): Good heavens, Herbert! HERBERT: Hmm...didn t think they d let just anyone in here. HARRIET: Is this the New Deal they re talking about? HERBERT: If it is, count me out! We ll find someplace new to tie on the feed bag. HARRIET: Honestly, Herbert, where do you pick up such crude expressions? HERBERT: If they were good enough for my ma and pa, they re good enough for me. Put that in your pipe and smoke it! (A crash off left. GRIMM moves left as TRUDI and BUTTERCUP enter left.) GRIMM: What d you break? BUTTERCUP: Nothing! GRIMM: I don t believe you! I told you, I didn t want to see or hear you! BUTTERCUP: But, Mr. Grimm, I didn t do (GRIMM covers his ears.) anything! GRIMM: I m not listening! MAUDE: Little girl, why don t you join me for dinner? BUTTERCUP: Gosh, really? MAUDE: My name s Maude. I m eating alone and I don t like to eat alone. TRUDI: Are you sure? GRIMM: Yes, yes, yes, sit there. That way I can keep any eye on you. TRUDI: I guess it s all right. (To BUT- TERCUP) But don t order anything. (BUTTERCUP sits with MAUDE.) MAUDE: Oh, but that would be heartless, wouldn t it? She can order anything she wants. GRIMM: But no more than four dollars worth. Together! (GRIMM huffs off to stand right) MAUDE: Oh, now don t you go worrying about him. BUTTERCUP: Oh, I won t. He s probably got ulcers the size of cantaloupes! TRUDI (In warning tone): Buttercup! MAUDE (Looking at TRUDI s nametag): You run along, Trudi, is it? TRUDI: Yes, Trudi McLeesh. MAUDE: How about fetching a cup of tea for me and a cold glass of milk for Buttercup. And don t you worry. I ve got a little set aside for a tip. TRUDI: Oh, your entertaining Buttercup is a big enough tip. (TRUDI exits left as JIMMY enters left. GRIMM snaps his fingers at him.) GRIMM (To JIMMY, pointing to BUT- TERCUP): All right, young man, what did that brat break in the kitchen? (HARRIET drops her napkin to the floor.) JIMMY: Buttercup? Gee, Mr. Grimm, she s no brat and she never broke nothin. GRIMM: You re lying. MARCH 2017 13

JIMMY: No, I ain t! I don t tell lies exceptin ones that make somebody feel good, like you re sure lookin dapper today, Mr. Grimm. GRIMM: Mrs. Blum has dropped her napkin. Go pick it up. JIMMY: Righto, Mr. G. (JIMMY salutes, moves to BLUMS.) HARRIET: You aren t listening, Herbert. HERBERT: How can I not listen? Your foghorn s aimed right at my ear! HARRIET: I said (She notices JIMMY standing beside her.) What do you want? JIMMY: Beggin your pardon, ma am, but your napkin fell on the floor. (He picks it up and holds it out for her to take.) HARRIET: You don t expect me to use that one, do you? Go get me a clean one! JIMMY: Sure nough! (JIMMY exits left.) MAUDE: How long has your mother worked at Blue s, Buttercup? BUTTERCUP: Since Pa died. MAUDE: Oh, dear, I am sorry. BUTTERCUP (With a sigh): It s O.K. We cried a whole lot, but what can you do? MAUDE: You re a very brave young lady. BUTTERCUP (With a laugh): Ha! I m no lady. I m just a kid. MAUDE: Do you go to school? BUTTERCUP: Oh, sure, but not in summer. On most days I help Mrs. Franks with her six kids. She s got a set of twins mixed in there, so I try to keep them all out of trouble and Ma says that keeps me out of trouble. But Mrs. Franks has the flu today and Ma doesn t want me getting sick. MAUDE: I don t blame her. How does your mother like working here? BUTTERCUP: It s the only job she could get, so she loves it if you know what I mean. (She and MAUDE continue to ad lib conversation. NANCY enters left with two salad plates and moves to BLUMS. As she s serving them, HAR- RIET screams and throws her arms up, knocking one of the plates out of NANCY s hands.) HERBERT: Harriet! What s got into you?! GRIMM (Rushing to BLUMS): Mrs. Blum, are you all right? Nancy, what have you done? NANCY: Nothing! I was just serving the salad. HERBERT: What is it, Harriet? (TRUDI runs on left with cup of tea and glass of milk. She sets them on MAUDE s table and moves to BLUMS.) HARRIET: That boy stole my purse! NANCY: Jimmy? TRUDI: Impossible! Jimmy would never, ever GRIMM: Get Jimmy in here, now! (NANCY runs off left.) HERBERT (To HARRIET): You re sure he took it? 14 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

HARRIET: When he picked up my napkin, he must have grabbed it and stuck it under his coat. HERBERT: There s a thief around every corner these days! (NANCY enters left with JIMMY, who carries a clean napkin.) JIMMY: I never stole nothin! HARRIET: You did! I saw you! JIMMY: You re crazy! HERBERT: Listen, you, my wife s a lot of things, but she s not crazy! JIMMY: I m tellin ya, I never took nothin! GRIMM; If Mrs. Blum says you took it, you took it! HERBERT: Grimm, call the police! TRUDI: Oh, no! HARRIET (Flustered): No, now there wasn t much in my purse. Just a lipstick and some chewing gum and a hanky. An embroidered one, but still, not worth bothering the police about. TRUDI: And what would Jimmy want with that kind of stuff? GRIMM: It doesn t matter! You re fired, Jimmy! Get your things and get out! JIMMY: I don t got any things. Oh, and lady, here s your clean napkin. (He places napkin on table and exits right.) NANCY: Jimmy, wait! GRIMM (Snapping his fingers at NANCY): Clean up your mess, Miss Shelby! Now! TRUDI: You re not being fair, Mr. Grimm! Jimmy s the only one in his family who can work and he s taking care of his mother, an aunt, and his kid brother. He needs this job! HARRIET (To GRIMM): You let your help talk to you like that? GRIMM (Menacingly): I most certainly do not! (TRUDI exits left.) NANCY: What are you going to do, fire us, too? BUTTERCUP: You can t fire my mom. She s the best waitress here! And Nancy, too! HARRIET: If Nancy s such a terrific waitress, why are our salads all over the floor? NANCY: Cause you knocked em out of my hand! BUTTERCUP: I saw you! HARRIET: Why of all the rude little vagabonds! BUTTERCUP: I m not a vagabond! (To MAUDE) What s a vagabond? GRIMM: You re a troublemaker. I can see that already. HERBERT: Is that what they teach you in school? BUTTERCUP: They teach us you re innocent till you get proved guilty. HARRIET: How dare they! (TRUDI enters left with bread basket for MAUDE s table.) GRIMM: Mrs. McLeesh, send your kid home. Now! (MAUDE writes in her notebook.) MARCH 2017 15

TRUDI: Buttercup can t go all the way home by herself in the dark. BUTTERCUP: It s O.K., Ma. TRUDI: No, it s not! MAUDE: I don t want to butt in, but I might be able to help. I was going to eat here, but unfortunately have lost my appetite. GRIMM (Sarcastically): How sad. MAUDE (Holding up a dollar for TRUDI): Here s a dollar for a taxi, Trudi TRUDI: Oh, no! I couldn t! (GRIMM snatches the money.) GRIMM: Oh, yes, you can! (He grabs BUTTERCUP and pulls her off right.) Out we go! TRUDI (Horrified, following them off): You let go of her! NANCY: I m calling the cops! (NANCY exits left. MAUDE moves near the BLUMS.) HARRIET: Honestly, I ve never seen a restaurant go downhill so fast. HERBERT: Shameful! We never even got our salads! MAUDE (Bending down): Oh, well, there s still a bit of lettuce on the floor. And what s this? (MAUDE rises, holding a purse.) Your purse. It fell under the tablecloth. (She places purse on BLUMS table, then exits right.) HARRIET: Of all the nerve! (Curtain) * * * SCENE 2 TIME: The following day. SETTING: A soup line, played before the curtain. AT RISE: TRUDI and BUTTERCUP stand at end of line facing left, along with EXTRAS. BUTTERCUP: When s it gonna open, Ma? TRUDI: In about fifteen minutes. Can you wait that long? BUTTERCUP: Do I got a choice? (NANCY enters right. She elbows TRUDI.) NANCY: Hey, fancy running into you here. TRUDI: I didn t get any tips last night. Thanks for taking over for me. NANCY: You ll pay me back someday, right? TRUDI: Yeah, when I marry Cary Grant or one of the Rockefellers. NANCY: How was the taxi ride? BUTTERCUP: Stupendous! I felt like Myrna Loy going to a movie premiere! TRUDI: And look where we ended up. NANCY: A six-story walk-up with no hot water. BUTTERCUP: Our neighbor Mrs. James says it s better than a cardboard box. NANCY: And you know what, kiddo? She s right! (JIMMY enters left.) BUTTERCUP (As JIMMY approaches): Hey, Jimmy! JIMMY: Well, I ll be! Never thought I d see the likes of two waitresses from 16 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

that classy uptown joint known as Blue s standing in a soup line! TRUDI: Two ex-waitresses. BUTTERCUP: Mom quit. NANCY: And I wasn t about to work for Grimy Grimm alone! JIMMY: So Grimm s going to have to put an apron on himself, ha? BUTTERCUP: I sure wish they d open up. I m starving! JIMMY: Well, hey, I just happen to have a fine, juicy apple here that we can share. (He pulls an apple from his pocket.) NANCY: That s a beaut! BUTTERCUP: I can see my reflection in it! TRUDI: If it s O.K. with Jimmy, you can take a bite. BUTTERCUP: Is it O.K., Jimmy? JIMMY: Sure! We all got the same germs! (GRIMM enters right with POLICE OFFICER.) GRIMM: That s him, Officer. And that s the apple! JIMMY: What are you talking about? OFFICER: All right, son, give me the apple. TRUDI: You can t just take his apple. OFFICER: I can if he didn t pay for it. JIMMY: What are you talking about? I paid a whole nickel. GRIMM: He s lying, Officer! An apple that good costs a dime! JIMMY: Mrs. Henderson never charges me a dime! GRIMM: I just happened to be walking by and saw him take it, Officer. He s got the stickiest fingers this side of Sing-Sing. TRUDI: That s ridiculous! NANCY (To OFFICER): Mr. Grimm s eyesight is very poor. GRIMM: Don t listen to them, Officer. They re nothing but disgruntled employees. Now, this delinquent already stole a purse at the restaurant yesterday. JIMMY: That s a lie! NANCY: That s right. Mrs. Blum found her purse under the table, right where she left it. JIMMY: See! GRIMM: Where he dumped it when things got a bit too hot for him. JIMMY: You re lying! OFFICER: All right, son, come with me. Let s go talk to this Mrs. Henderson. GRIMM: You ll see, Officer! JIMMY: Yeah, you ll see it s just like I said. C mon! (JIMMY leads OFFICER off right.) GRIMM: And you two, Blue s opens in a half hour. I expect you there on time! TRUDI: I told you I quit, Mr. Grimm. NANCY: Me, too! MARCH 2017 17

BUTTERCUP: Me, three! GRIMM: Apparently you forgot these little papers you signed when you were hired? (He pulls out two slips of paper from his pocket.) TRUDI: What papers? NANCY: We never signed nothin! BUTTERCUP: Lemme see them! (GRIMM hands her one.) Uh-oh! It s an I.O.U. TRUDI (Realizing): Oh, no! GRIMM: Oh, yes! BUTTERCUP (Reading): I, Trudi McLeesh, owe Blue s Café $13.54 for my uniform and name tag. NANCY: Gosh, I was just so happy to have a job I d have signed my own death warrant. TRUDI: Me, too. BUTTERCUP: Those uniforms and name tags aren t worth $13.54. GRIMM: But a deal s a deal. I ll see you girls in half an hour. And if you re so much as a minute late, I ll dock half your pay. (GRIMM exits left as MAUDE enters left. To her) Get out of my way! MAUDE (To TRUDI): Oh, but he s in a foul temper, isn t he? NANCY: You don t know the half of it. TRUDI: Thanks again for the taxi ride last night. But we d better get walking if we want to be at work on time tonight. BUTTERCUP: Bye, Maude. MAUDE: Take care of your mom, Buttercup. BUTTERCUP: Doin the best I can! (TRUDI, BUTTERCUP, and NANCY exit right. MAUDE pulls out her little book and writes in it as lights dim.) * * * SCENE 3 TIME: Later that evening. SETTING: Same as Scene 1. AT RISE: EXTRAS sit at tables. GRIMM has just seated a couple when LUCY enters left wearing the jacket JIMMY wore earlier. LUCY: Mr. Grimm, how do I look? GRIMM: Appropriate. And a whole lot better than that kid ever looked. LUCY: He s the guy who swiped the purse, ha? GRIMM: I hope we don t have to worry about you, Miss Lee! LUCY: Oh, gosh, no! I d never do anything like steal, especially from a customer. After all, the customer is always right, right? GRIMM: Right. (MAUDE enters right with JIMMY.) JIMMY: Evenin, Mr. G. How s tricks? GRIMM: How dare you speak to me in that tone of voice? Now, get out of here before I have you arrested again. JIMMY: What for? GRIMM: I ll think of something. MAUDE: You ll do nothing of the kind. Mr. Nash is my dinner guest. 18 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

GRIMM: Oh, he is, is he? MAUDE: Yes, and I d like my usual table. GRIMM: Sorry, but that table s reserved. In fact, they re all reserved. LUCY (At the far left table): This one here s not reserved, Mr. Grimm. MAUDE: That table will be fine. (Irritated, GRIMM grabs two menus and leads them left.) JIMMY (To LUCY): Say, what s your name? LUCY: Lucy. I m new here. JIMMY: That so? LUCY: Yeah, I m replacing a real bad egg. JIMMY: Awww, he wasn t that bad. LUCY: Did you know him? JIMMY: Sure! Maybe I ll introduce you sometime. Oh, and Mr. G, Mrs. Henderson sent you a present. (He pulls apple from his pocket.) Right after she told the cop I paid just like I said. (GRIMM snatches the apple and moves right just as TRUDI, BUTTER- CUP, and NANCY enter right.) GRIMM: It looks like you re...(he checks his watch.) TRUDI: Right on time! GRIMM: Then get to work. And Trudi, what s that brat doing here? BUTTERCUP: Hey! I m not a brat! GRIMM: You are if I say so. BUTTERCUP: Well, takes one to know one! GRIMM: Mrs. McLeesh! (He moves to his station, picks up phone, and dials.) TRUDI: Don t worry, Mr. Grimm. Buttercup s helping in the kitchen tonight washing dishes. You won t see or hear her again. (TRUDI moves BUTTERCUP left. NANCY follows. They stop at JIMMY s table.) Hey, Jimmy! NANCY (To JIMMY): How are you? JIMMY: Sure better on this side of the menu. You know Maude? BUTTERCUP: Gosh, yes! She bought us a taxi last night. MAUDE: Well, just a ride. TRUDI: But it really helped and tonight, you can bank on the biggest piece of chocolate cake ever! (BLUMS enter right. TRUDI shoos BUTTERCUP off left and follows her off.) HARRIET: Good evening, Mr. Grimm. (GRIMM hangs up phone.) HERBERT: The old girl talked me into giving Blue s another chance. GRIMM: We re delighted to have you. HARRIET (Pointing to JIMMY): What s he doing here? GRIMM: He thinks he s having dinner. HARRIET: Of all the nerve! HERBERT: Don t you know criminals always return to the scene of the crime? GRIMM: I assure you, there will be no MARCH 2017 19

crime tonight! I ve already taken care of that. This way, please. (GRIMM leads them to table at center. NANCY enters left with TRUDI. GRIMM snaps his fingers at her.) NANCY: What? (TRUDI talks to JIMMY and MAUDE.) GRIMM (Pointing to BLUMS): And don t drop anything this time! NANCY (Moving to BLUMS): Evening, folks. My name is HARRIET: We don t really care. We ll start with oysters on the half shell. Fresh oysters. NANCY: Yes, ma am. (NANCY exits left. LUCY enters left carrying two glasses of water. She sets them on JIMMY s table. GRIMM snaps his fingers.) GRIMM: The waters are for Mr. and Mrs. Blum. (LUCY takes waters from JIMMY and MAUDE and sets them on BLUMS table) LUCY: Sorry! TRUDI: Just a second! Our guests at this table were here first. Bring the water here, Lucy. (LUCY reaches out for the water glasses.) GRIMM: Don t touch those glasses, Lucy! TRUDI: Allow me! (TRUDI removes glasses and sets them down at JIMMY s table.) JIMMY: You know something, Trudi? I think I m gonna order a Coke. They can have the water. (TRUDI returns the water to BLUMS.) TRUDI: There! HARRIET: Look what you did, you stupid girl! You splashed on my sleeve! TRUDI: Sorry, I ll get a clean napkin. GRIMM: You ll get that jacket drycleaned and pay for it out of tonight s wages. Understand? TRUDI: Yes, Mr. Grimm. (MAUDE writes in her notebook.) HARRIET: Honestly! Where can you get good help these days? HERBERT: Oh, for the good old days when people knew their proper places. (OFFICER enters right and speaks with GRIMM.) HARRIET: Well, it looks like we re finally going to get some justice. Officer! Oh, Officer, he s the one! (She points to JIMMY.) OFFICER: What one, ma am? HARRIET: The one who stole my purse. HERBERT: Harriet, forget the purse! You got it! OFFICER: Not here about any purse. (GRIMM leads OFFICER to JIMMY.) GRIMM: I am absolutely certain neither of them has the money to pay for a dinner. JIMMY: Awww, go on. Course we do! (To MAUDE) Don t we? MAUDE: I wouldn t have invited you if we didn t, Jimmy. OFFICER: Well, hi, Mrs. Baker! How are you doing? GRIMM: Another regular down at the county jail, Officer? 20 PLAYS playsmagazine.com

OFFICER: No way! (He pulls GRIMM downstage a bit.) This lady s one of the Bakers you know, the real estate Bakers? She s been doing everything she can to help folks who are down and out. (Returning to MAUDE) Got your little book, ma am? MAUDE: Always, Officer. GRIMM: What little book? MAUDE (Showing him notebook): This one. On the left-hand pages I write down all the good things I see people do in a day, and on the right hand side, all the bad things. It helps me decide what to do. OFFICER: Just see to it she gets the best meal and best service in the house. HARRIET: Look at her! She s a bum! HERBERT: Certainly doesn t belong in Blue s. OFFICER: These folks give you any trouble, Mrs. B, just holler. (To GRIMM) And you, buddy, better not call me again unless you re bleeding profusely! (OFFICER exits right.) GRIMM: Well! (NANCY enters left with plate of oysters, followed by LUCY, who holds a napkin. They both move to BLUMS.) NANCY: Oysters on the half shell. LUCY: And one dried sleeve! (She grabs HARRIET s arm. HARRIET screams.) HARRIET: Ouch! You re hurting me! LUCY: Oh, gosh! Sorry! HARRIET (Rising): Come along, Herbert! We re leaving! HERBERT: But the oysters! HARRIET: Take them with you! (HER- BERT picks up the plate; they exit right.) GRIMM (To LUCY and NANCY): Now see what you ve done! MAUDE: You know, Trudi, I think Jimmy and I are also going to leave without eating dinner. JIMMY: But I m hungry! MAUDE: Well, there s a nice little place around the corner. GRIMM (Snidely): Where you can steal a cup of coffee. MAUDE: But, Trudi, you ve been so kind, I m leaving you a tip. TRUDI: Oh, that s not necessary, ma am. I didn t do anything. MAUDE: I think you ve put up with quite a bit. Here you go. (From her purse she pulls legal document.) TRUDI: What is this? MAUDE (Rising): The deed to this restaurant. Mr. Blue has been looking for a buyer of this place, and he gave me a good deal. You and Buttercup own it now, and you re free to make whatever changes you like. JIMMY: Holy smokes! NANCY: Are you like a fairy godmother? MAUDE: Just a lady who s lucky enough to be able to make a difference in people s lives. (BUTTERCUP enters left, drying a plate.) MARCH 2017 21

BUTTERCUP: Did I just hear my name? MAUDE: You certainly did, young lady. TRUDI: Buttercup! (Stunned) You and I...we own the restaurant! GRIMM: This is ridiculous! Whatever you re holding, it s a fake! You hear me? A fake! JIMMY (To TRUDI): Can I get my fake job back, then, boss? TRUDI (Beaming): Whenever you want to start, Jimmy! GRIMM: No one told me Blue s has been sold! MAUDE: It s a surprise, Mr. Grimm. But don t worry. I m sure the new owners can find a suitable job for you. (BUTTERCUP hands plate and towel to GRIMM who screams and runs off right. All laugh as curtain falls.) THE END PRODUCTION NOTES Café Blues CHARACTERS: 6 female; 3 male; 1 male or female; extras as desired. PLAYING TIME: 25 minutes. COSTUMES: Period 1930s. Grimm wears suit with a fancy tie. Harriet wears a fancy dress with lots of jewelry; she carries a purse. Herbert wears a suit and tie. Trudi and Nancy wear simple waitress uniforms with name tags. They wear coats in Scene 2. Maude wears an old dress, an old sweater, and a small hat; she carries a purse with small notebook, pencil, and dollar bills inside. In Scene 3, she has legal document in the purse. Jimmy wears a busboy jacket in Scene 1, then everyday dress after that. Lucy wears his jacket in Scene 3, along with a skirt. Buttercup wears an old dress with pinafore if desired and coat in Scene 2. Officer wears police uniform. PROPERTIES: Two small plates of salad (use torn construction paper); tray for Jimmy; extra glasses, plates, and silverware on tables; several menus; butler s broom (or small brush and dustpan); note pads and pencils for waitresses; cloth napkins; purse for Harriet; cup of tea and glass of milk; bread basket; 2 apples; 2 slips of paper; 2 glasses of water; legal document in Maude s purse; plate and towel. SETTING: Blue s, a fancy restaurant in a large city. Several café tables covered with tablecloths and decorated with flowers or candles. Center table and one at left will be focus points. Maitre d station is right, with table holding menus and phone. LIGHTING: Lights dim after Scene 2. SOUND: Crash off left. 22 PLAYS playsmagazine.com