The Iow Review Volume 18 Issue 2 Spring-Summer Article 2 1988 Living to Be Hundred Robert Boswell Follow this nd dditionl works t: http://ir.uiow.edu/iowreview Prt of the Cretive Writing Commons Recommended Cittion Boswell, Robert. "Living to Be Hundred." The Iow Review 18.2 (1988): 1-18. Web. Avilble t: https://doi.org/10.17077/0021-065x.3587 This Contents is brought to you for free nd open ccess by Iow Reserch Online. It hs been ccepted for inclusion in The Iow Review by n uthorized dministrtor of Iow Reserch Online. For more informtion, plese contct lib-ir@uiow.edu.
Living to Be Hundred Robert Boswell IT'S FAIR TO SAY tht our house ws not in order. Furniture from the living room filled the kitchen. Chirs inverted on chirs surrounded the dining tble. A long tn couch, stripped of its cushions, blocked the hll. In our bedroom, beside the dresser, wooden coffee tble stood upright like bsset hound begging for scrps. On our knees in the emptied living room, we pieced together crpet remnnts. I ligned wide strip of tpe, bending low to hold it, my shirt wrinkling ginst my bck like molting skin. Hrvis pplied het with Lind's trvel-iron, while she held the odd-shped pieces together. We inched cross the floor, inhling the odors of scorched glue, new crpet, our own sweting bodies. An oscillting fn vibrted ginst the wll every fifteen seconds, the ir from it blocked by Mix, our sleeping golden retriever. "This is not the wy I thought it would work," Lind sid. She pressed ginst the upside down crpet?mteril rough nd woven like gunny sck. In the crush of hnds, her fingers on ly top of mine, our wedding rings grting. "It's going so slowly." Drops of swet glistened t the bse of her neck nd on her chest, the strps of her white blouse turning gry with it. Her hir, gthered in bun behind her hed, hd ends like the teeth of comb, nd even they drooped in the het. "It's going to tke for ever." Her voice sounded desperte, with n edge tht suggested she ws bout to cry. Ordinrily, Lind ws the one hndy round the house?fix ing the clock rdio when the numbers quit rolling, building box to cover Kitty's litter bed?but putting crpet together hd been my ide. For weeks Hrvis nd I hd collected remnnts from the construction site where we worked. "Mybe we should tke brek," I sid. The fn rttled ginst the wll. Lind shook her hed until the noise stopped. "The house is such mess. We cn't quit now." She ws twenty eight with sweetly freckled fce nd hir s blonde s running wter. We'd met in college, n rcheology clss, which hd been my mjor. She'd studied rt history. We hd been mrried seven yers nd put up with lot of lousy jobs nd bd prtments, but the pst couple of yers it hd be come hrder becuse we couldn't see n end to it. 1 University of Iow is collborting with JSTOR to digitize, preserve, nd extend ccess to The Iow Review www.jstor.org
"Dmn." Hrvis shook his hnd in the ir. "Burned my pinky." A bub ble of on s glue cogulted finger thick s wiener. He put his hnds on his knees nd strightened his bck. Beds of perspirtion shone on his forehed. "We won't finish tody," he sid. "Tht's cler enough." The t dog groned this remrk, which mde us lugh, nd, just like tht, we our chnged moods nd worked hppily gin. Lind bought nd sold used clothing t hip second-hnd store. Before I got the job working construction, I hd been short-order cook, nd be fore tht, cshier t convenience mrket. I ws thirty-two. Construc tion pid best nd it wsn't so killing. You know wht I men, killing? The pst couple of yers hd been tough, but I hd begun to think things were looking up. Lind strted tlking bout womn who hd come into the store crrying blck cot fingertip nd wnting nother just like it. "We don't stock mny cots this time of yer. I knew I couldn't help her." She rn her hnd cross the bse of her neck s she spoke, wiping the swet onto her jens. Hrvis lened ginst one she lredy hd?" the iron. "Wht'd she wnt with cot like the Lind nodded. "Tht's wht I wnted to know." It seemed obvious to me. "Someone hd told her wht nice cot it ws, nd she wnted to mke gift of one just like it." "Women don't do tht," Hrvis sid. never "They wnt nyone to hve the sme clothes." "I sked her." Lind new pushed piece of crpet towrd me, lening low. I could see down her blouse. We slept in the sme bed every night, but the sight of her brests t tht moment me s plesed it would teen ger. Hrvis ws looking too. "She wnted to get rid of the cot but couldn't ber to do it until she hd nother like it. She sid she just felt like chnge." I lughed. "Sounds like nut." I cut nother strip of tpe. The groned gin nd rolled onto his bck. "She didn't look like one," Lind sid. "She looked very norml." "You cn't tell nut by its shell." Hrvis smiled t his joke. Then he jerked his hnd wy from the iron. "Life is too much," he sid nd stuck his thumb in his mouth. ing 2 "Let me iron for while." I pushed him out of the wy. "You ren't go to hve ny fingers left." dog
"I'm going to mke some iced te." Lind smiled s she stood. We were ll hppy, even Hrvis with his burned fingers. I shoved the scrps we hdn't used into corner, mking pth from the front door to the kitchen. There ws no point in returning furniture. We were only hlf-finished. The theter down the street offered discount in the fternoon, nd we hd decided to get out of the het nd wy from the mess. Hrvis showered first then took Mix on wlk. "Tht ws lmost fun," Lind sid, her bck to the shower nozzle, wter sprying off her hed in ll directions. "It ws lmost wful, too." Her teeth were s white s porcelin. "It'll be nice once we're through," I sid. "And we could never fford it otherwise." "You don't hve to convince me." She rubbed sop on my chest. A yer erlier, fter Sundy of sweting nd only hlf-finishing, we would hve been ngry with one nother. We would hve blmed nd ccused. Lind rn the br of sop cross my stomch, down my thighs, nd kissed me. "Hrvis is good friend," she sid, soping me now between my legs, nd kissing me gin, so tht the only wy I hd to gree ws to nod. "We cn sve Hrvis set." Lind stood in the hll, tucking purple T-shirt into pir of khki shorts. The couch us. seprted She combed her wet hir with her fingers. "I cn't stnd this." Kitty ws in her box, wiling. She ws n old ct, one Lind hd been given for her fifteenth birthdy. Over the course of the pst yer lmost everything hd become pinful for her. Lind hd built the box to reduce odor, but it hd become the continer for such yeowls of nguish tht ech time the ct entered we were frid she would not come out. Lind crwled cross the couch, nd just s we opened the front door, the wiling stopped. Kitty pdded cross the room nd out to the porch, where she leped to the riling, stretched, nd closed her eyes. Lind rubbed the ct's belly. "Lzy Kitty," she sid, then stepped down from the porch nd to the hibiscus bush, which ws in bloom. The flowers were red nd long, shped like the end of bugle. She put one behind her er, giggling. Down the hill, Hrvis pproched, hnds in his pockets, Mix loping be side him, lesh triling the ground. Hrvis sw this s wy of getting round the lesh lw. He liked circumventing rules. While we wtched, 3
Mix bruptly lifted his hed nd drted into the street. A yellow ct streked cross the pvement to utility pole. Mix, s usul, rrived lte, brking nd on stnding his hind legs. The ct climbed stright up the pole. "Tht's why there's lesh lw." Lind clled out so tht Hrvis could her. He hd lredy grbbed the dog by the collr nd pulled him wy. "Mix wouldn't hurt nything." "You better hurry," I sid. "We'll miss the strt of the movie." Then everyone ws in motion. Hrvis nd Mix rn to the house, while Lind nd I wlked towrd the pole. "Hey, ct," Lind clled. "You cn come down now." The ct looked t us but kept climbing. "Here, kitty," she sid. "Here, kitty, kitty." The yellow ct reched the trnsformer box nd onto stepped it. "Mybe she needs to turn round," I sid, but Lind kept clling. Men while, Kitty hd jumped down from the porch riling nd obediently trot ted down the hill. "Did you think I ws clling you?" Lind sid. She retrieved Kitty nd begn wlking bck to the house, pssing Hrvis who hd bolted out of the door to ctch us. "You're going the wrong wy," he sid. At tht moment, high bove me? loud electric snp. I spun, rising my rms. The yellow ct pused in mid-ir, three feet bove the trns former box, before beginning her fll to the sphlt. She bounced once, then ly still. Lind scremed. She looked t me in disbelief, s if it were I who hd fllen. "God," she sid, her voice squeking, nd rn into the house. Hr vis stood on the pvement like sttue, hnds suspended bove his wist, s legs spred if he were bout to run. Here's wht I couldn't decide: Should I go to the ct or to my wife? The ct surely ws ded. My wife ws crying. Wht comfort cn you give the ded? I wish tht ws ll there ws to my decision, but there ws lso this: I didn't wnt to touch thing so newly ded. Lind knelt on pile of crpet scrps, crying, stroking Kitty. "How could tht hppen? How bd is it hurt?" "It's ded. The shock killed it." I dropped to one knee nd touched her bck. "Or mybe the fll." 4 "I should hve in his pockets. kept Mix on the lesh." Hrvis stood by the door, hnds
"It ws frek thing," leve it out there." I sid. "We should get trsh bg. We shouldn't "A box," Lind sid, leving me, over stepping nother mound of cr pet nd then onto the couch, ducking her hed s she crossed into the hll. She returned with crdbord box from our bedroom closet. From the porch, Lind wtched Hrvis nd me wlk bck down the street, but the ct ws gone. "Jesus," I sid nd knelt s if it were still there. A tiny squre of blood mrked the sphlt. "I ws sure it ws ded." "It must be in terrible pin," Hrvis sid. "They hide," Lind clled s she rn towrd us. "When they're hurt or something's wrong, they find to plce hide." We serched under crs nd porch steps, beneth n old tub in neigh bor's yrd, inside cn. tipped grbge I lifted sheet of plywood tht lened ginst the side of n dobe house. A blck nd white ct stred t me, nothing like the one who hd fllen. We serched seprtely until drk, nd we returned seprtely, Lind severl steps hed, rms crossed s if ginst chill, nd I thought wht little it took to throw your life off, to turn it upside down. "Cstellni," Johnsson sid to me. "Teli truth. You think ny of these punks they got fighting tody could stnd up to Joe Louis? Or Ezzrd Chrles? Ingemr Johnsson? Teli truth, wht you think?" We st together for lunch in wht little shde the skeletl building of fered?johnsson, Lernic, Hrvis, nd I. There used to be more of us, but this ws desert town nd it dried out in the summer, everyone going wy, out of the het. Then Grhm ws fired for drinking nd Iglesi de ported. The prtments were lmost completed. Our crew styed smll. "I don't follow boxing," I sid nd finished off the sndwich I'd thrown together before leving for work. It hd been bd night, Lind nd I with no plce to sit but the bed, to nothing do but the crpet, nd neither of us willing to work on tht. Hrvis hd gone home, but I'd wished tht he'd styed for while. Sometimes he mde it esier for us to be Lind, I'm pretty sure, hd felt the sme. together. "They couldn't hold Ingemr's mouthpiece," Johnsson sid. "He's prcticlly reltive of yours more or truly, less, like we'd be cousins if he lived round here." Johnsson ws in chrge of us, red-fced little mn who wore long-sleeve plid shirts rolled to the elbows. "And he could 5
punch. You ever seen those films of him whupping Ptterson? Teli truth, you ever seen such punch? On my fther's side, we ll been fighters." Johnsson nd Lernic st on the tilgte of compny truck. Hrvis nd I reclined ginst concrete, the foundtion for the prtments. Dry-wllers worked down the site from us, where we'd been the week before. At the fr end were pinters nd crpet lyers. Eventully it would be com big plex. The pool ws lredy in. "I like to wtch girls fight," Lernic sid. "They don't hve rules for tht." His fce ws big, sloppy; his skin, the color nd texture of ngel food cke. "Rip those clothes, Mm. Ynk tht hir. Bite tht tit." He lughed nd lened bck on his elbows. "Hrvis ws boxer, I bet. Big nd dumb enough. Fg enough. You boxer, Hrvis?" "Fuck off," Hrvis sid. "Scrtch you like I girl, bet." Lernic lughed gin. "Big old nothing Hrvis rip t " your shirt. 'Let me t them titties. Let me t them titties.' Lernic wggled his t fingers Johnsson's shirt, then lened bck gin. "Bite this, Hrvis." He gripped the crotch of his pnts. I stood nd nudged Hrvis on the shoulder. "Let's wlk off lunch. We've got fifteen minutes." "He don't men nothing," Johnsson sid. "Tell them you don't men nothing, Lernic. It's his wy of being funny." Lernic's hnd ws still t his crotch. "Wtch your step, Cstellni. Tht big fg'll cornhole you in the behind." "Tht's redundnt," I sid, wlking wy. "Like dumbss." "There you go," Johnsson sid. "Everybody's got funny." "Tht guy mkes me crzy," Hrvis sid, throwing shoulder when we'd wlked fr enough wy. shit." "Screw Lernic," I sid. "You let ssholes get "I'm supposed to ct like he doesn't "He's pthetic boob." exist?" sying wy his thumb Lernic of the being over his to you nd your life is "You've got Lind," Hrvis sid. "You cn sy tht stuff. I've got to tke boobs seriously. I could wind up one. Hell, I could be one lredy. You've got Lind. You cn let the rest go." "So, you've got me nd Lind," I sid. 6
"See?" Hrvis the kind of put thing you one of his big fingers squre in my chest. "Tht's just sy to pthetic boob. See there?" After lunch I took off my shirt. Tht ws one of the things I liked bout the job. I could tke off my shirt nd work on the high bords, stepping from scffolding to bem. And the smell of lumber. The pull nd give of my muscles. The pycheck. I hd to plnned be n rcheologist, lthough I know now I s might well hve plnned to be n stronut. "You cn be whtever you wnt," my mother hd told me, "whtever you put your hert into." A ntured lie. I could not be n rcheologist, not nd mke to et. good enough money Our pln, Lind's nd mine, hd been for her to go to grdute school to become librrin. It wsn't exctly wht she'd wnted, but it sounded ll right to her. Then she'd get job nd I'd study rcheology gin, give it shot. Tht ws why we'd moved here, ner university. There ws nothing wrong with our pln, but we couldn't mke it work. At first we needed Lind's income to get by. Then we bought television on time. We went to the movies. Sometimes we went out nd te stek. We didn't sell out our drems?we siphoned them off. Construction ws better thn cooking burgers, lot better, but once, yers go, I went s student on dig in Mexico, nd with whisk nd n irbrush, I uncovered cly jr, crved spoon, the curved line of jw bone. I studied t people by looking wht hd endured. At the ruins of P lenque, I climbed to the opening in the temple, then descended drk stirs, turned nrrow corner, nd there ws the sepulchrl slb, covering the body of n ncient priest. Wht I felt ws wonder, nd no mtter how mny nils I or pounded bords I swed, I could not clim wonder t see ing building become. There were some who could; I ws not mong them. My life hdn't worked out the wy I'd plnned. "Johnsson." Lernic yelled lthough Johnsson ws only few feet wy. I looked down t them. Lernic, on his knees, mrked sheet of ply wood. Johnsson nd Hrvis unloded lumber from the truck. You "You see tht show on TV lst night?" Lernic sid. "I lmost "My see it?" television gets nothing forgot. but sttic these dys. Lot like you, Mr. Ler 7
nie." Johnsson bcked wy from the truck with n rmlod of fours. Hrvis lifted the other end. two-by "It ws eductionl, Mr. Johnsson. And you could hve used it to sve one of your employees?mr. Hrvis. You do hve Mr. Hrvis working for you?" He quit mrking the plywood nd stred t Johnsson, s if Hr vis wsn't there. I could see it ll from the second story scffolding. "Go to fucking hell," Hrvis sid. "Ly off," Johnsson sid. "I got something to tell you, goddmn it." Lernic stood nd fced Hr vis. "This guy on TV sid you cn die from screwing nothing but your hnd, nd here I m trying to sve your worthless life, nd you got no grtitude." Hrvis dropped his end of the lumber. The bords rttled ginst the tilgte. "You fuck," he sid nd stepped towrd him. Lernic picked up the circulr sw nd revved it once. "Come on, Met. Come get crved." "Put tht down," Johnsson sid. "Quit being funny. You wnt keep your job, you put tht down." Lernic turned his hed from Hrvis to Johnsson nd bck to Hrvis. For n instnt, none of us moved. I lifted the hmmer from my belt nd let it drop ner Lernic's feet. He jumped, then smiled up nd went bck to work. t me. "Huh," he grunted, put down the sw, I couldn't hte Lernic, lthough I wnted to. There hd been dy, only couple of weeks bck, when Hrvis ws down with the flu nd stying t our house becuse his cooler ws out nd he hd no television. I hd gone home t lunch brek to hve bowl of soup with him nd ws ten minutes lte getting bck. I didn't wnt Lernic to hve nything else to throw t Hrvis, so I sid it ws Lind who ws sick. Johnsson let it go, but Lernic, of course, didn't. "You pussy-whipped bstrd. Worst cse I've ever seen," he sid. He'd met Lind when she used to tke me to work, before I knew Hrvis well to enough ride with him. Tht sme fternoon Johnsson told us bout book he'd like to write, The Life nd Legend of Ingemr "I Johnsson. got the first sentence. Tht's the hrdest prt. You listen this," he sid. mn "Every hs dy in his life when nobody cn defet him, nd tht dy for Ingemr Johnsson hp 8
pened when he ws fighting for the hevyweight chmpionship of the world." He bemed. "You red tht sentence, who's gonn be ble to stop? I figure I write bout tht whole ide, how everybody gets one dy when they're the best. Ingemr, he got his dy when he hd the big fight. Tht's difference between gret mn nd one us." "Shit," Lernic sid. "No," Johnsson sid. "Relly, wht you think? Most people, they get their dy, they probbly sleep through it or ly round drunk. A Johns son don't. He gets the fight of his life." it." Lernic snorted. "You're not relted to ny chmpion, nd you know "We got the sme nme." "A nme don't men shit." "Nme's s good s nything. Teli truth, if they'd been Ingemr Ler nic who whupped Joe Frzier, sy. You'd be s proud two pecocks." "The only guy could hve beten Frzier ws just wht bet him: n other big, dumb nigger. I'm going to be proud becuse I got the sme nme s big dumb nigger?" Lernic hmmered ginst bord three times, s if in nswer to his question. "Nmes men lot," Johnsson sid. "Cstellni, tell truth. If there ws Ingemr Cstellni, you'd be s proud s two pecocks." "You never clled nybody nigger when Grhm worked here," I sid to Lernic. "So? He ws nigger. You think I'm stupid?" He rised the hmmer to pound the bord gin. There were no nils in the bord. "Nmes must men something," I sid. "You see there." Johnsson wggled knobby finger. "Now tht's set tled. We got work to do." Johnsson wlked wy, but Lernic put his hnd on my shoulder. "Your wife is pretty," he sid. He looked t me s if I should understnd something. "I know ll bout it." He squeezed my shoulder slightly, then looked t Johnsson's bck for second. "The hrdest thing for mn, is to be mn nd still keep womn." He dropped his hnd to the hed of his hmmer, which rode in his tht." crpenter's belt. "I just thought I'd sy "Yeh," I sid. "Oky." He lifted the hmmer to eye-level, string t it self-consciously. For n 9
instnt I sw it s n rcheologist might hundreds of yers from now, how the blunt blck hed nd rer sweeping prongs resembled the hed of drgon. "We got work to do," Lernic sid, nd since then, I couldn't hte him, much s I tried. Hrvis nd I rrived t the house before Lind. The living room, the mess of crpet nd tpe, nd the kitchen, the tngle of chirs round Kitty's box, us kept from entering. We st on the front porch, stlling, until she rrived. "We cn't seem to fce it," I sid s she wlked up the porch steps. She shielded her eyes with her hnds nd looked into the window. "This is test." She spoke somberly, her lips inches from the glss. "A tril of some sort." Lind believed in god, not mn with gry berd, but force tht gve reson to being. "If we cn get through this, it'll men something." "If we get through this, it'll men there is no intelligent life on this plnet," I sid. Hrvis shook his big hed. "If we to be hundred." Lind turned from the window. She wsn't where nd hve beer," she sid. get through this, it'll men we'll live smiling. "Let's go some Hrvis chucked his thumb towrd the window. "I left some in the re frigertor." "I know tht." She stepped from the porch nd we followed. We hd pepperoni pizz with extr suce nd drnk beer by the pitchers. Hrvis told us how he used to be mugger. "It's the truth," he sid. "For bout week. I wsn't ny t good it." I wnted to know wht mde him do it. Lind wnted to know wht mde him quit. "I ws broke nd living in this little dump in Chicgo, nd my hed ws ll turned round every which wy, nd I couldn't get job, nd I couldn't think stright, nd I'd see these women by themselves or with little kids, nd they ll hd purses, nd ll I hd to do ws go nd ynk it wy nd run off, nd there it ws." Hrvis, when he drnk, rmbled. "You were purse sntcher," Lind sid. "Tht's not the sme s mugger." "Whtever you cll it, it ws low, nd I felt men bout it, but I 10
couldn't get turned round the right wy until one dy I ws out in the prk nd comes long young womn crrying bundle with both rms nd big purse hnging from her elbow, one of those hippie bgs, nd I figured she wouldn't hve much money, but I could just run by nd grb the purse nd on keep running, nd I? didn't need ll tht much money you see, I ws ll turned round in my hed, but I wsn't greedy." He took n enormous drink from his glss, filled it gin, nd took nother big drink. He emptied the pitcher, then tpped it ginst the tble, hold ing it s if it were mug, tpping it s if it were gvel. "I rn right up to her, nd I hd my hnd out to rip off her purse, nd just then she turned to me, nd stred right t me, nd she sid, 'I need to find the hospitl. My bby hs died.' " He brought the pitcher down gin, breking it, the hndle remining in his hnd, the pitcher flling into his lp. His to plm begn bleed. "My hed wsn't on stright, nd I didn't know wht ws up, nd I didn't know wht ws down, nd tht little bby ws no bigger thn footbll, nd I wnted to do something good for tht womn, nd you know, I couldn't think of nything, except tking her to the hospitl, which is wht I did." Lind reched into his lp nd retrieved the pitcher. She kissed him on the forehed nd on the cheek. Ech night we found reson not to work on the crpet, or we worked for hlf n hour then st next to the fn nd drnk beer nd tlked. Fridy morning, I out stepped of the shower, nd Lind ly over the rm of the couch in the hll, crying. I tried to lift her to me, but she didn't wnt to be held. "We'll finish this tomorrow," I sid, "if it tkes ll dy nd night." She just crwled cross the couch. After work, Hrvis drove me to the florist, then me dropped off t the second-hnd store, where I wited in our cr until Lind ws free. We went out to et, then drove to motel. Wht I'm sying is I knew there ws rel dnger. I ws trying to wrd it off. The motel room ws pstel yellow. A pinting of the ocen t night hung bove our bed. The ir conditioner, which lined the wll beneth the window, hummed nd chortled like friendly drunk. We crwled under the sheets nd wtched movie on television. A red-heded womn wlked briskly down city street, wering red blouse, red skirt, red 11
shoes. She prcticlly skipped. Lind put her hnd on my chest. "How cn we fford this?" It ws the first thing either of us hd sid for long time. "We needed to get out of the house." I spoke softly nd touched her hir. "We cn fix it tomorrow. "We could hve spend ll this money." "This is better," I sid. Tonight we needed to get out." styed with Hrvis," she sid. "We didn't hve to The womn, in n office now, lifted her red blouse over her hed, un tied her red skirt, nd she ws nked. It strtled me, like going to friend's house nd strnger nswers the door. "This must be cble." Lind lened forwrd in the bed. "Do you think she's pretty?" "I don't know," I sid, lthough she ws obviously very pretty. "She is," Lind sid. The womn wlked round the office in high heels. A mn behind desk smoked s cigr he wtched her. "Why do you think Hrvis cn't get girlfriend?" "I don't know tht he cn't. He just doesn't. He's shy round women." Lind crossed her rms cross her brests. We were nked, nd I hd been hoping we would mke love. "He's not shy round me," she sid. "He knows you." The womn stepped behind the desk nd begn undressing the mn. "Are they going to show everything?" Lind sid. "Are they going to do it? Is this tht kind of movie?" We wtched the mn nd womn mke love. The cmer moved in close nd then bcked wy. "They're relly doing it." Lind rised herself to her knees nd wtched. I rn my hnd long her leg, but she took it in her plms, ptted it gently just the wy she pts Mix, then plced it bck t my side. "You know who would enjoy this?" she sid. "You know wht would be fun?" "Tht's not good ide," I sid. "I'll just cll nd tell him bout it." She hd lredy moved towrd the phone. "We hven't seen him ll dy." "I worked with him eight hours. He took me to the florist. He drove me to the store." She hd to begun dil. I reched between her rms nd stopped the cll. Lind dropped the receiver nd wlked to the window. She peeked through the curtins. "Oh," she sid softly, nd I thought she sid some thing more. 12
wht "Come bck to bed." I st on the edge. She fced me, my beutiful wife, nked, lmost I wnt." crying. "Let me "I've been with him ll dy. I don't wnt to see Hrvis." Before I could sy nything else, she opened the door nd stepped outside. The ws wrm. night Cicds rttled. The sky, drk s if blckened by fire. She stood with her bck to me in the prking lot. I drgged long the bedspred nd threw it over both of us. Her fingers locked round my neck, elbows t my chest. We rested forehed to forehed. "Did you feed Mix?" she whispered. "Did you put out something for Kitty?" "Hrvis sid he'd tke cre of it. He wnted to wlk Mix." Ters on ppered her lshes. "I'm ll turned round inside," she sid. Whether she knew she ws echoing Hrvis, I'm not sure. "I wnt to run through this prking lot nked. I wnt to screm nd wke up everyone. I wnt to hit you. I wnt this off of me." She ynked the bedspred down. "I wnt to stnd in the middle of the street nd shout the menest things I cn think of. I wnt to leve you." She tried to pull wy from me, but I hd good grip round her wist. you "We'll go bck inside." I jerked her even closer. "You cn cll nyone wnt." She shook her hed once, shrply. But she cme with me nd turned off the television nd turned off the lights nd ly ner me in the drk until she could sleep. do We woke erly nd drove home. Hrvis got there t eight, work time. He hd Mix with him. "You let this dog sleep in bed with you? He's bed hog. Almost nuzzled me to the floor." "You wnt coffee?" I sid. "Yeh." He petted Mix nd looked t Lind. "He frts too." She lughed nd pointed t me. "He won't let him on our bed." "I don't blme him," Hrvis sid. "There's too much dog in this dog." By ten it ws sweltering. We worked stedily, switching jobs, crwling cross the floor. Lind nd I were in shorts; our knees nd elbows burned. We hd used ll the big scrps, nd now pieced which took longer nd ccomplished less. "Mybe hopeful. we don't hve enough together the smll ones, to mke it," Lind sid. She sounded 13
"We've got plenty," "We've got enough Hrvis sid. for the hll, too," I dded, but she didn't lugh. We te lunch on the on porch, sitting the rough, sun-dried our plnks, bcks ginst the riling. The odor of hibiscus, normlly sweet, smelled like smoke, s if cooked by the sun. "This is good." Hrvis wved his egg sld sndwich, his rm brillint with swet. "Oh yeh?" Lind sid. "You must hve something different from mine. Let me hve bite." "No wy," he sid. She grbbed his rm nd tried to wrestle it towrd her. "A bite. A bite," she sid, lughing, pressing her cheek ginst his bicep. "Forget it," he sid. She lened into him hrd nd pulled on his slick rm. "I'll get it." I tried to sound conspirtoril. Before I could sntch the sndwich she threw herself on top of Hrvis nd dug her fce into the smshed sndwich. Egg sld covered her mouth nd cheeks, the bridge of her nose. "Delicious," she sid, lifting her hed. She wiped off her chin nd offered me the finger. When I prted my lips, she pressed her finger deep into my mouth. At two-thirty Hrvis nd I crept cross the couch to the bedroom nd serched through drwers until I found PE shorts tht fit him. His jens hd become unberble. We crwled bck nd worked bre chested. "Chets," Lind sid when we took off our shirts. She pulled off her shoes nd socks, then wiped her fce with the til of her T-shirt. Her bre stomch strtled me s the television hd the night before. She sw my fce, looked to Hrvis, who hd his nose in the crpet, then lifted the T-shirt higher, wiping her forehed nd exposing her white brests. My hert bet ginst my chest like pddle. By three, we knew we would not finish before drk, not even probbly if we worked well into the night. A screech cme from the kitchen, from Kitty's box, scle of pin. "I cn't stnd it," Lind sid. She rn to the couch, ducked low, nd dis ppered down the hll. "I'm fool," I sid. A rsh hd on begun my chest. The ct's cry flt tened, then lifted gin. 14
"Give me some more tpe," Hrvis sid. We herd the shower begin. We fitted more crpet nd ironed. When Lind stepped off the couch, she hd on clen white T-shirt nd the bot tom hlf of her blck bikini. Her wet brests shown through the shirt like the mounds of relief mp. We worked s if underwter, ech movement deliberte nd unrel. Hrvis pointed t my rsh nd put his shirt bck on, but I knew nd Lind knew it ws to hide his erection. He turned his bck to us to button the shirt. I looked t Lind nd shook my hed. It ws the wrong thing to do. She touched Hrvis' thigh. He ws on his knees fcing wy, hnds still t his buttons. "Lind," I s whispered, if she would her nd not Hrvis. She touched his thigh bove the knee, lightly, then moved up his leg. He stred t the wll. Her fingers reched the bottom of the PE shorts, rn long the nrrow hem. For n instnt, none of us moved. I wish I could sy tht I ynked her hnd wy or tht I burst into ters, but there ws trembling inside me, vcilltion of spirit. Some prt of me wnted to see her fingers continue their climb up his leg, nd tht prt kept the rest of me silent for the long seconds tht followed, until Lind pulled her hnd wy. We worked nother twenty minutes. "I'll mke iced te," Lind sid, lmost whisper, but she did not couch nd down the hll. go to the kitchen. She crwled onto the Hrvis stood nd stred t the doorwy where she hd just vnished. "I've never wnted so nything bd in my life," he sid, then wiped the swet from his fce. I stood nd he put his rm round me. "Do some thing," he sid. "Do something fst." He me hugged for n instnt. I felt his erection ginst my hip. He picked up his jens nd left. I wited for her, expecting her to pper in just the T-shirt. Or less. When she stepped off the couch, she ws wering n old pir of trousers nd blue workshirt. Her eyes were red, her fce mottled. "Hrvis hd to go," I sid. "Oh." She looked t her pnts. "I've been crying." "It's been tough tody." She nodded. "Do you think we should or quit stick it out?" My hert pounded gin. "I cn do lot myself, if you're tired." She shook her hed nd knelt beside me to return to the hrd work. 15
Ner dwn, we glued the finl frgment into plce nd flipped the crpet side up, difficult mneuver, then inched it into the corners, pushing nd pulling, flttening. We ly side by side on the crpet we'd mde. She put her hed ginst my shoulder. "We should hve mt to bought go beneth it," she sid. "It looks so good. How long will it lst without mt? A yer? Two yers?" "It could lst long time," I sid. She rose nd turned off the light, then ly beside me gin in the drk. "This ws test." "No, it wsn't." I closed my eyes. "This ws just one of those things." "Oh, is tht wht this ws?" She whispered this in my er, lughing gently. "I wnt to sleep here tonight." I nodded, nd our long ftigue settled us one ginst the other, letting us sleep. Almost month lter, Hrvis nd I were sked to work Sturdy for time nd hlf py. The smllness of our crew hd permitted the dry wllers to ctch up. Johnsson refused on principle. "They don't wnt this thing built," he told us. "They just wnt us to fry out there. I worked construction thirty yers. I don't gott tke this. My kid could do better thn this. Teli truth, boys, you ever seen such mess?" I worked the high bords, pounding ten-penny nil through two-by four into four-by-four column. I hd tken my shirt off. The rsh ws gone. Hrvis nd Lernic hmmered beneth me. Hungover, Lernic hd been quiet the first hour, but once he strted, he tlked s if it ws ll tht kept him stnding. He tlked s if his life depended on it. "How fr up your ss do you shove this hmmer every night, Hrvis? I'm tking scientific survey. Three inches? Six inches? I suppose it de on pends which end goes in first." Hrvis hndled him by being mute, which seemed to push Lernic on. I tried to spek for him, but it did no good. Mybe Johnsson could hve stopped it. He hd the power to fire. We would quit t noon, I thought. We'd go home nd et with Lind nd not return. At ten-twenty, I stepped from the to scffolding the cross bems. Below me, between my legs, were the two of them, Hrvis, like me, 16 hitting nil, Lernic looking up.
"Cstellni," Lernic sid, "settle Lind?" I stred t him nd nodded. something for me. Tht wife of yours, "She do fgs like Hrvis here, or..." Hrvis' hmmer swung wy from its bord, bckhnded swing of the drgon-hed hmmer, the blood from Lernic's forehed, sudden hibiscus bloom. His knees gve simultneously, nd he fell to them, nd then to the cement, where his body begn quivering, nd the life shook out of him. The nil I'd been hmmering still stuck out hlf n inch. My rm swelled with the next swing. Tht ws my position in it: Would I hit the nil while Lernic bled beneth me? I did not. "Give me n hour," Hrvis sid. "I cn get to Mexico." "I'll try," I sid. "Life's too much." He unbuckled his crpenter's belt, letting hmmer still in his hnd. it fll, the I nodded, now to clinging the column, rms tight round it. to "Explin Lind," he sid. "Mke her understnd. As best you cn." I sid, "Check his pulse, Hrvis." Hrvis shook his hed. "He's ded." "Check it, Hrvis." "I don't wnt to touch the bstrd." "We hve to mke sure he's ded," I sid. "He could still be live." Hrvis knelt over Lernic, his knee in the red puddle. He rised his hm mer high. "No!" I yelled it. feet. Hrvis threw the hmmer pst me. I ducked, but it missed me by few "Some things you don't sk," he sid nd he rn to his cr. I styed up there while. Lernic's blood mde big pool. I hd to be creful getting down. The police kept me couple of hours. Johnsson ws clled. He put on cot nd tie nd drove over, his hir gresed flt ginst his hed nd per fectly prted, gesture of respect, I guess, for the ded or for the police. "The decesed ws no good who liked to cuse trouble," he sid. "He ws sking for something like this ll his life." They wnted to know 17
where Hrvis run. might I told them he'd lived in Chicgo, tht he might hve fmily there, or friends. It wsn't exctly lie. They didn't hssle me too much. They believed me when I sid tht I ws on the high bords when it hppened. I wlked home. I could tell you bout the wlk, the lleys I delibertely took, the broken glss nd rotting fruit, the sweting mgzines peeking out of trsh lids. I could tell you how, when I finlly cme down to erth, I tried to pinpoint the moment my life hd turned wrong, nd how I cme to de cide tht I never should hve mrried Lind, tht I should hve struggled to pursue my obsessions, tht I hd been mde cowrd by love. I would mke my life over, I decided. I would let Lind leve me. I could tell you bout my plns, grnd ones nd petty ones, but when I cme out of the lley ner our house I sw Lind in the fternoon sun. She ws in the grss on her hnds nd knees. Her hir ws thrown over her hed to dry, the wy women for genertions hve dried their hir, posi tion s timeless s the curve of bone. The bck of her neck ws white nd smooth, n exposed nd vulnerble swtch. A thing of wonder. 18