The characters in the script appear or are mentioned in The Blue Mud Trilogy s books or Woodrow World.

Transcription

1 The script is based on the story, The Old Covered Bridge from Bluer Mud, the middle book of The Blue Mud Trilogy. Parts of the stories "Good thing my head wasn't stuck!" and The St. Bernard and the Apple Tree from A Blue Mud Moment are also referenced briefly. The characters in the script appear or are mentioned in The Blue Mud Trilogy s books or Woodrow World. Woodrow Blue Mud, Bluer Mud Blue Mud Abner Jack Moorehouse Blue Mud, Woodrow World -- Blue Mud -- Blue Mud -- Bluer Mud -- Blue Mud, Woodrow World -- Blue Mud, Bluer Mud Jimmy "Pootus" and Helen &Tom Greene-- Blue Mud, Woodrow World Olena Boyle-- Blue Mud, Woodrow World The Blue Mud Trilogy (Blue Mud, Bluer Mud excerpts) Mud.html A Blue Mud Moment Woodrow World

2 Clayton: Population 400 by James Deaton

3 THE OLD COVERED BRIDGE

4 [1976, Set: The interior of the Clayton Drugstore, which isn t a pharmacy but instead a lunch-time hangout for the locals. No cooking but lots of fountain drinks and lots of junk food. Stage right is a doorway leading to the back room where kids congregate, play the jukebox and play cards, usually Euchre.], 75, owner/operator of the drugstore, 59, owner of the local service station and garage, 74, retired teacher, 69, retired from L&N Railroad [Railway Express] Mr. Mac Meecham, 53, works the night shift at General Electric in Cincinnati; runs the Clayton Museum., 58, owner of the Clayton General Store Helen Greene, 44, Jimmy s mother Jimmy "Pootus" Greene, 19,

5 Woodrow, 17 Various unseen [but named kids] Run time: minutes

6 SCENE ONE [fade in] Well, mornin Leroy. Is it still morning? Eleven fifty eight. Ain t afternoon yet. Busy down at your place? We sold a right smart bunch o gas but that s about it. That bridge to-do pretty much has messed everythin up. I forgot that was this mornin. What do you mean was? They re still tryin to blow up the old wooden bridge. But they were supposed to do it at six in the a.m.. Oh they started at six all right. When I left, they d set off just under a dozen loads o dynamite. That old bridge is hangin tough though. Best I can tell, the only thing takin a beatin are the shingles. Heard one of the politicians mutter Damned old world craftsmen! That s a hell of a way to run a railroad. What are they gonna do? They re a determined bunch o cusses. Don t know how long it ll take to blow up that bridge but one way or another, they re by God gonna do it. Even if it hair lips

7 the Pope. Oh I need a drink. But coffee ain t gonna cut it. Let me have a cherry Coke instead. [entering from outside DSL ] You can start now. I m here. Afternoon, Buster. Afternoon? Twelve-oh-one. Give me a Coke, Bill. What s goin on in the burg today? We were just talkin about the bridge. That was today. How d it go? Still goin. Whaddya mean? They re still blowin it up. Been at it for six hours now. I don t know how much dynamite it ll take to blow the bridge up but I know how much they re gonna use. I heard a couple-three really loud booms earlier.

8 That would ha been the ninth, tenth and eleventh loads of dynamite goin off. One of my daughters has a boy what plays trumpet in the band. They were supposed to be there. Oh, they were. The band gave up at about ten o clock and left. Well what are they gonna do now? They re committed. Now they have to blow it up. [Sound: Boom! ] And that would be number twelve. [entering DSL] The brain trust is already here.. It s Friday ain t it? Yeah, Sanford and Son s on tonight. Lew said he ll be here later on. Been a might busy at the store today. Saw him earlier this mornin. They sure made a mess o that bridge thing. Apparently they re gonna take her down one shingle at a time. [entering DSL] Hi, Bill. Is Kevin here? Jimmy "Pootus" Greene Yeah, Jimmy, they re in the back room playing cards, Jimmy "Pootus" Greene

9 Thanks. [exits USR] What is it the other kids call him? Pootus. Pootus? Why Pootus? Probably because it sounds dirty. It s just a name the big kids came up with bout four years ago. He has to know the older boys are gonna pick on him when he comes up here. But he is kind of a smart-ass. Acts tough cause he s short. He needs a haircut. And he s too damn skinny.

10 Well that didn t take long. What? Look across the street. Isn t that Pootus bike hangin on the telephone pole? No, that would be Pootus sister s bike. Why in the world would he ride a girl s bike up here? He already knows he s gonna get teased just for showin up. But to show up on a girl s bike. Here comes Lew now. Who s that with him? Not sure. That s Mac Meecham isn t it? [Lew and Mr. Meecham enter DSL]

11 Hello, Lew. How the Hell are ya? Hey Mac. How go things across the Ohio? Same stuff just a different day. I never asked you how you got the nickname Mac. Your last name s not MacMeecham. My first name s Macarthur. Not exactly the best of names when you re a kid. Okay, Mac, you run the city s museum. So what was the official reason for changin the city s name? Officially? Yeah, the public version. I think the Mayor, Mark Gatlin, had a line that towns with -town or -burg at the cityname's end had already gotten as big as they would or wanted to be. But what s the real reason? The honest-to-god story?

12 Yeah. In 1904, Claytown elected a new Mayor, Mark Gatlin, who wanted to drag the city firmly into the 20 th century. He was goin all the time promotin and sellin. He ordered a bunch of super-fancy stationery and it was really nice. A light tan linen kinda thing with dark green ink that had a drawing of a steamboat headed up a river toward a long covered bridge. That was the top part of the circle; the bottom was meant to read "City of Claytown, Kentucky". That was the theory anyhow. What it said was "City of Clayton, Kentucky". Believe it or don t, the city of Clayton really got its new name from a printer s typo. After World War II, keepin' the name change all hush-hush just didn't seem so important anymore. Which version do you use at your museum? The official one. Your place still open? Only one afternoon a week but it s still goin. I reckon when it started the city had a lot more going on. In 1906, and you wouldn t think it now, there were over 10,000 people livin here. Til you got to Cincinnati or Lexington, weren t a city bigger than Clayton. Back when the railways were king, Clayton was the only stop for the L&N Railroad. It used to be that busy?

13 All along Maple Street, weren t but one residence that stone house that s still there at the far end o the road--all the way out to what s now the state highway, was all businesses. There was a couple o hotels, a livery stable, two saloons, a dry goods store I believe that was run by your kin, Leroy- On my mama s side. And a law office, the creamery offices, a general store and a sawmill. All that in this town? At one point in time, Clayton was hell on wheels. Seems I read about a fire in 1908 that started in one o the saloons one night, spread to one of the hotels then to the livery stable til it was a full-blown three alarm fire. Took em four or five hours to beat it down; their big worry was not lettin the fire get to the sawmill and all the wood there. Now the whole city could go up all at once and you wouldn t get to three alarms. Well, Lew what s the word? What word? Don t be cute. You decided if you re runnin for Mayor? Yeah. Enquiring minds want to know. [Local reference: the newspaper, The Cincinnati Enquirer s tagline ]

14 Don t you want to be top dog of a city that once was hell on wheels?. Officially and for the record any o you work for the paper in Falcon? I will be a candidate for Clayton Mayor next year. And we knew him when. Start scoring brownie points. When Pootus comes back in front-- Don t call him Pootus; his name s Jimmy. Offer to get his bike off the pole. Why? He s old enough to vote. I m sure he s not registered. Well drag his butt down to City Hall and get him signed up. You re in the big leagues now. I m only running for Mayor of Clayton.

15 And right now ain t but the six of us that know it. [entering DSL] Woodrow Hey, Grandpa. Hey ho Woodrow. Woodrow Is Gus here already? No but Jimmy and Kevin and some others are in back. Woodrow Thanks. [exits USR] That your grandboy Floyd? Yeah that s Debra Lee s oldest. He s one tall drink o water. Must get that from his grandmama s side o the family. Still in school? He s a Senior this year. Goin to college?

16 He got accepted letters from two or three schools close to home and one in New York. Pick any of em yet? No. I hope he picks the one in New York though. Why? He s lived his whole life in Clayton. Needs to learn there s a big ol world out there. He sure enough will find it in New York. That s for sure. And if it turns out he doesn t like the big city, better he finds out when he s a teenager than when he gets old and ugly like us, or wonderin What if?. Cause we all know it s not the things we did that didn t go so good; we regret the stuff we never even tried. [jumbled crosstalk] I heard that. I know that s right. Your mouth to God s ears.

17 [fade out]

18 SCENE TWO [fade in; same set; same characters; superimposed Grandfather Clock face 12:29] [sound: Boom! ] All Thirteen! [looking out front door glass] Uh-oh. What? There goes Helen Greene. Doesn t look good in red either. No, it s Jimmy s mama. She s bound to see that bike hangin on the electric pole. Telephone.

19 Huh? Telephone poles have spikes in em, like that one does. Electric poles don t. Does it make any difference? Not a bit, really. Unless she s comin uptown to climb an electric pole. She s stopped. She sees the bike. She s lookin around for Jimmy. She s lookin this way. Oh, no. Here she comes. Scatter! [entering DSL] Helen Greene Is Jimmy in here?. He s in the back. Helen Greene JIMMY!... JIMMY! [entering USR] Yeah? Jimmy "Pootus" Greene

20 Helen Greene Have you seen your bike? Jimmy "Pootus" Greene What s wrong with it? Helen Greene Nothin wrong with it but it s hangin on a light pole six feet off n the ground. Huh? Jimmy "Pootus" Greene Helen Greene Is one o your friends tall enough to get to it? Woodrow s over six feet tall. He can reach it. Helen Greene Go get your little friend and let s go get your bike. I ll be across the street. Don t dawdle. [exits DSL] Yes ma am. [exits USR] That s one scary woman. Jimmy "Pootus" Greene I think it s those black cat-eye glasses. I had a great aunt what wore that kind o glasses and Aunt Lenore scared the crap outta me with just one o her icy stares.

21 I noticed Jimmy never even thought about sassin her. Even said yes ma am. [Jimmy and Woodrow enter USR talking, inaudibly, to themselves. To the men:] Woodrow Be right back. [exits DSL] Why didn t you correct her when she said light pole? Is my fool sign crooked? My mama didn t raise no fools. She really oughta wear a bra. We shouldn t hafta see that. I thought I was the only one noticed it. Maybe if you were blind. And she s only in her forties now. Not a pretty future.

22 She s probably headed off to get the latest gossip from Olena Boyle. Olena oughta be up to speed on all the talk goin round and holdin court at the post office.. Hey, Lew, maybe she ll stop by your store and buy Tom some new shoe laces. What for? He never ties em. Don t believe even once did I see Tom Greene with his shoes tied. I did. Once. At Freda Bowers funeral. I bet ya Helen rules her house with an iron fist. That s not what Tom says. I think Tom talks a good line. You ve met Helen. You gonna tangle with that? Not for love nor money. That reminds me do you have butter-pecan ice cream at your store, Lew? Yeah, all the way top right of the freezer. I know better n go home empty-handed. Helen bein here reminds me of a story.

23 Scared o that if Helen s big tits reminded you o somethin. You all know Amy Huff and her sister Llamah. They were at Llamah s house doin Spring cleanin earlier this year and Llamah has one o those washing machines with rollers on top. Now y all know Llamah s kinda big upstairs. Llamah was washin a load of blankets. Word is the washer s rollers flattened more than quilts. After the initial shock and scare, her little sister Amy got tickled. So tickled, Amy was almost not able to help Llamah, the laughing made Amy so weak. That s a great story. I mean I feel sorry for Lamah and all but that s a story that has a long shelf life. [fade out] [Sound: Boom! ] All Fourteen!

24 SCENE THREE [fade in; same set; same characters; superimposed Grandfather Clock face 1:28] [sound: Boom! ] Fifteen! Listen is that cheerin? I ll be. They finally killed the old bridge. Pretty wimpy cheerin. All They had a good crowd way over a hundred but that was seven hours ago. Wasn t but three or four dozen still there when I left to come up here. Probably ain t too many folks left after seven hours. It s just as well the band left early. They were supposed to play some kind of fanfare when the old bridge fell in the river. If they did it now it d be more like Monty Python Blows up a Bridge. [at the chip carousel] What kind o chips you got? Regular and I believe there s some barbecue and on the back there s pretzels.

25 No sour cream? Didn t sell enough of em to make it worth the while so I don t stock em anymore. [entering DSL] Woodrow Well, Jimmy s bike is down. Everything s fine. Passed some people that had been down at the river. Mr. Moorehouse was there, said it took seven hours to blow up the old bridge. Really? We hadn t heard anything about it. Must ha been stouter than they thought. I m gonna go finish my card game. [Exits USR] Woodrow Floyd, didn t there used to be an apple tree in your yard? Buster, I could tell ya how it come to be gone but you probably wouldn t believe me. Hell, I was there but if somebody told me that story I wouldn t believe em. So let s just say It s gone. It s like when I took the work-train to Louisville. It was about four in the mornin when we got there. I decided to find some close 24 hour fast food place when I noticed there was a one-legged man following me. I d speed up, he d speed up; I d slow down, he d slow down. Now I was there. I know it happened but if I tried to tell somebody, they d think I was a nut. The apple tree story kinda falls in that category. The facts are too strange. The short answer yes, I used to have an apple tree in my yard. Who all s goin to the homecomin dinner this Sunday afternoon?

26 We all should. Pert near the whole will be there. Especially you, Lew. Now that you re a candidate for Mayor. Guess I d better get back to the garage. What time do you want to get there Sunday? It starts at two o clock. Why don t we meet at the school s old bell tower just afore two? Sounds good to me. Lew, you headed back to your store? Yeah, told em I d be there from two til close. Gotta get my ice cream. You wanna walk along with us Mac? Okay. See y all Sunday. What do I owe ya Bill? That s 45 cents. There ya go. Bye.

27 [exits DSL] You ready Lew? Mac? See ever body on Sunday. Bye, Buster. Bye Bill. Bye. [exit DSL] Think he was really chased by a one-legged man in Louisville? Nope. [fade to black]