December 19, 2018 Your success... is our business! Volume 13, Issue 14 LITTLE

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1 OPG December 19, 2018 Your success..... is our business! Volume 13, Issue 14 Cortland Dekalb Hinckley Genoa Kirkland Kingston orange peel gazette - dekalb co. Malta Sandwich Shabbona Somonauk Sycamore THE HOTTEST LITTLE PaPERPER IN TOWN! Waterman Distributed 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each month by OPG Dekalb, Inc. PO Box 33, Cortland, IL For advertising rates go to Contact Tim at opgads@gmail.com or FREE take one MoreWithUs.com More With Us - Everyday Jobs The place where jobseekers & employers come together. Need a job? Let employers find you. Need Staff Now? Search best candidates. Free - just quality candidates & Artistic Worth An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor." RSM CUSTOMS Laser Engraving Offering Engraving Services for: PROMOTIONAL GIFTS COMPANY LOGOS EVENT PLANNING TOOLS TROPHIES SCHOOLS MEDICAL AVIATION MILITARY FIREARMS POLICE/FIRE DEPARTMENTS ANNIVERSARIES WEDDINGS BIRTHDAYS GRADUATIONS MEMORIALS VETERANS Desiree For Pricing & More Info desiree@rsmcustoms.com 807 E. Main St. Genoa, IL Thu-Sat 10am-6pm from your friends at the Orange Peel Gazzette! Wanda Anderson OWNER RSM Custom Gunworks 807 E. Main St. Genoa, IL Thursday-Saturday 10am-6pm % OFF with this Coupon! Discount Applies To Labor Or Custom Work Cerakote and Gunsmithing Available visit our website: IL Conceal and Carry Classes Available Call Any Time! Barb City Upholstery FurnIturE, Boat SEatS - Fr EE EStImatES or Now With 2 Locations- DeKalb & Workshop In Lee! 1303 E. Lincoln Hwy. DeKalb, IL (Corner of Dodge Ave. & Rt. 38) Randy Holle Broker - Owner WE BUY GUNS! Randy Holle Real Estate Mr. 4% Commission Now Listing Farms Cell (815) Fax (815) randyholle1962@hotmail.com

2 Page 2 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Great rates - Great results - Call Today! (815) RJ's Floor Covering Service -Custom Tile Bathrooms & Kitchens -Floors, Showers, Backsplashes -Porcelain, Ceramic, Glass -30 Years Local Experience - Insured Call Ron Johnson Some Interesting Facts? Albert Einstein never learned how to drive a car. No word in the English language rhymes with month. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamaeuripukakapikmaungahoronukupokaiwh enuakita natahu, a New Zealand hill. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours. Alexander the Great was an epileptic. S.O.S. doesn't stand for"save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was just chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. Expires 1/31/19 Expires 1/31/19 Expires 1/31/19 Expires 1/31/19

3 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Advertising starts At Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at opgads@gmail.com Page 3 Some Thoughts for the Day I have crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many times that I have all but rubbed it out. If you understand something today, it must be obsolete. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. When I was born...the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...i'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Famous Quotes Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C. I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss Universe contest The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing. Dizzy Dean, 1934 World Football Series There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977 That's an amazing invention but who would ever want to use one of the? Rutherford Hayes, President of USA, commented on the Telephone, 1877 If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. Dick Cavett Sure, there have been deaths and injuries in boxing, but none of them serious. Alan Winter Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country. Ian Rush The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important. Bobby Robson G & L AUTO REPAIR Sin]_ 1979 G_r[l^ H. Will_y Owner 1310 S. 4 th St D_K[l\, IL gl[uto@[ol.]om Prof_ssion[l S_rvi]_ with [ P_rson[l Tou]h General auto repair, Brakes, welding, starting systems, Carburators, Classics, Ri^ing Mow_r R_p[ir Br[n^ Support P[rts & S_rvi]_ Danielsen Lawn Care Squeezing the Sycamore, IL life out of high prices! We Provide the Following Service's: Mowing,Trimming,Fall & Spring Clean up, Leaf and Snow Removal Steven R Danielsen (Owner) Free Estimates! Fully Insured Walk-In Hours: Mon, Wed, Fri 9am - 5pm Frank atkinson / owner - aws Certified Weld Repair Custom Work Torch Ser vices 4998 Leland Road Ph: (815) Waterman, IL Cell: (630) Melissa Martin Making Magical Vacations Travel magicalvacationsbymelissa@gmail.com FREE planning services for all Disney destinations All Planning services are complimentary Minimal deposit with a personalized payment plan Trip monitoring for additional discounts Melissa is an authorized Disney vacation planner, customizing each trip to your families needs. Call First on Tue, Thurs, Sat

4 Page 4 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Connecting Customers and Businesses...That s what we Do Best! Dekalb County 12/27 New Year s Eve Celebration 11:30 a.m. Special lunch with partner Voluntary Action Center at FVCC 1406 Suydam Rd, Sandwich, Suggested donation $6 1/5 Chicken supper--kingston U.M. Church, 5 and 6:15. Carry-outs and gift certs. avail. Adults $ opgads@gmail.com to get your Dekalb County event included in our list at no cost! Do you want to give back to you community? Dekalb Club 55 Needle-workers invite you to join them for fun, fellowship, community projects and needle working. All of their efforts go to support local schools, We Care Pregnancy Center, and area nursing homes. Location: 330 Grove Street, DeKalb Time: Mondays at 1:00p.m. For additional information please call Diana at Stress Management How heavy is a glass of water? The absolute weight doesn't matter - it depends on how long you try to hold it. If you hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If you hold it for an hour, you'll have an ache in your arm. If you hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer you hold it, the heavier it becomes. That's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it! Murphy's Laws on Computers - As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it. - Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one. - You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all. - The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up. - There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet. - Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it. KINGSTON MUTUAL Kingston Mutual Insurance Company 420 West Main Street Genoa, IL Complete Farm and Home Coverage Since 1885 Awe Insurance Agency Genoa (815) Gallagher, Dillon, Friedlund DeKalb (815) & Associates IL. Alliance Agency, Inc. Marengo (815)

5 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition The hottest LiTTLe PaPer in Town Page 5 Auto Repairs An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners. He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk. Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk." Do You Realize... A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Congress?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway." Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they don't have glove compartments. ALL SEASONS Year-Round Storage - Lawn Mower Storage -tune ups -blade sharpening - oil changes call brian pick up and delivery available Yamber Real Estate 129 South 4th St. Dekalb Commission rate packages start at 4%. You choose: Professional photos, 3D images and /or virtual tours Virtual Staging (add or remove furniture) Drone technology Floor plans Your Trusted Real Estate Name For Over 40 Years! Offering Local & Long Distance Towing of Cars, Trucks and Motorcycles - Specializing in Roadside Assistance.

6 Page 6 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Connecting Customers and Businesses...That s what we Do Best! DeKalb County s Largest Towing & Recovery Service Provider WRECKMASTER CERTIFIED DRIVERS LOCAL & LONG DISTANCE LIGHT & HEAVY DUTY TOWING EMERGENCY ROADSIDE SERVICE MOTORCYCLE TOWING Tollway Authorized I-88 & I-90 IL ICC: TON CRANE SERVICE LANDOLL LOWBOY FOR HAULING BUSES, RV S & HEAVY EQUIPMENT TOLL FREE W Main St. Genoa Inheritances Two friends met in the street. One man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars." "I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?" "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear." "Well, you can't be disappointed with that!" "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars." "Incredible! So how come you look so glum?" "Well, this week... nothing!"

7 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition The hottest LiTTLe PaPer in Town Page 7 Dealing with the Burdens of Life. * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. * Never buy a car you can't push. * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on. * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late. * The second mouse gets the cheese. * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. (too true!) * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Marriage Humor My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I still miss my ex-husband - but my aim is getting better. Accepting E SCRAP Aluminum Brass Copper Stainless Steel Steel Iron Insulated Wire Batteries Aluminum Cans Siding STATE CERTIFIED SCALES CONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES Ecology Tech Inc Since M - F 7:30-4:30 Sat 7:00-12:30 TOP CASH PAID for Ferrous & Non-Ferrous Metals 1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan 336 East Sullivan Aurora Opee says, Your ad would look great here! Check out our website to see how little it takes to make that happen. Associate your business with heartwarming & humorous content!

8 Page 8 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Great rates - Great results - Call Today! (815) Come Visit Downtown Dekalb!

9 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition advertising starts at Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at opgads@gmail.com Tired Son A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look tired, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't approve." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" "Well," replied the young farmer, "you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him." Page 9 THE SPIRIT IS BUILDING! B U I L D I N G S Quality Post Frame Buildings Wishing you and your family an old-fashioned Christmas lled with lots of friends, festivities and fun. We are deeply grateful for your friendship and your support. Happy Holidays! pinnobuildings.com Give Our Advertisers A Try! Don t Forget To Tell Them You Saw Them In The Orange Peel Gazette! Department of Agriculture Representative An arrogant Department of Agriculture (DOA) representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer. "I need to inspect your farm." The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field." The Agricultural representative said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the U.S. Government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land." So the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, the farmer heard loud screams. He saw the DOA rep running for the fence, and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and was gaining at every step. The old farmer called out: "Show him your card!" for ManningFord.com Commonyms A Commonym is a group of three words or phrases that share a common trait. For example: car - tree - elephant They all have trunks! 1. year - address - scrap 2. trains - teapots - referees 402 MANNING DR DEKALB, IL Your Car! *Only Model Years 2000 & Newer 3. statues - turkeys - initials 4. rooster - barber shop - beeehive 5. picku-up - fire - semi Hours: Tue, Wed, Sat 10am-5pm Thu 10am-6pm Fri 10am-7pm 149 E. Lincoln Hwy Dekalb, IL Facebook: kidstuffdekalb 6. jump - swim - three piece 7. McDonalds - St. Louis - foot 8. mud - pot - coconut 9. rock - table - epsom 10. new - full - cresent Answers on page 15 22

10 Page 10 5 Rooms Only orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition CLEANED FOR Connecting Customers and Businesses...That s what we Do Best! $ 55 Lori Sabor (815) OFFICES & MOVE-IN/MOVE-OUTS TOO! Reliable & efficient ReaSoNable RaTeS Flexible SChedule CuSTom CleaNiNg No Job Too Small LICENSED AND INSURED J3 Heating + Cooling offers: - Furnace repair and installation Thank You - Boiler maintenance and repair For Supporting - Whole-house humidifiers A Small Business - Hanging garage/shop heaters In Business Over 25 Yrs! (331) $55 SERVICE CALL Countrywest Concrete, Inc. If It s Concrete We Will Do It! No Job Too Big or Too Small! Free Estimates Fully Insured Flatwork, Foundations, Decorative Concrete Bobcat Work Hauling Small Demolition Pole Barn Repairs See us on Facebook CountryWest Concrete, Inc. Dan White - Sycamore, IL DanTheConcreteMan71@yahoo.com The Golf Bag About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?" I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies." There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The lower seventies?" "Yes," I admitted. "Consistently?" he queried admiringly. "Every hole," I confessed. Believe It or Not You can read this. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt. YEP! Another Redneck Joke :-) While Bubba and Billy Bob, two rednecks from Monroe, GA, were in the local Wal-Mart they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Billy Bob won 1st place; a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great! I love spaghetti!" Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you? How's the toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba. "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper.

11 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition The hottest LiTTLe PaPer in Town Page 11 Gotta Love It Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." Accident Report Because I was processing my first accident report at the transport company where I worked, I was being particularly attentive. The driver had hit a deer on the highway, and the result was a severely damaged hood and fender. My serious mood was broken, however, when I reached the section of the report that asked, "Speed of other vehicle?" The driver had put, "Full gallop." Belvidere Collectible Coins We Pay Highest Prices For Gold, Silver, Platinum, Jewelry, Coins, Flatware, Dental & Bullion In Any Condition We Will Beat Any One s Price! Get 10% MORE for your Jewelry With this ad Mon - Fri: 9:30am - 5:00pm (815) Sat: 10:00am - 4:00pm 880 Belvidere Road Belvidere, IL Voted Best Bagel in Illinois by Spoon University! Selected to the Top 10 Bagel Shops in IL two years in a row by Best Things Illinois! NOW OPEN IN OUR NEW LOCATION! 118 E Lincolyn Hwy Mon-Fri 6:30am-2:30pm Sat-Sun 7am-2pm PARKING BEHIND THE BUILDING

12 Page 12 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Connecting Customers and Businesses...That s what we Do Best! Orange Peel Gazette Classifieds Classified Ads Start At $12.00 For First 4 Lines For First 4 Lines Buying Coins/Jewelry WE BUY Gold, Jewelry, Diamonds & Coins. ZACKS 213 Grove St. ~ DeKalb (815) Please Call First zacksjewelryandcoins.com Help Wanted MAKE EXTRA MONEY Work From Home Flexible Hours CALL (847) Machine Quilting Edge-to-Edge Quilting on a Gammill Longarm. Binding services available. Will also make quilts from your logo T-shirts. Best Rates. Donna Tastad (815) Carpet Cleaning CLAESSON CARPET CLEANING VOTEDOTED BESTEST IN DEKALBALB COUNTYOUNTY Handyman HANDYMEN AND MORE Maintenance/Management Services Honest & Reliable - Fully Insured CALL JEFF FOR 2017 & 2018! CALLALL OURUR FAMILY AMILY OWNEDWNED & OPERATED PERATED BUSINESS USINESS, GET 10% OFF! ALL: : (815) OR GO TO MENTIONENTION THIS AD & GET CALL CLAESSON LAESSONCARPET ARPETCLEANING LEANING.COM COM Firewood For Sale FALL IS HERE & IT'S TIME FOR COZY NIGHTS BY THE FIRE! $100 -MIXED HARD WOOD/ $75 FOR FIRE PIT WOOD FREE LOCAL DELIVERY. CALL (815) (815) EFF (815) OR (815) Help Wanted Creative Kids Connection is opening NEW Infant/Toddler Room Accepting Children/Teacher Applications. Call Audrey at (815) Don t Forget To Tell Our Advertisers You Saw Them In the Orange Peel Gazette! Lawn Care ANDSCAPING & L AWN WILTSE S L ANDSCAPING AWN CARE LAWNS, CLEANUPS & MULCHING, FER- TILIZING & WEED CONTROL, PRUNING, PLANTING RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL HARDSCAPES - (815) Need Cash WE PAY HIGHEST PRICES FOR GOLD,, SILVERS ILVER,, PLANTINUMP LANTINUM,, JEWELRYJ EWELRY, COINS,, FLATWAREF LATWARE,, D ENTAL & B ULLION Belvidere Collectible Coins 880 Belvidere Road - Belvidere, IL (815) Mon-Fri: 9:30am - 5:00pm Sat: 10:00am - 4:00pm Order Chinese Food Order Online At: HAPPYWOKDEKALB.COM.COM We Sell Fresh FRUIT SMOOTHIES! Painting Bill s Custom Services Interior/Exterior Painting & Drywall Etc. Wallpaper hanging/removal Over 20 Years Experience Free Estimates/Insured Now Offering Carpet Cleaning (815) Wanted Looking for an old banjo in almost any condition. If you have you are getting rid of let me know

13 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition The hottest LiTTLe PaPer in Town Page 13 Gracious Host Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink. Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?" He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and replied, "I have pickle juice or water." Laws of Parenting 1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning. 2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty. 3. Toys multiply to fill any space available. 4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it. 5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave. 6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive. 7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it. 8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet. 9. Backing the car out fo the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom. When Only The Best Will Do! DEKALB ROOFING FREE ESTIMATES WE RECYCLE ALL ROOFING PRODUCTS Call or Text Anytime AwArd winning Pet Styling BY: Lisa Leady Nationally Certified Master Groomer At OUR Door: 316 W. MAIN ST. GENOA, IL OR AT YOURS! With Our FULLY EQUIPPED MOBILE VAN! (SOME AREAS MAY HAVE LIMITED MOBILE AVAILIBILITY) CATS WELCOME! Monday-Friday By Appointment Mealtime Blessing My four-year-old likes to say the blessing at mealtimes, usually repeating the same short prayer: "Thank you, God, for this gracious food. Amen." One evening, however, he thanked the Lord for the birds, the trees, each of his friends, and asked God to watch over his family and help them to be good. I was thrilled that he was finally praying from the heart. But after the "Amen," he took a spoonful of stew, gasped, then dropped his spoon into the bowl. "I should have said a longer prayer," he said. "My food is still too hot." A Voice from Above A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked. The police officer pointed somberly towards the sky. "You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?" S & L Limo Service Corporate Event and Private Car Service Professional Transportation Offices in Montgomery and Sycamore, IL Call for Rate Quotes & Reservations Toll Free at or Reservations@SLLimoService.com

14 Page 14 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition advertising starts at Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at opgads@gmail.com Come be a part of our [ppli][tions for th_ Low In]om_ Pu\li] Housing Progr[m from th_ g_n_r[l pu\li]. Some Amenities Include: 24 hour maintenance service Private parking Secure buildings Elevators On-site laundry facillties Large community rooms for social must h[v_ 2 or mor_ r_f_r_n]_s to \ ligi\l_. To l_[rn mor_ [n^ to su\mit [n [ppli][tion, ]h_]k our w_\sit_. Apply at our Central office Is Located at: 310 N. 6th Street DeKalb, IL (815) this institution is an equal opportunity provider and employer You Know You're Too Stressed When The sun is too loud. You are missing several days from this week. Trees begin to chase you. You can see individual air molecules vibrating. You wonder if brewing is "really" a necessary step for the consumption of coffee. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before. You can hear mimes. Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed." You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. Your heart beats in 7/8 time. You and reality file for divorce. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition. You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before Expires 1/31/ HOME OF THE ONE HOUR SERVICE We will be at your home in ONE HOUR or we will give you $50 OFF your repair. When you present this coupon/mention this ad. Must be during regular business hours. Excludes maintenance. May not be combined with any other coupon or disocunts. Expires 1/31/19 servicenowhomeservices.com Expires 1/31/19 Expires 1/31/19 Expires 1/31/19

15 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition Great rates - Great results - Call Today! (815) Page 15 Some Quickies Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat. And how long has this been going on? Oh, ever since I was a kid. Why was the archaeologist upset? His job was in ruins. opee Gazette says: Let s Play! Who Wants to Be a Zillionaire? THE I NEVER KNEW THAT QUIZ #17 Why is it if you send a package by Ship it is called Cargo, and if you send it by Car it is called a Shipment? Why do ducks look so sad? Because when they preen their feathers they get down in the mouth. Why did the man fill his waterbed with beer? He wanted a foam mattress. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? He wanted sweet and sour pork. Why did the truck driver drive his truck off the cliff? He wanted to try out the air brakes. You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When... You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. Commonym Answers: 1. books 2. they have whistles 3. they are carved 4. they have combs 5. trucks 6. suits 7. they have arches 8. pies 9. salts 10. moons (Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to be considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.) $639,000 Question... "Kemo Sabe" means this in Navajo? A) a friend B) sunshine happy C) "soggy shrub" D) man on horse $640,000 Question... In addition to painting, Leonardo Da Vinci invented these handy items? A) scissors B) keys C) paper cups D) eye glasses $641,000 Question... Lightning strikes about this many times per minute on this planet? A) 1,000 B) 2,530 C) 6,000 D) 9,500 $642,000 Question... Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to these? A) cats B) peanuts C) hot dogs D) carrots $643,000 Question... Money isn't made out of paper as it is commonly referred to. It's made out of this. A) cotton B) silk C) rubber D) nylon $644,000 Question... Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean...? A) dollars B) electric wires C) elephants D) eggs $645,000 Question... One quarter of the bones in your body are located in your...? A) head B) feet C) arms D) fingers (Answers below - See you next issue) Answers: $639 - C $640 - A; $641 - C; $642 - D; $643 - A; $644 - C; $645 - B.

16 orange PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition advertising starts at Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at opgads@gmail.com Page 16 Bumper Stickers for the Educated Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. Mental backup in progress - DO NOT DIS- TURB! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. Philosophies to Ponder If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. He who hesitates is probably right. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Two wrongs are only the beginning. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence. Solution in the next issue! Last Issue s solution: NEED CA$H? We Buy Gold, Jewelry & Coins! We Pay CA$H! We Pay More! zacks Grove St, DeKalb, IL - wwwzacksjewelryandcoins.com