IF IT AIN T BROKE Al Jones

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1 For the Week of: January 22 - January 28, 2009 ISSUE #377 Weekly Community Magazine ~ Priceless ~ IF IT AIN T BROKE Al Jones Ol Al ages another year this week, folks, so it is with caution that I evaluate how I feel and take inventory of such things as, hairs remaining intact upon my scalp and remaining teeth in my mouth. Now most years, I rely on friends and family to keep track of these things as they jokingly point out my receding hair line and talk about chipping in for dentures. But this year I got an unwelcome head start on my inventory. I was forced to make use of our medical system. I say forced, because I don t like doctors or dentists, nothing personal you understand. They re all very nice people. It s just that any time I ve had need to use their services, it has involved pain. I m a wimp. I don t like pain. So I generally avoid them to the extent of my own demise. PS3, X-BOX 360 ELITE, Wii, PSP AND NINTENDO DS UNITS AND GAMES, LAPTOP COMPUTERS, IPODS AND ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT ALSO BUYING: OLD JEWELERY, SWORDS, KNIVES, LIGHTERS, COKE COLLECTABLES, ETC. **We also buy Guitars & Amps** A few weeks ago, while consuming my dinner, I found myself biting down on something that was not supposed to be part of the evening menu. It was a piece of one of my own teeth. The next morning, I experienced a minor ache. But it was another day later yet, when my cheek was swollen out so much that my wife kicked me in the pants and sent me to get it looked at. By now it s Friday night, and my doctor is off duty, so over to the after hours clinic I go. Now one of the first things they ask you is, When was the last time you saw your doctor? This is where it gets awkward, folks, you see I m one of those guys that doesn t get looked at unless I m experiencing actual pain. I, of course, had not seen a doctor in years. They then stick that thing on your arm that blows up and cuts off your circulation to check my blood pressure. 174 over 99. (Continued on page 2)

2 (Continued from page 1) Now I m not sure what that means, but I was informed that this was high. I guess it s supposed to be something like 120 over 80. My mind flashes back to when I stepped on a scale that morning, only to discover that the scale was broken. I know it s broken, because I distinctly remember resolving to lose weight at the beginning of So I can t possibly weigh more in 2009, right? I mean the resolution should have looked after that right? I m convinced that it s probably the sterile environment of a medical facility that has given cause to my rising blood pressure. And if my scale at home wasn t broken.i d prove it. Home & Apartment Insurance Fire Insurance Property Estimate Evaluations Just give us a call! Main Street North, Airdrie, AB T4B 2B5 airalta@air-alta.com website: 24 Hour Claim Service Toll Free (Alberta Only) It s a few days later when I get in to see my dentist. Just as my doctor sees me, so does my dentist.. only when something hurts. Because it s been such a long while between visits, they have questions for me as well. Things like, Do you have any allergies? Remembering my low threshold for pain I reply, Yes I m allergic to pain. The nurse politely laughs and says, We mean allergies that might cause serious side effects. I reiterate, I m allergic to pain, and side effects may include, but are not limited to, me collapsing in a fetal position and whimpering uncontrollably. After an X-ray and some drilling and stuffing, I was out of there. But there is much work yet to be done, so the wonderful lady at the front counter helps me schedule another three appointments over the next few months. That evening, over dinner, my wife asks me how my dental visit went. I sigh miserably. Feeling sorry for myself, I inform her of what I have to look forward to. She just shakes her head, You know, Al, it probably wouldn t hurt if you didn t always wait until something is wrong before you look after it. It s not their fault it hurts.it s yours. She, of course, is right. And now that I m getting to an age where I can t ignore things as much as I want to, perhaps I ll heed those words. Like it or not, I ve come to realize that my attitude of, If it ain t broke.don t fix it, will have to be set aside for more of a preventative maintenance approach to life. I resolve to start immediately. So the next thing I m going to do after finishing this page.is go shopping for a new scale. Page 2

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4 Siding ~ Soffit ~ Fascia ~ Eavestrough ~ Kurt & Tannis Temple Husband & Wife Team 25 years experience P.O. Box 117, Irricana, AB T0M 1B0 Ph: Fax: Virtue of the Week Honesty Honesty is being truthful and sincere. It is important because it builds trust. When people are honest, they can be relied on not to lie, cheat or steal. Being honest means that you accept yourself as you are. When you are open and trustworthy others can believe in you. Honesty is contagious, just like dishonesty is contagious. We need more honesty in the world. - Anne Wilson Schaef Wireless Internet Super Start Breakfast Pool Passes Life s Great at Super 8 For reservations, Call East Lake Blvd., Airdrie, AB Fax: super8@nucleus.com ~ You are practicing honesty when you: Say what you mean and mean what you say Make promises you can keep Tell the truth tactfully Admit your mistakes Refuse to lie, cheat or steal Are true to yourself and do what you know is right Affirmation I am honest. I can be trusted to keep my word. I have no need to impress others. I accept myself. I tell the truth kindly and tactfully Virtues Project International Inc To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are. - Anonymous Page 4

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6 If each before his own door swept, the village would be clean. -Scottish proverb Amanda (403) Dog Grooming OPEN WEEKENDS! Call for more information and schedule. (403) A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?!" Divorce? An elderly man in Airdrie calls his son Bob in Halifax and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Fortyfive years of misery is enough! I'm sick of her, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Montreal and tell her," and then hangs up. The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells, "You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a single thing, do you hear me?" The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, "It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they're paying their own way!" Page 6 Doctor! Doctor! A mother takes her son to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "Didn't you say he was 13?"

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8 Doctor's Advice Everyman takes care that his neighbour shall not cheat him. But a day comes when he begins to care that he does not cheat his neighbour. Then all goes well. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Doctor: I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse? Patient: I was just following your orders, Doc. Doctor: Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order. Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me. Divy It Up! A 6th grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand and with complete sincerity in his voice, answered, "A lawyer!" Diagnosis A man walks into the doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asked. "You're not eating properly, replied the Doctor. Page 8