Layout, Artwork, Introduction 2009 PlayGround, Inc. Printed by DeHART s Printing Services Corporation.

Transcription

1 ALL THUMBS 2009 Aaron Loeb GYMNOPÉDIE # Kenn Rabin JOHN JACOB O REILLY SMITHERTON S BID TO SAVE THE WORLD 2009 Erin Bregman NET 2009 Geetha Reddy SEEN 2009 Evelyn Jean Pine TRUFFALDINO SAYS NO 2009 Ken Slattery WEDNESDAY 2009 Daniel Heath CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of the plays contained in this publication (see above) are subject to a royalty. They are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional/amateur stage rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-1, DVD, information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the Author s agent in writing. The English language stock and amateur stage performance rights in the United States, its territories, possessions and Canada in the above-listed plays are controlled exclusively by PLAYGROUND, INC., 268 Bush Street, #2912, San Francisco, CA No professional or non-professional performance of the Play may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of PLAYGROUND, INC., and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries concerning all other rights should be addressed to the appropriate playwright, c/o PlayGround, 268 Bush Street, #2912, San Francisco, CA SPECIAL NOTE: Anyone receiving permission to produce any of the plays contained in this publication is required to give credit to the Author as sole and exclusive Author of such Play(s) on the title page of all programs distributed in connection with performances of the Play(s) and in all instances in which the title of the Play(s) appears for purposes of advertising, publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or a production thereof. The name of the Author must appear on a separate line, in which no other name appears, immediately beneath the title and in size of type equal to 50% of the size of the largest most prominent letter used for the title of the Play(s). No person, firm or entity may receive credit larger or more prominent than that accorded the Author. The following acknowledgment must appear on the title page in all programs distributed in connection with performances of the Play: PlayGround developed and subsequently produced the World Premiere of [Play] in San Francisco in [year, as indicated on credits page] James A. Kleinmann, Artistic Director SPECIAL NOTE ON SONGS AND RECORDINGS: For performances of copyrighted songs, arrangements or recordings mentioned in these Plays, the permission of the copyright owner(s) must be obtained. Other songs, arrangements or recordings may be substituted provided permission from the copyright owner(s) of such songs, arrangements or recordings is obtained; or songs, arrangements or recordings in the public domain may be substituted. Layout, Artwork, Introduction 2009 PlayGround, Inc. Printed by DeHART s Printing Services Corporation. 2

2 By Ken Slattery TRUFFALDINO SAYS NO was originally developed by PlayGround (James A. Kleinmann, Artistic Director) for the Monday Night PlayGround staged reading series in residence at Berkeley Repertory Theatre on January 12, It was directed by Chris Smith. The cast was as follows: Arlecchino...Colin Thomson Truffaldino... Craig Marker Colombina... Gwen Loeb Il Dottore... Eric Frashier Hayes Isabella... Cat Thompson Pantalone... Jomar Tagatac Flavio... Michael Phillis Il Capitano... John Patrick Moore TRUFFALDINO SAYS NO was premiered by PlayGround at the 13 th Annual Best of PlayGround (2009) festival on May 7, It was directed by Chris Smith. The cast was as follows: Arlecchino...Soren Oliver Truffaldino...Aaron Wilton Colombina...Cindy Goldfield Il Dottore, Pantalone... Danielle Levin Isabella... Lisa Morse Flavio... Michael Phillis Il Capitano... Brian Herndon Originally from Ireland, Ken Slattery studied Drama & Theatre at Trinity College Dublin. Ken wrote and directed two plays for the Dublin Theatre Fringe Festival in the late 90s. Since moving to the United States, Ken wrote and produced his full-length play American Irish in He has been on the writing team for the sketch comedy troupe Killing My Lobster since 2007, and recently received a full-length play commission from PlayGround. Ken would like to thank his wife Maria for her love and support. 64

3 By Ken Slattery Characters: Truffaldino, male Colombina, female Isabella, female Flavio, male Arlecchino, male Il Dottore, male Pantalone, male Il Capitano, male SETTING: Home of Arlecchino, Colombina and Truffaldino. Lights rise. TRUFFALDINO is present, seated. He seems despondent. Enter ARLECCHINO. He walks like a cat, with bent knees, never in a straight line. Walking quickly but taking his time, it seems he covers the whole stage before he reaches his destination (beside TRUFFALDINO). TRUFFALDINO ignores him until he speaks. Truffaldino! Papa. What s the matter with you? You seem down. Il Capitano asked me to find a wife for him today. Someone beautiful and rich, capable of providing him with a legion of offspring. Fool. All he ever does is run away from such a woman. Who s he got in mind this time? Isabella. Isabella? The master s daughter? What a coincidence! Just this very day, our master Pantalone says to me: (He shuffles around the stage as he does an impression of PANTALONE, a miserly old man.) Arlecchino. The shop s not doing well in this time of economic crisis. If only someone would marry my daughter Isabella, who continues to eat me out of house and home! So he asks me to find a husband for Isabella! She s infatuated with Flavio. 65

4 Il Dottore s son? Forever they lament their hopeless love for one another, yet neither seems capable of doing a thing about it. Yet another coincidence! Do you know who Pantalone wants Isabella to marry? (Wearily) Let me guess. Il Dottore himself! (Pause) What a situation. I m tired of it, Papa. (Scheming) Well then! Let s see how we can turn this state of affairs to our advantage! Do we have to? What s got into you? We do indeed! So! What has Il Capitano asked you to do? He asked me to find out where Isabella lives, so he may go there and seduce her. No chance! He ll run at the first sight of her skirt! I think Il Dottore is a better hope. OK! This is the plan. I ll go to Il Dottore straightaway, tell him of Isabella s affection for him, and convince him to visit Pantalone s house. Il Dottore will need no convincing. In the meantime, you fetch your mother Colombina! Tell her to pay a visit to Il Capitano. You want my mother to seduce Il Capitano? Of course not! We merely need her to stall Il Capitano whilst Isabella falls in love with Il Dottore! Come on! Let s go! 66

5 ARLECCHINO moves as before. He stops when he realizes TRUFFALDINO hasn t moved. What s the matter? I can t do this. (Perplexed) You ve got to do this. This is what we do! No, Papa. No? What do you mean, No? I mean, No, I won t fetch Colombina. I refuse to participate in these events any more. Every day, the same old concerns. I feel like I ve been doing this for hundreds of years. But if you don t do this and fetch Colombina, whatever will happen?! Well we know what will happen if I do fetch Colombina. She ll be angry with you for suggesting this entire scheme, but she ll go to Il Capitano s house in any case. At the same time, you ll go to Il Dottore, get your message confused, and tell him to go see Isabella at Il Capitano s house, not Pantalone s house. Then, upon realizing your mistake, you ll go to Pantalone s house and tell Isabella to go to Il Capitano s house to see Flavio. Pantalone will eavesdrop upon your conversation with Isabella and follow her to Il Capitano s house, because he does not want her to be seduced by Flavio. So everyone will turn up at Il Capitano s house after nightfall and confuse each other for someone else in the darkness. Meanwhile, as Il Capitano slowly becomes convinced his house is under attack from Turkish invaders, Flavio, having previously eavesdropped upon your conversation about Isabella with Il Dottore, and stricken with grief over the loss of his one true love to his father, will spend the day composing a poem. 67

6 (cont d.) That is, until either you, me, or Colombina turns up to tell him what s really going on and he hurries to Il Capitano s house to sort out the mess. (Embarrassed) What makes you say all this? I m not cut out to be a Zanni, Papa. I want more from this life. I want out. You re distressing me, Truffaldino! This is your life! Why would you want any other? Surely there s something different I can do with my time?! (Unconvinced) Like what? Maybe I can go off to fight in a war like Il Capitano? (ARLECCHINO is highly amused.) Maybe I can own a shop like Pantalone? (ARLECCHINO becomes even more amused.) Maybe I can be in love with Isabella? (ARLECCHINO is suddenly serious.) Don t you go getting false ideas, Truffaldino. You are who you are. Remember that! Flavio is such a wimp! Yet she always chooses him in the end! Why can t she choose a real man for a change Is this your problem? You have a crush on Isabella? I ve got news for you, Truffaldino, you re not the first to fall for her flowery, emotional, high-maintenance ways (Mournfully) I know, Papa. Yet there s more to my malaise than Isabella. I wake up in the mornings, and it seems all I am is a clown. I serve my master, yet like you all I want to do is trick my master, so like you I spend my days plotting and scheming. But the schemes never seem to work, and I I really wish I could ve gone to college 68

7 I don t want to hear it, Truffaldino! Get it together and get moving! We don t have all day here! Night is almost upon us. If you don t get moving now, our messages won t be delivered to anybody, and nobody will know what to do! Enter COLOMBINA. She is ARLECCHINO s wife, and moves in a similar fashion to him. Colombina, my dear! What brings you here? I m I m not sure. I ve a feeling I should be somewhere, but I m not sure where. (To TRUFFALDINO) You see! It s started already! (To COLOMBINA) My dear, you should be somewhere, it s true! Truffaldino, tell her at once! (TRUFFALDINO does not comply.) Truffaldino! What has gotten into him? Listen, we don t have much time! You must go to Il Dottore s house! TRUFFALDINO shakes his head, as ARLECCHINO has already got the plan wrong. Il Dottore s house? Yes. You must go there and declare your love for Flavio! Flavio? The poet? (Unable to resist getting involved) You re getting it wrong! She needs to go to Il Capitano s house and seduce Il Capitano! Enter IL DOTTORE, old, wealthy, and fat. He moves slowly, meandering in figure 8 s using tiny steps. The others wait for him to arrive. TRUFFALDINO makes a point of checking his watch. 69

8 IL DOTTORE: IL DOTTORE: IL DOTTORE: IL DOTTORE: Il Dottore! Esteemed doctor! What brings you here? (Walking as he talks) I m I m not sure. I ve a feeling I should be somewhere (To TRUFFALDINO) You see! The problem continues! (To IL DOTTORE) Il Dottore, you should be somewhere, it s true! Il Capitano has declared his love for you, and you must go to him at Pantalone s house! (Walking as he talks) Il Capitano, eh? Most unusual. Reminds me of a Latin professor I once knew Ergo cogito sumo, he would say to me Papa, no! You re getting it wrong again! It is Isabella who s declared her love for Il Dottore! And Why am I even bothering? (Walking as he talks) Isabella too, eh? How unusual for them both to declare their love for me on the same day; yet not so unusual either, in our funny old world. Il Dottore! We ve no time to lose! You must depart for Il Capitano s house immediately! Isabella is waiting for you there! (As he exits) I shall go straightaway! By the way, did you know there are 300 distinct breeds of goat in existence? Alpine Goat, Anatolian Black Goat, Anglo-Nubian Goat, Appenzell Goat, Argentata of Etna Goat, Belgian Fawn, Benadir Goat, Billy Goat Exit IL DOTTORE. (To COLOMBINA) You ve got to reach Il Capitano s house before Il Dottore gets there! I would rather seduce Flavio than Il Capitano. 70

9 Enter ISABELLA, whimpering. She has a handkerchief. She has heard COLOMBINA s last remark. TRUFFALDINO s mood picks up when he sees her. ISABELLA: Isabella! What brings you here? (To TRUFFALDINO) I m I Everybody s got to be somewhere. She drops her handkerchief. With some alacrity, TRUFFAL- DINO moves (the same way as his father) to pick it up. He returns her handkerchief to her, but she remains aloof. ISABELLA: ISABELLA: Colombina! Why do you want to seduce my sweet love, Flavio? Don t you know that Flavio and I are destined for one another?! (Building himself up to reveal his affections) Isabella! Don t do it, son! Why not consider me instead of Flavio for a change? Who are you again? She drops her handkerchief again. TRUFFALDINO retrieves it for her again. Enter PANTALONE, an old, hunched-up man who shuffles across the stage. PANTALONE: PANTALONE: (Wearily) Pantalone! My master! What brings you here? What the devil is going on, Arlecchino? You were supposed to come to my house! You re supposed to tell Isabella to go to Il Capitano s house to see Flavio who is in fact really Il Dottore, so that I can overhear you and follow Isabella! Yes. We got delayed. Instead I follow Isabella here! What s your explanation for this unforgivable holdup? 71

10 PANTALONE: PANTALONE: Truffaldino refused to go to Il Dottore s house. He said No. He said No? (to TRUFFALDINO) You said No? What s the meaning of this? I m tired, Master. I don t want to do this anymore. I m thinking I can get out of this game while I still have a chance. Before I get too old, and it s too late for me to be anything other than my father. What can you do instead? Fight in a war, maybe? Or maybe just travel the world, see what else is out there! Now that I ve found this freedom within me, I feel I can do anything! Everyone is aghast. PANTALONE falls flat on his back, kicking his legs in the air, gradually curling up like a dying insect. ISABELLA: Truffaldino, look what you ve done to your master! Apologize to him immediately! I cannot. I m leaving! (To COLOMBINA) I m sorry, Mother. I understand, my son. Isabella! Come with me. I I don t know I still feel destined for my lover Flavio Flavio! Where the hell did he get to? Enter FLAVIO and IL CAPITANO, arm-in-arm. FLAVIO wobbles as he walks, as if floating from side-to-side. IL CAPITANO walks in large strides, with his chest puffed out. FLAVIO: I am here with Il Capitano! 72

11 IL CAPITANO: FLAVIO: IL CAPITANO: FLAVIO: ISABELLA: (Bemused) What happened to the Turkish invaders? Did they come to your house instead? I m not quite sure why, but I possessed a strong urge to go to Il Capitano s house. Since nobody else was where they were supposed to be, it turned out that Il Capitano and myself were alone there; apart from my father, who we found lecturing a plant. Anyhow, one thing led to another between myself and Il Capitano It emerged there s a reason why I ve been making up lies about my sexual conquests and running away from women all these years! And my own inability to get it together long-term with Isabella is rooted in another issue We see. (To TRUFFALDINO) Look what you ve gone and done now! Leave him be, Arlecchino! It s a brave new world, Papa. We all have the freedom to be who we want to be now. Um, Truffaldino? Maybe I was too quick to decline your invitation earlier? I would love to travel the world with you, see what else is out there Then we shall depart! (TRUFFALDINO hugs his mother and moves to shake hands with his father.) Father? (Finally accepting the situation) Good luck, my son. They shake hands. TRUFFALDINO exits with ISABELLA. She drops her handkerchief once or twice on the way out, and each time TRUFFALDINO retrieves it. As he moves to do this, he walks at first as his father does, but then he seems to find his own walk. The remaining characters watch them depart. Exit TRUFFALDINO and ISABELLA. 73

12 FLAVIO: IL CAPITANO: Well there goes several hundred years of Commedia dell Arte. Hush, Arlecchino. We can do with a rest. Wow, the end of Commedia dell Arte as we know it. I think that deserves a verse or two in my next poem (Shocked) Agh! You re a poet! IL CAPITANO turns and does his trademark run offstage (throwing his head back, howling, and kicking his feet forward). Exit IL CAPITANO. FLAVIO: Il Capitano! Come back! I can change! I can change! Exit FLAVIO. PANTALONE: So maybe not quite the end... Apparently not. Will somebody please help me up here? ARLECCHINO and COLOMBINA stare down at PANTALONE as lights fade. End of play. 74