Cast List Hood Principal Boy and Hero Merrie Man 2 nd in command Merrie Man, dressed in red Alan a Dale Merrie Man, sings in rhyme Friar Tuck Priest and Merrie Man the Miller s Son Merrie Man, bit stupid Maid Principal Girl and King Richard s daughter Nurse Aggie Panto, after any man she can get, and Maid s Nurse Sherriff of Nottingham Nasty character of Gisbourne Sherriff s stupid henchman Wormtongue Mystic, herbalist King Richard True King of England Herne the Hunter s metaphysical psychic Trudie Glen The Panto Horse Chorus (male and female) will make up the Guards,, Merrie Men etc Act 1 Scene 1 Village Square. Nottingham Summer Fayre - Lots of colour, merriment, dancing. etc Opening Song Tuck What a great song. There s nothing like a good song to lift the spirits. There sure isn t. And we need all the help we can get to lift our spirits. But it won t get our land back that the has stolen, will it? We ll get our money and land back when King Richard returns from the crusades. Richard the Lion heart is our true king. The won t be able to stand up against him. He ll soon put matters right. We all have to pay taxes to that nasty Sherriff of Nottingham.and we won t be pushed about by him anymore. We demand justice, don t we? YES We demand freedom, don t we? YES And when the s men come, and we are armed. (mimics sword fight) 1
.we will all run and hide Shut up! Don t interrupt. I am here.. (All laugh) You just told them that Alan A Dale (all Alan s songs are sung to Greensleeves tune) The merry month of May is here We celebrate with festive cheer The and his henchman Do spoil the fun and terrify. (shouting) I know Be quiet. Peasants of Nottingham, I am here (quickly, as go to interrupt) to open this most impressive fayre (looks round in disgust). Too late, as always, the fayre has been open for hours. Watch out all, here they come to spoil the fun, again. A big cheer for the. Hip, hip hooray Gisbourne (off stage) Make way for the. (turn away, grumbling) Here he comes. Pompous twit. Enter SHERIFF, GUY and GUARDS Make way for King John s right hand man, the, make way, come on, out of the way. (pushing grumbling out of the way). Pray silence and take heed Gather round and prepare to grovel Boo..etc. Silence, peasants of Nottingham, and show some respect. I am the. Villager 1 This will get their attention (Holding up scroll) I have the latest proclamations Can t you get an ointment for that? (GUY and VILLAGERS laugh) Silence I need more money for King John More money? From now on all your taxes are doubled Doubled? Is there an echo in here? Where s your cowboy hat, then? You can t make us pay extra tax for the hovels we live in. The of Nottingham, you fool. We can t raise that sort of money. Citizens of Nottingham, I am here.. Tuck We ve got tenants rights, you know, and we re all revolting. We can see that.. You can say that again. 2
BOO. (sarcastically) Sometimes I feel like I am not appreciated. That s it. I intend to marry Maid, (sarcastically) whether she wants to or not. After all, (pompous) not everyone has the chance to be a sheriff s wife. Don t let them upset you. If you don t mind my saying so, you seem rather miserable of late. You used to enjoy annoying the peasants. it s true. I can t deny it. No sire, and not everyone is King John s niece. I know that, stupid. That s why I want to marry her. If I marry HER, I shall be the King s nephew, by marriage. I will be of Royal blood. Allow me to cheer you up a bit. (trips up passing Villager) Only by marriage, Sire, not a blood relative. That s very kind of you, but it s no good. What s wrong, Sire? I ve been thinking about my future. Alas, I have no heir What does that matter, you fool. I will still have the power I crave.. But I don t think you can force someone to marry you against their will, according to English Law. I m getting a bit thin on top myself. Oh, shut up and go away. (he watches MARION) Heir, heir, you stupid creature. I want someone to fill my enormous boots when I am gone. Someone to grind the peasants noses into the ground, someone to crush their enthusiasm, make them pay for everything. So, what are you going to do? Put this notice up. There must be someone who wants to marry me? I mean, I am the of Nottingham, after all. (GUY puts up notice. has a look about, not impressed with the maids on offer) Enter DAME and MARION Here we are. See, I told you we would be late. They have already started. It doesn t matter. We are here now. Oh what fun? This is fabulous. SHERIFF is transfixed by MARION. (looking about and sees ) Oh look. They have a waxworks display. (not looking) It must be one of the sideshows. (she goes to look at stalls) Oh yes. It s jolly good isn t it? Quite life like. (goes over to SHERIFF - BIZ) But you can see it s not really real. It s got that 3
glazed look in the eyes. This one looks like it belongs in the Chamber of Horrors. Oh look, it moves. (moving SHERIFF S arms) All the watch being made to look a fool Take that poster down immediately. Do you mind? You stupid woman. Why don t you go away before things turn ugly? Don t you know who I am? Soooooo, you ve chosen me. Now, just a couple of questions before we tie the knot. Will she have to cook? Why you. (DAME gets ready to give him a punch BIZ) What? Who? (running over) I do apologise. This is my old Nurse and she s staying with me for a few days holiday, and she can get a little carried away. Your wife. Will your wife be expected to cook? No. I have a cook. Right, I must be.. (goes to leave) Carried away. Looking at her, I m surprised anyone can carry her away. Ha ha. Now listen ere, you. (to ) Hey..and less of the old. (to ) As I was saying Keep this up and I ll take you over there and give you what for. You jumped up little bag of bones. (punching movements) (grabs him) Will she have to iron? No. Oh good, because those suits of armour must be a nightmare to get flat. Now, let s sort out the arrangements for the wedding. Over my dead body Absolutely not. I m unbendable on the subject. (turns his back) That can be arranged. It must be your knickers, dear. (to guards) Take her away and put her in the stocks. (turning back) Excuse me Please forgive my Nurse,? THE? Oh, hellooooooooo. I see you are looking for a wife. That s alright chuckle bunny. I had a bit of wind myself this morning. (tries to grab ) Get off me, you great big baboon. Guards, guards... How do you know that? I ve only just decided that myself. The villagers stop the guards getting through It says so over there. (points to poster). Isn t advertising a marvellous thing? ha ha ha ha 4
Shut up, you horrible lot. I ll make you regret this. Pay me your taxes NOW. Nooooooo We only paid you yesterday. Tuck Villager 1 We can t raise any more money We re finished here. We may as well start packing. Come on everyone. Don t give up. I m sure we can think of something. That was Friday s tax. Today is Saturday. Which means? No tax? Wrong answer, stupid. Today is Saturday s tax. And you two will be fined extra. No particular reason. I just don t like the look of you. But if you take all our money we will starve to death. Let me think for a moment..no..there s no tax against starving (laugh) Perhaps I ll make one. We appeal to you You don t you know. What we need is someone to take on the. Someone who knows how to fight. Hello all. Seems to me you need a leader. Yes, we do And who might you be? Allow me to introduce myself. I am of Locksley. I am willing to help you. Why would you do that? You are not part of this village My reason is simple. I have sworn an oath of loyalty to King Richard, and the is guilty of treason. ALL You ll never get away with this. Won t I? And who pray is going to stop me? We will. (shouts of YES etc) I don t think so. Ha ha ha ha. I will be back with more guards to collect the money, so you better start collecting. Ha ha ha How do we know this man is who he says he is? I know that the Earl of Locksley had his lands confiscated. That was my father. And I intend to win them back. The has caused my father s death, seized my inheritance and denied me my title. And what makes you think you can take on the? SHERIFF, GUY and GUARDS leave. Enter ROBIN in disguise With you by my side I could take on anything.. Now what are we going to do? 5
Act 1 Scene 3 Nottingham Castle (mid scene). What s the matter,? Have you got a toothache? No I haven t got toothache. Hood is at the root of all my troubles. He has a finger in every pie. You will go into the forest and capture Hood and bring him to me. What, on my own? Can t we use magic? But we don t know anything about magic. But Wormtongue does. You mean the batty old woman who lives in the forest? The very same. And how do you know her? She s my mother s brother s son s cousin. (thinks) So she s your sister? Um.yes. I should have known. The apples didn t fall very far from that idiot tree, did it? She s just a herbalist. She s not just a herbalist. She can make deadly poisons and potions galore. I bet she could even make you something so will fall in love with you. 6
Really We must go see her. She told me. No need. She lives here in the castle. Now listen here Woodworm.. (angry) She does, does she? Well, you put the taxes up so much she couldn t afford her wooden hut anymore, and there are soooooo many empty rooms in the castle, so I said she could live here. We ll discuss this later. Go and get her. No need, here she comes. Oh, hello. Here you are. Take this 3 times a day. What s it for? For your toothache. (shouts) I haven t got toothache. Will everyone stop talking about my teeth. Wormtongue, Wormtongue. It s not difficult is it? (to ) I thought you said he was clever? Whatever. Hood is raising an army That s nice. No it isn t. He s trying to depose me Oh....When King Richard returns from the crusades Ah.So you want my help? I m capable of taking my own revenge. So you don t want my help? Tetchy, tetchy, tetchy. Well take it anyway; it will help clear up your passages. What? Your passages. Passages through life. Shift your obstacles. Shift your blockages. That sort of thing. You ll be in safe hands now. She knows the medicinal value of every herb and flower. We should have captured Hood by now. So you do want my help? I ll capture him, just you wait and see For goodness sake, make up your mind? This is giving me a headache. Do you want my help or not? Hood gives me one headache after another. And how do you know that? 7
Here, (hands over potion) take this potion 3 times a day for a week and your headache will disappear. Your bowels may feel a little shaky, but your headache..gone Act 2 Scene 4 - Sherwood Forest (end of scene).. Stranger Greetings friend. What finds you so far in Sherwood Forest? That s it. Hood.gone. Do it. And also make Maid fall in love with me. In here, I am as free as a bird. This is where I live with my Merrie band of outlaws. Blimey, he doesn t want much, does he? Now about the rent.. Stranger Outlaws eh? That s not what I heard. Well, I think you are doing a marvellous job for the people of Nottingham,. But why do you do these things? It s quite simple really. When King Richard left for the crusades and the started to persecute and terrify the people, someone had to defend their freedom in place of King Richard. Stranger What do you mean by freedom? and his Merrie Men have helped all the people by taking money from the rich and giving to the poor to help them live whilst the just filled his pockets. Merrie men enter Well it has been nice talking to you stranger, but we must be getting on with our friends. Stranger I must tell you something before you go. You need fight no longer (throws off cloak and reveals himself as King Richard) Your majesty Father Richard Yes. I am King Richard the Lionheart. I have heard of your good deeds and the stories of the and his hateful ways. He is now under lock and key and will be tried for treason. 8
Merrie Men Richard Merrie Men Richard Everyone Hoorah (all kneel) Arise, everyone. It s I who should be kneeling to you. (they stand up) You will all be granted a full pardon for breaking any laws the has said you have committed. Hoorah You do us a great honour, your majesty. But there is one more favour I wish to ask. I think I have an idea what that may be. I suggest you ask the question to the one who can answer it.. Will you marry me? Of course I will. Hoorah. 9