HA HA HA Grandparents.com's 101 Jokes for Kids HA! v Ha! Ha! Ha! Family-Friendly Riddles, Puns & Knee-Slappers for You to Share Ba-ha-haha-ha!
How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one s a match! Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants. How do hair stylists speed up their job? They take short cuts! What do you give a lemon in distress? Lemonade. Why can t you tell a joke while standing on ice? Because it might crack up! What is a boxer s favorite drink? Punch!
What does a clock do when it's hungry? Goes back 4 seconds! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Where do you put barking dogs? In a barking lot. Why didn't Cinderella make the basketball team? She ran away from the ball. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to go with. Who can shave six times a day, but still have a beard? A barber. What stays in the corner but goes around the world? A stamp. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks. Where do burgers like to dance? At a meatball! What day do chickens hate most? Fry-days! What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad. 2
What goes up, but never comes down? Your age. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems. What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost! Why don't ducks ever have spare change? They only carry bills! Where do horses live? In neighborhoods! What is gray, has four legs, a tail, and a trunk? A mouse on vacation. 3
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck. Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter! How do you cut a wave in half? Use a sea saw. What do you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go for the juggler. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback. What happens when a vampire attacks a snowman? Frostbite. Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie? It was rated ARR! What would you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer. What kind of music do planets sing? Neptunes! 4
Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp? The players dribble a lot. What kind of underwear do reporters wear? News briefs. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon. Why was the baseball game so hot? Because all the fans left! What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless. Why did the opera singer go sailing? Because she wanted to hit the high C s. Why was the boy sitting on his watch? Because he wanted to be on time.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels. Why do elephants have trunks? Because they'd look funny with suitcases. What did the left eye say to the right eye? "Between you and me, something smells!" What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a burger? Fast food. How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles! What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they have honeycombs. What s a tree s favorite drink? Root beer. What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team. When is the moon heaviest? When it's full. 6
How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste! Why was the broom late? It over-swept! What did zero say to eight? Nice belt! Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they re always stuffed. What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal a house can't jump. Why was the mother firefly unhappy? Because her husband was a little dim! What did the frog order at the diner? French flies and a Diet Croak. Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs. How do you spot a modern spider? He doesn't have a web, he has a website! 7
What are the strongest creatures in the ocean? Mussels. What did one volcano say to the other volcano? I lava you. What nails do carpenters hate hammering? Fingernails. Why are pianos hard to open? The keys are inside. When do astronauts eat? At launch time. What kind of music do mummies like? Wrap. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me tonight! What do you call a vampire who makes pancakes? Count Spatula! Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Because it would be a foot. Why do cowboys ride horses? Because they are too heavy to carry! Why do golfers carry an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one. 8
What did the one penny say to the other penny? How does the ocean say hello? We make perfect cents. It waves. Where are cars most likely to get flat tires? At forks in the road. Why can't Martian kitties drink their milk? Because it's in flying saucers! Why did the girl give her pony cough syrup? It was a little horse. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
How can you tell the calendar is popular? It always has a lot of dates! What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I'll go on a head." How do Eskimos make their beds? With sheets of ice and blankets of snow. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? CASHEW! Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line? She was caught taking a brake. What did the mayo say when the refrigerator door opened? "Close the door! I'm dressing!" Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash. What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships. How do they serve smart hamburgers? On honor rolls. Why did the boy take a ruler to bed? To see how long he slept. 10
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-BOO! Why was the little strawberry crying? His parents were in a jam. Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside. Why can t a bicycle stand up? Because it s two-tired! What kind of bee can t make up its mind? A maybe. How do you mend a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch! 11
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear? Anything you like; he can't hear you. What do a baker and a millionaire have in common? They are both rolling in the dough! What happens when a red ship crashes into a blue ship? The crew gets marooned. What do you get when you cross a karate expert with a pig? A porkchop. What did the inventor of the door knocker win? The no-bell prize. What do you call a king who is 12 inches tall? A ruler. What's the only school where you have to drop out to graduate? Skydiving school. In what school do you learn how to greet people? Hi school. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! 12