Workshop 2 (Part 2) National 5 English Critical Reading Commentaries on Candidate Evidence
Commentary on Candidate 4 The evidence for this candidate has achieved the following marks for this Course Assessment component. 11 marks Question 3 Choose a novel or short story or work of non-fiction which has a key incident. Give a brief account of the incident, and by referring to appropriate techniques, show how this incident is important to the text as a whole. The candidate has chosen to provide a response on the short story On the Sidewalk Bleeding, by Evan Hunter. This is an appropriate selection for Question 3 from the Prose section. The candidate begins by identifying a character from the story (Andy), who is involved in an incident, and as a result will be changing throughout the story. The candidate does not clearly pinpoint the incident, but instead offers Its about a young boy named Andy whos in a gang and gets stabbed for being a part of the gang but doesn t think its bad until he realizes hes going to die. As such, the line of thought established by the candidate could only be described as mostly relevant to the task, and this description is true of the response as a whole. The candidate does, however, refer to some appropriate techniques. In paragraph two, setting is examined. There is an identification of the wet, cold alleyway, and the candidate is aware that this marks a contrast with where Andy should be: at home dying peacefully with his family. Appropriate quotation is provided here: The March rain drilling his jacket and drilling his body, but the explanation is limited: this shows Andy is out in the rain and out in the cold dying himself. This is, again, typical of the response direct references to the text are made, but comment/explanation is limited. In paragraph four, the candidate shows some understanding of the central concerns of the text through a demonstrated awareness that Andy s isolation is a consequence of his gang membership: he could ve had a happy and normal life but now he has nothing just because he was in a gang. The candidate goes on to show awareness of another technique (the use of minor characters), but the analysis lacks any real depth: it builds up tension when the first character comes because we think hes going to be scared. The comments which follow tend to be general in nature: This shows the characters don t want to end up in the mess Andys already in. In the remainder of the response, the candidate attempts to explore the character development of Andy. Some engagement with the text comes across in this section, and there is a sense that the candidate has gained some understanding of its significance: This is important as you know everyone would just take him as a royal even though he is a normal person and it makes us feel sorry for him as we know hes changed.
The candidate concludes the response with a reference to the terms of the question, offering the opinion that this key incident shows a lot of pain and a lot of tension as you keep hoping someone is going to help Andy. Again, the incident is described only in general terms. The line of thought expressed here can only be described as mostly relevant to the task. Overall, some familiarity with the text is shown, but several appropriate references to the text are made. There is some understanding of the central concerns ( he cant change being in the gang but he wants the jacket off ), and the line of thought is mostly relevant to the task. An awareness of the writer s use of techniques is shown through references to setting and characterization. Some engagement comes across, and the candidate uses language to communicate a line of thought at first reading. The response is placed in the 13-10 mark range, and as its performance is not strong across all the descriptors, is awarded 11 marks.
Commentary on Candidate 5 The evidence for this candidate has achieved the following marks for this Course Assessment component. 17 marks Question 1 Choose a play in which there is a character who is important in relation to the theme of the play. Referring to appropriate techniques, explain how this character affects our understanding of theme. The candidate selects the text A View from the Bridge, by Arthur Miller and chooses to write in response to Question 1. Both are appropriate selections. Across the piece, the candidate shows familiarity with the text as a whole, but not, perhaps, a high degree of familiarity. Some key scenes or episodes are chosen for discussion, but these are quite limited in scope. The analysis offered is confident at times, but tends to take the form of micro analysis of selected speeches, rather than wider discussion of characterization, moments of conflict and tension, etc. The candidate begins the response by identifying Eddie who has the human flaw of jealousy which is a key theme in the play. Here, a line of thought which is relevant to the task, is established. The candidate goes on to observe that Eddie and his actions help the reader gain a deeper understanding is of the theme of jealousy, which is as relevant today as it was in 1950s New York. Clear engagement is shown here, and there is a sense that the candidate has gained something from a reading of the play. The candidate goes on to refer to Eddie s initial relationship with Catherine, observing that he is protective of her. An appropriate direct reference to the text is made in support of this: Katie I promised your mother on her death bed. I m responsible for you. You re a baby. The candidate shows sound awareness of Miller s use of word choice with the comments: The author s word choice effectively demonstrates Eddie s protectiveness over Catherine. The use of the word Katie, the diminutive form of Catherine s name, demonstrates his affection for her. The candidate then notes that The phrase I promised your mother is Eddie s moral justification for being so protective of Catherine. As mentioned above, this detailed analysis of techniques such as word choice demonstrate at least a sound awareness, and, at times, a thorough awareness, of the writer s techniques; however, the consequence of this is that the candidate s analysis of the text as a whole is perhaps not thorough, when considered as a whole. The candidate moves on to tackle the theme of jealousy, and offers the episode of Eddie s visit to Alfieri as evidence. Again, the candidate chooses to deal with word choice, but makes a welldeveloped point about Alfieri being the moral voice of the play, which underlines to the reader that Eddie s relationship with Catherine is verging on inappropriate.
A well-chosen selection follows, with the candidate observing that Eddie s jealousy of Rudolfo and Catherine s relationship provokes him to commit the ultimate crime in the Italian-American community, he phones the Immigration Bureau A quotation from the text is provided as evidence, and the candidate offers analysis of sentence structure. A reasonably developed evaluative comment is then given: The reader is aware that it is Eddie s jealousy that has forced him to do this the reader is given a much deeper understanding of how far jealousy can push a person. The candidate again sticks to a line of thought which is clearly relevant to the task. In a concluding paragraph, the candidate refers to Miller s powerful characterization, and Miller s portrayal of Eddie Carbone demonstrates how far jealousy can push the most respectable of people. Insightful comments like these show that the candidate has, at times, a very good understanding of the central concerns of the text. However, a high degree of familiarity is not shown as the candidate s selections from the text are not wide ranging. Sound awareness of techniques is apparent, and appropriate references are cited. A reasonably well developed commentary of what the candidate has gained from reading the play is provided throughout the response. Language is used to communicate a line of thought clearly, and the essay is well structured. Looking at the piece holistically, it is placed in the 17-14 range, and because of its relative strengths, is awarded 17 marks.
Commentary on Candidate 6 14 marks Question 4 Choose a novel or short story in which there is a character involved in some form of conflict. By referring to appropriate techniques, show how the character comes to be involved in this conflict and how the conflict develops throughout the text. The candidate makes an appropriate selection of text for this question: Lord of the Flies, by William Golding. In the introductory paragraph, the candidate shows a good understanding of the central concerns of the text: In the novel, Golding highlights how the struggle for power can lead to acts of unbelievable violence. Question 4 asks for the identification of a character, who is involved in some form of conflict. However, this candidate does not specify one character in the introductory paragraph, instead making the general point that Golding employs the techniques of characterization, themes and symbolism which highlight the conflict between characters. Despite not clearly naming one character as the focus of the essay, the candidate does go on to concentrate on the conflict between Jack and Ralph (with some mention of Piggy), in the remainder of the response. As such, the line of thought could be described as relevant, rather than consistently relevant, to the task. In paragraph two, the candidate offers the selection of an early scene in which conflict occurs between Jack and Ralph. Appropriate reference to the text is made: The rules shouted Ralph. You re breaking the rules. Reasonably developed commentary accompanies this reference: Ralph wants to create society. Jack only wants to hunt and control all the power and because of this there is conflict between these two characters. In paragraph three, the candidate attempts to discuss Another scene where conflict breaks out. This scene involves hunting, and the candidate introduces a third character Piggy. Here, lengthy quotations are cited, and there is only some commentary on the topic of conflict: but characters like Ralph and Piggy won t let him (Jack) causing conflict between characters. Lengthy quotations are a feature of the next section of the response, and a sense emerges that the candidate is, perhaps, relying too much on narrative (interspersed with quotations), at the expense of analytical comments. Good understanding of the central concerns of the text is again shown, however, when the candidate offers comments on the consequences of Jack s action of setting the forest on fire. The candidate observes that This scene shows us that by Jacks setting the forest on fire he has let the evil completely surface, and has fully adapted to his savage nature. The candidate goes on to add that This shows that the conflict has developed to hunting and killing, again showing a line of thought that is relevant to the question.
The candidate concludes the response by exploring the ending of the novel, showing implied understanding of the final consequences of the conflict between Jack and Ralph: Jack and his hunters came to the realization of what they had done. But, again, no one character is singled out, and the candidate sums up with the comments William Golding uses a number of techniques to show the conflicts between his characters. The candidate does then go on, more strongly, to mention Ralph and Jack, noting that Golding sends a message that everyone has the potential to be good or evil given there circumstances. Overall, the candidate does show familiarity with the text as a whole through appropriate selections from several points in the novel. A good understanding of the central concerns comes across, and a line of thought is presented which is relevant to the task. There is reasonably sound awareness of the writer s techniques through the discussion of key episodes, but the candidate does rely on a fairly narrative approach here. A reasonably developed commentary is offered on what has been gained from the text - a sense of involvement is present. Language communicates a line of thought clearly, and is mainly accurate. This response in placed in the 17-14 marks range, and as it does not perform strongly across the descriptors, is awarded 14 marks.