final draft by Danial Babar

Transcription

1 final draft by Danial Babar Submission date: 06-Oct :11PM (UT C-0700) Submission ID: File name: Cerihoe.pdf (63.76K) Word count: 907 Character count: 4223

2 insert space between last name and number athletics, thesis? be sure to state those steps in the intro avoid untrue claims unclear Frag. Frag.

3 WC I see where you're going, however, usually beverages (things we only drink) are served in a cup. Foods (things we chew) that contain liquids are served in bowls. good reference to the focus of the previous paragraph true is "low lactosing" a term you've coined? I don't follow

4 these. amount of milk seems to be discussed in the above paragraph consider moving discussion of milk quantity to above paragraph been this is a clever and unique way to restate the topic sentences need more discu ssion of the type of milk to be used consider italicizing "cup" to emphasize the comparison made

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6 final draft GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS Instructor 91/100 PAGE 1 Text Comment. insert space between last name and number Text Comment. athletics, Text Comment. thesis? Text Comment. be sure to state those steps in the intro Text Comment. avoid untrue claims Text Comment. unclear QM Frag. Fragment: A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to dawn." QM Frag.

7 Fragment: A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to dawn." PAGE 2 QM WC Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very dif f icult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up with a f ancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to f ind a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can of ten introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning. Text Comment. I see where you're going, however, usually beverages (things we only drink) are served in a cup. Foods (things we chew) that contain liquids are served in bowls. Text Comment. good ref erence to the f ocus of the previous paragraph Text Comment. true Text Comment. is "low lactosing" a term you've coined? Text Comment. I don't f ollow PAGE 3 Text Comment. these. Text Comment. consider moving discussion of milk quantity to above paragraph

8 Text Comment. amount of milk seems to be discussed in the above paragraph Text Comment. need more discussion of the type of milk to be used Text Comment. been Text Comment. consider italicizing "cup" to emphasize the comparison made Text Comment. this is a clever and unique way to restate the topic sentences PAGE 4 GRADING FORM: ESSAY 1 - GRADING FORM DANIAL BABAR 0 ADDRESSING/FULFILLING PROMPT essay addresses and fulfills prompt; essay is written in the 3rd person pov; one process is identified and discussed; four steps are identified and discussed, as well INTRO PARAGRAPH good intro to specific topic; missing thesis and essay map BODY PARAGRAPHS

9 four present; check that all body paragraphs have a focused discussion CONCLUSION present; good ORGANIZATION & STRUCTURE good MLA FORMATTING mostly good; check pg hdr PROOFREADING & EDITING Some proofreading and editing is needed throughout. WORD COUNT SOURCES & CITATIONS THOUGHTFULNESS

10 OTHER EXTRA CREDIT Humor +1