Turn Your Radio On Live From Motown

Transcription

1 Brother Lee The Pixies Three Al Valenti (Music promotion) Brother Joel BROTHER JOEL & BROTHER LEE Excerpt From Turn Your Radio On by Lee Alan The people at WXYZ sensed that changes forced by payola would have an effect on the whole station. They were right. Within the past year two radio giants Ed McKenzie and Mickey Shorr had left, and guess what? Joel and I were their replacements. Joel was perfection on the radio, but compared to Ed McKenzie nobody knew him and me? Compared to any of them I was anonymous! The radio station, Joel and I, had to recapture the audience and hold it. Yes I know John Gilbert had just announced that the station made gains in the ratings, but let me explain about radio ratings and why they re important.

2 In major markets (cities) radio ratings are generally being taken all the time. Ever get a survey in the mail, or a phone call to ask you about your listening habits? Well the methods don t really matter here except to say that ratings are usually published every quarter. So, by the time the ratings come out they re at least one to four months old. Unless stations order what we call overnights or something more current, ratings reflect the past, what listeners were doing as much as four or five months ago; not necessarily today. Radio makes its money by selling time. Commercial time. How much the sponsor pays for it depends on how popular the station is with the demographic they are buying. The smaller the audience, smaller the rating, the lower the price or rate the station can charge for its time. Big ratings equal big audience equals big money. Sorry to get into these boring parts, but it has a bearing on what was happening at WXYZ in those days. Although John Gilbert was happy about the ratings just out, he knew they reflected the past, not the present. Those numbers came from surveys done when other people held the time slots. Not Joel Sebastian and certainly not Lee Alan. People who d had left the station. McKenzie, Shorr, McNealey. The next two rating books could tell a different story and Gilbert knew it. We had no contracts in those days. No agents to represent us. We were at the mercy of our audience and the ratings. Listening to Joel Sebastian that afternoon gave me an idea.

3 By now you know that old time radio was an influence on me and played a major role in what I did on the air. So, here we go again back to The Jack Benny program. There were many great radio comedians, Red Skelton, Milton Berle, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy (which one s the dummy?), Abbott and Costello, Fibber McGee, and Fred Allen was one of them. Allen was all time master of the ad-lib. I have listened to his radio show tapes over and over. He and Jack Benny were the best of friends, but even back then they understood that without listeners and ratings nothing stayed on the air and that if you can create something that will make people talk about you, they ll will tune in and listen. Controversy works! On December 30, 1936 on national network radio Fred Allen made a crack about Benny s violin playing. He said something about Benny s playing being bad, maybe something to the effect that Benny s violin was the only musical instrument in the world that had a permanent scratch and when Benny played, it was nails chalkboard. Something like that. Allen was serious, or at least he sounded serious. There was nothing funny in his voice when he said it. Later that same week on his network program, Benny picks up on this and answered him. Something like he heard what Fred Allen said on his program about the violin. Maybe Benny said something like the permanent screech and scratch in Fred Allan s voice shouldn t even be on the air. The Benny-Allen feud was on! A feud that would become famous was born. And it continued for years.

4 Hearing Fred Allen s remarks, people would tune in Benny to see what he was going to say and then back to Fred Allen the next week. Once again, off the air they were the best of friends but the radio feud was on. It sounded serious and the audience believed every word. Everybody was talking and more importantly they were listening; more all the time. Fred Allen s ratings went through the roof, so did Benny s. For some reason that famous feud and the massive listening audience it brought for the two comedians had stuck with me. I heard Joel Sebastian that afternoon read some letters from a few fans who said they were sorry Joel was taken off the night show. Jokingly, Joel said that I, Lee Alan, purposely went to WXYZ management and took his job. That night, Tuesday night, I went on the air and in a serious tone said that I had something very personal to say about Joel Sebastian, and I would do that Friday night at exactly 8:30 so join me here at this spot on your radio dial for a big meeting and I ll tell you what I have to say about Joel and this whole thing. For the next two nights I repeated said the same thing. Friday night at 8:30, I kept saying. Joel started getting phone calls and letters from fans who: Just wanted to tell you what Lee Alan was saying on the air and that they would listen Thursday night and report back to him on what was said. Joel said things on the air a few times too. He said he was: sorry that Lee felt he had to go to my boss, that he needed that night show so bad that he d go to any extent to get it, and so on.

5 The Alan-Sebastian feud was on. Joel and I had only known each other for a few days. I only knew him from listening to him and also that he graduated from Redford High School, the Arch Rival of Cooley where I had gone. Teenagers loved Joel and he was invited to do sock hops at high schools and other commercial places all the time. His dance card was full and he made big money doing them. In those days five hundred to a thousand a week was big money and Joel made that much just doing outside appearances. He was cordial, easy to get along with, non controversial, loved his audience, and on the air his honey voice mesmerized the listener. Joel Sebastian was just an all round good guy. I can t think of one thing Joel ever did to upset anyone. Not only did we go to rival high schools, but also we went to rival colleges. He went to the University of Michigan, and I to Michigan State. We had one thing in common. Joel and I belonged to the same college fraternity, Phi Delta Theta. So, once the feud thing was over if you were listening in those days and heard us calling each other Brother Joel and Brother Lee, that was the reason. Fraternity bothers from different colleges. Actually, Joel was a little reluctant to get into this feud thing but he went along with it. At first, when he heard me say what I did on the air, even he thought I was serious. The feud heated up. I didn t need Joel s job, I said on the air. I d: even trade with him; take his afternoon job, I went on. This was the dumbest, most obvious game ever.

6 Anyone in the business knew that s exactly what it was, a game. The listeners thought we were serious. Music moving, everything rocking, fast pace, fast talk, Jonathon Winters wisecracking, Horn blowing, commercials, jingles playing, phones lit up with callers, throwing things around the studio and suddenly right in the middle of all of it I I would clear my throat, lower my voice in a sincere tone and say something like: I am not certain how long I can do this. Not sure how long we can be here together at WXYZ. Joel Sebastian wants me out of here and he carries a lot of influence with the owners. It could happen any day. If it does you now know who s responsible. Anyway as long as you know this you won t be surprised when I am gone. So, for now, on we go with our little musical show. Baker called me in his office. The switchboard girls are complaining, They re getting hundreds of wild phone calls. Some are just calling in and saying a name and hanging up. JOEL, said one caller, LEE, said another then hung up. What s going on here Lee? You guys got a big problem with each other or what? Look, if you can t get along personally that s one thing, but around here and on the air, especially on the air forget it. Just drop it. I won t have it and that s final! Bob Baker had been in radio since the Mayflower and even he believed it. Fell for the whole act and thought we were serious. I just looked at him and said: their He didn t let me finish. FEUD!, he said. Bob, listen: Jack Benny and Fred Allen and

7 You guys are doing this on purpose! Bob broke out in a loud laugh and buried his head on the desk. Lee, get out of my office I love it. Now Baker understood and the feud continued. Within the next two weeks I must have received 3,000 letters. 2,999 of them were about the feud. Seriously I did get that many letters, and so did Joel. They were all taking sides. Some were for Joel and against me and vice versa. Listeners believed there was a real feud and that either Joel or I would soon be gone. They were nearly right. The feud was still going on and getting hotter. Now the other air guys were talking about it. Actually they were saying they were all sick of it and they wished Joel and Lee would stuff it already. Dick Kernan, Paul Winter s producer, and John Dew, everybody s producer and a good friend of Joel s were saying that on the weekends, at the shows, dances, and sock hops, the biggest question was about Lee and Joel and why can t they get along. The other DJs on the station were not happy. Even they believed it was real. Besides they were sick and tired of hearing my name and Joel s name at THEIR events. A call came to my home from Mr. Gilbert s office asking me to be there at 1PM on Monday morning. When I arrived, Joel was there waiting. Neither of us knew the other had been called in. There was no smile on John Gilbert s face now. Listen and listen good, he said. No more shooting at each other on the air. If you guys can t get along then don t; but I don t want it to show on the my station. The whole town s talking about you.

8 I can t go into a restaurant, my barber shop, even my own home without hearing about Lee and Joel and this this Feud, I interrupted. Right, this feud, Gilbert said. Enough or else!, he said. Joel couldn t hold it any longer. He was laughing so hard it made me laugh. At first Gilbert was furious at this. He d just delivered an ultimatum and we were on the floor. Laughing to the point of tears. We couldn t stop. After a minute or two his fury turned to a quizzical look and then he starting laughing too. He didn t even know what he was laughing about and finally said something like: This is ridiculous, what are we laughing about? And that brought on the second wave. By now we were knee slapping, pounding on the desk, and laughing so loud that the secretary poked her head in to see if we were alright. Finally we explained that the whole thing was a put on. That we had to find some way to get the town talking about us and we did! We told him that after the payola firings and all the personalities who left the station we were sure the ratings would plummet unless we did something drastic. It worked! At least the town was talking. No ratings to look at yet, but they were talking. We told Mr. Gilbert about the famous Fred Allen-jack Benny Feud and what it did for their ratings in the 40s. As we talked he backed up slowly, cocked his head like a bird fascinated by a snake, and sank into his big, high backed, cushy chair. It was a look of disbelief. This is all an act? he said. Why didn t someone tell me? We told him that Baker knew so we thought he did too. John Gilbert s famous smile returned to his face. Still wiping tears of laughter he just said: OK Ok get out of here you guys. But I ll see you back here when the

9 numbers come in. The numbers were the ratings. The ratings were our jobs. We all waited for the ratings. It was getting to be a habit. I mean calls from Mr. Gilbert s office. This time it sounded urgent. As I said before in those days there were no contracts for new people like me. My job on the radio was literally day-to-day. We didn t dare have an agent or a lawyer call the station or meet with management in our behalf. They would have taken that as a threat and no more job. So, every time there was a call from the front office, or any office for that matter, insecurity surfaced and subtle panic set in. We already had the feud problem cleared up. At least I thought we did. So what was the problem this time? The Horn, The Ashtray throwing, The Sail Cat? Now what. I walked into John Gilbert s waiting room and sat down as if I owned the place. Well, I d been there enough in the last three months. I could usually tell if this was going to be good or bad based on the demeanor of the secretary. This time though she was expressionless and had little to say except: Hi Lee. I hope this meeting goes OK for you. She hoped this meeting goes OK for me!? Why did she say that? Was there a problem? What s going on? She didn t answer. Just looked up at me and slowly shook her head from side to side. I was already in shock and hadn t even been in Gilbert s office yet. Suddenly, with a click that sounded like a gunshot and a jerk his door burst open. I stood up at attention. Reminded me of the Army. When I did my notebook and two pens flew from my hand to the floor. It was Mr. Gilbert. No smile. Stern face.

10 He looked at me, pointed his finger and moved it back and forth with a come here motion. He went immediately to his desk and said with a loud, firm voice: Lee, look at this. This is your fault. Look at this! Oh no, what now I thought. I looked. It was the rating book. I d been at the station for a little over three months and the numbers were out. The report card of the broadcast business. Just keep in mind that we had no contracts in those days. It was ultimate accountability. Lose the numbers and you could lose your job. My fault he said! Just as I was contemplating cleaning out my desk and before I could read anything, Gilbert broke into a smile that nearly shattered his cheekbones and said: Lee, you re number one! Absolutely number one in your time slot! Not only that, but you have a 54 share! A 54! And on Saturday it s a 60! You and that stupid Horn. You did it in one book! And look at Joel. He s also number one with a big share. Looks like all that silly stuff worked, including the feud. Congratulations Lee. A 54 share meant that 54% of the people listening to the radio were listening to me and 60% on Saturday. Brother Joel & Brother Lee -